Various Riddles 64

1. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
Ans. Perri-air.

2, Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Ans. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

3. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
Ans. When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

4. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
Ans. She missed.

5. What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
Ans. Data transfer.

6. What do you call a sleeping male cow?
Ans. A bull-dozer.

7. Where do you go to get a small soda?
Ans.To Minnesota

8. Why did the diner refuse to eat snails?
Ans. He only eats fast food

9. Why did the window cry?
Ans. Because it had a pane

10. What does a caterpillar do on New Year's Day?
Ans. Turns over a new leaf.

11. What is a fund for needy musicians?
Ans. A band aid

12. Why did the laptop computer go to the orthodontist?
Ans. To improve its byte.

13. How is an elephant and a tomato alike?
Ans. Neither one can ride a bike.

14. What does a camel use to become invisible?
Ans. Camel-flage!

15. Why should you never lie to an x-ray technician?
Ans. Because they can see right through you.

16. What did one knife say to the other knife?
Ans. "You're looking pretty sharp today."

17. What do you call a flying skunk?
Ans. A smell-icopter.

18. What's the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
Ans. One of the two will eventually mature and earn money.

19. What's the last thing a rock & roll drummer says before being fired by his band?
Ans. "Check it out, Dudes, I wrote a couple of songs!"

20. You ever hear of the AAAAAAARP?
Ans. It's for people over 50 who get drunk and run their car in a ditch.

21. What did the mother corn say to the baby corn?
Ans. "Be sure to wash your ears!"

22. Did you hear about the deadly serpent with a lovely singing voice?
Ans. It was a choral snake.

23. What did the mother buffalo say to her departing child?
Ans. Bison.

24. What kind of room has no doors, windows, walls, floor or ceiling?
Ans. A mushroom.

25. Why was the broom late?
Ans. It over-swept.

26. Where do books eat dinner?
Ans. At the table of contents

27. How does a fairy tale character pay their bills?
Ans. With a reality check.

28. What do you call spiders that have just been married?
Ans. Newlywebs!

29. What's an eight letter word that has only one letter in it?
Ans. An envelope!

30. Why are pianos so noble?
Ans. Many are upright and the rest are grand.

31. What do you call a train that performs ballet?
Ans. A tutu train

32. What do you need to shoot to win a professional golf tournament?
Ans. Tiger Woods.

33. How can you tell if a ghost is lying?
Ans. You can see right through him.

34. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Ans. Spoiled milk.

35. What is more blessed to give than to receive?
Ans. Advice.

36. Why is Christmas like a day at the office?
Ans. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

37. After years of training, What job did the blonde land at the M&M factory?
Ans. Proofreader.

38. Why did the blonde lose her job as proofreader at the M&M factory?
Ans. She kept throwing away the candies with "W" on them.

39. What drink can you find in space?
Ans. A root beer float.

40. Where do sheep get their hair cut?
Ans. At a baa-baa shop.

41. What do you call an Irishman who is continuously bouncing off of the walls?
Ans. Rick O'Shea

42. How do you get an Irishman to climb on the roof?
Ans. Tell him that the drinks are on the house

43. What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
Ans. He felt funny.

44. How do mountains hear?
Ans. With mountaineers

45. Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
Ans. She wanted to go on a round trip.

46. Why did the kid bring scissors to school?
Ans. So he could cut class.

47. What did Adam say to Eve when she tried to order him around?
Ans. "Hey! I wear the plants in this family!"

48. Did ya hear about the agnostic dyslexic?
Ans. He didn't believe in dog.

49. What do you get when you bless an avacado?
Ans. Holy guacamole.

50. What sort of attire is most appropriate for dog scientists and researchers to wear?
Ans. Lab coats

51. How do geologists like their drinks?
Ans. On the rocks.

52. What do frogs like to drink?
Ans. Croak-a-Cola.

53. What do you call a whale band?
Ans. An orca-stra.

54. What kind of bugs live in clocks?
Ans. Ticks.

55. Why didn't the explorer go on the Arctic exposition?
Ans. Because he had cold feet.

56. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Ans. Where's my popcorn?

57. Why didn't the skunk call his parents?
Ans. Because his phone was out of odor!

58. Why did the Amish wife apply for a divorce?
Ans. Her husband was driving her buggy.

59. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Ans. It whined.

60. Why was the queen's room flooded?
Ans. Because she's reigned for many years!

61. Why did Johnny take a ruler to bed?
Ans. So he could see how long he slept.

62. Why did the angry lady put a firecracker under the pancakes?
Ans. She wanted to blow her stack

63. What do you call a two-year-old with a ghetto blaster
Ans. A baby boomer

64. What do you call a contest run by fire fighters?
Ans. A match 65. Why did a boy take a pencil to bed?
Ans. �He wanted to draw the curtains!

66. How is a drama teacher like the Pony Express?
Ans. He's a stage coach.

67. What kind of bird is the least trustworthy?
Ans. A stool pigeon.

68. Why is what doctors do called practice?
Ans. Because they need to have a lot of patients.

69. What happens when you tell an egg a joke?
Ans. It totally cracks up!

70. What do fireflies eat?
Ans. Light snacks!

71. Why did the student wear glasses during math class
Ans. Because they improve division

72. What happens if a glassblower inhales while working?
Ans. He gets a pane in his stomach.

73. Why couldn�t the police find the robber who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats?
Ans. They didn't have anything to go on.

74. Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around?
Ans. Because time will tell.

75. Why do wallets make so much noise?
Ans. Because money talks

76. How do you make a milkshake?
Ans. You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"

77. What happened when an actress saw her first strands of gray hair
Ans. She thought she'd dye.

78. Why was the big cat thrown out of the card game?
Ans. Because he was a cheetah

79. Why doess it take a baseball player so long to runb from second to third base?
Ans. Because there is a short stop in the middle

80. Can a shoe box?
Ans. No. But a tin can

81. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
Ans. Nacho Cheese.

82. What happened when cannibals ate a missionary?
Ans. They got a taste of religion.

83. Why did the cow cross the road?
Ans. To get to the udder side

84. What is the medical student�s favorite part of a textbook?
Ans. The Appendix

85. What did the envelope say to the stamp?
Ans. "Stick with me and we'll go places."

86. What is the best time to bring your father to class?
Ans. When you have a pop quiz

87. Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
Ans. Because he wanted to have a balanced meal

88. What do you call a piece of snow that forgets to fall?
Ans. A real flake

89. Why was the shoe unhappy?
Ans. Because his father was a loafer and his mother a sneaker.

90. Why couldn�t they sell soda pop at the doubleheader?
Ans. Because the home team lost the opener

91. What did Snow White say to the photographer?
Ans. Some day my prints will come

92. Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?
Ans. Because they can't dress themselves.

93. What's the best way to make a pair of trousers last?
Ans. Make the coat first

94. What did the mama broom say to the baby broom?
Ans. It's time to go to sweep!

95. What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit coin?
Ans. One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.

96. Did you hear about the impersonator who stole a horse and made the mail run?
Ans. He was a phony express rider.

97. What did the mushroom say about her Valentine's date? Ans. He's a fungi

98. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Ans. Stepping in a poodle or hailing taxicabs

99. What is the difference between a unicorn and lettuce?
Ans. One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.

100. What do you get when you cross a camera and a crocodile?
Ans. A snapshot!

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