Various Riddles 63

1. What did the rabbit give his girlfriend for Christmas?
Ans. A 14 carrot ring.

2. What nationality is Santa Claus?
Ans. North Polish

3. What's a haunted chicken?
Ans. A poultry-geist.

4. Why are math books so unhappy?
Ans. Because they're full of problems.

5, Why don't astronauts relate well to other people?
Ans. They are not always down-to-earth.

6. Where do astronauts keep their sandwiches?
Ans. In their launch boxes.

7. What kind of music do astronauts listen to?
Ans. Rock-et-roll.

8. Why didn't the man believe what the sardine said?
Ans. It sounded too fishy.

9. What do you call a mistake made by a ghost?
Ans. a boo-boo

10. What do you call nervous insects?
Ans. Jitterbugs.

11. Why did the cookie cry?
Ans. Because his Mom had been a wafer too long.

12. Where should you put the officers in a military orchestra?
Ans. In the brass section

13, Where do cows go on their first date?
Ans. To the moo-vies

14. Why did the talking bird join the air force?
Ans. He wanted to be a parrot-trooper.

15, What do you call a Chinese man with green hair?
Ans. Brock Lee.

16. What did the dog get when he graduated from school?
Ans. A pedigree.

17. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Ans. "Between you and me, something smells!"

18. What is a cheerleader's favorite drink?
Ans. Root beer!

19. Why does a chicken coupe only have two doors?
Ans. Because if it had four, it would be called a chicken sedan!

20. Did you hear about the pregnant faucet?
Ans. She had Driplets

21. How do you know if your cat has eaten a gosling?
Ans. She looks a little down in the mouth.

22. What do serious cat actors say on stage?
Ans. "Tabby or not tabby."

23. What happens if you open your mouth during aTornado?
Ans. You get a tongue-twister.

24. What did the mother corn say to the baby corn?
Ans. "Be sure to wash your ears!"

25. Why did the guy put bread crumbs in his shoes?
Ans. So he could feed his pigeon toes.

26. What did the plate say to the other plate?
Ans. "Dinners on me!"

27. How much do pirates pay to have their ears pierced?
Ans. A buck-an-ear!

28. How did the lion feel after he devoured the female Roman athlete?
Ans. He was gladiator.

29. What do you call a beverage of Milk of Magnesia mixed with vodka?
Ans. A Philips Screwdriver

30. What California city sounds like what you'd have if you ate a certain brand of waffle at the beach?
Ans. Sandy Eggo

31. Why was Cinderella not good at football?
Ans. Because she had a pumpkin as a coach.

32. Did you hear about the comedian owl?
Ans. He was a real hoot.

33. Why was Elmo's report card all wet?
Ans. Because his grades were all below "C" level.

34. What do you call a Jamaican who takes his time crossing the street?
Ans. A Pokemon.

35. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
Ans. Lots of blood tests.

36. Why are fish such poor tennis players?
Ans. Because they don't like to get too close to the net.

37. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
Ans. If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

38. What do you get when you cross a porcupine and a turtle?
Ans. A slow poke

39. What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
Ans. A duck filled fatty puss.

40. Why did the donut go to the dentist?
Ans. To get a chocolate filling.

41. Did you hear about the gourd that went sky diving?
Ans. It was squashed.

42, What do you give a pig with a rash?
Ans. Oinkment.

43. Have you heard about the schizophrenic priest?
Ans. He had altar egos.

44. Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?
Ans. He was always horsing around.

45. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
Ans. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

46. What is E.T. short for?
Ans. Because he has such short legs

47. Where do cars get the most flat tires?
Ans. Where there is a fork in the road.

48. Where do you take a frog with poor eyesight
Ans. To a hoptician

49. What did the plate say to the other plate?
Ans. "Dinners on me."

50. Where to farmers keep baby ears of corn?
Ans. In the corn crib.

51. What's black and white and red all over?
Ans. A penguin with a sunburn.

52. Why did the kid put his head on the piano?
Ans. Because he wanted to play by ear.

53. What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Ans. Plymouth Rock.

54. Why are good bowlers like labor unions?
Ans. Because they strike a lot.

55. Why did the Indian Chief wear so many feathers?
Ans. To keep his "wig-warm"

56. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
Ans. A turkey that can pluck himself!

57. What did the Valentines card say to the stamp?
Ans. Stick with me and we'll go places!

58. Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Ans. Sure, they're very scent-imental!

59. What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
Ans. "I'm sweet on you!"

60. What do you get when you cross a rooster and a dog?
Ans. A cocka-poodle-doo!

61. Why do cars smell?
Ans. Because they're full of gas!

62. Why did the projector blush?
As. It saw the filmstrip.

63. What do you get if you cross a cold with a leaky faucet?
Ans. Cough drops

64. When do cannibals leave the table?
Ans. When everyone's eaten.

65. What's a King's favorite clothing?
Ans. A reign coat.

66. What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?
Ans. Lefty!

67, Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
Ans. Because she couldn't control her pupils!

68. Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Ans. They're always bitter.

69. Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
Ans. It features full facial nudity!

70. Why did the doctor make a house call?
Ans. To check on its window panes.

71. Why did the quartz break up with the slate?
Ans. Because it was taking it for granite

72. What grows up while growing down?
Ans. A Goose

73. In a game of poker, what full-house combination of cards is favorite among Jermaine, Jackie, Michael, Marlon and Tito?
Ans. Jacks and Fives.

74. What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?
Ans. A hoarse doctor.

75. Why did the baker stop baking bread?
Ans. Because he wasn't making enough dough.

76. What did the beaver say to the tree before he left?
Ans. It's been nice gnawing you!

77. What did the woman who was sawed-in-half in the late afternoon say to the magician?
Ans. Can you join me for dinner?

78. Why did the mouse take a bath?
Ans. To get squeaky clean.

79. What do you get if you cross a parakeet with a cat?
Ans. A peeping Tom.

80. What do you call the secret criminal organization that can predict the future?
Ans. La Cosa Nostradamus

81. What happened when the cannibal ate a missionary?
Ans. He got a taste of religion

82. A nickel, dime and quarter were on the table. The nickel and dime jumped off. Why didn't the quarter?
Ans. It had more cents

83. Where do jellyfish get their jelly?
Ans. From ocean currants.

84. What did the dolphin say when he bumped into the whale?
Ans. I didn't do it on porpoise.

85. What is a tree's favorite drink?
Ans. Root beer.

86. Why can't you tell a joke to the ice?
Ans. It will crack up.

87. Why was the clock banned from the library?
Ans. Because it tocked too much.

88. What do you call a ghost hanging around Santa's Workshop?
Ans. A North Pole-tergiest

89. What do you call a temperamental poodle?
Ans. A hot dog

90. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
Ans. He sold his soul to Santa.

91. What strange form of brain disease might you contract from sharing Cheerios or Corn Flakes with a former Beatle?
Ans. Cereal bowl paul-sy

92, What do you get if you send a cow to Alaska?
Ans. Cold cream

93. Why did the belt go to jail?
Ans. Because it held up a pair of pants!

94. How can you delay milk turning sour?
Ans. Keep it in the cow.

95. What does the word "benign" mean?
Ans. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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