Various Riddles 58
1. What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Ans. Sneakers.
2. What did one wall say to the other wall?
Ans. I'll meet you at the corner.
3. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
Ans. So he could tie the score.
4. Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
Ans. They both depend on the batter.
5. What did the alien say to the garden?
Ans. Take me to your weeder.
6. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
Ans. I better not tell you, it might spread.
7. How do baseball players stay cool?
Ans. Sit next to their fans.
8. What gets wetter the more it dries?
Ans. A towel.
9. Why was the math book sad?
Ans. Because it had too many problems.
10. What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
Ans. A refrigerator.
11. What washes up on very small beaches?
Ans. Microwaves!
12. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
Ans. A hole!
13. What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
Ans. The road!
14. How do you make a bandstand?
Ans. Take away their chairs!
15. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
Ans. The scientists were brainstorming!
16. Why did Tony go out with a prune?
Ans. Because he couldn't find a date!
17. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Ans. Hi Cliff!
18. What did Pooh say to his agent?
Ans. Show me the honey!
19. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Ans. Because he was sitting on the deck!
20. Why did the traffic light turn red?
Ans. You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!�
21. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
Ans. I think I'm coming down with something!
22. What do lawyers wear to court?
Ans. Lawsuits!
23. What breaks when you say it?
Ans. Silence!
24. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Ans. Because then it would be a foot!
25. What has four wheels and flies?
Ans. A garbage truck!
26. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in
it?
Ans. Post Office!
27. What did the blanket say to the bed?
Ans. Don't worry, I've got you covered!
28. Why should you take a pencil to bed?
Ans. To draw the curtains!
29. How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
Ans. One! After that its not empty!
30. What kind of button won't unbutton?
Ans. A bellybutton!
31. What is the best day to go to the beach?
Ans. Sunday, of course!
32. What bow can't be tied?
Ans. A rainbow!
33. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Ans. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
34. What does a teddy bear put in his house?
Ans. Fur-niture!
35.What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Ans.Spring time.
36. What happens to cows during an earthquake?
Ans. They give milk shakes!
37. Why did the jelly wobble?
Ans. Because it saw the milk shake!
38. What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies?
Ans. Betty!
39. Where do cows go on holiday?
Ans. Moo York
40. Where did the computer go to dance?
Ans. To a disc-o.
41. What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?
Ans. Russel
42. What has one head, one foot and four legs?
Ans. A Bed
43. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Ans. He was a chicken.
44. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
Ans. The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew
chew".
45. Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
Ans. To get a tweetment.
46. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
Ans. A Clausterphobic
47. Why was the guy looking for the food on his friend?
Ans. Because his friend said its on me.
48. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Ans. Never mind, it's over your head!
49. What do you call a cow eating grass in a paddock?
Ans. A lawn mooer
50. Why didn't the skeleton to the dance?
Ans. Because he had no-body to go with.
51.What is a skeleton?
Ans. Bones, with the person off!
52. What might you eat in Paris?
Ans. The trifle tower!
53. Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes?
Ans. Sir Francis Brake!
54. What is the quickest way to double your money?
Ans. Fold it in half!
55. Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?
Ans. Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!
56. Where do hamsters come from?
Ans. Hampsterdam!
57. What kind of biscuit would you find at the south pole?
Ans. A penguin!
58. Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
Ans. Because England was discovered before the USA!
59. What is posthumous work?
Ans. Something written by someone after they are dead!
60. What is the most slippery country in the world?
Ans. Greece!
61. What is the strongest bird?
Ans. A crane!
62. What is the smelliest city in America?
Ans. Phew York!
63. What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
Ans. A ladder in her stocking!
64. Who was the best actor in the bible?
Ans. Samson, he brought the house down!
65. What cake wanted to rule the world?
Ans. Atilla the Bun!
66. Why doesn't the sea spill over the earth?
Ans. Because it's tied!
67. Who was the Black Prince?
Ans. The son of Old King Cole!
68. Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit?
Ans. So he could tell the time at night!
69. Where do snowmen go to dance?
Ans. A snowball!
70. Where does a general keep his armies?
Ans. Up his sleevies!
71. Why did the burglar take a shower?
Ans. He wanted to make a clean getaway!
72. What kind of fish can't swim?
Ans. Dead ones!
73. How do Welsh people eat cheese?
Ans. Caerphilly!
74. Why do polar bears have fur coats?
Ans. Because they would look silly in anoraks!
75. What is the best day of the week to sleep?
Ans. Snooze-day!
76. How many rotten eggs does it take to make a stink bomb?
Ans. A phew!
77. What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
Ans. Buttered host!
78. What holds the sun up in the sky?
Ans. Sunbeams!
79. What does "Maximum" mean?
Ans. A very big mother!
80. What is full of holes but can still hold water?
Ans. A sponge!
81. Why is perfume obedient?
Ans. Because it is scent wherever it goes!
82. What do you get if you cross a US President with a shark?
Ans. Jaws Washington!
83. Why is it not safe to sleep on trains?
Ans. Because they run over sleepers!
84. Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
Ans. I've just had lunch and don't want to swim on a full stomach!
85. How do we know that Joan of Arc was French?
Ans. She was maid in France!
86. Who invented underground tunnels?
Ans. A mole!
87. Why did the clock get sick?
Ans. It was run down!
88. What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?
Ans. I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!
89. What button won't you find in a tailors shop?
Ans. Belly button!
90. Why didn't the banana snore?
Ans. Because it didn't want to wake up the rest of the bunch!
91. What do you call a man with cow droppings all over his feet?
Ans. An incowpoop!
92. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
Ans. He wanted to find Pluto!
93. What happened when the wheel was invented?
Ans. It caused a revolution!
94. Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on
their walls?
Ans. Because they couldn't spell their names!
95. What is the noisiest game?
Ans. Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!
96. Where do flies go in winter?
Ans. To the glass foundry to be turned into bluebottles!
97. Why did the king go to the dentist?
Ans. To get his teeth crowned!
98. Why are you covered in bruises?
Ans. I started to walk through a revolving door and I changed my mind!
99. How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Ans. Catch it in the Winter!
100. How does a witch tell time?
Ans. With a witch watch.
