Various Riddles 54
1. Why Did The Man Stick His Middle Finger Out At The Earthworm Who Slithered Out Of The Ground At 5 AM?
Ans. The Early Worm Gets The Bird.
2. Why Is It Illegal To Kill Flies In Poland?
Ans. Because That's The National Bird.
3. What Do You Get When You Cross A Dog, A Bird, And A Car?
Ans. A Flying Car-Pet.
4. What Is The Difference Between An Angry Sea Bird And A Hymn?
Ans. One Is An Auk Of Rages, The Other Rock Of Ages.
5. Why Did The Talking Bird Join The Air Force?
Ans. He Wanted To Be A Parrot-Trooper.
6. Did You Hear About The Guy Who Played Golf On Christmas And Accidentally Hit A Bird?
Ans. He Got A Partridge On A Par Three.
7. Did You Hear About The Dilapidated Old Steam Cabinet That Washed Up At The Seashore?
Ans. It Was One Ugly Sauna Of A Beach.
8. How Did They Know The Man Eaten By Sharks Had Dandruff?
Ans. They Found Head And Shoulders On The Beach.
9. How Do Men Exercise On The Beach?
Ans. By Sucking In Their Stomach Everytime They See A Bikini.
10. How Do You Kill A Marine?
Ans. You Throw Sand At A Brick Wall And Tell Him To Hit The Beach.
11. What Did The Bird Wear To The Beach?
Ans. A Beak-Ini!
12. What Did The Ocean Say To The Beach?
Ans. I'm Not Shore.
13. What Do Christmas And A Crab On The Beach Have In Common?
Ans. They Both Involve Sandy Claws.
14. What Do You Call A Nun On A Nude Beach?
Ans. Someone Without Any Habits!
15. What Do You Call A Quadriplegic Man At The Beach?
Ans. Sandy.
16. What Do You Call A Quadriplegic Woman On A Beach?
Ans. Shelly.
17. What Do You Call Miss Piggy Suntanning On The Beach With A Yeast Infection?
Ans. Hot Ham And Cheese.
18. What Do You Find On A Haunted Beach?
Ans. A Sand Witch.
19. What Is The Best Day To Go To The Beach?
Ans. Sun-Day, Of Course!
20. What Is The Difference Between Someone From Indiana And A Beach Full Of Owls?
Ans. One's A Hoosier, The Other's A Hoo-Shore
21. Why Did The Minister Get Arrested For Holding Spring Break Services By The Ocean?
Ans. He Was Charged With Having Sects On The Beach.
22. Why Don't Women Drink Beer At The Beach?
Ans. She's Afraid To Get Sand In Her Busch.
23. Why Don't You Ever See Lawyers At The Beach?
Ans. The Cats Keep Covering Them Up With Sand.
24. What Do You Wear On The Beach?
Ans. Sand-Als!
25. What Kind Of A Beach Would You Find Santa Surfing?
Ans. One With A Yule Tide.
26. What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish?
Ans. Patty O'Furniture
27. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
Ans. Sham rock
28. Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day?
Ans. Because they are always wearing green
29. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?
Ans. When it's a French fry
30. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
Ans. Some poor horse is going barefoot
31. Why did the elephant wear his green sneakers instead of his red ones?
Ans. His red ones were in the wash
32. Why is a river rich?
Ans. Because it has two banks
33. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
Ans. A jolly green giant
34. What is Barney's favorite thing on St. Patricks day?
Ans. A Blarney Stone
35. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
Ans. A Sham Rock
36. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
Ans. He couldn't afford plane fare.
37. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover?
Ans. Neither have I
38. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers?
Ans. They need all the luck they can get
39. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?
Ans. He gets wet.
40. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Ans. Sure now, but them regular rocks be way to heavy, don't you know.
41. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?
Ans. A leper con
42. What do you say to a leprechaun?
Ans. How's the weather down there.
43. What is a nuahcerpel?
Ans. Leprechaun spelled backwards
44. Why is Erin, the beanie baby's birthday on St.Patrick's day?
Ans. Because that is when she was born
45. Why did the leprechaun cross the road?
Ans. He wanted to find the pot of gold faster
46. Why did the man cross the road?
Ans. A leprechaun chasing rainbows was on the other side.
47. What did one Irish ghost say to the other?
Ans. Top o' the moaning!"
48. Where would you find a leprechaun baseball team?
Ans. In the Little League!
49. What do you call a leprechaun's vacation home?
Ans. A lepre-condo!
50. What do you call a leprechaun with a sore throat?
Ans. A streprechaun!
51. What is a computer's first sign of old age?
Ans. Loss of memory.
52. What does a baby computer call his father?
Ans. Data.
53. What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
Ans. The space bar.
54. What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
Ans. It slipped a disk.
55. Why was there a bug in the computer?
Ans. It was looking for a byte to eat.
56. What is a computer virus?
Ans. A terminal illness.
57. How did the mouse get out of the Russian Cathedral?
Ans. He clicked on an icon and opened a window.
58. What do you get when you cross a mouth and a tornado?
Ans. A tongue twister.
59. Five men were out in a boat when a storm came with lots of rain a tipped the boat why didn't a single man get wet?
Ans. They were all married.
60. What did George Washington's father say when he saw his son's report card?
Ans. You're going down in history.
61. What did the judge say when he saw the skunk in his courtroom?
Ans. Odor in the court.
62. If T is having a tea party and invited all the other letters which ones would be late?
Ans. U, V, W, X, Y, and Z cause they all come after T.
63. What is the last line of the dinosaur national anthem?
Ans. The land of the tree and the home of the cave.
64. What is on the dinosaur national flag?
Ans. Stars and spikes.
65. Why did the stegosaurus wear spikes to the party?
Ans. Because he was a sharp dresser.
66. What happens when two dinosar fossils tell jokes?
Ans. They crack each other up.
67. Why do dinosaur executives take business trips?
Ans. To visit the company plants.
68. What is a computer's first sign of old age?
Ans. Loss of memory.
69. What does a baby computer call his father?
Ans. Data.
70. What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
Ans. The space bar.
71. What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
Ans. It slipped a disk.
72. Why was there a bug in the computer?
Ans. It was looking for a byte to eat.
73. What is a computer virus?
Ans. A terminal illness.
74. How did the mouse get out of the Russian Cathedral?
Ans. He clicked on an icon and opened a window.
75. What is the difference between a well-dressed man and a dog?
Ans. The man wears a suit and the dog just pants.
76. What's the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit dollar bill?
Ans. One is a mad bunny and the other is bad money.
77. What is the difference between a sailor and six broken clocks?
Ans. The sailor goes to sea, the clocks cease to go.
78. What money would a ticket seller collect at an animal fair?
Ans. A (s)cent from a skunk, a greenback from a frog, a bill from a duck, and quarters from a cow.
79. Why should you be careful about telling secrets in the country?
Ans. The corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beans talk.
80. What points in one direction and goes another?
Ans. A confused snowflake.
81. What do sick ghosts get?
Ans. Get well witches.
82. What do you get when you mix a frog and a calendar?
Ans. Leap Year.
83. What do you get when you mix a ghost and a crow?
Ans. A scarecrow.
84. What do you get when you put a fancy suit on a lion?
Ans. A dandelion.
85. Why couldn't the slow boxer get a drink at the party?
Ans. Everyone beat him to the punch.
86. Why was the archaeologist upset?
Ans. His job was in ruins.
87. Why do pens get sent to prison?
Ans. To do long sentences.
88. Why did the fly fly?
Ans. The spider spied her.
89. What is the moral in the story of Jonah and the whale?
Ans. You can't keep a good man down.
90. Why did the lady stand next to the vault in the bank?
Ans. She wanted to be on the safe side.
91. What pets make sweet music?
Ans. Trum pets.
92. What animals live in the banks?
Ans. Does and bucks.
93. Why is the sun like a good loaf of bread?
Ans. It is light when it rises.
94. Why is an empty purse always the same?
Ans. There is never any change in it.
95. What do you say to a hitchhiking frog?
Ans. Hop in.
96. What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?
Ans. Reptiles.
97. What do politicians and diapers have in common?
Ans. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
98. When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
Ans. When it turns into a driveway.
99. What did the big toes say to the little toe?
Ans. Don't look behind us cause there is a heel following us.
100. What stays hot even if you put it in the refrigerator?
Ans. Pepper.