Various Riddles 4
1. What is barium?
Ans. It is what you do to the dead.
2. What is campher?
Ans. It is for having fun in the sumer.
3. What do you call a satelite of Earth that has eaten a big meal?
Ans. A full moon.
4. What did the moon say to th sun as the night ended?
Ans. Time to rise and shine.
5. What is the favorite place in the universe for a thirsty cat?
Ans. The Milky Way.
6. Why are Martians green?
Ans. They forgot to take their airsick pills.
7. Which is the most musical planet?
Ans. Neptune.
8. How do you prepare for a space party
Ans. Planet.
9. When is a boy like a pony?
Ans. When he's a little horse.
10. Who was the straightest man in all of England?
Ans. The king, he's a ruler.
11. Would you rather a lion killed you or a tiger?
Ans. I'd rather he killed the tiger.
12. What can't you name without breaking it?
Ans. Silence.
13. What do you put on the table and cut but never eat?
Ans. Deck of cards.
14. What grows larger the more you take away from it?
Ans. A hole in the ground.
15. If a man crossing a stream on a log should fall what would he gall against?
Ans. Against his will.
16. Why is an empty purse always the same?
Ans. There's isn't ever any change in it.
17. What did the sock say to the man?
Ans. You're putting me on.
18. Why did the boy take his comb to the dentist?
Ans. It lost a tooth.
19. Why did the lady shut her eyes in the kitchen?
Ans. She didn't want to see the bacon strip.
20. Why did the man stand on his head?
Ans. He was trying to turn things over in his mind.
21. Do mice like arithmetic?
Ans. No because 4 plus 4 ezuals ate and that's what they always get.
22. Why did the lady put lipstick on her forehead?
Ans. She wanted to make up her mind.
23. Why do you leave school when the bell strikes three?
Ans. Three strikes and you are out.
24. What does a pony sound like when he has a cold?
Ans. A little hoarse.
25. Why did the doughnut shop close?
Ans. The owner got tired of the whole business.
26. What do you call an unclean person who crosses the road twice?
Ans. A dirty double crosser.
27. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Ans. He had his own drumsticks.
28. If all the marines in the basketball game fauled out who would they send int?
Ans. The sumarines.
29. If dogs go to obedience school where do cats go?
Ans. Kittygarten.
30. If all the cars in the country were pink what would we have?
Ans. A pink carnation.
31. Why did the cook slap the bread?
Ans. The bread was fresh.
32. Why did the boy bang his head on the piano?
Ans. He wanted to play by ear.
33. Why did the coach take a rope to the ballgame?
Ans. To tie up the score.
34. What happens if you put a watch into a piggy bank?
Ans. You save time.
35. Why did the boy take a bath with his shirt on?
Ans. The label said wash and wear.
36. Why did the boy eat a candle?
Ans. He wanted a light snack.
37. What did the cat say to the faucet?
Ans. You're a big drip.
38. Why couldn't the boy sleep?
Ans. The bed spread, the pillow slipped and he fell into the spring.
39. What do you call it when dogs gather?
Ans. A bow-wow pow-wow.
40. What do you do it a dog chews a book?
Ans. Take the words out of his mouth.
41. What's the quickest way for an ant to get from the ground to the tree trunk?
Ans. Use the shortest root.
42. What do you do at a dude ranch?
Ans. You horse around.
43. What cake makes its own eggs?
Ans. A layer cake.
44. Why did Miss Muffet need a road map?
Ans. She lost her whey.
45. Why does a sheep scratch himself?
Ans. It has fleece.
46. How do flea markets begin?
Ans. From scratch.
47. What animal is killed and cured?
Ans. A pig.
48. How do you go on a Chinese diet?
Ans. You use one chopstick.
49. How did the doctor rem,ove two of a man's three tongues?
Ans. Took off his shoes.
50. What did the man do when he walked in wet tar?
Ans. The goo-step.
51. How do you measure the temperature of a hotfoot?
Ans. By pedigrees
52. If a turnip had hair what color would it be?
Ans. Radish.
53. What can you play on a shoehorn?
Ans. Sole music.
54. Why did the blacksmith put only one shoe on the race horse?
Ans. It was a quarter horse.
55. Why did the teacher whip the stupid student?
Ans. To make him smart.
56. Why isn't your nose 12 inches long?
Ans. It would be a foot.
57. What's more amazing then a talking dog?
Ans. A spelling bee.
58. What is yours that others use more than you do?
Ans. Your name.
59. What day is a command to go forward?
Ans. March 4th.
60. What did the can say to the can opener?
Ans. You flip my lid.
61. What bat turns cartwheels?
Ans. Acrobat.
62. What did the adding machine say to the clerk?
Ans. You can count on me.
63. When things go wrong what can you always count on?
Ans. Your fingers.
64. Why was the guy all wet?
Ans. He was a geyser.
65. What do you give a sick pig?
Ans. Oinkment.
66. What did the letter say to the mail carrier?
Ans. You send me.
67. What star is famous?
Ans. A movie star.
68. What runs but cannot walk?
Ans. A river.
69. Why didn't the pany talk more?
Ans. It was a little hoarse.
70. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Ans. Her students were too bright.
71. Why don't you post a notice in a paper for your lost dog?
Ans. He can't read.
72. What's the difference between an old penny and a new dime?
Ans. Nine cents.
73. Why does a spider spin her web?
Ans. She can't knit.
74. What do you say to a Martian with three heads?
Ans. Hello Hello Hello.
75. Why are fish so smart?
Ans. They go around in schools.
76. What do you do when a dragon breathes fire?
Ans. Get out of the way.
77. Wat do you get if you put a mother duck and five ducklings in a crate?
Ans. A box of quackers.
78. When does a river get hurt?
Ans. When the waterfalls.
79. How do you catch a monkey?
Ans. Climb a tree and act like a banana.
80. What do you call pigs who write to each other?
Ans. Pen pals.
81. What did one potato chip say to the other potato chip?
Ans. Let's go for a dip.
82. How does an elephant get out of a tree?
Ans. Sits on a leaf and waits for the fall.
83. Will writing on an empty stomach hurt you?
Ans. No but paper works better.
84. What dog keeps the best time?
Ans. A watch dog.
85. Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
Ans. To see how long he slept.
86. Why was Cinderella so bad at football?
Ans. She had a pumpkin for a coach.
87. Where should you send a sick pony?
Ans. To a horse-pital.
88. Why is Mark's nose always in a book?
Ans. He's a bookmark.
89. What did one eye say to the other eye?
Ans. Something between us smells.
90. Where is the sun?
Ans. Out of this world.
91. What happens when a dog jumps into a lake?
Ans. He gets wet.
92. What was the Pilgrims' favorite music?
Ans. Plymouth Rock and Roll
93. Why did the sailor put his boats in a line?
Ans. They were rowboats.
94. What get wetter the more it dries?
Ans.A towel.
95. What is the strongest animal?
Ans. A turtle it always carries its house where it goes.
96. How do you make bears listen?
Ans. Take away the b and they are all ears.
97. What animal can jump higher than the White House?
Ans. They all can cause the White House can't jump.
98. What does a tuba call his dad?
Ans. Oompapa.
99. When is a boat like a store?
Ans. When it has sales.
100. Why was the little strawberry sad?
Ans. His ma and pa were in a jam.