Asian Categories - Where Do You Fit In?
The Asian Gangster Guy
Usually seen: At the local billiards hall, at the local video arcade, at the
bowling alley, at the college recreation room (ditching class) and at
Korean Karaoke bar.
Usually wears: Ultimately insanely huge baggy pants, Nike visor (up side
down), Nike warm-up jacket. Pager/beeper/cellular phone (it has to be
exposed so everyone can see it!). Also, he wears to many designer
clothes just for their labels ( Hilfiger, Nautica, CK, Ralph Lauren, and
JNCO). Accessories: earrings and a hoe.
A great Street Fighter and Tekken player.
No matter who's around (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins,teachers). He
always has to act hard and tough. Gives that bad impression to everyone!
Very good at the art of the home-invasion robbery.
Has extremely extra long bangs covering his eyes.
Always tries to look hard, but actually he looks asleep.
An avid smoker, always holds his cigarette between his index and middle
finger.
Doesn't know how to smoke only does for the tough image.
Only fights if he has ten guys backing him up.
Usually drives a slammed Honda Civic or Acura Integra or Mitsubishi
Eclipse, which he tries to squeeze 10 people inside.
Has stickers on every inch of their car.
Drives fast too impress his friends or his chick...actually he's endangering
the lives of the people, pedestrians around him. Of course, he is a racer...
fixing up his car for "racing."
Calls other Asians "nigga" and is dying of the ebonics plague.
Too much talk and not enough action!
Girls hang with him because of his " big " reputation plus he's got other
guys hanging around him and guys hang with him because they think that
he can protect them by bringing backup whenever anything happens and
they want him to hook them up with pagers, phones, and girls.
The Asian Show Off
Usually seen: At the local billiards hall, at the bowling alley, at the church
youth groups, at the college recreation room (trying to pick up on girls!)
and at the casino (trying to act like a high roller).
Usually wears: Tucked-in dress shirt with loose-fit khakis. Holster for his
cell phone.
Always showing off his cell phone, constantly talks into it
Sometimes fakes that he talking into it so he can impress the girls.
Every one of these guys have circular glasses!
Another avid smoker, like a chimney!
Usually drives a Mazda RX-7 or a Toyota Supra.
Thinks he can drive fast, but actually drives like an old Chinese woman, on
a cellular phone (which is probably one of the most dangerous drivers on
the road!)
Always says that he's peaceful and he claims Asian pride, but he has
gangster tendencies when there is a threat to his popularity or when a
guy moves in on his girl.
Tries to be a high roller... thinks he's an awesome gambler.
Always wears designer clothes, never wears shorts... even if it's 90
degrees outside.
Has too much Dragon Ball crap in his web-site.
Girls hang with him so he can spend money on them or they just want to
be seen in his car. Guys hang with him because they also want him to
spend money on them and they want to steal valuables in his house!
The Asian Squatter
Usually seen: At the local billiards hall, at the bowling alley, at the college
recreation room (playing billiards, of course), in the front of every Asian
restaurant (squatting, of course)
Usually wears: Tries to make his clothes look baggy...but never can
quite get the look of the gangster. Then ends up wearing long shorts.
Always wears slippers.
Usually a new immigrant to the states (AKA F.O.B.s)
Always smokes while squatting
Always speaks native language while making fun of people who do not
speak his language (i.e. Americans and Asian-Americans)
The master of the home invasion robbery.
Yet when he pulls a robbery, he always brags about it or shows off his
fortune, which ends up getting him caught for his foolishness.
A compulsive gambler, will gamble any game and gamble anything he
owns.
Cannot live without cheating... he is dishonest.
Cheats at every test... thing is that when he cheats, everyone knows it
and he brags about it.
Always lying, saying B.S. stories about the fights he won, the money he
won and the houses he robs, of course, this puts him behind bars.
Girls only talk to him when they want to cheat on a test otherwise they
detest him, and guys hang with him because they want to hire him for a
robbery or that he's crazy enough to do whatever they say!
The Asian Basketball Player
Usually seen: At the local billiards hall, at the basketball court and at the
gym.
Usually wears: Nike or Adidas shoes. Nike tank top and North Carolina
basketball shorts. Also, Nike warm-ups with one pant leg up.
Also known as the "baller"
Has the most expensive Nike shoes on earth... (this goes with my theory
that the worst basketball players at the local courts have the best and
most expensive shoes!)
Does too many head fakes and pump fakes.
His girlfriend is always watching him play, she is usually sitting on the
bench or in the stands, staring at other guys.
Always wears those Nike muscles shirts, you know the sleeveless ones...
yet they're so skinny, they look so stupid in them.
Of course he wears the Nike visor, upside-down though.
Tries to hustle other basketball players, but ends up losing all his money,
because he can't play for squat!
Tries to ball, but ends up fouling everyone and bitching about feeling
fouled.
Girls can care less about him and Guys use him for hook-ups for shoes and
clothes.
The Asian White Guy
Usually seen: At a bar with his white guy buddies, drinking copious
amounts of beer and listening to hard rock.
Usually wears: plaid shirts, concert T-shirt (NIN or Van Halen, usually),
non-baggy jeans and construction boots.
Usually drinks to much, to cope with his "problems"
Makes way too big a deal about his ethnicity (calls himself "chink" all the
time)
Lusts after blonde chicks who wouldn't give him the time of day
Always complains about Asian white girls who go out with white guys and
stares daggers at them.
Glares at fobby types because they "ruin his image"
Purposely does badly in school to dispel the stereotype .
Gets drunk on the fumes of Vodka, Everclear or Wild Turkey.
Usually vomiting around last call because of the lack of digestive
enzymes.
Girls are intimidated by his bitterness, and guys only hang out with him
because he gets drunk and buys people extra rounds.
The Asian Clubber
Shops at Gadzooks or Merry Go Round, or any place that sells "club wear."
Keeps himself in excellent physical shape.
Wears tight hard-body shirts whenever he can.
Won't wear anything bigger than a medium (Prevents others from seeing
his physique).
Pants are a bit baggy, but not too baggy.
Has no girlfriend per se, but has many female friends.
Not a trouble-maker, but always looks for action at the clubs.
Drives a tricked-out car, but prefers a domestic just to be different.
Gets along with everyone. Has no attributes for others to dislike him.
Girls hang out with him because he can bench at least 225 and has
16-inch arms. Guys hang out with him hoping that they can get hooked up
with the girls that follow him around.
The Gangster Asian Girl
Usually seen: At the mall and at the pool hall, usually giving dirty looks at
other Asian girls. Inside a crowded Civic with other gangster girls and
anywhere the gangster Asian is.
Usually wearing: tight shirts, spaghetti strap blouses, or baggy jeans.
Loves to wear black lipstick and 10-inch heels.
Yet when wearing baggy blue jeans, she will wear a Nike warm-up jacket.
Another Pochaco, Keroppi, Sanrio nut.
Of course, she has dyed-blond hair and REALLY black roots!
Believes she's a Sailor-Scout of Sailor Moon.
A tenth degree black-belt in the art of back stabbing.
Talks big, but no action.
Is extremely good at talking behind backs, only will talk stuff about you
when you're beyond a 20-mile radius.
Has a protruding mouth, like a monkey.
Whenever she wants to look attractive and goes over the edge by
wearing skirts up to her stomach.
Girls hang with her because she will fight for them... and Guys hang with
her because they want to get her in bed and she'll fight for them.
The Over-Dressed Asian Girl
Usually seen: At the mall, at the pool hall , at the casino (not gambling but
sitting next to boyfriend, staring at his money and his chips) , at the
youth group meetings (usually the leader) , at the Karaoke bar and inside
boyfriend's expensive car.
Usually wears: tight skirts, bellbottom pants (the ones in which they
cannot see their feet), high heels or 10-inch platforms (which they have
no idea how to walk on, they always look off-balance while walking)
She must wear her skanky outfits everywhere they go.
You can hear the cloggin' of her platform heels from a mile away.
Always showing off her cell phone... always pretending she's talking to her
rich boyfriend!
Of course, she has dyed-blond hair.
Another Pochaco, Keroppi, Sanrio freak.
Another tenth-degree black belt in the art of backstab.
Plucks her eyebrows, and her eyebrows are just one line!
She is the ultimate snob... mastered the art of walking with her nose up.
Believes she is "all that"... and enjoys ignoring other guys.
Has a new pair of shoes every week.
Girls hang with her because she makes them look good and they like to
borrow clothes from her... and Guys hang with because they want to get
her in bed and use her as their car accessory.
The Asian Schoolgirl
Usually seen: In the study hall or under house-arrest by her parents.
Usually wears: thick eye-glasses, long sundresses, pennyloafers or
sandals.
Are completely male-phobic
Sometimes shy, but really anti-social
Another Sanrio, Keroppi, Pochaco nut... but she talks to her dolls because
she has no social life.
When approached by a male, she always says and I'm quoting, " I con't
tok to you rite naow!"
Has no social skills whatsoever.
Is the master cheat sheet on all tests.
Talks too loud in her native language.
Girls hang with her so they can cheat off her for tests and she has a nice
car... and Guys hang with because they also like to cheat off her on tests
and they think they can get a date with her.
The Asian White Girl
Usually seen: At the beach playing volleyball, with her non-Asian friends,
at Disneyland or in her white boyfriend's BMW.
Usually wears: Volleyball shorts, Mickey Mouse, college or sorority
sweatshirt.
Does not know one word of her native language.
Always lies that she's half Asian or a mutt... always says she part Irish or
German.
Has infused into her mind that she is not Asian or just part-Asian.
Does not want anything to do with anything Asian (guys, girls, customs).
She must date a white person, no matter their background.
Loves the fact that she is different and loves to show off about it.
Girls hate her because she does not like hanging with them and guys think
they can get a date from, but they learn soon to stay away from her.