I never got to tell you
But I fell in love
The first time I saw you
On the first day of school
When we were just eleven
I made a little cardboard charm
And wrote your name
I wore it under my shirt
And daydreamed you did the same
You never tried to hurt me
Though I caused you trouble
And you could
You just gently took one step back
For every step I took
The brown of your eyes
Was the color of sorrow
Like sunshine refracted by rain
Sometimes I felt they were lit by your soul
When they’d flash and sparkle with pain
There was a hole in my heart
Inches wide and miles deep
And I was losing something
I had hoped I might keep
Pouring out in my chest
Making it so hard to breathe
You knew I’d survive
If you’d cut and I’d bleed
The first time the sun
Lit the gold in your hair
I thought it was magic
And couldn’t help stare
I can still hear your voice
Soft and warm like a child
Dancing like starlight on crystal
The brown of your eyes
The color of sorrow
Sunshine refracted by rain
Dazed by the flash
Transfixed by the sparkle
Haunted by a soul in such pain
A hole in my heart
Inches wide and miles deep
Losing the one thing
I had hoped I might keep
Pouring out in my chest
Making it so hard to breathe
Bleeding at best
My heart on my sleeve
I could be like the rest
You’d cut and I’d bleed
I’m not like you
I never was
Sometimes I used to wonder
How I came to be here
Born I was told like any other
But still the same
I am not from here
I still feel
The same sudden tears
Always different
Always strange
Always turned out the same
Always seemed
I was always to blame
Wishing there was someone like me
Wishing they’d take me home
From the time I first remember
I wanted to go back home
Holding on to the pain
From a loss I thought
I’d never put my finger on
Trying to recall how it felt
Like trying to pick up water
The feeling faded more each time
I tried to grasp it harder
Driving home in the snow
Loving you
Thinking back
When I really felt cold
Fences guard the road on either side
They neither keep the wind in
Nor keep the snow out
I may as well have been
On the outside looking in
It looks so chaste and clean
Innocent, pristine
Like the first time I saw her
But that was summer
And the gold was just sun in her hair
And flecks in her eyes
And all we shared was sadness
And melancholy has no place in June
I stopped the car in the middle of the road
Got out and looked around
Waited out the feeling
That I should get back in
I turned around
Looked down the road
And the crossroad was behind me
And I don’t think I could find it going back
I know again but can’t chose when
Some green side road will remind me
Of the road I didn’t take
And the sad, sweet youth I left behind me
I may as well have been
On the outside looking in
Still I hang on
As if my life depended
To my past
And being twelve
And snow-covered trees
That last only a day
Things that I’ve said and feelings now dead
And not in order at all
Times that I’ve run and times that I’ve fled
Now the calm before the fall
Things that I’ve said and feelings now dead
And not remembered at all
Things that I’ve done and words that you’ve said
That forced my back to the wall
Worlds I’ve known and people I’ve blown
And people that I’ll never know
Times that I’ve bled and coming up dead
Times I just couldn’t let go
Trees I’ve been in and places I’ve been
Somewhere out in the green
I dreamed you’d find of the people I’ve been
The one I once had seen
Long ago and far away, in a dream of day
Where I was only with you
As you were always above what seemed to be the way
Only you could’ve made it come true
You never understood
I never thought you would
But now my bloody face
My bleeding hands
Your pleading face
Could I die, could I cleanse
Could my mind erase?
No sorrow in my knowledge
I won’t see tomorrow
But the way you look at me
It’s not easy
How I never knew what was important to you
That you would never let show
How you couldn’t see you were so important to me
And now how you’ll never know
Thoughts and dreams and pictures I’ve seen
That seem to stick out in my mind
How I couldn’t stop to think of the cost
And you couldn’t leave it behind
Long ago and far away, in a dream of day
Where I could only see you
You were always above those who put me down
I thought you could’ve made it come true
I’m gonna go away
But the moment comes
And what of you
Cosmic lover
In a world of rain?
Could I leave you
In a world of pain
I couldn’t be you
Couldn’t see you there
You’d never see me there
They never understood
What made me think they would
Mourn my bloody face,
Wash my bleeding hands,
See my pleading face ?
Could I die, could I cleanse
Could my mind erase?
No sorrow in their knowledge
They won’t see me tomorrow
Knowing none will miss me
Why should I bother?
Why should I bother?
When did you first know
That you were a joke?
The punch line was in place
By my eleventh year
The seeds only sought
The rain and reason
I didn’t know what was coming
When I came here
But it wasn’t the locale
So much as the season
I see myself running away
Even then, I found myself running away
You can run your whole life
But where will you stay?
The die was cast that charts my course,
The source my fears
The seeds had wrought
The rain and ruin of reason
Though I didn’t fall just because
I came here
For years I cursed the locale
And lost the season
I saw myself running away
Even now, it’s all about running away
You can run your whole life
But you can’t outrun the rain
In a sense, it was all about running away
At the least little thing, I’d be running away
I’ve run my whole life
And lost it on the way
Even now, it’s all about running away
Even now, it’s all about running away
You can run your whole life
Till there’s nowhere left to stay
First grade class picture, 1968
We all lived
Right by Sharon’s street
Sharon and I were friends
Before we started school
I had long blonde hair
And liked to explore
With Sharon’s bright face
Right beside me
Linda was quiet and reserved
Pretty as a girl can be
School was tough for Dave
And it was tough for me
And Sharon only got cuter
I never knew
Dave had a crush on Sharon too
All this time with one side of the story
I had to go back there to write it
Now I know him cause I know that sorrow
There all that time unrequited
Kids, they can be so cruel
What makes you think
Sharon’d ever want you?
I don’t think they come
Any sweeter than Linda
But she says she said this too
It hurts my heart to think
What Dave must have gone through
Those years quickly passed
At ten I moved away
My life got real bad
I often thought back on that town
And how my life’d be with Sharon still around
But all that time
Dave must have carried the flame
I don’t know why I’m back in this story
I guess I’m only here to write it
I love him for staying there with my Sharon
There all that time unrequited
A tragedy with a happy ending
I came all this way just to write it
I love him for taking care of my Sharon
There all that time unrequited
There all that time unrequited
When we were six years old
You were my best friend
Big blue eyes and freckles
And dark hair in the wind
We just slipped away
I never saw you again
Now I’ve got something to say
I’ll always be your friend
And it’s the least I can do
Finally catch up to you
Tell you I want you to be
There in heaven with me
My mom told me way back then
Big black marks in a book by my name
I can see that page, black and full
And I felt only shame
But it ain’t like that
It ain’t like that
There’s only one book
It’s the book of life
I need to be sure you’re in
I remember cool green grass
Blue New England skies
Sitting on a split-rail fence
I first saw God in your eyes
Kind of remember how it felt
Never had to say a word
Can’t remember what changed or when
But I remember you watching me go
Now it’s the least I can do
Finally catch up to you
Tell you I want you to be
There in heaven with me
When we were six years old
You were my best friend
Big blue eyes and freckles
And dark hair in the wind
I’m maybe 9 or 10
He’s comforting me,
Telling me it’s okay
I can see Jesus in my back yard
Up the hill where we used to play
Now it’s the least I can do
Finally catch up to you
Tell you I want you to be
There in heaven with me
Dave left Sharon and that story
He’d have to go back there to right it
She knows him cause she knows that sorrow
Left there all that time unrequited
One year he came back and he called her
Just to say he’d gotten married
When she told me I could hear her sorrow
She’d lost him again unrequited
Thirty years have passed in this story
Dave and Sharon finally married
This tragedy has a happy ending
They’ll never be again unrequited
Never again unrequited
Never again unrequited
My songs and some scars
Lonely tears as I face the stars
Are all that’s left
Of the me I used to know
As I wander through the old house
Where I lived out half my days
I realize
I don’t know who I used to be
I came upon some lines
I had written long ago,
“If I turn inward,
I can go onward with fire”
And I wondered,
Did it really hurt that bad?
I could remember all the pain
But it felt like someone else
And I couldn’t put myself in his place
Long, hard rain
Cold fire
Long, hard rain
Cold fire
The evening clouds, one by one
Roll off and out of view
The sky a screen, the sound turned down
A story of my youth
The darkened trees below
Bend down and look away
As if to say they knew my fate
Having seen before the play
Long, hard rain
Cold fire
Long, hard rain
Cold fire
Long, hard rain
I look to the clouds at night
And my heart perks up
I feel the breath of God
Blow the hair across my face
Clouds flash, the way that the sun
Lights just a piece of each wave
Like a hug on the inside
I find each star in its place
Halo round the moon
Through the trees a lake of green
On the wind you hear a tune
Something there but seldom seen
In the eyes of any child
The light of God shines through
God’s love in my children
And I’m here in His place
Halo round the moon
Through the trees a lake of green
On the wind you hear a tune
Something there but seldom seen
I look to the clouds at night
And my heart perks up
I feel the breath of God
Blow the hair across my face
We have forgotten
Our Geppetto
Giver of all good things
It could be said
We are nothing more than
Puppets made of meat
Before the womb, now I name you
I have sent my son to claim you
You are more to me than dust and clay
Sin our strings
Bound by Satan,
Lord of the air,
The puppet master
Enough strings
Tangle of lies
A web by
Another name
Not too much for you to bear
I have sent a helper there
I have sent him there to break you free
Death will sting
Meat will rot
Flesh needs blood to live
Blood was given
But the lie deceives
And leads to death
I have made the sacrifice
I came down to save your life
Now my child, you don’t have to die
Here we stand
We feel so tall
In all our glory
Darkness the light
That shines on us
Revealing corpses end to end
There’s a blood that conquers death
There’s a light that sets you free
I didn’t send you here just to die
Enough strings
Tangle of lies
Death by
Another name
One more string
One more lie
The spider
Awaits his prey
Michael, I’m writing these words to you
Cause I don’t know what else to do
I’ve been trying for a long time
To find a way to get through
I loved you more than a brother
But that was so long ago
There wasn’t enough love in me
So I just let you go
You felt so alone
But you never were on your own
This world is not our home
And we are not our own
Michael, what I’m trying to say,
We can’t make it by our own will
It’s the only good news in a fallen world
The Lord is God and be still
Michael, the Lord is over your shoulder
Why’d you think you’d only fallen so far?
I promise you He’ll give you His peace
If you let Him into your heart
I know you want to go home
And never be alone
This world is not your home
And you are not your own
It was bound to happen
I been scared of everything else
Now I’m older, so much to lose
Scared of life itself
Now my son, my little one
What to wish for you
In all ways be like your mother
With just a little me in you
Times in your life you’ll get so low
Suddenly, you’ll feel strong
Through the dark night of the soul
Bright flows the river of God
Brandon my son, my little one
I will pray for you
That you’ll be just like your mother
With just a little me in you
Like my love for little girls
Just a little drawn to sadness
If I could, I’d give you love
And words and music and madness
Times in your life you’ll get so low
Suddenly, you’ll feel strong
Through the dark night of the soul
Bright flows the river of God
Sweet your disposition
And natural your rhythm
Not in these things your father’s child
Don’t lose them gaining wisdom
I want to be a good father to you
Throughout these tender years
And when it’s asked what I gave you
Your first thought won’t be tears
Times in your life you’ll get so low
Suddenly, you’ll feel strong
Through the dark night of the soul
Bright flows the river of God
Times in your life you’ll get so low
Suddenly, you’ll feel strong
Through the dark night of the soul
Bright flows the river of God
Little Ali, Ali Cat
I’m Alison she says
You know what you want
Never be afraid
Follow the sound of your own voice
Never doubt your heart
Others see God through you
Hallowed be His name
Gentle rolling, Alison Brooke
Flowing with the grace that comes
When you know you have every
Every right to be here
Rolling to the river where
God claims you as His own
Tumbling, laughing
Laughing, laughing as you go home
You’re stronger than the boys
Don’t you ever forget
You’re mama’s little girl
But you’re daddy’s Brookie yet
Wearing a dress that spins
And socks upon your hands
Elton John sunglasses
And dancing with your dad
Gentle rolling, Alison Brooke
Flowing with the grace that comes
When you know you have every
Every right to be here
Rolling to the river where
God claims you as His own
Tumbling, laughing
Laughing, laughing as you go home
There are only three treasures
You can give your children –
Your faith, your love and your time
And those are the same things you owe them
Treasures
I look around
At a lot of the things
That I love
And I realize
They’re the ones I
Hold in my hand
And I think of all
The time I spend on those things
And I can’t take them with me
I can’t take them with me
I’ll have to leave them all
When I go
I look around at the things
I’ve given my loves
And I realize they’ll have to
Leave them behind
How have I saddled my family
With things that hold them down?
Cause they can’t take them with them
They can’t take them with them
They’ll have to leave them all
When they go
Driving down the highway
Crying in the pouring rain
Listening to “Someday Never Comes”
Thinking about your brother’s father
Thinking about your drunken mother
Trying to scrunch off the twinge of tears
My heart is hard
My thoughts are evil
My spirit died long ago
Like this rain, I don’t cleanse
I just take the filth along with me
Why do I go on,
Why do I sing?
How else could I sleep?
I know the Lord
My soul will keep
I’m not looking to give
I take all I can
What can you do for me?
I’m lazy and I’m selfish
I’m a coward and I’m spent
I thought I was so smart
But I’m not
This song’s about me
Aren’t they all?
Can I get to you if I document my fall?
Is there a point to this rant,
This cautionary tale?
Why does the God of all
Hang on to those who fail?
Why do I go on,
Why do I sing?
How else could I sleep?
I know the Lord
My soul will keep
A branch that bears no fruit
The Spirit is not in me
I do that I do not want to do
Destined for the fire
Still my God sends his love,
His sunshine and His rain
I’m broken and I’m blackened but,
By His fire I’ll be pure again
The stars in the pitch
Look down upon just me
Ten trillion personal angels
I’m comforted to know
Almighty God would send them all
To bring back just one below
Why do I go on,
Why do I sing?
How else could I sleep?
I know the Lord
My soul will keep
Certainly we are shaped
By the times we’re living in
There’s a darkness on my soul
And we dance upon our graves
Dark and different still
Born before the shadow came
Growing up in the failing light
Before the fog came rolling in
Stop adding to the darkness
That keeps the others blind
Stop toying with that blackness
That muddies up your mind
Stop dancing with the darkness
That keeps you from the light
Stop dancing in your weakness
That robs you of your fight
Stop dancing
Stop dancing with the night
Could I be a light
As best I can remember
To those who awoke here
After came December?
Hearing music in the prophets’ words
But there’s no prophet here tonight
Stop adding to the darkness
That keeps the others blind
Stop toying with that blackness
That muddies up your mind
Stop dancing with the darkness
That keeps you from the light
Stop dancing in your weakness
That robs you of your fight
Stop dancing
Stop dancing with the night
Stop dancing in the darkness
Stop dancing with the dead
Stop dancing with the devil
Stop glancing with regret
Stop dancing
Father, you have given me
A lot of time
But I’m still trying
To find my place
For decades I have squandered
What you have given me
And I’m still trying
To find my place
You’re my captain
I’m a beginner
Sometimes I felt the fate of saints
Rest upon this sinner
Father, you have given me
A lot of time
But I’m still trying to find my place
Never once was it said,
“Jesus ran”
But He was always in Your place
And time
You were His captain
He a beginner
You’d not let the fate of saints
Rest upon a sinner
Father, you have given me
A lot of time
This morning the sky
Is the same as the river
There is no line
White blue
More white than blue
The sky
The fog
And the river too
Everything is wet except for me
I breathe through my skin like a salamander
I love the sun, but I love the water more
I love the moist gray day and I love our Lord
This is the day the Lord has made
This morning the trees
Don’t look the same
They don’t mourn the leaves
They could not keep
Skeleton shadows
Dance on the breeze
On this sky
On this day
This morning the sky
Is the same as the river
There is no line
White blue
More white than blue
The sky
The fog
And the river too
Everything is wet except for me
I breathe through my skin like a salamander
I love the sun, but I love the water more
I love the moist gray day and I love our Lord
This is the day the Lord has made
My God ties my shoes
And I’m five years old
How can I feel peace
When evil collides with innocence?
How can I feel good inside
When I know my heart?
My God, you tie my shoes
And I’m five years old
My God, you tie my shoes
And I’m five years old
You must receive your God
As a child
To inherit the kingdom
Let the children come
To me
For the kingdom is theirs
My God, you tie my shoes
And I’m five years old
When I wouldn’t give you my all
You’d always pick me up when I’d fall
Still I turned my back
When you were calling me
But every time I was in a jam
I’d call out to the great I Am
You’d reach down and rescue me
Even though it’s just me
You’d always come and make me see
You love me just the way I am
Ever since my salvation
In the Lord, a new creation
How can I live like I lived before?
Living in sin and misery
After you paid the price for me
How many times will I crucify my Lord?
I was made to love you too
But seven times seven I turned on you
And every time you took me back
Ever since my salvation
In the Lord, a new creation
How can I live like I lived before?
Living in sin and misery
After the price you paid for me
How many times will I crucify my Lord?
I was made to love you too
But seven times seven I ran from you
And every time you took me back
I never got to tell you
But I fell in love
The first time I saw you
On the first day of school
When we were just eleven
I made a little cardboard charm
And wrote your name
I wore it under my shirt
And daydreamed you did the same
You never tried to hurt me
Though I caused you trouble
And you could
You just gently took one step back
For every step I took
The brown of your eyes
Was the color of sorrow
Like sunshine refracted by rain
Sometimes I felt they were lit by your soul
When they’d flash and sparkle with pain
There was a hole in my heart
Inches wide and miles deep
And I was losing something
I had hoped I might keep
Pouring out in my chest
Making it so hard to breathe
You knew I’d survive
If you’d cut and I’d bleed
The first time the sun
Lit the gold in your hair
I thought it was magic
And couldn’t help stare
I can still hear your voice
Soft and warm like a child
Dancing like starlight on crystal
The brown of your eyes
The color of sorrow
Sunshine refracted by rain
Dazed by the flash
Transfixed by the sparkle
Haunted by a soul in such pain
A hole in my heart
Inches wide and miles deep
Losing the one thing
I had hoped I might keep
Pouring out in my chest
Making it so hard to breathe
Bleeding at best
My heart on my sleeve
I could be like the rest
You’d cut and I’d bleed
words by May Sarton
If I can let you go
As trees let go their leaves
So casually, one by one
If I can come to know what they do know
That fall is the release, the consummation
If I can come to know what they do know
Love will endure, if I can let you go
Then fear of time
And the uncertain fruit
Would not distemper the great lucid skies
This strangest autumn, mellow and acute
If I can take the dark with open eyes
If I can come to know what they do know
Love will endure
If I can let you go
If I can call it seasonal
Not harsh or strange
For love itself may need a time of sleep
And, treelike stand unmoved before the change
Lose what I lose to keep what I can keep
The strong root still alive under the snow
Love will endure
If I can let you go
If I can let you go
As trees let go there leaves
So casually, one by one
If I can come to know what they do know
That fall is the release, the consummation
If I can come to know what they do know
Love will endure, if I can let you go
Never was much to look at
A little less to know
My ideals, high ideals
I guess but even so
Failed ambitions, daydreams,
Ideals I’ll never know
My life doesn’t define me
Know what I mean?
My life doesn’t define me
It’s my dreams
Not so secret dreams
Guess I’m not what I seem
The best of life for me so far
Is my not so secret dreams
Oh Lord,
Please hide me
From my enemies
Where have I left to go?
My old enemies
Are gone I know
None left,
Save the ones inside
Oh Lord, where else
Could I turn to hide?
Not so secret dreams
Guess I’m not what I seem
The best of life for me so far
Is my not so secret dreams
Pieces of pain that
Connect me to some loss
Something I had before I came
Something I lost when I came
Something I lost on the way
Did I know you before?
Like I couldn’t here
Did you know the me
I can’t explain
Was that what I left?
Was that the source of my pain?
Could I take it this time
What I last left behind?
Could I take it with me,
Could I take it if I
Gathered all the pain?
Rejection, my old friend
You bastard, where you been?
Yell fire, I know the drill
Yell fire, get wood
This was only a drill, only a test
Were you ready?
Did you die?
Be ready now
He comes like a thief in the night
Rejection, my old friend
You bastard, where you been?
Yell fire, I know the drill
Yell fire, get wood
Rejection, my old friend
You bastard, where you been?
Yell fire, I know the drill and feel the pain
Yell fire, I know the drill and feel the pain
Yell fire, I know the drill and feel the pain
Do you still have
That picture I drew of you?
Long ago
I knew you wished
It was drawn by someone else
What right do I have
Expect you to cry for me?
I never had anything at all
That was mine to lose
What you never saw
Were the words on the other side
Covered up
Maybe then you’d seen
Just a boy who was lost
I never paid my own way
Never earned these blues
A fool feeling sorry
For himself ain’t news
What right do I have
Expect you to cry for me?
I never had anything at all
That was mine to lose
I want to tell you
How bad I am
But I don’t want you
To believe
My evil
Knows no bounds
Except for your love
Which in turn
Knows no bounds at all
Just like Satan, I was a liar
And a thief
From the beginning
Yeah, you’re better than I’ll ever be
Everyone’s better than I’ve ever been
A bright and beautiful little boy
In a convenience store
His mom called, “Dean let’s go”
So it’s not the name, I know
How far back do I have to go
To find where it all went wrong?
My heart, my soul, my mind
How far back in time?
Once I dreamed, someday I’d be pure
Flashing across the sky like a star
But now, I’m ugly again
And all that’s left of the dream is a scar
Just like Satan, I was a liar
And a thief from the beginning
Yeah, you’re better than I’ll ever be
Everyone’s better than I’ve ever been
Once I dreamed, someday I’d be pure
Flashing across the sky like a star
But now, I’m ugly again
And all that’s left of the dream is a scar
Anna, my secret sister
Close beside me
When I got no friends
You say, you accept me
And you love me
Till the end
I… don’t deserve to eat
Don’t deserve to sleep
Don’t deserve to be here
Anna, secret sister
Close beside me
When I got no friends
You say, you accept me
And you love me
Till the end
I… take up too much space
Can’t you see my face
My soul I’d erase
I… don’t deserve to eat
Don’t deserve to sleep
Don’t deserve to be here
Anna, my secret sister
Close beside me
When I got no friends
You say, you accept me
And you love me
Till the end
I… don’t deserve to live
Got nothing to give
Let me disappear
I… don’t deserve to eat
Don’t deserve to sleep
Please, let me disappear
Anna, secret sister
Close beside me
When I got no friends
You say, you accept me
And you love me
Till the end
Anna, secret sister
Close beside me
When I got no friends
You say, you accept me
And you love me
Till the end
Well, the scars will never heal
But that’s okay
Cause I pick them still
Look down and see them bleed
The only way I know
To bring him back
Somewhere down inside
Fifteen
I’d sit up in my room all day
It was just me alone
With the Beatles records I’d play
Fifteen
I’d sit up in my room all day
It was such a lonely time
But not a time I would trade
There’re lonely boys
And there always will
They were lonely then
And they’re lonely still
But they couldn’t be much
Lonelier than me
Fifteen
I’d sit up in my room all day
It was just me alone
Along with the Beatles I’d play
Fifteen
I’d sit up in my room all day
Fifteen
I’d sit up in my room all day
It’s bad enough the times I leave my body
But damned are the times I leave my head
Time just marches on its course without me
Only leaving me with regrets and dread
Constant careless feeding of the bad wolf
A pointless idle chasing of some wind
Doesn’t seem the one I had started chasing
Did I get confused when I got round the bend?
Searching eyes for something only I’d know
As if they could know who I was way back when
Thinking I could catch up to the shadow
Of the past by running backward now and then
I can live with the times I’ve been two times wrong
But damned are the times I know I’ll never belong
I can accept there are people I could never be
But damned are the times when I wasn’t me
A wheel inside a wheel, I feel I’m moving
Against the grain of all the others here
Looking at them speed ahead just makes me dizzy
Cause I should be somewhere else I fear
Certainly I’m speeding now across them
Only in this way I feel alive
But could it be I’m just standing still
Or following so slow I’m far behind
If at all they should even see me
Only see them selves reflected in my eyes
And my fear they’ll see everything I’m lacking
If I look away they won’t catch me in my lies
I can live with the many times I’m wrong
But damned are the times I know I’ll never belong
I can accept there are people I could never be
But damned are the times when I wasn’t me
I can’t say why you’d come to me for answers
Although I’ll gladly tell you what I’ve learned
It’s not a race I’m equipped for winning
It’s not a matter of admitting how I’ve yearned
I lie awake and listen not quite hard enough
To try and hear the fading echoes pass
From some melody slipping from my memory
As if I hearing it could bring me home at last
So I try and bring about a past that never was
Does this explain the cloud inside my head?
How others do the things that they decide to
While I float through my days asleep instead?
I can live with the many times I’m wrong
But damned are the times I’ll never belong
Accept that there are people I could never be
But damned are the times when I can’t be me
I can live with the times I’ve been two times wrong
But damned are the times when I’ll never belong
I can accept there are people I could never be
But damned are the times when I wasn’t me
I went deep into the woods,
Beyond the dappled light
Beneath the shadows of the oaks,
Alone and out of sight
In the scattered sun I picked
Flowers for your hair
On the clearings edge within,
Between my heart and there
I’m trapped and I’m lost
And you still hold the key
Even after these years
Only you could set me free
After all these years
Still I drown in the deep brown sorrow
Lost in the mist of your eyes
Wide muddy waters
Wildflower meadows
Under uncertain skies
Long ago I came, a child
Put my faith in your hands
Killed the fragile
And freed the wild
When you said I wasn’t part of your plans
You’ll never know the buried life
You didn’t know you buried me
You never knew you raised the knife
Or how long you carried me
Sing me your love
The starling’s dependence
Forlorn fragile freedom
And wildflower pendants
Tell me your stories
Of where we were born
And you as a child
On a shadowy morn
I’m trapped and I’m lost
And you still hold the key
Even after these years
Only you could set me free
After all these years
I went deep into the woods,
Beyond the dappled light
Beneath the shadows of the oaks,
Alone and out of sight
In the scattered sun I picked
Flowers for your hair
On the clearings edge within,
Between my heart and there
Still I drown in the deep brown sorrow
Lost in the mist of your eyes
Wide muddy waters
Wildflower meadows
Under uncertain skies
Long ago I came, a child
Put my faith in your hands
Killed the fragile
And freed the wild
When you said I wasn’t part of your plans
So much my life
Has been in stress
I agreed but under duress
Now you see me, tell me
I am regressing
Do you not know me yet?
Why do you find it depressing?
There are two people inside my mind
I thought there only was one
One is deceitful, the other one kind
I never understood
Who is this stranger that comes alone,
Ravaging my goodness and grace
I thought he went by Will
But his name is desire
I see it all over his face
Desire
A fire
We consume
And by which we are consumed
Some days my soul
Sees not the Son shine
Through the endless gray
But your eyes burn through
And your smile it warms me
Like the sun my back and my face
On a bitter day
And a nameless joy always follows
There are two people inside my head
I thought there only was one
One is deceitful, the other one kind
I never understood
Who is this stranger that comes alone,
Ravaging goodness and grace
I thought he went by Will
But his name is Desire
I see it all over his face
Desire
A fire
We consume
And by which we are consumed
It must be a dream
In my mind, we’re growing older
I see your smile, your eyes,
To me you’re twenty-four
And each day I’m awake
Is a day I love you more
It seems the years,
I’ve passed asleep
Dropping leaves
Like nothing follows fall
A cool and gentle autumn
Breeze through the screen
A childhood dream,
It would never end
In the spring it seemed we’d live for ever
By the fall, we could feel the chill
In the grass, a child alone, I’d loved you
No matter where we go, I always will
How could it be, we all die alone?
They say only the good,
They die young
So why would I fear my own death?
Jesus, he don’t want me
At least he doesn’t yet
I pray one day,
My little angels,
You’ll see just how small I really am
That day you’ll see your souls
Stretching to your maker
Casting comforting shadows on my eyes
In the spring it seems we’ll live for ever
But by the fall, we can feel the chill
In the grass alone my child I loved you
No matter where you go, I always will
It must be a dream
In my mind we’re growing old…
A sense of place, a cross by the road
One year it’s gone, then the road
A feeling of belonging, the guilt of wrongs
A personal history
In the end, it’s only words and longing
It’s just the vapor that holds us down
Don’t let it keep you from your God
Look up
Father, it is in my Christ I come
You are all the power and the good
You love me and deny me no good thing
You see me as I will one day be
A sense of time, the things you didn't say
What if God erased a line?
You bleed the love that you hold in
Under all that weight
In the end, it’s only words and music
And it’s lack of love that holds us down
Don’t let it keep you from God
Let it go
Father, it is in my Christ I come
You are all the power and the good
You love me and deny me no good thing
You see me as I will one day be
A sense of place, a cross waits there for you
A star arrives, but for a while
A false sense of belonging to your wrongs
The things you didn’t know
I went deep into the woods,
Beyond the dappled light
Beneath the shadows of the oaks,
Alone and out of sight
In the scattered sun I picked
Flowers for your hair
On the clearings edge within,
Between my heart and there
Now I’m just growing old
And know you can’t change your soul
So far from how I would be
But Jesus still walks my heart
And I hear from the darkest part
I’ll make you a lion like me