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“If you overcome, you will rise above,
Fail and you'll be cast out forever”
I wanted to be something more
And so I volunteered
I can’t believe I chose to come here
Only to find I wasn't strong enough
Just cast me down now, to the lake of fire
You prepared for Satan and his angels
Not good enough,
Don’t listen, don’t obey
Just like in school, I’m on no one’s side
And I’m poison
I’m poison – I don’t belong to you
Stay away from me, I’m poison
Don’t let me hurt the ones I love
Everything I touch turns to blood
I’m the poison in the midst of the flood
I’m the red streak in the black of the night
One pink flower in a field of blue ones
I carry your death
And I’m poison
Walk straight, hold your head up
How can I
With the weight of all these demons pressing close?
Why are they here?
Am I so beloved?
Do You have something so important for me to do
That they would hold me down
All these forty years?
Does the poison come from without or within?
Have I lost my soul or my mind?
Would I find it
Were I on my knees again?
But I’m poison – I don’t belong to you
Stay away from me, I’m poison
Don’t let me hurt the one’s I love
Everything I touch turns to blood
I’m the poison in the midst of the flood
I’m the poison in the midst of the flood
The poison in the midst of the flood
Bow legs and pigeon-toed
And you talked with a lisp
Just a skinny little girl
But you weren’t like anyone else
Cause you were smart and wild
Blond hair and blue eyes
And they all loved you there
Beneath those northern skies
You were cute and different
And no one could make you cry
But that was about to change
For all those reasons why
He always called you worthless
Just a no good for nothing kid
Wish I had been there for you
Just to say it wasn’t true
After your family moved
So many said the same
No one here would love you
Except embarrassment and shame
Once you thought you found the love
This time you could keep
And you held out hope, even though
She said you were a creep
I remember that time
When you didn’t have one friend
How could I not go back for you,
Turn around and go back in?
How could I leave you there
All alone and scared?
Everyone’s growing old without you
How could I leave you there
All alone and scared
Everyone’s growing old without you
I feel the evil all around me
I feel like nothing more
Than the sum of my fears
Answer as a man?
I'd be happy if I was just a good girl
Who thought she was bad
Maybe it's the sickness
Maybe its the drugs
Maybe it's the sickness unto death
Come calling early
And maybe madness is just failure of strength
In the face of complete lucidity
Don’t see the battle all around you
If you're not ready yet
I feel the evil all around me
I feel like nothing more
Than the sum of my fears
words by Brian Cheaney
I see you struggle in confusion
I see you troubled by your guilt
I see you trapped and so uncertain
Behind the wall that you have built
I see your loss for what was taken
I see the pain deep down in your soul
While all of this is what you see
This is what I would have you know...
You dance through… midnight’s curtain
Your eyes like… distant starlight
Your body sways like… waves come crashing
Through deepened swells… and caps of white
I see your fear as it surrounds you
I see your need to just let go
I see your eyes so full of sadness
For things you wish you didn’t know
I see your loss for what was taken
I see the pain deep down in your soul
While all of this is what you see
This is what I would have you know...
You are the color… of the sunrise
That rises in… the eastern sky
An orange and blue dress… of the morning
That rustles gently… as a sigh
I see your loss for what was taken
I see the pain deep down in your soul
While all of this is what you see
This is what I would have you know
It’s so warm, there’s little chill
This January night
I breathe deep the damp air
And I take in your light
Tall bare trees before me
Like sentries wait for fight
Don’t know why they hold their posts
Up against the light
Waiting for God or Godot
On this winter night
If I could be just someone else
I’d finally be alright
You always liked the ghosts
That haunted all my songs
But I am just the ghost of a boy
Of a man who got it wrong
Must I be saved again,
Didn’t that time take?
Is that why I see the ghosts that sleep
While everyone’s awake?
Waiting for God or Godot
On this winter night
If I could be just someone else
I’d finally be alright
How can I tell the children
The things you heard above
Or the one command you left me
Love as I have loved?
I can feel you close sometimes
When I look, I see your light
But I always seem to put you
Just beyond my sight
Waiting for God or Godot
On this winter night
If I could be just someone else
I’d finally be alright
It’s so warm, there’s little chill
This January night
If I could be someone else
I know I’d be alright
If I could be someone else
I know I’d be alright
The afternoon light, heavier now
Sepia tones, frozen in time
No movement outside
In the world passing by
And still I drive on
Like I know where I'm rolling
Like I have a destination
Other than going
Thought I'd be a great man
But if that's not to be
I need to aim higher
For the good man I'd be
I contain the stain
Of the greatest sin of all
I'm marked by my past
And live with the fall
What will I do?
Will I cave in to me
Too paralyzed to breathe?
And too blind to see
Let alone move
Let alone leave behind
The tomb that I build
And tear down with time
Will I embrace grace
From God all forlorn
Who gave the stars and child,
And the gift of the thorn?
Thought I'd be a great man
But if that's not to be
I need to aim higher
For the good man I'd be
So cold in the face
Of your suffering children
I feel sorry for myself
And do nothing for them
The reason you put me here
The thing that would free me
But I forget to feel
Too cold to be me
Thought I'd be a great man
But if that's not to be
I need to aim higher
For the good man I'd be
The afternoon light, heavier now
Sepia tones, frozen in time
No movement outside
In the world passing by
And still I drive on
Like I know where I'm rolling
Like I have a destination
Other than going
Increasingly cold and distant
More and more I just don't care
Where does a heart go
When it vanishes in the air?
Great expectations
Become the things behind the sun
No friends when you’re desperate and
Everybody runs
My only escape the highway
That someone else has built
The joke is, it goes in circles
Like my fear and guilt
My love is ever wrong
My thoughts are all forbidden
I trot out my sins
But keep my heart well hidden
Great expectations
God has engendered in me
Great expectations
In spite of all that's me
Between my expectations
And the things behind the sun
Am I wasting all my life
Or do I watch it run?
I'm the little girl, I'm the fallen star
I'm the rapist, but most of all
I'm the tragic zero
Who goes to write it down
My life would be a bore
If they made the movie
But if they shot the private parts
I would be ashamed
You're not getting better but
My Grace is sufficient for you
Great expectations
God has engendered in me
Against all the odds of what
I will ever be
No more expectations
I look behind the sun
I just sit and watch my past
While the time before me runs
Increasingly cold and distant
More and more I didn't care
Well, I’ve gone to take back my heart,
My past, and grow my hair
Why do these songs so quickly come,
The voices never rest
If I catch up, they move on
While I write what they confessed
Do I have to turn and face my past
Do I have to shoot it dead
I wish I’d cried, right there in class
So she’d known how much I bled
I lost my expectations
Left the boy behind the sun
Damn the past, I’ll bring them back
The mission has begun
I thought I was your Heathcliff
Though I was blond and thin
And you to me my Cathy
Though you never let me in
For I knew you well from watching
And where Heathcliff’s soul had been
The moors that black my soul
The sound that thrills my heart
The ghost that sets it wild and free
So dead when we’re apart
So warm and hard to breathe
Without the chill and wuthering
My captive soul, it longed to go
Chase the wind upon the plain
Trapped in a place I didn’t know
But I knew you by your pain
Some other times, some other names
Some other lives we led
Or did we just fit the parts
Of players long since dead
Living out the lines
Others once had read
You were somehow drawn to me
But you never said a word
That's why my heart felt betrayed
Though you owed me nothing
Not in this lifetime anyway
Where I lay in degradation
My captive soul, it longed for you
With a thirst that came from rain
Trapped in a face you didn’t know
But you should have known me by my pain
But what of you?
The girl inside…
Did she leave and take your soul?
Is her ghost upon the moor,
Or just my dreams keep her alive?
And just the wind alone out there,
The only thing that cries
I feel I have but half a soul
And the blacker of the two
I can’t remember feeling whole
Or if it left with you
Is it wandering the moors alone,
Or wandering there with you?
Catherine lost her self
But her return brought suffering
She missed the chill upon the heights
The wind and wuthering
She saw her future ghost in dreams
A lone in that barren land
Catherine explained her heart in words
Too beautiful to stand
Her last words he never heard,
“He’s more me than I am”.
His homeless soul, it longed for her
A darkness fell like rain
Cast from place he didn’t know
But where his heart remained
Her captive soul, it longed for him
And the wind upon the plain
Slowly dying away from home
But she never did complain
I felt so sick and weak sometimes
In my childhood home
A sickening warmth, panic and loss
Claustrophobia
The minutes ticking by
For what will never be
She dreamed her life would end like that
Never getting out to breathe
I felt the coolness and the life
Going out of me
Home is not a place
But at the time I couldn't see
My exiled soul, it longed for home
A despair like heavy rain
Kept from the place I used to know
And the one who shared my pain
If you want to know me
You’ll have to watch me bleed
My songs, my words
The things I’ve done
But that book is all you need
From the first I read that book
Her soul was part of me
I imagined you my Cathy
But we both know you weren’t
I lost my Cathy years before
But it was not the same
The only one who could have been
Is the one who shares my name
With Heathcliff's soul I needed her
But it was Cathy's in the rain
I looked for me in someone else
I wished to be her and her pain
My wounded soul, it bled for her
But it was her blood pouring down
In prophetic dreams of death
I was nowhere to be found
My tormented soul, it ached for you
I lost the struggle staying sane
Longing for the place we knew
Where our hearts still remain
(instrumental)
I thought I was your Heathcliff
Though I was blond and thin
And you to me my Cathy
Though you never let me in
For I knew you well from watching
And where Heathcliff’s soul had been
The moors that black my soul
The sound that thrills my heart
The ghost that sets it wild and free
So dead when we’re apart
So warm and hard to breathe
Without the chill and wuthering
Too crazy to lead
Too different to follow
Too stupid to get outta the way
My reckless dreams
Long ringing hollow
Still whisper, “You’ll make it one day”
“You took the long way around
But you always seemed to get there”
Sometimes the same old wrong way
But I’ll still get there some day
Look at me
I made it this far
I made it this far
Look at me
I made it this far
Too crazy to lead
Too different to follow
Too stupid to get out of the way
My reckless dreams
Long ringing hollow
Still whisper, “You’ll get there some day”
Look at me
I made it this far
I made it this far
Look at me
I made it this far
words by Brian Cheaney and Dean Sechrest
Time
Keeps flying by
I don’t know where
I’m not sure why
But as long
As I have you
I don’t need to worry
That time
Will pass me by
I’m looking a miracle
Right in the eye
Looking right past
The same old lies
I’m looking forward to
Seeing the day
When looking backward
Will seem okay
I’m looking forward
Time
Keeps flying by
I don’t know where
I’m not sure why
But as long
As I have you
I don’t need to worry
That time
Will pass me by
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