You have probably heard the old saying that tells us that to be loved, you must love yourself. Many people suffer the ill affects of poor self-esteem and low self worth. These same people tend to be very unforgiving of their mistakes while placing incredible demands on themselves. Tali found many sites that offer advise, comfort and strategy for learning to love yourself. Essentially there are 7 common steps to rebuilding your self-esteem and learning to love you. Forgiveness, Compassion, Acceptance, Respect, Encouragement, Support and Stroking.

Many people find it difficult to give or feel like we’ve have been a true gift to ourselves. We must all learn self forgiveness, Tali finds it a lot easier to forgive others for errors in judgment or pain inflicted, but she is not so forgiving with herself, takes harsh blame for many things that she is not responsible for. It is important for one to look inside feel all the hate in you, all that you do not forgive, and everything you dislike about yourself. Let it go, let the tears of forgiveness stream down your cheeks and accept what those experiences have done for you. Usually your mistakes provide you with character, strength, and teach you lessons in life. Tali is a hands-on-type of learner usually improving her knowledge by making mistakes but, she must remember to let it go once the mistake is behind. Continuing to punish yourself will only damage your self-esteem. Learn from them and move on don’t bury things you need to change for tomorrow because you will continue to practice those feeling and hate yourself rather than growing to be happy. Forgiveness breaks down the blocks you have built up causing the negative beliefs to come crashing down. It will not be an easy task but forgiveness can and must be learned to build a better, stronger you.

Tali tend to be very compassionate with others, feeling their pain but when it comes to her pain she tries to bury it deep inside without nurturing the pain it grows and festers. It is important to show yourself compassion, listen to your inner pain, encourage it, help it heal. Don’t be afraid to pat your self on the back, anyone who looks within them will find true virtues. You must learn to celebrate your wonderful and unique qualities recall each of them cherish them. It is this girl personal policy to treat others as she wishes to be treated, well if Tali gives compassion to other she must also provide compassion for herself.

A fundamental part of learning to love you is acceptance. A positive self-image requires complete acceptance of all your body parts. Apparently that are physical appearance is a source of ridicule in society, when actually it is our own self-image that provides this feeling. The theory is that by loving ourselves unconditionally and accepting all there realities that people will see you them same as you see yourself. Physical appearance in society makes many people sensitive about their body parts that do not measure up to the ideal image. It is important that you love each and every part of you this is a hard task for many especially Tali. It is said that self-confidence is very attractive and that if you believe you are beautiful people will see you that way too. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so behold yourself and see your true beauty shine thru.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T we have all heard the song by Aretha Franklin, it demands respect. How is it that we expect others to respect us even when we don’t respect ourselves? Tali tend to be the type of person who is to passive; bury the aggressive nature deep within her until it eventually burst into a stomping demanding scene. She can vouch for the fact that this never ends with successful results. A big success factor in respect is learning the definition of assertive. Assertive is a direct but firm behavior, honest, diplomatic, calm and caring. An assertive situation should always develop a Win -Win solution. How many people who have earn your respect are passive dishrag that people walk all over? In order to command respect you must first respect you just as you are.

Tali knows that all lil ones grow up to be successful happy people when they are reared with loving supportive parents who encourage them. Lil ones are usually taught to believe in their dreams and that they can be whatever they want they only have to reach for it. The world is a cruel place, dreams are crushed, and self confidence is trampled until eventually you don’t believe in anything not even you. If you are like Tali she spends countless hours encouraging her friends and loved ones through difficult times. There comes a time when you must realize, it is time to provide loving caring and understanding encouragement for you. Nurturing your inner child and see what happens. Encouragement also helps us set goals and believe we can attain them. Have you ever seen someone eyes light up when you encourage them and they succeed? Happiness requires encouragement what better way to return to the path of happiness then to encourage you.

Have you ever felt so bad you just wanted to stay in bed and hide from the rest of the world? Sometimes in life we need to remember that there is always at least one person fighting in our corner, who is that you say? Why you of course. Never give up on you no matter what we can learn to nurture ourselves, giving us courage to face anything and go on. It as easy as picking you up by your bootstraps move forward, leaving the past behind. In a world where we all need emotional support, don’t forget the top dog on the list YOU!

Imaging being a kitten, someone pick you up and start stroking you all over, purring in delightful pleasure. Close your eyes and remember that last time your lover held you close caressing you touching your very soul. Everyone deserves to be loved, caressed, nurtured physical and emotionally even though we may get this from others, we must learn to give ourselves some. Stroking does not necessarily have to be physical touch (although Tali prefers this) stroking can be with words or even gifts to yourself. One needs to always remember everyone deserves to be stroked.

Every person on earth who want to find real happiness, joyful, stress free and healthy life. If we cant accept, love and value ourselves then we are lost. Each of us must be in our own company 365 days a years 24/7 hours a day, you don’t get a break or vacation. Tali found a quote from a web site that says, “We are not our illnesses. We are not broken. We are whole selves and we reflect a unique and special person…No one else could replace us! We belong. We were created for a reason, a purpose. We belong as anyone else alive today, we were chosen too.” Tali knows how hard it is to learn to love yourself again but there is nothing preventing your from having everything you want out of life except you! It is important that she learn the steps to finding who she is and how special she is. While researching this subject she has found that increasing your self-esteem is possible if you have the right tools. You should not let another day go by without doing something to change those negative messages about yourself. This girl is very hard on her self-image and needs to remember that people come wrapped in a variety of packages. The steps that she has talked about in the above paragraphs are the path that will lead to her happiness and self-confidence. First she must learn to forgive herself and remember that she is not responsible for other people’s behaviors. Tali wish to become a strong happy and healthy slave. All her life she has prayed for and wished to find someone to love her as much as she loves maybe all this time she was right here inside.

Learning to love yourself is a process of self-healing the wounds of life that have damaged your self-confidence and self image. There are many of these issues that are very hard for Tali to talk about but the first step must be started on her path.

She will commit herself this instant to rebuilding her self esteem and decides she wants more :

- By enhancing the quality of her life daily
- Expanding opportunities with a greater sense of her personal worth
- Explore the mixed message she has received through out life and learn how to change them
- Tap into her own personal power, learn to dream and believe again
- She makes a commitment to herself to forgive
- Trust her own judgment
- Take is one step at time each day toward improving her life
- Accept her right to have all the things she wants is vital to her own well-being
- To know that she has the intelligence and judgment required to change her destiny
- Recognize the talents and abilities that she has never identified, enjoyed or celebrated.
- Find Role Models (healthy ones)
- Change the self message she uses daily
- Accept her own personal worth
- Repair mixed messages brainwashed from her upbringing
- Recognize that qualities she possess and admires in others.
- Agree to be responsible for giving herself those things she believe she missed early in life
- Identify trait that prevent her from expanding her self-esteem.
- Mental check to see if she is taking herself to seriously
- Set goals
- Strive for Excellence
- Be Brave and Strong
- Reward herself
- Learn to accept all of her body for the preciousness that it is.
- Refuse to trivialize her achievements
- Accept her positive traits
- Control her apologies
- Discover the difference between selfishness and self-centerness
- Identify, acknowledge and take care of her sadness
- Say only positive things to yourself and others

As she increase her self-esteem, it will create the life she has always wanted one filled with love, health, desire, and peace. Tali will think often of the saying by Mark Twain “The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself”. Because she knows how truthful it is. She hopes that the people who help her get to this stage knows how much they mean to her.

By tali_JG - February 7, 2003

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