Things to Help

· Identify your issues
· Focus your inner healing power
· Emotionally soothe your body & spirit
· Work past issues that have stalled personal growth

Assignment

"The fact that everyone needs to be believed and accepted as is, warts and all."

In order to do this assignment, I've taken a number of quotes from articles I found. In order to help me through this. I will look at each quote, and comment on it's relation to me. I will also make the lists that it mentions later on, but will keep most of it private.

"Walking down memory lane can be momentarily painful and answers are not always easily exposed. With determination and a strong desire to finally destroy negative feedback, heal the pain and stop the blame, healing and discovery of self is easily obtained."

It's obvious to me, as it has always been my past is a continual problem, and I will always have it with me. I can't throw it away, or discard it like the trash, but I can use it, and remember the lessons I learned.
Little lessons like, no matter what, if you are feeling bad, hurt, or upset, talk to someone you trust, that will sit down and talk with you, and help you through things. It's always easier once you have talked about what's bothering you, to understand and deal with things. Sometimes, people don't realize your need to talk, or to have someone to listen, and that is when one needs to remember not to beat yourself up.

"Forgiveness starts with recognizing that much of the pain that has shaped your thoughts and actions is hidden. Not hidden under a rock although some minds act like rock walls of resistance. Instead the memories are tucked away from everyday view, neatly stored in file cabinets waiting for that moment when they are important enough to be reviewed."

I've never been a person that could go on, day after day, knowing I've hurt, embarrassed, or ashamed someone, in some way. I fall apart. My nightmares of my past grow stronger, and I end up in more trouble that it started with.
How can I stop this, from what I've read, it's best to try and not let those things get to you. No matter how much you really care and love those people that you let down, you have to remember to love yourself and mistakes happen, and hope that in time, they will be able to help themselves and forgive you as well. Carrying a lot of guilt from my past, and the drive my parents have given me to succeed and move forward, seems to impede in my better judgment at times. Instead, I'll try to use it to help. As I have been with my studies. There are frustrations as always, as one person sees another moving ahead so well, and yet that person, feels like they are standing still. This is something I feel all the time. I know I'm learning, but I'm not going anywhere. It helps to build my frustrations to the point I slip up and then, the guilt and such sets in. I will try to listen more to what others say.

"If you could remember everyone who has ever hurt your feelings, made you angry, or had you feeling foolish, awkward, incompetent, unlovable, unloved, ugly, fat or stupid would you be a happy person?
There have been too many events in your life to consciously remember all of them. For most people it is a task just to remember what was eaten at dinner a mere 24 hours ago but to remember what happened last week, last year or a decade or so ago is retrievable. Your mind has learned how to protect you from a circuit overload by having your conscious self remember the highlights of your life, while the sub-conscious remembers the trivial and the shadows."

Simple answer, I can, and no, it doesn't make me happy. I need to start to shed some of the past. Learn what I need, and forget the rest. I'm continuously hurt every day in some way, by someone. Facing teasing and such all the time, and not given an opportunity to show, or test things I learn. This doesn't help my self confidence any, in which people I trust and care about, don't believe in me enough to let me try or, to let me try and then help me correct errors. I need to let it go and try to pat myself on the back and if needed, try things more on my own. The reward isn't as great as having a friend pleased or happy with what I've done, but at least I may be able to work on my self-confidence. Those friends that do help with this I should try and spend a little more time with.

"While the shadows are carefully tucked away in those forgotten files the substance of the memories help produce a mental dialog that supports your actions and reactions to daily situations. The silent dialog of negative abuse people ply on themselves is usually much harsher than what their worst enemy would use while stabbing them in the back.
Within moments you become your worst critic. With each self-accusation you add more tidbits of fuel to the mental file of reasons you have for your supposed failures. As the process of forgiveness evolves it delves deep within the soul/spirit to cleanse the shadows that have hampered personal growth and stopped you from achieving your dreams."

I have many of those memories that haunt my every move. I need to learn to let others in to help. Trust in some people, and let them guide me. Try not to dwell as much as I do on all my mistakes and failures and even if facing consequences for something, learn to look ahead, remember what I did wrong, and strive to always to better. Remember my dreams, what I want, what I'd like, think about them, and make goals that can be easily reached, with only the possibilities of some trouble. Don't make impossible goals. By not making the goals impossible to reach, I can achieve and take happiness from that. I can learn and grow and not face the constant upsetting frustration of knowing, that I could never make that goal. Make little goals, which in time, could possibly work to the higher more difficult goal.

"The process of forgiveness started innocently enough while you can work though seemingly unrelated issues. Her need to forgive a person and be forgiven for her actions was an important break though in the process of moving past her frustrations. Through forgiveness she was able to clear away emotional debris from the past that had been successfully fueling the emotional upheaval of current issues."

Learning to forgive myself, and by doing so if others forgive me or not, it will become less of an issue to always worry about someone else. Start to think about myself a little. Spending my whole life always worried about others, and what they think, let go of that and listen to what I'm telling myself. If others eventually come around and forgive me for something I screwed up on, great, if not, move past, don't dwell.

"Mental chatter is not going to go away no matter how much you concentrate on creating quiet. Even during meditation chatter is not silenced. Knowing that silence is not an option the only logical choice left is to learn how to control the quality of the mental feedback.
If that sounds simple you did not read the small print on the back of your birth certificate that warned that life is a work in progress. Changing mental feedback will be a continual work in progress as new situations create new disruptive, destructive and disturbing themes to mental feedback.
Much of mental feedback has to do with the everyday clutter that gathers around you as you go about your day. Did you feed the cat, did you lock the door, did you turn off the coffee pot, is it time for a haircut, did he mean it, did she say that, did I, should I, what, where, when, who, why? Then there is the debate that starts right after breakfast when it has become an unwritten law that you must decide what to eat for dinner even though it is ten hours away. That one is a real brain buster.

Much of what plays though the parameters of your conscious is trivial chitchat that acts as a personal secretary. Disruptive, destructive, disturbing chatter attacks your ego, destroys self-esteem, shatters goals, weakens commitments and blocks the ability to let go of yesterday. Discovering the source to self-criticism is the start to unraveling past issues that are stopping you from creating a different tomorrow."

I need to work on my self-esteem, and create goals that can be reached. Lesson the chatter in my mind, and let myself be more relaxed and free. Don't let trivial things take up much thought. Don't worry about it until it's needed. STOP WORRYING. I worry way to much. Need to relax, and let things flow more. I will strive to stop beating myself up and give myself the freedom to change.

"If someone is told often enough that they are stupid, dumb, fat, ugly, etc, etc, etc, they will eventually record that perception onto they mental recorder and in times of self doubt, frustration, anger and despair their mental chatter will repeat those words. Thus, reinforcing the original idea spoken by someone else. With time, a person owns the statement making the belief a personal truth about self.

Cruel words can be used to fuel a fire of determination that pushes a person into developing beyond what is believed possible of them. Still, even when a person has reached beyond the goals they set they find little satisfaction. Plus, success seldom earns a person the results they wanted; praise from those that had said the hurtful words in the first place."

Remember it doesn't matter what others think. Even if you love and respect them a lot, if they are telling me negative things, shut it out. Ignore teasing, and hurtful things let it go and they'll get tired of trying to do that, and will stop using guilt trips on me.
Think about yourself, and others. Remember that all have feelings. Try not to be too needy and dependent on others. Stand for up for yourself. Listen to people that know what they are talking about. Learn from them. Play by the rules, staying out of trouble means less stress, and less hardship on my self-esteem and myself. Lesson the conflict, stop the war.

"Before pointing a finger or making judgments understand that everyone uses these tactics at one time or another. Yes, even you. Actions are dictated by circumstances. Some people just use them as their major personality trait, which is what causes the friction.
While interacting with society it is easy to misinterpret what someone has said. Jumping to conclusions without asking for clarification is a national pastime. Which understates the reality that how you interpret something creates your feelings towards the comment. Intentional slights are usually obvious. But there are times when your interpretation of hurtful was totally unintentional.
How often have you said something and before the last echoes of your words fade away you wish you could retract what was just said. It happens, everyone is human.
At other times you say something that seems perfectly innocent only to find out later that you totally offended a person. Again it happens."

Think before I speak, and when a mistake is made, try again not to dwell on it. Wait, if I realize I've hurt another's feelings, apologize, and if they accept, great, if not, move on. Remember NO ONE IS PERFECT. No matter how hard I try, everyone has flaws. Learn from them and learn how to watch for them. Then the flaws will fade, and won't be as much of a problem. Pay attention to my actions. Think clear, and stay relaxed. Don't rush. The more I rush, the more mistakes. Be clear on what is expected of me. Knowing that, will tell me when it's okay to act a certain way, and when it's not. Pay attention to others reactions.

"The refusal of situations is just as true. You were hurt, offended, angered or insulted by what someone perceived as an innocent remark. They should have thought before speaking or never spoken at all but they did speak and you reacted.
Unintentional hurts do not make them any less painful or any less damaging. The process for working though them will be the same as intentional criticism."

Let it go. Everyone makes mistakes, remember that no one is perfect, even if they think they are. If someone is hurtful, or teases, ignore them. Talk to another about it, release the feelings and don't let them built until it's sitting heavy on other frustrations and troubles.
Clear the clutter and rest the mind.

"Generally, people in your life want what is best for you. Their desire is for you to be happy, healthy, loved and pursuing your dreams. They support you and celebrate your achievements. They encourage you when you feel depressed, discouraged or feel you have failed in some fashion. They are willing to help you in any way possible.
There are two sides to every story so for a moment lets examine your actions and reactions. While people were planting seeds of self-doubt within you what were you doing and saying? How many people have your words affected in an emotionally challenging manner? How often have you lashed out in anger only to hurt people you love and respect?"

Listen to others. I can open my mind, and have done it many times. Hear what people are saying, think about it, and then react. Don't hear, misunderstand and lash out. Make sure I know what they mean. This will help to lesson the amount of guilt I carry over my head for all the times I've hurt one that I care and trust and respect.

Other Solutions of things to help:

1) Writing down the things you have done that still make you cringe when you think about them. If something you did hours, weeks, months or years ago still bothers you when you think about it or makes you wish you could change what you did you have issues with the situation that need to be cleared.

2) Make another list of the people that have been close to you during your life. No need to get too detailed here. Stick to family, close friends and any ex's that may be hanging around. You can always add someone if their importance becomes apparent. Because life is so predictable you can safely bet that somewhere along the way you have caused these people pain or grief. Then again, you know they have done the same to you. Place this list someplace safe for later use.

With these lists you have started assembling a file of the events and people that have helped shape your life, your beliefs, your actions, reactions, likes and dislikes. With time it will also help you separate fact from fiction, changeable from unchangeable, and truths from lies as you discover self.

3) The last list is a list of personal beliefs. What do you think about yourself? Forget about height, hair color and other heredity features. You want to list beliefs that affect how you act and react to daily situations. List things that have you reacting in anger, fear, defensively, actions that have caused you regret. List beliefs and thoughts that you know are not logical. List personality traits you would like to change. List those recorded messages that play though your mind when you feel defeated, angry, depressed or in the mood to mentally kick yourself.

All of this is private. DO NOT share these thoughts with anyone.

A word of caution: some of what you write is very personal, you might believe that someone would never use information to hurt you but be careful not to give someone ammunition to use against you at a later date and time.