The fun never stops when I�m home alone. I was startled into consciousness in the wee hours of this morning, screaming NO BOB SAGET DON�T TOUCH ME THERE!, then flailing madly as there was something over my face.
Turns out it was the poster that hangs above my bed. Faggy gay boy-kissing poster, how dare you break free from the confines of your bluetac and molest me in the night?
Someone who has never had a poster fall off the wall during the night can never appreciate how utterly unnerving it is to awaken to the sliding crash that resounds, and then try to figure out what the hell caused that crash. Take the fact that the poster fell over my pretty little sleeping head, and you have one god damn rude awakening, let me tell you.
In other exciting news, I also awoke this morning in a state of confusion. I was sure I had work tonight, but upon checking where I�d left the schedule in my phone, there was no �Tuesday� listed. Odd, as I am paranoid about getting the wrong hours. Odder still, I knew my phone was lying through the badly-chipped (I keep dropping it) teeth of its faceplate, because I knew I was working a Tuesday either this week, or next week, at 18:30. I remembered this, because I�ve never started at 18:30 before.
Also, didn�t you totally dig the suckiness of that metaphor? Reality and non-reality collide.
Which meant I had to get up. And shower. And get dressed. And go into work and see what was the dealio, yo. That requires a lot of effort though. Leaving the house, I mean. And actually driving somewhere. So I spent some time lying in the sunshine (oh helios we salute you thank you for finally bringing us some weather that wasn�t totally arse) and eventually, at about 3pm, trudged off to work.
Turns out I was supposed to work tonight at 18:30. Memory: 1. Cellphone: 0. But the 'was' is now the important part of that, because everywhere in town is dead right now so they didn�t actually need me.
Harriet and I had gelato because it was like... Hot out, man... Then we saw Lemony Snicket�s A Series of Unfortunate Events. As far as I�m concerned, it ruled the school. I shall endeavour to read the novelisations of that fine film.
I bet that inaccuracy is pissing you off right now.
Anyway, the baby makes the VERY short list of children I don�t think should stay about 200 metres from me at all times. Klaus, grow up and have my baby, and Violet... I don�t know, she was just cool. I dug the dress. It was very thing.
Other achievements today: I didn�t walk the dogs. Poor creatures. They just about mobbed me when I came from the movies to prepare their dinner. That�s how happy they were for companionship, or possibly just food.
I did purchase some mayonnaise. We were out. I don�t really have any plans to make a sandwich tomorrow, but should the occasion arise I didn�t want to experience a mayo emergency. And I�ll be damned if I eat the bottle of �light n free� crap in the fridge. It tastes like death. It tastes like the pale shadow of regular mayonnaise. Real mayonnaise�s shambling, groaning corpse, if you will.
And finally, kids, the moral of the story? Never mix pistachio and cherry ripe flavoured
gelato.
Previous - Dec 27
Next - Dec 29
Log Home