Everything On T.V. Is Fucking Stupid
LOVE MUSIC BAD
by Courtney
If you live in New Zealand and are subjected to non-SKY telly, you know what I’m talking about. I don’t know if the ads are whoring cellphones, music, or some unholy combination of the two. All I know is that they’re fucking irritating.
The ads feature a small black box that walks, talks and tries to chat up CDs. Apparently this is ‘hip’, or ‘with it’; you can tell from the LOVE MUSIC BAD slogan, which makes no fucking sense. Fuck, fuck fuck! I’ll say it as many times as I have to! Is LOVE MUSIC BAD an imperative statement? Do I, or you, LOVE MUSIC BAD-ly, maybe? Presumably this hideous thing rated highly with test audiences, who can’t speak English anyway – that just gives me yet another reason to despise young people. And old people. And fucking middle-aged people.
I cringe when this ad comes on. If I have any control of the remote, I either change the channel or turn the whole set off until the ad is over. It’s utterly revolting, particularly in its latest incarnation. It features that cultural archetype The Try-Hard, getting all up in what I assume the black box would refer to as its ‘grill’, talking ‘street’ (i.e. being totally incomprehensible), and generally being an enormous sad-act.
This ad disgusts me. By now, that should go without saying. But I have to wonder, do the people behind the ad realise that members of the thinking minority see no difference between the Try-Hard clown and the ridiculous black box? ‘I am cool, I have no respect for authority, I mangle the Queen’s English. I am a stone cold Young Person.’
I hate you, little black thing.