Dear Daddy,
Where were the arms that should have held me? where was the life filled with more than weekends...usually late and only in an amusment park world? Sometimes it's hard to forget how I wanted to change my name because "He's not my Daddy" and then to think of what you are to me now..some sort of ghost..something I'm proud of and why? Sometimes, like times like these..I don't know. I only know that you were all I knew, all I loved, and when I used to look out the window longingly when driving through Hollywood it was because I really hoped I'd see you there, strutting down the street as if you hadn't a care in the world or a daughter in your life. I wanted to see you, and jump out of the car just to run up and hold you. Feel my REAL father in my arms. And now here I am without a real past, the family full of only little snippet stories. What about my REAL REAL father? I don't want to know, I never want to see, because well..what if he's dead too? or what if he wanted to leave? Ok so maybe you only wanted me so someone carried your name..but you were there. And you owe me a pair of socks..oh and I still have that doll..the one in the pink little suit who rolls her head and makes that god awful noise when she does. I really hate it, that's all I have of you..the closest I'll ever get to touching you again. Why didn't you tell someone about me? Then maybe they would have looked for me? what happened? didn't you know you were dying? or didn't they tell you...I'm proud of you, I am..people loved you. you could have been so great, you could have been huge..I know why you weren't but it wasn't because you didn't have the talent. I don't know..I'll never know. I just wish it wasn't cut so short and that I had you to run to when I was being reduced to bruises and atoms. And wish I had you here now to tell me your stories..and maybe we could go have a drink, hang out and smoke cigarettes and swap war stories. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I miss you, I'll always love you..and I'll try to see you soon..even though it will break my heart to read your number.
Alida |
