Delilah is standing on stage, waiting nervously. Both Philistines approach her
Delilah- What took you so long?
Philistine #1- Nevermind that Delilah, where is he?
Philistine #2- (high pitched voice) Yeah, where is he?
Delilah- I- I couldn’t quit get him to tell me.
Philistine #1- You couldn’t what?
Philistine #2- Girl, please!
Philistine #1- Delilah, how hard can it be to get your own boyfriend to tell you the secret of his awesome power!?
Delilah- I’ve been trying to! I’ve asked him twice!
Philistine #1- Then you’re just not trying hard enough.
Delilah- What’s that supposed to mean?
Philistine #2- It means you got to strut your stuff, girlfriend!
Delilah- (agast and disgusted) Why is it so important for Samson to lose his strength, anyways?
Philistine #2- Because I’m looking for Samson! (bust into a rap)Fly me to the moon, like that punk down in Scrampson! Because it’s hard being Philistine and gifted, sometimes I just wanna throw it all down and get lifted!
Delilah and Philistine
#1 look at him blankly
Philistine #1- Right… Anyways, just get us his secret to his strength. Or you can kiss those Beyonce tickets good-bye!
Delilah gasp, Samson
is heard coming
Philistine #1 and #2- He’s coming! Here he comes!
They run off stage as
Samson enters in, strutting his pecks
Samson- Hey baby. Guess what your stud muffin did today?
Delilah- (turns around to face him) What?! I mean, uh (hugs his arm, talks sweetly) What honey pumpkin?
Samson- I killed some more Philistines. (Delilah gasp in fake astonishment) Yep, killed ten thousand of ‘em with nothing but the jawbone of a jack-
Delilah- (interrupting him) ASK me how my day was!
Samson- …Okay, uh… how was your day?
Delilah- Terrible! Just terrible! I woke up this morning and my hair wasn’t right, I didn’t get my Cosmo magazine in the mail I’ve been waiting for, I… (faking tears) I couldn’t remember how to spell “marsupial” and… (grabs jar of peanut butter and hands it to Samson) I couldn’t get the lid of this peanut butter jar!!!
Samson- (takes the jar and pops the lid right off) There see? Problem solved.
Delilah- (crying shrieking) Oh your horrible! You make me feel so stupid, just because you can open up jars and I can’t, I’m worthless!
Samson- No no no, it’s okay you can’t open jars, really, that’s what I’m here for. That’s why God gave me this strength! That and to kills Philistines…
Delilah- (suddenly serious) What does give you your strength? (Samson looks at her, suspicious) Tell me, please, I’m, uh, curious… cuz, you don’t look that… strong.
Samson- Uh… (smiles mischievously) You know, if you tie me up with rope, I’ll lose all my strength, and become like any other guy.
Delilah- Really?! (sweetly) Oh really, *giggle*.
Samson- Yeah, so there you go you sweet little foreign idol worshiper you! (yawns) I think I’m gonna take a little nappy nap.
Delilah- (grabs a rope from off stage) Wait! First, uh, help me measure this long piece of rope I found, would you, please?
Samson- Okay, sure.
Delilah hands him one end of the rope and starts to wrap it around him
slowly as she counts “1 foot… 2 foot”. Samson follows her, obvious. Finally
he’s tied
Delilah- Samson, oh my gosh, the Philistines! Save me! Save me! Get him, I mean, save me!
Philistines #1 and 2 rush in, Samson throws the rope off and
clotheslines them both. “Superman” theme plays as Samson kicks their tails and
they run away.
Samson- Man, where’d they come from?
Delilah- I can’t believe you lied to me! You said rope would take away your power!
Samson- Hahaha! (points at her) Gotcha! Hahaha.
Delilah- Oh… (drama queen again) Oh you hate me, you HATE me! Why did you lie to me? You never loved me, have you?! You cad! You… you… cad!!!
Samson- Uh, I’m sorry, really. It was just a joke Delilah, come on…
Delilah- What’s is your source of power then, tell me!!!
Samson- FINE! It’s my hair! I mean uh… if you b-b- braid, my hair, then I’ll get all, uh wimpy. So there, now let me take my nap. (lays down on a mat)
Delilah gets some scrunches and butterfly clips and puts them in his
hair. She jumps to her feet
Delilah- Samson, the Philistines are coming, ahhhh! (nothing happens) The Philistines are coming, help me! (still nothing) HEY! Come get him!
Finally Philistines #1 and #2 rush in to get Samson, and again he kicks
their butts as Superman’s theme plays. They run away screaming like girls.
Samson- Man, today sure is a weird day. (notices his hair) What the heck? Delilah, did you do this? What are you thinking, do you want me to lose my strength? And scrunches and butterfly clips, what are you in 8th grade?!
Delilah- I’m sorry. I just wanted to see if you were telling me the truth. I guess you love your power more than me.
Samson- No, that’s not true, really. I just can’t tell anyone.
Delilah- Tell me!
Samson- No!
Delilah- What is it?
Samson- I can’t tell you!
Delilah- I’ll make out with you.
Samson- Cut my hair off.
Delilah- What?
Samson- Cut my hair off… and I’ll be like any other man, with no power. There you happy now.
Delilah- I always knew you really loved me Samson.
Samson- Of course. Can we make out now?
Delilah- Yeah, just let me call one of my friends real fast.
Samson sits on his mat while Delilah gets a phone and dials a number
Delilah- Hello Leslie? I need you come over right away, it’s an emergency!
Leslie immediately pops out from behind stage with her clippers in hand
Leslie- What’s up girl?
Delilah- Uh Samson here was just telling me how sick he was of that hair and he wanted it gone.
Look to Samson, who’s asleep
Leslie- Oh that mess is rasha! Don’t worry, leave it to me. (she knells my Samson’s head and starts to snip. The lights go out and we hear Philistine #2 yell out once more)
Philistine #2- I’m looking for Samson!