Facing Reality

 

Facing is on stage, taping his foot impatiently. He seems to be waiting for someone. Finally Mr. and Mrs. Pagerhanger enter

 

Kevin Facing- Ah, Mr. Pagerwager! Extends hand

 

Mr. P- It’s uh, Pagerhanger. And this is my wife.

 

Facing- (shakes her hand) Mrs. Prangerdanger.

 

Mr. P- That’s Pager-

 

Facing- Let me introduce myself, my name is Kevin Facing, I will be showing you the house today.

 

Mrs. P- Yes, your with Facing Reality (ree-al-i-tee), right?

 

Facing- That’s Facing REALITY! (re-ul-tee) Now let us go inside, and take a look at this lovely house today. Walk a little stage left, pantomime opening a door, stepping inside, and closing it You’ll notice the entry way is done in a very neo-classic look. They say that most all newlywed couples want a more decidant look, but I appreciate the flying bustresses in the upper beams, and I’m sure you will too! This is an example of the neo modern classic Boruck, period. And if it’s not Boruck, don’t fix it, Hahahhaha!

 

Mrs. P- totally missing the bad joke Does it stay warm in the winter?

 

Facing-… Well yes of course. Now if you’ll step this way into the dining hall, I think you will-

Mr. P- What’s this? (points to wooden wall

Facing- What, that? That’s just a wall, it’s been there forever. Now over here-

Mr. P- I don’t really like it, could we take it out?

Facing- I don’t care, of course, once this house is yours do whatever you vant with it.

Voice coming from within wall

Wall- I don’t want to go.

Facing- What was that sir?

Mr. P- looking at the wall in wonder It wasn’t me… it was this wall.

Mrs. P- That wall… it talked to us!

Facing- Oh that again.

Wall- Howdy. My names Forrest. Forrest Wall.

Mr. P- Forrest?

Facing- Well what else would you except a wooden wall to be named?

Wall- Mama always said wooden is as wooden does.

Facing- Listen, Wall, you’ve got to stop freaking out all the potential buyers that I bring in here! You ruin every sell.

Wall- I just tell ‘em what I know about the house. I bet if I thought back real hard I could remember the very first people that ever lived here.

Facing- Right, why don’t do over here, Mr. Rangerspanker, and take a look at the-

Wall- They called it the Magic Tape, and it would fix the crack in the ceiling.

Mr. P- to Facing What crack in the ceiling?

Facing- Oh, it’s nothing, really, just a miner thing. I mean every house has a little fixing up to do.

Wall- That nice man said he had to get out those buckets last time it rained.

Facing- WELL, why don’t we just take a look over here into the kitchen, now you’ll really like this tile in here.

Mrs. P- looking at ceiling Honey. There’s the crack.

Mr. P- Oh yeah.

Facing- Where? Oh yeah, you can see it just a little now.

Mr. P- Guess it’s not too important…

Facing- Nooooooo.

Wall- I remember little Jenny was sick and threw up on the rug…

Mrs. P- Gross, where at?

Wall- Over by the burns from the fire.

Mr. P- Burns from what fire?

Wall- The one that exploded the kitchen.

Facing- tries to cover wall Like you said, you want this wall out of here, anyways, we can take it out tommarrow! We at Facing Reality want you to have the best homes possible! Haha, knock on wood. (knocks on Wall)

Wall- Oooooww.

Facing- Besides with this wall out you’ll have a very nice walkway right into the back yard. We guarantee your satisfaction.

Wall- That’s just what you said to the last three families that lived here, Mr. Reality.

Facing- Its REEL-ity, and my name is Facing! Now stop bothering Mr. Spangerhanger!

Mr. P- Pagerhanger!

Facing- Pagerhanger, Powerranger, whatever! Now look this house isn’t perfect, and the walls telling the truth, but you people will really like it here!

Mr. P- Is this a joke, Facing? Huh, how many other people you got going for this place?

Facing- …What?

Mr. P- Now if you’re trying to scare us away from this place it won’t work, let’s not play cat and mouse, we like this place, we’ll take it!

Mrs. P- That’s right, and at your price!

Mr. P shacks his head at her and she backs off

Wall- Mama always said life’s like a box of wood chips…  you never know who’s in there that you might know.

Everyone gives wall weird look

Mr. P- Now you better let us buy this house right now, Facing!

Facing- Right, right. No problem sir, just let me go get the papers… (exits stage right with Mr. P trailing behind him)

Mrs. P- Mr. Wall, are you going to miss this house?

Wall- Mama always said that the walls have ears. They remember stuff that no one else sees. And that’s all I have to say about that.