“Nanananah- FATMAN!” theme plays in background. The characters come out as the screen announces them.
First
a fat guy in a ski mask with a sheet tied around his neck- “Fatman”.
Next,
a thin guy with pointy sunglasses, a load red shirt, shorts and a smaller sheet
tied around his neck- “Ritalin”.
Then a girl dressed in all green with a green
mask painted on her face- “Poison Oak”. Finally a girl dressed all in black
with a puppy snout and whiskers drawn on her face and a headband with little
puppy ears- “Rat-Terrier Woman”
Lights
go out, then up, Fatman and Ritalin onto stage
Ritalin- (strikes a pose)
Holy dramatic pose, Fatman! (leaps off stage after him)
They come to a beat up black grocery getter station wagon and try to get in. They can’t.
Fatman- It won’t open!
Ritalin- I thought I gave you the
keys!
Fatman- (beats head on car roof)
Where are they?!
Ritalin- I thought I gave um to
you!
Fatman- Arg! Come on!
The town off them take off on foot, Fatman running like a… well, fat man.
Poison
Oak- It
would be the Wal-Mart super center; they senselessly sell innocent vegetables
with absolutely no remorse.
Rat-Terrier
Woman- Oh really? … What are we going to do?
Poison
Oak- Let’s
bomb em!
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
Good idea! And… and we could egg the outside of the building too!
Poison
Oak- Okay,
but that’d have to be before the bombing…
Ritalin- Holy Kamoly, Fatman, stop
eating that donut and talk right!
Fatman and Ritalin are seen on the floor below the stage, “climbing” a rope across the room, as if up the side of a building
Fatman- I think I see ‘em up
ahead….
Ritalin- (struggling)
Really?
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
(looking over the edge) What now?
Poison
Oak- Let’s
spit on them!
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
Good idea.
Fatman- Ah! Sick! (starts to
slide down rope and take Ritalin with him)
Poison
Oak- That’s
not slowing them down… How about we throw some rolled up newspapers at them?
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
Yes, they are conveniently lying here.
Points
to pile of newspapers at they’re feet. They start to pick them up and throw
them over the edge. Newspapers fly at Fatman and Ritalin until they let go and fall
off the rope. Poison Oak throws one last paper over the edge, as Rat- Terrier
Woman sees it
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
Arf! (pants happily and jumps over the edge after the paper)
Poison
Oak- No
Rat- Terrier Woman!!!
Lights go out, come back up on Fatman and Ritalin back to back in two chairs.
Fatman- (starts wailing)
Ughh, I want some food!!!
Ritalin- Fatman, stop crying.
Fatman- I miss my mom’s homemade
cornbread!
Poison
Oak-
Hahaha! Still think you can beat us, Caked Crusaders? (Fatman cries more)
Ritalin- Wh- what are you going to
do?
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
We’re going to…
Poison
Oak-
Torture you!
Ritalin-
Why… why?! Why are you so mean?
Fatman- I know, what’d we ever do
to you?
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
You were born! (Fatman really starts bawling)
Poison
Oak- We’ll
start by plucking the hair from your hairy little chicken legs! (pulls a
hair out of Ritalin’s leg)
Ritalin- Ahh! AHHH! No, no, I’ll
talk, just don’t pull the hair out of my hairy little chicken legs!
They both pull several more as Ritalin screams in pain. They laugh evilly and leave again.
Fatman- Uh… we could… fart?
Ritalin- Mm. (seriously thinks
about it for a moment) I don’t think that will work. Wait, I have it! We’ll
distract the enemy! Just a moment hear and… (slips ropes right over his
head. Fatman stares at him in disbelief. Ritalin fishes around in his belt,
pulls out a whoopee cushion and places it on a near by chair) Thank
goodness we brought the Fat- Whoopee Cushion! They’re coming back, hurry! (Jumps
back into chair and puts ropes over himself again. Fatman’s still just staring
at him)
Fatman- That’s wack.
Rat Terrier and Oak return to gloat again, Oak standing over the chair with the whoopee chusion
Poison Oak- You’re too late, Fatman. In less than an hour, Wal-Mart’s precious produce isle will be blown the bites.
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
And we just got through egging the big sign out front!
Fatman- You’re in trouble, I’m
telling God on you, He knows!
Ritalin- Yeah… um, hey, why don’t
you guys… sit down or something?
Poison
Oak- (suspicious)
Why?
Ritalin- I don’t know, uh, I just
wanted to see something…
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
Okay! (starts to sit)
Poison
Oak- Okay.
(sits on the whoopee cushion, makes a farting sound. Everyone laughs like
it’s all embarrassing. Suddenly Ritalin throws the ropes off and jumps up
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
Haha! Yeah- Hey!
Poison
Oak- Get
back here!
Fatman and Ritalin run across stage, Poison Oak cuts them off. Rat- Terrier Woman jumps into a crouch behind them and barks.
A
classic Batman-ish fight scene happens, with “Pow!” “Ka-Bam!” “Bam!”
“Whoa-Nelly!” “Elephant!” appearing on the scene. At one point Fatman and
Ritalin start to fight each other while Rat Terrier and Oak take a breather and
watch.
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
Whatever, Ritalin’s so thin and limber, he can take him out in a heart beat!
Poison
Oak- But
Fatman has the jelly on him!
Rat-
Terrier Woman-
Oh, you think so? You think so?!
The two of them start to fight now, and soon everyone’s fighting everyone. Finally, Ritalin is kicked off the edge of the stage by Rat- Terrier Woman, hanging on by his finger tips
Fatman- I’ll save you! (he goes
to edge of stage, and Poison Oak pushes him down on top of Ritalin’s fingers.
Fatman starts to scream like a girl. The two villains laugh and escape)
Ritalin- Ah! You’re drooling on me!
Fatman- Ahhhhhhhh!
Ritalin- You’re crushing my
fingers!!!
Narrarater- Oh no! Yet another cheesy
cliffhanger? Will Fatman finally bite the big one? Is Ritalin’s goose
finally cooked? Don’t chew me out! Do-nut go away! Tune in
next time! Same Fat-time, same Fat-channel!