Can You Hear Him Now?

 

Guy and girl walk into a nice restaurant, and sit at the table in the center of the stage. The guy pulls her chair out and sits at the other end of the table. They pick up their menus and begin to chat.

 

Girl- What looks good to you, tonight?

 

Guy- You mean besides you? (both laugh)

 

Girl- Oh you’re so funny!

 

Guy- Yeah, I know.

 

Girl- (looks back at the menu) I think I’ll have the shrimp cocktail. With… strawberries and whip cream. I don’t know, what do you think? (continues to look at her menu)

 

Guy- (evil smirk on face) I’m think about-

 

Suddenly a cell phone rings. Guy looks around, then into his pocket. He pulls the cell phone out, almost surprised he has it. He answers it

 

Guy- Hello?... Who is this?

 

God- (on phone) You know who this is.

 

Guy- (looking worried) Who is this? How’d you get this number, who’s cell phone is this?

 

God- I am God. (guys freaks out, looking all around him). I can see you. And I know what you were thinking a moment ago. You know that’s not right.

 

Guy- Listen, now is not a good time, I’ll talk to you later. (hangs up)

 

Girl- Have you picked something out yet? (looks out from behind menu)

 

Guy- Uh, yeah, yeah. I think I’ll have a cheeseburger or something. Are you ready to order?

 

Girl- Yeah, I think so. You know, that was so awesome the other day, the way you threw the winning pass at the football game. *sigh* Wow. You were totally like a hero and stuff.

Guy- Oh well you know, that was really all me, just one of those moments where- (phone rings) Hold on a second, please. (answers phone) Hello?

 

God- You know perfectly well that that wasn’t you. You know Rodney Bellman threw the pass after the two of you switch jerseys.

 

Guy- I know that, it doesn’t mean she has to! I’m trying to impress her okay, now leave me alone!

 

God- You know you’re lying to her, Guy. You’re not being honest. You should be honest with her.

 

Guy- Yeah, yeah, later, good-bye! (slams phone shut)

 

Girl- Who was that?

 

Guy- No one, uh. My mom, uh, dad, er, cousin! Yeah, my cousin, he’s mad we didn’t hang out tonight.

 

Girl- I didn’t know you had a cousin.

 

Guy- I don’t. I mean, not around here, not here, you haven’t met him, he’s on my mom’s other side…. Yeah. Actually, there’s a lot you don’t know about me. I am pretty mysterious. (phone rings) … Excuse me a minute. (turns away with phone) What?!

 

God- Why are you dating a non-Christian, Guy? You promised that you never would. You even took a covenant ring in front of the whole church.

 

Guy- I know what I did, stop it! (hangs up phone)

 

Girl- Is your cousin okay?

 

Guy- He’s fine okay?! Uh.. I’m sorry. Look, why don’t we just get out of here. I’m not really hungry anymore. Listen… why don’t we head over to your house and (phone rings)

 

Girls- Guy, is your cousin going to be calling all night?

 

Guy- NO! (to phone) WHAT?!

 

God- 2 Timothy 2:22 “Treat them as sisters in Christ, with all purity.”

 

Guy- STOP IT! (slams phone)

 

Girl- Why you yelling at him like that? If he really wants to hang out with you so bad, maybe we should just do this some other night…

Guy- No! No, it’s okay. It’s fine, it’s okay. Let’s just go to your house and (phone rings, Guy keeps talking as he puts it to his ear) we can watch a movie or hang out or something- what do you waaant (whiney)?

 

God- Matthew 6:22 “If a man looks at a women lustfully he has already committed adultery with her in his heart-“

 

Guy- Ahh! (hangs it up, it rings again) What?!

 

God- In church you learned-

 

Guy- I know what I learned in church!!

 

Girl- You never told me you went to church!

 

Guy- I don’t! I mean I do! I mean….

 

God- You said you were going to try and win her for Jesus---

 

Guy- I don’t have to do it right now, I wanna make out now!

 

Girl- Guy, who are you talking too?!

 

God- Stop lying to her and lying to me, Guy. I have an amazing Christian girl for you some day, and wonderful plans for your life, but they won’t happen if you keep fooling around in sin.

 

Guy- I know, I know, okay? I’m not sinning, I haven’t done anything yet, we’re not going to do anything… really bad!

 

Girl- Guy, who are you talking too?!

 

Guy- YOUR MOM, WOMEN!!!

 

Girl- That is it, Guy, this date is horrible! You keep yelling and you won’t stop talking to your stupid cousin-

 

Guy- It’s not my cousin, it’s God, He won’t leave me alone! (to phone) What? *sigh* (to Girl) He wants to talk to you.

 

Girl- Okay, you’re a total freak, buster! Good-bye! (see leaves the table in a huff)

 

Guy- Well she left, you happy now?

 

God- ...I’ll be here whenever you need me. (Guy hangs the phone up and pouts. It’s very quiet. Pretty soon, Guy looks around, picks up the phone and dials it as the lights go out)