AN IDOL MOMENT

 

Its American Idol and the three judges Simon, Paula Abdul, and that Big Black Guy are waiting for the next contestant. Ryan Seacrest  is on stage just coming back from a commercial.

 

Ryan- Hello everybody and welcome back to the new reality TV sensation, American Idol, where the next wave of pop to sweep this country is counting on you! So  pick up that phone and vote for your favorite up and coming pop artist! On our panel of judges today, we have of course, the lovely Ms. Paula Abdul-

 

Paula waves, everyone cheers

 

Ryan- Mr. Simon Cowell

 

Simon waves, not too many cheers

 

Ryan- And… that black guy

 

Black Guy (Randy Jackson, but who remembers  that?) waves, silence

 

Ryan- … Okay, I think we’re ready for a next contestant! Lets give it up America, for Harmony Mahonney!

 

Crowd cheers and Ryan leaves center stage. The judges watch as Harmony starts singing Cher’s “When You Believe In Love” being super over dramatic. Song ends, crowd cheers

 

Harmony- Thank you, thank you!

 

Black Guy- Harmony, I really liked this selection. You have a strong voice, and this compliments that. One thing I would have different those is not quit so much with the hand movement stuff… this is pop singing honey, not Tai Chi.

 

Paula- I don’t think Cher is quit your forte… Like on some of those little tiny notes you did sound just a bit flat. But I do admire your style though, it’s very nicely done. Especially the hat. Did you get that from me? That’s a cool hat… (kinda dazes off) But yes, I think this was one of your.. better nights thus far.

 

Simon- You just… suck. When I hear your voice it’s just… cat nails on a charkboard, just… just on of those jungle cat screeching things, Raahhg!

 

Harmony smiles cheesy again and waves at audience. Ryan comes up beside her

 

Ryan- Okay, thank you Harmony. And you at home remember to vote for Harmony at 1-800-555-5553. She needs your votes… I mean she really needs your votes, so if you liked what you just heard… then God help you.

 

Harmony keeps smiling and waving as Ryan shoves her off stage

 

Ryan- Okay, next up on stage is the man stealing the hearts of every young girl in America, give it up for Justin Gutani! (thinks that doesn’t sound right and looks down at clipboard) Gur-e-nee? Guareen-a. Gunthar! Goo… (gives up) Justin.

 

Girls in audience go nuts at Justin struts on stage, winking and pointing at girls. He does a dance to N*Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye” that is ridiculous, stopping every few moments to strike a pose. Song ends, girls go insane

 

Justin- Thank you, thank you. And you know what, thank you. (wink)

 

Black Guy- Justin you’re voice has really developed since the last time you sang. I think this song went well with your whole boy band look you got going on. And I do like the hair, yes very nice hair.

 

Paula- You’re adorable, my little heart is going pitter patter. Your voice just makes me melt like butter in your sweaty palms! You own the stage up there, and from what I saw just now you got what it takes to make it in this business, baby.

 

Simon- You’re gay, aren’t you? I mean that’s just what I read, somewhere… Enquirer I think.

 

Ryan- Well alright there Justin, that sure was a great performance, and if you at home thought so, dial 1-800-555-5554. Justin is counting on you to make him the next bestest thing since Colin Ferral shaved his head. (Justin grabs his hair) So pick up those phones now ladies.

 

Justin struts off stage smiling at girls

 

Ryan- Now, our last contestant for the evening, give it up for everybody’s favorite, Kelly Clarkson!

 

Everyone flips out, but Kelly doesn’t come out. Simon gets worried and goes back stage to find her hiding in the corner. Ryan continues to announce Kelly Clarkson every few minutes

 

Simon- Kelly girl, don’t you hear them calling your name out there?

 

Kelly- Yeah… I can’t do it!

 

Simon- What? What do you mean you can’t do it, you’re a synch to win! I promise, just sing this one song and you’ll be a household name!

 

Kelly- I’m scared to! Everything was fine until they called me to go out, and I just don’t want to! I don’t feel like it.

 

Simon- Kelly, you’re a star! You were born to be a star, this is your one big shot!

 

Kelly- I’ll be a star some other time, I- I got a headache okay?! I feel gassy!

 

Simon- You don’t want to do this to Kelly! You’re not going to do this to me, I worked for five years on Rinita Kavolaros, five years to make her star, rarely eating or sleeping! Five years and on her big opening night she said she couldn’t miss “Friends” so Rinita Kavolaros stayed home! Do you know what happened to Rinita Kavolaros!?

 

Kelly-… Who’s Rinita Kavolaros?

 

Simon- Exactly!

 

Kelly- Listen, you British twit, I’m not doing this stupid song! (storms off stage)

 

Simon- Kelly! Sweetie! (She leaves, Simon gets desperate and ducks back stage)

 

Ryan- And NOW, finally! Kelly Clarkson!

 

Audience cheers. Simon comes out in a wig and dress trying to pass of as Kelly singing “Moment Like This”. The Black Guy and Paula are in shock, and Ryan pushes and drags Simon off stage as he continues to sing the song.

 

Ryan- Thank you America, goodnight!