Number One Hangover Cure
Other Good Cures
General Cures
Miscellaneous Cures
The Next Morning
Damage-Control
Hello all you hungover people! Looking for a little relief from the-morning-after-the-night-before? Well you've come to the right place! The doctor is IN, so read on.....
What follows are some tried and true...well, tried at least, remedies that will allow you to whoop it up any night of the week and still look and feel alive the next day. A miracle, you say? Indeed. Now let the good times roll!
Water, liquids, fluids, juices, wet substances of all sorts are the main key to your ultimate survival. Whether it be Coke, water, juice, ginger ale, sprite, kool-aid, or whatever, you need it! If you can, drink one non-alcoholic beverage between each alcoholic one throughout the evening, which will help lessen the severity of your pain the next morning. Otherwise, drink at least one full glass of water before going to sleep. If this doesn't work, and you wake up writhing in the pit of hell, the key to recovery is REHYDRATION, so chug-a-lug.
Coca Cola ... not diet Coke, not Pepsi, definitely not generic cola (god forbid!), but Coke, The Real Thing (TM)! I discovered this cure quite by accident, but it has saved my life on numerous occasions. When I went to Mardi Gras a few months ago, the first thing I did was buy two 24-packs of Coke, and that was practically my only sustenance for two weeks -- I don't think I would have survived without it.
The funny thing is, I recently saw this remedy in an article on hangovers in MINX magazine. Here's what they had to say about it:
Our top tried-and-tested cure is a can of Coke (not Diet) in the morning, which replaces lost sugar and energy and settles the stomach. We're not sure how it works, but apparently Coke was originally invented to cure stomach disorders.
Food Before you start drinking, while you're drinking, and (if you're still conscious) before you turn in after an evening of indulgence -- EAT! The food will help absorb the alcohol in your system as well as replenish lost nutrients and give you needed energy. Wholegrain bread, pasta, and rice are good bets, as is any sort of cereal product. Snack on crackers, pretzels, and pizza while you're drinking, and the next morning break fast with some bread or cold cereal. Or just eat whatever you have around -- I even attribute one hangoverless morning to a bowl of borscht I had before bed.
Vitamin and Mineral Cocktail This one doesn't come with a cute little umbrella, but just look at the state those ones got you in in the first place! Yes indeed, this little baby will have you up and about in no time -- well, maybe I'm being overly-optimistic, but you get my point. After a night of excessive imbibation (I think I made up that word), take one of each of the following tablets: vitamin A, vitamin B complex, vitamin C, and zinc. If you're too looped to remember this combination, think of the first three letters of the alphabet and the last one. Then again, that may just confuse you even more, so forget I said that. Come to think of it, a single multi-vitamin will probably do the trick. Take in combination with thiamine, selenium, and ibuprofen (see below) and a full glass of water for optimum effect. Repeat upon waking. NOTE: Do not take this while drinking, only after, and definitely not on an empty stomach!
Ibuprofen This is to be taken before crashing after your night on the town. The idea is to take two pain killers and drink a whole glass of water, then hit the sack. I find that it often needs repeating in the morning. (Note: do not substitute Tylenol for the ibuprofen, as it apparently does terribly nasty things to your insides when it mixes with alcohol.) Also, DO NOT take headache tablets while drinking - I did this once and ended up puking on my shoes in an alley. Not fun.
Selenium I don't know the scientific explanation for the healing power of this antioxidant mineral, but some of my friends swear by it. Take two tablets before bed and two in the morning. Available at health food stores. Also great for skin if you're planning to sunbathe, but that's another story.
Vitamin B complex Apparently your body loses whopping amounts of vitamin B when your veins start pumping gin rather than blood, so a supplement before bed may help.
Thiamine Of the B complex mentioned above, especially important is vitamin B1, or thiamine. Take a couple of 100mg thiamine tablets an hour or so before you start drinking, or sometime during the evening, then take more before bed. It may also help to take one or two the next morning. I'm not kidding here, this stuff really works!
Sleep...and lots of it! Sleep in as late as you can the next day, all day if possible, preferably in a dark room (and I'm not talking about a photographic studio). Call in sick to work if you have to, at least you won't be lying. If you do wake up early, have a Coke and some painkillers and for the love of god, go back to sleep!
Burnt toast Great for settling a queasy stomach. Goes well with Coke or black tea. Tastes better with jam on it, but all you really need is the toast part.
Black or green tea, with sugar if desired Soothing, calming, nourishing, reminds-me-of-mom kind of cure. Don't make the mistake of having coffee instead -- to much caffeine will only make you feel worse.
V8 juice Suggested to me by fellow toxic warrior Scotty Mac: 'Try a big glass of V-8 healthy choice veggie juice, slightly watered down, on ice if prefered. I add lemon juice and ceyenne pepper -- it's saved my life (and sanity) on many a grim morning.' I have since tried it, with excellent results, and am now a total V8 convert! However, do not drink this on a quesy stomach, because if it ends up coming straigh back out, it won't be a pretty sight. And don't you dare add any vodka to it!
More booze a.k.a. Hair of the dog cure The idea here is that drinking more alcohol the next day will prevent the alcohol that's already in your stomach from turning to formic acid. The problem is that you're probably just delaying your hangover, not preventing it. But all the more power to the brave soul who can crack open another brew or pour another bloody mary the next morning -- wait a minute, are you freaking MAD, people???? What the hell would ever possess you to do something so stupid???? If you find yourself reaching for another drink as soon as you open your bleary blood-shot eyes, then you better get your pathetic alcohol-sodden body to the nearest de-tox clinic, and fast!
Marmite/Vegemite This is supposed to work on the vitamin-B-loss theory, and since Marmite is rich in vitamin B, it may help after a hard night. Its yeast content is also supposed to be helpful. Personally, one whiff of Marmite and I'd be running for the loo, hangover or not...but I hear that some people actually like this stuff. Yikes!
Applesauce For some reason this really helps to calm my stomach. I always keep a jar on hand for emergencies.
Grapefruit juice This is supposed to be some sort of detoxifier -- worth a shot, at least.
Sauerkraut juice Don't ask to explain this one, but I read somewhere that it can neutralize unwanted "congeners" in your gut. Who'd have known?
Gatorade This tip was given to me by my friend Janice, who has been conducting extensive research in the area of hangover remedies for several years now, so you can be sure she knows what she's talking about. Knock back a few Gators and you'll be more than ready for a full round of football the next day -- just like on the commercials!
Iced tea There have been times when lemon Snapple may have meant the difference between life and death for me.
Avocado High in protein. Yummy on toast.
Potato chips Food of the gods. These continue to keep me alive week in and week out. Full of vitamin C and lots of other good stuff. High in fat, so do your stomach crunches later to make up for it.
Vegetable soup/broth What can I say, veggies are just so good for you! And soup is just good food.
A Big Greasy Breakfast I can't recommend this for everyone, and I certainly couldn't stomach it myself, but my friend Ele swears by a big plate of greasy stuff to get her on her feet again after a night of shameless carousing. (May I recommend the veggie breakfast?)
A Big Greasy Lunch Veggie burgers and fries are the order of the day here I think. With lots of tomato ketchup of course!
Sex Alone or with a friend, or an enemy, or someone you've just met! Drunken shagging can be loads of fun, but please remember to use protection or else your hangover may be the least of your worries the next morning.
Copious vomitting Rid yourself of the poison that is polluting your body and soul, cleanse yourself from the inside, and clear the way to salvation and enlightenment. The old finger-down-the-throat is sometimes the only way.
Remove makeup At least you won't wake up looking like Kiss - that can scare the life out of you if you're not prepared.
Brush teeth For obvious reasons.
Remove uncomfortable clothing Waking up in your winter coat, scarf, mittens, earmuffs and boots is pretty funny, but isn't all that comfortable.
Go to bed Waking up in a hedge or lay-by is pretty funny too, but again, not that comfortable.
Shower Absolutely necessary. However, a word of warning: do NOT allow yourself to fall asleep in the shower, as I've known several people to do, with disastrous consequences.
Cold compress Ice cubes wrapped in a towel, a cold washcloth, even an ice-cold can or bottle (preferrably non-alcoholic) pressed to your head can really help take the pressure off.
Fresh air Breathe, breathe in the air...don't be afraid to care.... Yes, I don't care if it's minus 40 outside, open the bloody window!
Makeup Sorry guys, you'll have to rough it. But girls, we've got it made -- concealer, foundation, powder, blush or bronzer for some colour, mascara, and lipstick...and no one will know that your face is really the colour of day-old porridge!
Sunglasses Here's a gender-neutral alternative to concealer...and the darker the better. They work wonders when you're walking down the street, but unfortunately I wouldn't suggest wearing them to that big meeting with the boss.
Visine Better than sunglasses, Visine has been known to fool bosses, parents, and other people we have to pretend to be responsible around.
Hats Not great for the office, but otherwise useful to hide disastrous hair-styles caused from sleeping with your head in the toilet.
Bright, colourful clothing What the hell, it's worth a try.
I welcome any other remedies from you lushes out there,
whether they worked or not!