Virgin Territory(Author�s note: Denotes entries in Elijah's diary - denotes Elijah's thoughts.)Part One - The course of true love never did run smooth! Fuck! When did he get those eyes? Did I ever see them before? Have they always been there, and I never noticed? Of course they have! As Viggo would no doubt remark, grinning like a fucking clown - "Lijah, you are a cunt! But a cute cunt!" Yeah! I only noticed them this morning, in Rivendell. Merry came up to hug poor little Frodo, recuperating from the wound caused by that nastly Morgul blade, when - FuckMe! They hit! Grey/ blue pools of liquid fucking sex. Fuck! You could have knocked me down with the proverbial - feather, that is. What the fuck do I do now? Right, that's my daily quota of "fucks" used up - I'm trying to cut down on three things, dear diary - cigarettes, swearing and wanking. None of the aforementioned are good for me, but, after this morning, and the revelation with The Eyes, I sneaked into our trailer during lunch, and after a short struggle with myself, I thought about them - The Eyes, I mean - and came all over the bathroom floor. Fuck! Oh, f...hell! Now I've said it again. Still, two out of three is ok, still one left - fuck! I need a clove! Elijah dashed out of the trailer, and cannoned into Sean Astin, who had a resigned expression pasted on his longsuffering face. "Ok, Lijah, what have you lost, now?" He peered at Elijah's reddened cheeks, and the look changed. "Are you all right, Doodle? You look...funny". Sean put his arm around his friend's shoulder. "What, Lij?" "Oh, nothing! Just feel a bit tired, that's all". He reached into his pocket for a cigarette, and remembered he'd promised himself not to smoke on set. The packet was in the trailer."Come on, Astin, we'll be late!" Sean grinned. "We are already late, me dear", he drawled in Sam's distinctive tones. "That's why Mr. Peter sent me to find you, Mr Frodo." Elijah grinned at his friend. "Fuck off, Samwise!�, he said, in Frodo's clear and elegant voice. They ran to the set, laughing, and punching each other in the arm. Dom and Billy were already on set, waiting. "Come on, you wanker!", Billy yelled at Elijah, as he arrived with Sean. Elijah blushed at the word. Wanker - yeah, that's what he was. A wanker, first class. "Sorry!", he murmured to the assembly in general, avoiding The Eyes in particular. "Fell asleep in the trailer!" Ok, Elwood; add lying to the list of sins - to be repented of, tonight. Great! What a tosser. Dom came up to him, and put his arm around him. "All right, Lighe? You look pissed off! Cheer up! Coming with us to the pub, tonight? We'll all get monged, and make fools of ourselves as usual. What d'you say, mate?" "Yeah, ok, Dom", he mumbled, "I'm really good at that!" "What, Lighe?" "Making a fool of myself". Elijah straightened up. There was a job to be done, and he was nothing if not a pro."Let's get going, shall we? Where's Pete?" Well, this evening was a bloody fiasco, wasn't it? Fuck, I behaved like a virgin bride on her wedding night � blushed, stuttered, and hardly uttered a fucking coherent word all night! That's the trouble, though, isn't it, Elwood? The virgin bride bit? Because that's what you are - a virgin. Can't get away from it, can you? Repressed Catholic upbringing coming out, there, and no mistake! Why did I have to fall in love with him? What was the matter with Manda or Shereen? Nice girls - pretty, too! Couldn't wait to get into your drawers, either, as Dom would say...Dom - oh, god! Just writing the name makes me...hard. Back into the fucking shower, then, is it? Tossing off to thoughts of the The Eyes... and the Smile, now, as well. Just noticed the Smile! How the corners of his mouth turn up, in that sexy way! Must get some sleep. Fucking feet tomorrow. Elijah wandered into the bathroom, sighing as he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. Geek! he thought, examining himself in the glass. Why the fuck would he give you a second glance? Plain as a bloody pudding! Elijah laughed, as he thought of the way Dom had used the pudding phrase about one of the make up girls, that morning. Looking down his nose at her as if she was a dog turd. For there was no getting away from it, Elijah thought himself a funny looking guy. Skin as pale as a ghost. Buggy eyes. Funny teeth. Hell, no one would want him - especially someone as drop-dead gorgeous as...Him. Dom. He climbed into his lonely bed, and pulled the covers over his head. His last coherent thought before sleep claimed him was Dom! Right! Today I intend to be brilliant and scintillating, so Dom can't resist me. I will talk about Nietzsche and Kant, and all that crap - he won't know, anyway! - and he'll say "what a brilliant mind this boy - I mean man - has! I must cultivate him further". Then he'll kiss me - fuck! No he won't, you asshole! Then he'll take you to the pub after work, and talk about Manchester United, and soccer, no, football, and you will listen like it's pearls from a prophet's mouth, right, Elwood? I wish! Ten after five am - fucking feet! They were sitting in the catering tent, lunchtime, eating some sort of pasta salad. Elijah didn't notice what he was eating; he was watching the way Dom's tongue snaked around his lips, wiping the mushroom sauce from his mouth. God! Eyes, Smile and now, fucking Lips! What next? Elijah thought, desperately. He cleared his throat, and dredged the depths of his addled mind for what he knew about Nietzsche. "Um, Dom - what d'you think about Nietzsche's statement that God is dead?"Right! Now, he'll say, "what, Lij?", and I can stun him with my enormous intellect! Dom swallowed thoughtfully. "Well, I was reading Book Four of his "The Gay Science", last week - y'know - Sanctus Januarius - and he said in that that it's a dangerous temptation to rid ourselves of the Gods..." Dom continued to expound in this vein for about five minutes. Elijah had switched off. He was watching the way Dom's cute, squashed strawberry nose twitched when he got really excited. Fuck! That's hot! "So he concluded...", (Dom was dipping a piece of bread in the sauce on his plate. Elijah watched the long, dextrous fingers in fascination.) ...."finer music than that of which our foolish hand is then capable" What d'you think, Lighe? Do you agree with him?" Elijah swallowed. What the fu..? He cleared his throat. "Fancy a pint after work, Dom?" Dom smiled at him, warmly. "Yeah, great, Little Hobbit! What time?" Elijah went back to the set walking on cloud nine. Ok, so the philosophy thing didn't work - what about music? he mused, as Peter offered him his instructions as to what Frodo was doing in this scene with Elrond. Ok, let's recap, here. We've got the Eyes, the Lips, the Smile, the Nose and the fucking Hands! When I get down to his Dick, I shall be so dead from frustration, they'll have to bury me with a hole for my woody in the fucking coffin lid! Still, hope springs eternal! Perhaps tonight, he'll kiss...I'll be able to show him...I - oh, fuck, Elwood! You know fuck all will happen! You'll laugh, and joke and he'll tickle you a bit, and ruffle up your hair, and carry you to bed, because you'll be too drunk to fucking walk, as usual - and he'll kiss your forehead, as usual, and that'll be it! On with the fucking motley! - well, my black shirt, really. Let's go! |