About Me:  Page 2
I Get Stage Fright
I have a difficult time "doing my business" when in front of other people.  And for some strange reason, that bear from the Hamm's Beer commercials is always hanging out in my bathroom.  He stands right next to the toilet and, honestly, it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.  Just look at his eyes and that stupid grin.  How can anyone take a leak when he keeps staring like that?  That bear just ain't right!   ---Kazaam
My Attempt At Dreadlocks
Back when I was 18 years old, I tried to grow some dreadlocks.  You know, hair like Bob Marley.  Or like Adam Duritz's wig, if you will.  We didn't have the Internet back then, and so to accomplish the monumental task of adding wonderful locks of dread to my head, I sought the advice of my brother.  He said all that was required was to not wash one's hair.  And so it was that for 30 days and for 30 nights I went without any shampoo.  Now, my hair was already somewhat long and greasy when I started.  And after a month without a proper shower the results began to show themselves.  I could grab a clump of hair and twist it around until it stayed that way---albeit, only temporarilly.  Friends would marvel at my newfound talent.  But when they realized I hadn't washed my hair during the past month, they'd get kind of grossed out.  And, I guess that's not the coolest thing when you're only borderline popular.  And, so it was, that I began to realize this dream of having dreadlocks would have to end prematurely and unfulfilled.  The final straw, however, wasn't until after some nasty chunks of dandruff flaked off my scalp and onto the darkly colored lab table during science class.  I washed it out the moment I got home.  Sadly, the whole experiment failed.  Perhaps a bit more pathetic, though, is that---to this very day---I still don't know if this was how to properly get dreads.   --Kazaam
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