I don�t wish to increase my sexual experience tenfold.
My satisfaction with my erotic inadequacies is legendary.
I haven�t asked any of my lovers.
I�m not at all interested in refinancing my mortgage,
even with bad credit.
I don�t actually own a home, and my credit
is in fact rather good.
I can�t say I care to acquire a university diploma
from somebody who can�t spell the word diploma.
As it happens, I�m already at work on my doctorate
at a fully accredited institution.
It seems I am suffering from a thoroughly
un-American lack of desire to improve myself.
Perhaps I can purchase discounted medications
to address the problem.
FALL 2008