DORA 2000 REVIEW

After a year away in Zagreb, the Dora returns to its usual home of the Crystal Ballroom inside the Grand Hotel Kvarner, Opatija, as our hosts are never too fond of telling us.  However, they begin the show in the same way as last year with a dance routine by people wearing the same headdresses as the Dora logo, and black dresses with half the front cut away. (I am beginning to wonder if the display of a large amount of flesh is what passes now for Croatian national costume).

Our hosts are Vlatka Pokos and Marko Rašita - Vlatka wrapped in a pink toilet roll cover, and Marko wearing black and nodding his head a lot.  The camera fixes on a man with a tie in the design of the Croatian flag, who really ought to be introduced to Chris Melville.  Vlatka keeps talking about the Millennium.

Before the first song Doris Dragovic is brought on to sing Marija Magdalena in a black sequinned dress with a fish net for a skirt.  As much Ah-ah-ah-ah as ever, but there are still no men on stage.  Once she has finished they show the first postcard, and it becomes horribly clear that we are going to see as much of the Hotel Kvarner tonight as we would of an Air Malta plane if this was taking place in Valletta.

Vlatka and Marko introduce Zorana Siljeg from what looks like the basket of a balloon.   A man with a violin runs on, followed by Zorana and four purple-clad dancers, from something at the back of the stage that reminds me of a cracked eggshell.  Mogla bih te voljeti sounds a little like Shania Twain, although with slightly too much na-na-na, and a violinist who wants to steal the show like the trumpeter did to Barbara Berta.   An excellent opener for the Dora - if you can sing along to the chorus before the song's even finished, that's a good sign....

Boris Novkovic is dressed in black and sings a boring ballad, Oprostit cemo sve na mom jastuku, standing in front of a microphone and not doing much else.  In the middle of the chorus there are muffled screams, presumably indicating that he has got teenage fans in the audience.  Or possibly that someone backstage can't take it any more and has had to be taken away to a quiet room.

Andrea Bošnjak is making her first Dora appearance, with a song, Vjerujem ti sve, that sounds like an ENI album-filler but gets better as it goes on.  She looks more like Branka Bliznac, and misses several notes.  Like Zorana, she has a short dress on, this time with tinfoil wrapped round the top half.

The set is not dissimilar.  If Charlotte Nilsson wanted to take us to her heaven, it now looks as if we've got there.   Appropriately, Izabel and "Stijene"'s song is called Sama medju zvijezdama - Alone among the stars.  Or perhaps not among the stars, so much as coming down from them: Izabel is wearing silver all over: lips, headband, dress, and gloves which reach all the way up her arm.   There is something at the back of her dress which ruins the whole effect by resembling the back end of a pantomime horse.  It's a slow song not to everyone's taste, but Izabel - Danijela's sister - has the voice to make it work, and it's one of my favourites of the night.

Not so Dea, and yes, it really is called I wanna to fly.  The introduction suggests a Srebrna Krila-type dance song, but then she starts to sing, in English: I wanna be a pilot, I wanna to fly/Flying over rainbow I fly to the sky/Living in the heaven, flying with you/I will be your pilot, you will be mine too.  Never have I hoped so fervently something would get nul points, to avoid anyone else ever trying the same thing again.

Alen Vitasovic walks onstage after the introduction to Ja ne gren has begun, and really doesn't look as if he wants to be there.  And he isn't drunk - his voice always sounds like that.  At least he's a dynamic performer, though I wonder how he manages to repeat 'Ja ne gren' so many times without tripping over the words. 

The obligatory rock song is provided by "Tajna veza" with their nul-pointer Samo ti i ja.   I cannot now remember a thing about the song, due to being distracted by wondering how old the lead singer might be (he has grey hair but a dark beard).  I doubt if I'd have remembered much of it anyway.

A proper dance song now from Giuliano, who is looking worryingly like Doris Dragovic ('drag' perhaps being the operative word).   Srna i vuk is about a deer and a wolf, and I have no idea how this relates to the rest of the song, but it still deserves its third place.

Josip Katalenic is best known for having such a high voice that you wonder if he might not really be Josipa.   The song is called Put u raj - The road to paradise - but wherever that road is, I doubt Josip will get us very far on it.  Even with his backing singers providing an 'angel chorus', they can't hide the fact that whenever he has to belt out the chorus, he misses it competely.  Has Nayah donné sa voix?

Renata Sabljak was among my favourites last year, but not this time.  Her voice has got better, but she seems to have spent more time learning to co-ordinate her hair with her outfit than developing her taste in songs.  Za tebe zivjeti is a forgettable ballad, and she could have done much better than that.

Tina and Nikša had said before the Dora that they thought they could win with Nikome nije dobro kao nama: in the 1980s this might have been possible.  Nowadays no sooner would they have touched down in Sweden than someone would have accused them of stealing their introduction from Man, I feel like a woman.

Minea has got Tugba Onal's clothes on.  Sto bi mi is very well choreographed, but not so much attention has been paid to the song.  After two days of the song going intermittently round and round in my head, I realise what the chorus sounds like: Agadoo.  She's accompanied by two silver-haired dancers, Damir and Branimir.  I have a feeling they could get this song a lot of points on their own.

"Two much" first made an appearance in the MHJ festival last summer with an excellent dance song, and Oblake sada pokreni - Move the clouds now - is just as good, although let down by the two boys who must have been taught to dance by Eva Santamaría.  They are in white tops, so maybe they're supposed to be clouds.

Halfway through, and the main event of the night turns out to be Severina with Daj mi, daj.  The song's original title was Mexico, which figures: imagine a cross between Azúcar Moreno and Ricky Martin.  This is the best song I've heard in any final this year, and would surely be there or thereabouts in Stockholm if it won, which isn't impossible, because there's a rumour the Dora has been fixed in her favour.

The Dogan Family prove to be a surprise: having debuted in MHJ with a song Stefan Raab would be proud of, they've now slimmed down to Mummy and Daddy Dogan, with a rock duet.  It's not quite Tajci, but - dare I say it - close!

"Cronika" are really Magazin, Tonci Huljic's pet band.  You might think he'd forgotten to write any lyrics to Hrvatska rapsodija, but apparently it's supposed to be like that: there's only one line ('I will love you till the end of time') repeated a few times, but not much, which means that lead singer Jelena, an ex-ballerina, spends most of her time dancing.  This might score nothing at all if it went to ESC, but someone probably said the same about Nocturne.

"Teens" were another of last year's debutants, but Hajde reci što is much better than their song in 1999: fast and energetic, it turns out to be the favourite with the televoters, unsurprisingly enough.  In the middle I am struck by the irrational thought that the lead singer is actually Lars Frederiksen.

Vanna was the hot favourite before the Dora, but Kao rijeka turns out to be nothing special, although nonetheless she gives it all she's got.  It's the nearest thing to a big ballad this year - a typical Croatian screecher, a little like The power of love.  The song's title means Like a river, and Vanna does look rather like she's fallen into one.

A lot was also expected of Vesna Pisarovic, usually a dance singer, but she fails to deliver.  Ja cekam noc isn't a dance song at all, but sounds more like another Céline Dion song - Because you loved me.  In case you're not familiar with it, it wasn't one of her best.

Goran Karan can make my heart sink just by turning up, but Ostani isn't actually too bad, and has quite a Spanish feel to it.  As far as I'm concerned, it's even more forgettable than Za tebe zivjeti, and I can't imagine it giving Severina any trouble.

Now Anita Horvatic runs on.  No, she doesn't - it's Nina Morato!  And for some reason she manages to run over to the backing singers, instead of where she's supposed to be.  One of the backing singers points her to the proper place, and nothing very interesting happens for the next three minutes.

Alen Nizetic's song is Hrabro srce - Brave heart - but no kilts or tartans in sight, which is just as well - I shudder to think what Nizetic might look like in a kilt, although they've tidied him up a little bit since last year (now he only looks fat from the neck down....).  Probably the worst song of the night, although not without stiff competition.

The fact the next act are called Jozefina and Trio "Rio" suggests another Latin song, which it is.  Despite being called Love me tonight, most of it is in Croatian.  Mixing two languages isn't always a good idea, but I've seen worse examples than this, although the lyrics aren't that inspired: Jozefina spends most of the chorus going Da, da, da (Yes, yes, yes) or Ne, ne, ne (No, no, no).

With Putokazi we're back into space.  Helleya, planet "Nove zemlje" translates as Helleya, planet New Earth, which isn't much help.  What it means is that five girls run around the whole stage going Heyah Helleya: it sounds like something you'd hear at an aromatherapy parlour.  Well, if they're all that pretty on Nova Zemlja, they can keep on Helleya-ing all night.  Girls from Putokazi have been in the Dora twice before, and won it both times, but somehow I doubt the millions of people watching Eurovision would be as enthusiastic about this song as I am if they made it a hat-trick.

"Joy" aren't as good as last year, and Baby is meant to sound like Abba.  I don't see the connection.

The Mutton Dressed as Lamb Award for 2000 goes to the last singer, Vesna Ivic.  Idi is a dance song with a memorable chorus; Vesna is pushing 45 and the inevitable grandmother-type one of which turns up in the Dora every year.  The two might not seem to go together, but it's an intriguing combination, even though she doesn't score a single point!

For the interval act we are treated to a documentary about last year's Croatian entry, which isn't called (but should be) Doris Dragovic's Holiday Snaps, because you never see anything else.  Davor Radolfi and "Ritmo loco" sing four or five Latin songs on the trot (I'm not sure exactly how many, because this was where I gave in and pressed fast-forward).  Despite the rumours about the Dora being fixed for Severina, after three juries have snubbed her it's clear it isn't going to happen, and Goran Karan (things could hardly be getting worse) soars away with the lead.

Still the best final in Europe?  Probably.   But whether they're the best juries in Europe is another matter altogether....