Series 3 - Episode 2 - Healthy Competition

BUSY SHOPPING CENTRE.

Del is standing outside a large department store. The
suitcase is open on a fold-away table and contains
seven or eight battery driven toy yap-yap dogs. A
crowd has gathered round and Del is into his sales
spiel.

Del
No, they're beautiful ain't
they? They're beautiful. And
listen, I don't care whether
your nipper has got measles,
mumps or a scabby eye, because
these are guaranteed to bring
a smile right back on his
face. Now listen, gather round
everybody. Listen to me, now
listen ladies, I want to tell
you something, please don't
let it go any further because
I'm afraid I might be in
breach of the Official Secrets
Act. Right. I happen to know
that little Prince William
has one of these little fluffy
toys in his nursery in Buck
House; now I'll tell you how
I know, shall I? Because his
dad gave me a bell last week
and he said 'Del Boy - Del
Boy,' he said, 'I'm in right
lumber, the enemy's doing her
pieces because I've forgotten
Spud's Birthday.' Now Spud
happens to be the nickname for
the little Prince William. So
what do I do? I walloped
straight round there with one
of these. And it was end of
aggravation, end of story.

Rodney is standing a few yards away acting as look-out.
He isn't at his most alert, seeming pre-occupied, deep
in thought.

Del
Now they come complete with
batteries, they're fully house
trained. Whoops. That one
isn't, never mind. They are
not made in Taiwan and these
are not made in Hon Kong.
These are 'Made in Burma'.
What can't speak, can't
lie...

By now Rodney has lost total interest. Above the heads
of the shoppers there is a policeman's helmet moving
nearer like a shark's fin.

Del
Now listen, the fully recom-
mended retail price is
fourteen pounds and sixty-
five pence. Now, I'm not going
to mess about with coppers,
now that's a Freudian slip, so
I'm not asking for 14 quid,
I'm not gonna ask for ten quid.
Who'll give me six quid for
this little yap. Six quid,
come on anybody, six quid. Let
me tell you something, if
these were fluffy little
chickens you'd be saying 'Good
Heavens, they're going cheap.'
Going cheap, do you get it?
But they're not, no, these are
little butts and they're going
'Yap, yap'. But they are still
remarkably cheap and I'll tell
you why I've got to get rid of
them, shall I?

Del spots the policeman's head moving ever nearer. The
policeman pushes Rodney out of the way to get nearer
to Del.

Del (cont'd)
Because I'm going on my holi-
days and I need my suitcase,
right. Now what I...what I, er,
right, listen sorry I can't
stay. Tell you what, I just
remembered my flight leaves in
'alf an hour. See ya!

Del slams the suitcase shut and exits from the department
store.

THE DEPARTMENT STORE.

Del hurries through the store with the barking suitcase.
The policeman follows and gives chase.

Del
Excuse me, excuse...oh.

BACK STREET/ALLEY.

Del, beginning to tire, hurries along the street. A cat
on a wall spits at Del and the suitcase. He exits form
the alley pursued by stray dogs. He is kicking and
shooing them out of the way.

Del
Shut up, will ya?

At this point the van, driven by Rodney, screeches to a
halt. Del leaps into the back. The van roars away.

The policeman runs into the street. He stops and listens.
There is barking from the alley. He runs into the alley.
After a pause, he runs out being pursued by the stray
dogs.

THE TROTTERS' LOUNGE.

Grandad is watching the TVs. Del, carrying the suitcase,
enters. He hurls it down and kicks it.

Grandad
Had a good day Del?

Del
Had a good day, a good day? Oh
the best, Grandad, the very
bloody best. I've been chased
by a gendarme, attacked by
Pussycat Willum and almost
caught rabies. And it's all
this dipstick's fault.

Rodney
Oh he don't 'alf exaggerate.

Del
Exaggerate? You should have
been with me in that alley
Rodney, it was like Call of
the Wild. Why didn't you warn
me that that copper was
coming?

Rodney
Because I didn't see him.

Del
You didn't see him? What d'you
want me to get you, radar or
something?

Grandad
Oh you've gotta give him the
benefit of the doubt Del Boy.

Rodney
Yes, thank you Grandad. At
least somebody understands.

Grandad
I mean, they are difficult to
spot - with their size 18
boots and their pointed heads.

Rodney
Why don't you shut your mouth
you sarky old goat!

Del
Oh and that's another thing.
What about last Friday then,
when we were knocking out them
Italian shirts. Listen to this
one, Grandad. That wasn't -
that wasn't just one copper
you failed to warn me about -
it was an entire squad car. I
mean, it stood there by the
kerb, all big and white with a
red stripe running through it
like a tube of Signal.

Rodney
Well, I didn't see it.

Del
You didn't see it...you must
have been a tiny suspicious
when this ginormous great big
jam sandwich pulled up next
to you?

Grandad
Well, maybe he needs medical
help Del.

Del
Yeah, like psychiatric treat-
ment.

Grandad
Or glasses.

Rodney
Look, I don't need psychiatric
treatment and I don't need
specs, right. I've had a lot
on my mind just recently.
I've been struggling to find
a way of making a very
important announcement.

Del
Oh yeah, what important
announcement?

Rodney
Alright, for the last two
weeks or so I've been taking
stock of my life. Who I am,
what I am and where I'm going.

Del
And that's taken you a fort-
night? I could have answered
all them questions for you -
could have been answered them
all during a commercial break.

Rodney
Will you just shut up for one
minute. I am 24 years old, I
have two GCEs, 13 years of
schooling and three terms at
an adult education centre
behind me, right. And with all
that, what have I become? I'm
a look-out.

Del
No Rodney, you're wrong.
You're not just a look-out.
You're a bad look-out.

Rodney
Alright, alright, so I'm not
very good at it. Perhaps
that's 'cos me heart's not
really in it.

Del
I'm not asking you to put yer
heart in it, just yer eyes'll
do.

Rodney
Del, what I'm trying to say is
...I'm thinking of breaking up
the partnership.

Del
What partnership?

Rodney
Ours.

Del
Oh. What do you want to do
that for? We're doing well.
Business is booming, profits
are up. What more d'you want?

Rodney
I want to make my own
decisions. I've made one Del,
I'm going it alone.

Del
Who with?

Rodney
Mickey Pearce.

Del
Mickey, Mickey Pearce, oh,
leave it out. He couldn't keep
a rabbit going with lettuce.

Grandad
You wanna watch that young
Pearcey. He's a bit too fly
for my liking. He'd rob his
own grandmother he would.

Rodney
Oh don't be stupid Grandad -
that was never proved.
Anyway you give credit where
it's due, right. Mickey's
quite an astute businessman.
And he's putting capital into
this venture.

Del
Oh, putting money in is he?

Rodney
Well, no. But he will as soon
as his Giro cheque arrives.

Del
I see, and what are you going
to put in?

Rodney
I've got money, Del.

Del
Oh, oh, have you?

Rodney
Yeah, I've got my half of the
partnership.

Del
What partnership? What our
part...Alright, if that is the
way you want it, my son.

Del produces a wad of notes. He removes the elastic band
and begins counting out some fivers, etc.

Del (cont'd)
'Cos you'll have to understand
one thing Rodney. Going it
alone means exactly what it
says. Right, from now on,
you've got to pay your own way
in the world. You pay your own
way in the pubs and you pay
your own way in this house.
You make a mistake you stick
by that mistake. Alright?

Rodney
Fine.

Del
Fine. And if things don't go
right for you, I don't wanna
hear no moaning or whining
from yer.

Rodney
Look, I won't moan or whine
about nothing.

Del
(Handing Rodney
the money)
Right, there you go then.

Rodney
Is this all I got?

Del
Yeah.

Rodney
Oh bloody hell, Del, all them
years of working, you give me
this.

Del
Yeah, well, I mean, you know,
business's a bit shaky -
profits are down.

Rodney
Hold on a minute - just now
you said we were doing well.

Del
Yeah, well, we are doing well,
relatively speaking Rodney. I
mean we are doing well,
compared to...an Iranian gin
salesman. Anyway, I had to buy
some stock off Alfie Flowers
yesterday, and I mean a trader
is only as good as his stock,
right.

Rodney
Alright, well, this'll have to
do then won't it. But I'm
going to prove to you that
I've got business acumen, that
I am as quick-witted as you,
Del. See you down the auction
tomorrow.

Del
Alright. How will I recognise
you?

Rodney
Ah, I'll wear that stripy tie
with...See yer.

AUCTION ROOM.

The Auctioneer stands on a small platform. The traders
are seated around the platform, with a few others
standing at the back. Del is at the back of the hall,
as are Rodney and Mickey Pearce.

Auctioneer
Lot 35, ladies and gentlemen,
is a consignment of smoke-
damaged fire alarms. Now they
are industrial models and all
guaranteed - sort of - to be
in perfect working order.
Well, we've written evidence
from the nightwatchman to say
they all went of when the
factory went up. Now there's
70 all-told, and they usually
retail around the 30 quid
mark. So I can start the
bidding at fifty quid the
lot.

Mickey
(Nudging Rodney)
Go on, bid for 'em.

Rodney
What do we want industrial
fire alarms for, eh? How many
factories do we know are
going to catch fire?

Del enters.

Del
Alright Rodney?

Rodney
Good morning Derek.

Mickey
Watcha Del. It's good here
innit?

Del
Er, triffic.

Mickey
This is my first auction.

Del
I thought it might be. Listen,
a word of advice. You've
gotta be very careful what
you do with yer hands in a
place like this. I mean, I
know you didn't realise it
Mickey, but just now you put
in a 40 quid bid for an
electric generator when you
scratched your bum.

Mickey
Did I?

Rodney
He's winding you up.

Del
The state of him. What are you
after?

Mickey
Cut-glass goblets.

Rodney
(Alarmed)
No, no, we ain't.

Mickey
But I thought you said...

Rodney
(Interrupting)
No, no - we're not after
nothing in particular.

Del
Oh I see. Now listen, the one
that you wanna beware of is
Lot 37. It's nothing more than
a load of scrap iron, right,
so be careful. See you later.

Del exits.

Auctioneer
130, thank you sir. A 130. Do
I hear any more?
(Bangs the gavel)
130 - down to young Towser.
Now ladies and gentlemen, we
come to lot 36, 112 pieces of
near perfect cut-glass
goblets. Take a look ladies
and gentleman.

Mickey
This is us Rodney.

Rodney
No, hang on a minute. Let's
have another look at Lot 37.

Mickey
Yeah, but Del told us to be
careful of that one.

Rodney
Yeah and why do you think he
did that? Use your noddle
Mickey. Del's after Lot 37,
ain't he? He's just trying to
put us off and leave the
field open for him, ain't he.
I know how his mind works
son.
(Checks programme)
Right, Lot 37, assorted
agricultural machinery. Hey,
that could be anything - that
could be tractors, combine
harvesters.

Mickey
Yeah, we could take 'em out in
the sticks and do them carrot
crunchers up.

Rodney
Hey, shall we go for Lot 37
then?

Mickey
Yeah.

Rodney
Yeah.

Mickey
Yeah.

LARGE YARD.

Rodney and Mickey are staring at something with stunned
expressions. Lot 37 consists of a pile of old lawn-mower
engines and other bits of rusting metal. Harry the yard
foreman is standing close by.

Harry
(To Rodney)
You bought his son?

Rodney
Yeah.

Harry
(Laughing)
There's always one at every
auction, ain't there Del?

Del is passing by to the van parked a few yards away. He
is carrying two cardboard boxes.

Del
Yeah, get two for the same
price as one.

Rodney
Oi you, this stuff is a load
of rubbish!

Del
I know, I did try to warn you
Rodders.

Rodney
Yeah, but I thought when you
put...

Del
Yeah, the trouble with you
Rodney, is that you will
insist on thinking.

Rodney
Well, what have you bought
then?

Del
I got those crystal goblets
that you were after.

Mickey
What are these things?

Del
What those? They are lawn-
mower engines.

Rodney
Lawn-mower engines?

Del
Yes, listen they're not
ordinary lawn-mower engines.

Rodney
(Optimism rekindled)
No?

Del
No. They're broken lawn-mower
engines.

Del laughs.

Rodney
Del. We'll probably have a few
problems getting these back to
the, er, depot.

Mickey
Yeah, we come down on the
Green Line see.

Rodney
Yeah.

Del
Oh well, your best bet is to
hire an open back truck then
ain't it?

Rodney
Yeah, but we was wondering
whether you could take maybe a
few in the back of the van?

Del
Back of my van? You must be
joking - I've only just
cleared 'em out of my van.

Rodney
You mean you was selling 'em
in the first place?

Del
Yeah. That is the rubbish that
Alfie Flowers sold me.
Normally, I'd never have
bought it, you know, but he
caught me when I was a bit
non compos mentis down the
One Eleven Club. Well, look,
I never thought I'd ever get
shot of them. But you know me
Rodney. He who dares wins.
Actually it made a tidy little
profit on it an' all.

Del
Well, why don't you do what I
did? Find yourself a couple
of right little plonkers with
cash on the hip.

Rodney
(Mouths the word)
Piss off.
(To Mickey)
So what are we gonna do?

Mickey
(Indicating Harry)
Wait till he ain't looking and
run away.

Rodney
No, we can't do that, he's got
my address.

Mickey
Yeah, well he ain't got mine.

Rodney
Oh thanks partner.

Mickey
Well, you would insist on
bidding for 'em.

Rodney
Yeah, and who wanted to go out
to the sticks and flog 'em to
the carrot crunchers?

Mickey
Well, you said they were
combine harvesters and
tractors. The way you were
talking we were going to
do a deal with Weetabix.

Rodney
Oh get off my back.

Mickey
...How we going to get home
anyway?

THE TROTTERS' LOUNGE.

A week later. Grandad is watching the TVs. Del enters
through the hall door. He has a Financial Times under
his arm and carries a punnet of strawberries.

Del
Hello Grandad. Here are, look
at this. Bought you some
strawberries, go on, dip in.

Grandad
Oh here, they ain't very big
are they?

Del
What do you mean they ain't
very big? You wouldn't like
one of those up yer nose for
a wart would yer.

Grandad
Well, no.

Del
Well, go on then, shut up and
eat up. I'll put the kettle
on.

Grandad
You're splashing out a bit
ain't yer?

Del
Yeah, well, I've had a right
blinding week. I've sold the
lot. Here, I even sold those
techni-colour woolen tea
cosies I bought.

Grandad
How d'you manage that? Who the
'ell wants woolen tea cosies
these days?

Del
No, no, no, no - look, I got
that Mrs Murphy right, to
stitch up all the holes. And
then I whipped down to the
youth centre and I flogged
'em to the West Indian lads
as soppy hats.
(Handing Grandad
some money)
There you go, look, there's
the housekeeping money,
alright, and look at that,
there's a tenner for yourself.

Grandad
Oh cheers Del.

Del
That's it, don't squander it.

Grandad
No, no, I'll invest it wisely.
How's young Rodney doing?

Del
Oh well, the opposition are
floundering somewhat. Well, to
be more precise, they're going
down like a one-legged man
doing the hokey-cokey. I've
seen Rodney skulking around
the garden centres and what
'ave yer.

Grandad
He ain't got rid of them lawn-
mower engines yet?

Del
No, they're still in their
depot. Well, depot, that's
Mickey Pearce's garden shed.
Here talking about that. Do
you know what happened last
Tuesday night, somebody
broke into their shed and
nicked two of them engines.

Grandad
Ah no. That's rotten innit? I
feel sorry for young Rodney.

Del
No, no, no, it's alright,
because Wednesday night they
broke in again and put 'em
back.

The front door slams.

Grandad
Oh here he is. Listen Del Boy,
don't say nothing about them
lawn-mower engines. I think
he's getting a bit
embarrassed about it.

Del
Alright, I won't mention 'em.

Rodney enters, at first he has the look of a man who has
the worries of the world on his shoulders, upon seeing
Del he tries to brighten up and appear more confident.

Rodney
Alright Del?

Del
Triffic, brill Rodders, had a
blinding week. How about you?

Rodney
Oh fine - could not be better.

Del
Sold those lawn-mower engines
yet?

Rodney
Lawn mower - lawn mower? Oh
no, no, we've had lots of
enquiries, obviously, but
we're hanging on for the right
price, you know.

Del
Oh that is the way, Rodney,
agent provocateur as the
French would say.

Rodney
Well, that's what I thought.
Oh that reminds me, did the
paper boy bring my Sun this
morning?

Grandad
Well, we've had to cancel it
Rodney.

Rodney
Cancel it? Why?

Del
Well, you haven't paid yer
bill, have you?

Rodney
What, I'm paying that separate
as well now am I?

Del
Yeah, well, you're on yer own
now, remember?

Rodney
Oh yeah, yeah. It's alright,
I'm just saying, you know, as
long as I know. I'll - I'll
go and pay it tomorrow.

Grandad
You hungry Rodney?

Rodney
Ah well, I had a pretty hefty
lunch with a client earlier
on. But, yeah, reckon I could
manage some egg and chips.

Grandad
I'll go and put the pan on.

Rodney
Yeah.

Del
Just a minute, just a minute.
Has he paid his housekeeping
money?

Rodney
Er -
(Feeling his
pockets)
Well, I've got a bit of a cash
flow problem at the moment.

Del
Well, so's half the people on
this estate but they don't
come in here eating my egg and
chips.

Rodney
No, it's alright, I'll pay
double next week.

Del
Ah well, that's alright then.
That's alright, you can have
double egg and chips next
week.

Grandad
How can you have a cash flow
problem Rodney? I thought you
had nearly tow hundred quid
left out of your share.

Rodney
Yeah, yeah, that's right. But
- Mickey's holding the money.
Well, he's financial director
see.

Grandad
Why don't you pop round is
house and get some money?

Rodney
Yeah, yeah, I would but he's
out of town at the moment.

Grandad
Yeah, I thought I hadn't seen
him around for about four or
five days.

Rodney
No, no, well, that's 'cos
we're doing this really big
deal, you see, and Mickey's
gone away to tie up all the
loose ends.

Del
Oh, well that explains it
then.

Rodney
Yeah. Explains what?

Del
No, it's just that I saw his
mum this morning. She said she
just got a postcard from him -
from Benidorm.

Rodney
Benidorm?

Del
Yeah he's doing alright. You
know the weather's fine.
Food's good. Met this Swedish
bird called Helga. Oh, would
that be the contact that he
went to meet?

Rodney
What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Del
Well, I've gotta admire yer
bottle Rodders - I must admit.
You've been in the business
five minutes and already
you've opened up a Spanish
branch. You've cornered the
World market on broken lawn-
mower engines - what's your
partner doing now, is he
buying second-hand pedalos?

Rodney
No, no, no, nothing like that,
no, we're - we're going into
the self-catering holiday
trade.

Del
Cor, what on 200 nicker?

Rodney
Yeah well, we're starting in a
small way.

Grandad
What you got, a Wendy House?

Rodney
Grandad, I am not prepared to
discuss the situation any
longer, alright, it's
confidential information.

Del
I understand Rodney, no, no, I
understand. Well, I'm off out.

Rodney
Where you going?

Del
Well, I thought I might go
down and have a couple of light
ales down the Nag's Head, and
then go on to the Star of
Bengal for a Ruby Murray.
Coming?

Rodney
I'm potless ain't I?

Del
What?

Rodney
Ah no, no, I really ought to
stay in and do the company
accounts, I suppose.

Grandad picks up one small piece of paper from the side-
board and hands it to Rodney.

Grandad
Oh here they are.

Rodney
Oh, cheers.

Del puts his hands on Rodney's shoulders.

Del
You don't really think I'm
that hard do you Rodney?

Rodney
Na.

Del
No, of course I'm not.

Rodney stands and takes his coat from the back of the chair
believing he's going out for a drink.

Rodney
Oh, cheers Del.

Del
Grandad. Do him them egg and
chips will you?

THE STAR OF BENGAL.

Del sits alone at the table finishing his meal. The waiter
passes.

Del
Oi Tony. None of the boys been
in?

Waiter
I haven't seen any of them,
Del. Oh young Towser's just
come in for a take-away.

Del
Oh has he, oh yeah.
(Shouts)
Oi Towser. Towser.
(To diner)
Sorry madam. Yer onion bhaji's
down there by yer foot.

Towser arrives at the table.

Towser
Hello Del, how's it going?

Del
Alright my son, sit down and
have yourself a popadum.

Towser
Listen, I can't get involved.
I'm getting the missus a take-
away and I wanna get home
tonight.

Del
Come on, you've got time for a
drink.
(Pours him a
glass of wine)
Go on, sit down.

Towser
Oh cheers.

Del
Listen, I'm glad I bumped into
you...I want you to do me a
favour.

Towser
What's that?

Del
Sit down, you know those
broken lawn-mower engines that
dozy twonk Rodney got himself
lumbered with?

Towser
Yeah, what about 'em?

Del
I want you to buy 'em off him.

Towser
You want me to do what? Do me
a favour Del. Alfie Flowers
offered me them engines a
month ago. I don't want
nothing to do with 'em.

Del
It's alright, it's alright.
Now listen, you don't have to
spend any money.
(Producing a wad
of notes)
There are, see that, look 200
quid I want you to offer him
that.

Towser
200? Here, they're only worth
about a score, scrap value.

Del
I know but I want him to think
he's made a good profit. Look,
he's had a bad week. He's
been tucked up something
chronic by that best mate of
his and now he's brassic.

Towser
Why don't you just give him
the money?

Del
'Cos it'll seem like charity,
won't it, eh?

Towser
Yeah, and he'll be too proud
to accept it?

Del
No, he'd snap it up like a
shot. Look, I want him to
think that he's been success-
ful. I want him to believe
that he's proved me wrong...
It's important Towser.

Towser
Alright then Del, if that's
what you want.

Del
You're a pal. 'Ere don't let
him know that I'm behind all
this. Look you say to him that
you got this contact in the
GLC parks department and, er,
they can't get enough lawn-
mower engines, something like
that. You see the thing is
I'm not going to lose out on
the deal, because come this
time tomorrow Rodney'll want
to be my partner again, and I
will get my money back. See?

Towser
Hey, wait a minute. What am I
going to do with all these
engines?

Del
Well, I don't know, dump 'em
somewhere.

Towser
Oh no, no, I couldn't do that
Del. I mean, I got nicked for
fly-dumping a couple of
months ago, I mean, they're
gonna chuck the book at me
this time.

Del
Right I'll tell you what to
do, take 'em back to Alfie
Flowers and tell him that he
can have 'em for nothing.

Towser
Yeah, alright Del. Here, hang
about, what's in it for me?

Del
Give you 15 for it.

Towser looks at the money but doesn't pick it up.

Towser
Oh yeah.

Del
20?

Towser
That'll do.

Del
Thank you.

Towser
Anything for a mate.

Del
I wouldn't pay that bill if I
were you.

Del exits.

Waiter
Thank you Del - good morning.

THE NAG'S HEAD.

Rodney sits alone at a table with his feet up on another
chair.

Del
Alright Rodders?

Rodney
Yeah.

Del
Here, look I've had a right
blinding day. Here look at
that...
(Flashing a thick
wad of money)
Er, I must tell ya. There's a
really silly bloke down the
market today. Think he must
have come from the funny farm
he was really silly. I said
to him I said. 'Here do you
wanna buy some broken lawn
mower engines?' Then he said
to me, 'I ain't that silly.'

Rodney
For your information, Derek,
this morning I successfully
negotiated the sale of them
engines to Young Towser.

Del
You're kidding me?

Rodney
No, on my life. He's bought
the lot - he's got a contact
in the parks department at the
GLC.

Del
Cor, well that's a stroke of
luck then innit?

Rodney
No, no, it's not luck Del -
that is good business sense. I
knew all the time if I held on
long enough I'd get my price.

Del
Yeah, well, I must say I
admire your courage Rodders.

Rodney
Oh well, he who dares wins.

Del
Yeah, that's right. So well,
that Mickey Pearce he's going
to be pleased when he comes
back off holiday ain't he,
eh?

Rodney
Now, don't you talk to me
about that Mickey Pearce. I've
liquidated our partnership.

Del
Oh, so what you gonna do then?
I mean still carry on, on your
own like?

Rodney
Well - I was thinking - oh,
you know.

Del
Go back as we was, eh? You and
me?

Rodney
Yeah. You and me Del, eh? And
now I've got experience of
buying and selling meself.

Del
Yeah, that could be invaluable
Rodney. Yeah, okay then, come
on let's pool our resources.
There we go. Now then, how
much did you get for them
lawn-mower engines?

Rodney
One hundred and sixty five
quid.

Del
Is that what all you got for
'em Rodney?

Rodney
Well it's not bad Del, 'cos
they're only worth what, a
score, scrap value.

Del
You certainly have learnt a
lot, ain't you Rodders? Okay,
let's see the colour of your
money.

Rodney
Oh, I ain't got it.

Del
What d'you mean, Towser didn't
pay you?

Rodney
Oh yeah, he paid me. But I've
invested the money.

Del
You did what?

Rodney
I went down to Alfie Flowers
yard, got us another load of
lawn-mower engines.

Del
You're joking? Tell me that
you're joking?

Rodney
No, well if Towser's bloke at
the GLC, well he can't get
enough of them engines. Oh
I'll tell you I was dead
lucky down at Alfie's. He'd
had another load delivered
this morning. But don't worry
though 'cos they're exactly
the same as the others.

Del
You bet your life they're the
same. What a 42-carat plonker
you really are.

Rodney
Come on Del, don't you think
it's time you showed a bit of
faith in me?

Del
Yes, anything you say Rodney.
Anything you say.

Rodney
Good. Oi, Del, I was wondering
now that we're partners again
d'you think you could help me
out? Eh, 'cos I ain't had a
pint all week, all I've had to
eat is Grandad's coking and
look, the sole's coming off me
best Guccis. Look.

Del
Yeah, I'll help you out Rodders.

Del takes the wad of money, removes the elastic band and
gives it to Rodney.

Del (cont'd)
Put that round yer Gucci, it
will stop the sole coming
off!

                                'Ere, these pages are for lack of education purposes 
                                 only. If you decide to five-finger discount any of these 
                                 pages for your own hooky sites, at least try an' give us 
                                 a mention, will yer?'

                                                                   Bonjour. Derek Trotter 
                                                                       President (T.I.T.)

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