The Secret of NIMH II: Timmy to the Rescue!
Well it seems one thing leads to another. Somehow I get shoehorned into watching not good kid flicks mind you, but mindless drivel that views like fan-fic written by 6 year olds and brough to the screen by a computer which makes it's decisions from statistics taken from those aliens in Godzilla versus monster zero! Being a children's lit fan makes this more painful.
Here's the scoop: Sixteen years after the original film was released, which was pooly distributed, poorly marketed, poorly received and for the most part forgotten about, nameless entities in MGM (apparently the director of the batman cartoon series was involved, much to his embaressment, beyond that, everyone else is a nobody) decide to to bang out this quasi-sequel which follows neither the film nor the book. Worse yet, it is a musical. That's right, I am sure the aliens on planet X all voted that dancing rats would make a popular film for american children. The animation is about par with saturday morning cartoons--which is to say it's bright and cheery, with no texturing, depth, or atmosphere.
So why should I be surprised? MGM have become the kings of direct-to-video/direct-to-garbage movies, and I am sure this could be directly exchanged with Land Before Time part 99, though I am not brave enough to find out. The answer isn't the subject matter alone. The Secret of NIMH has continued to be something of a video favorite despite it's original poor reception. This may in part be due to the fact that animated films in america are generally so poor, that The Secret of NIMH, though stunted a bit on plot development (for me it seems to end about 30 minutes too early) and far too willing to jump into standard goodguy-badguy (goodrat, badrat?) plot cliches, it still outshined the majority if not all of american animated films at that time.
The answer of why I am surprised is twinfold. Sure, making a sequel made a slight amount of sense, were this only a few years following the first film. The problem is it's 16 years later, and this isn't Star Wars were talking about. Most people don't even remember the film. Nice idea, wrong time. The real anomaly for me is someone thought this would makemoney. It has a purchasable soundtrack for Christ's sake! There are actual real actors doing the voices. Again, I don't know what population they survey to decide what would make a good idea for films. But when I do, well at least I know who to thank for making Hollywood pull one of the most absurd turkeys out of their ass I've seen in years.
I suppose I should take a little time to describe plot, or lack there of. Anyone who read that rant about the Black Cauldron I wrote have got to know that I love coming-of-age stories. The Cauldron showed us that even pathetic Pig-Boy (TM) could become a hero, but I was left wondering: Could dancing rodents have their own coming-of-age story? Could even Timmy become a hero (and win the love of the only mouse in this series with breasts)? Yes, those were the questions on my mind, and fortunately, MGM jumped to my pleas for an answer in my lonely moments of darkness and confusion.
Ha! The film starts with recycled footage from the first film (ala Beneath the Planet of the Apes), but the voices are baddly dubbed over so they don't have to follow the first plot. Oh, do I have to explain what happens next? Fine. In an apparently different universe then the one the first film took place in, Jonathan Brisby, who has about 10 seconds in the film, and is reknown for opening a ventilation shaft door) is now the hero of the rats. Off camera, or in some other film no-one knows about, Timothy was somehow prophesized by Nicodemus as the future savior of the rats. Martin (Timothy's older brother) has a lot of animostity toward Tim because he's stronger, faster, and it's a convenant plot element.
Timothy goes to thorn valley which is some kind of sappy utopia where rat's sing all day and...oh hell, it sucks. It is like some saccarine induced nightmare. You can stop reading this part now and go right to the conclusion if you want. I know I don't want to write this! Anyway, there is this huge statue of Jonathan in the center of town which looks like the mouse died in WWII, saving his entire platoon by throwing his body on a grenade. The plot gets worse. Timothy is trained in the ways of a warrior (or something) and when he reaches adulthood, earns the voice of the Karate Kid. I shit you not.
The plot then turns to the mice which did not escape from NIMH. In theformer we were led to believe they died, but instead they have been re-captured and according to the one escapee (Jenny, the breasted mouse), something horrible and evil is going to happen. Tim and Jenny go off on their own to stop them, because it stresses independence and belief in one's inner voice. It would be neat if MGM thought about plot integrity too, but you know how that goes.
They make it to NIMH via Jeremy (who is posing as the Owl to make money!) along with a bug named Cecil. A lot of folks have complained that this caracter does not belong in a NIMH film, but I should add that the entire film is innapropriate for the genre, and seeing this bug whip out a credit card is the ultimate fuck-off to any fans who might still have believed that Hollywood loved them.
Personally, I say if you can't take it, you need to put your inner-child on some excercize programs. Toughen him (or her) up. Hollywood isn't gonna stop coz your first line of children's heroes have been mowed down and bleeding in the trenches of corporate movie blunders. If you are deeply offended by this film (my roomate won't even admit that he saw it,or that it exists), then you are the victim, and you're encouraging a victim mentality! As long as MGM still thinks they can hurt us, they probably will. I encouage mailing your mis-purchased cassette back to them wrapped in razor-wire.
Ok, well there is still more left to this film actually. The mad scientists at NIMH are doing some brain-swapping thing ala Frankenstein. It's really not worth explaining. It's really not worth watching. There are some musical numbers. Due to the whole brain-swapping thing, we get one of the best parts of the film though (relatively speaking): Evil Martin. So the show winds down (note: not builds up) to this ultimate conflict between brothers. Timothy wins for no good reason. Brain-washed rats riding pigeons, bent on destroying Thorn Valley are sent in the wrong direction (personally I want to see the film where these rats just start attacking and pilliaging things at random. What happened to them?) And yes, flying rats along with a dozen other hints make for a nice little bow to the Wizard of Oz, haha.
So, Timmy saves the day, evil is vanquished. Martin is restored to his normal good version (unfortunately), I think there is another crappy musical number and then the film is over. Oh, and then you get to see screen grabs from the film and a repeat of more of the music. Happy days!
End of Movie Summary: Nothing is worse for me then mediocrity. I would rather sit through a thousand bad films that had some spark of vision (even if that vision is trully wrong in the greatest sense of that word) then just see a movie going through the motions. Plenty of time for mediocrity in the grave! Like the new Godzilla film, it's just the same old same old. If I was a machine which didn't habituate to stimuli, this might work, but Hollywood needs to learn somewhere it's viewers are human beings, not mass-produced button-pushers that will laugh just as hard at the same joke the thousandth time as they do the first time.
Secret of NIMH 2 is about half a dozen bad saturday morning plots brain-numbingly spliced together to make a movie that we already know. There are no surprises, other then it's complete unoriginality, and it's odd choice of subject matter. At this point, it hardly matters what the film is called, because it's the same old thing. Whether it's mice, the actors from Grease, or the cast of whatever particular varient of Star Trek happens to be popular now days; its the same film. You know, I may not be able to see a good movie, but I at least have the choice to see an entertainly bad B film.
Well that's my rant. From now on, I'm reviewing movies I like and you'll hate!
Chris
Thanks for the burst of venom Chris! Remember, if you want to submit a review, just drop me a line at [email protected].
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