Just finished reading your bit about To-morrow Never Dies (although we wish Bond would), and after I stop laughing, I shall compose myself & bung along a few choice words by way of follow-up, although yours was the definitive word.
My theory is that Austin Powers was James Bond-through-the-Looking-Glass, and To-morrow Never Dies was Austin Powers-Through-the-Looking-Glass. Let me marshall my facts:
The Euro-Trash Villain - sine qua non in Bond movies. You can't have a classic James Bond villain unless you have a European (preferably German, but raised in the Orient) arch-villain. And all European villains apparently frequent the same tailor, escewing the modern suit and tie for the classic 1960s collar-less nehru jacket. I had thought that Goldfinger (if memory serves) or Dr. No was the last Euro-Villain to wear a Nehru jacket, but alas, I was wrong. All that the To-morrow N. D. guy lacked was a persian cat and a scar down his cheek. I am surprised that the secret service doesn't just stake out various expensive tailors, & nab anyone buying twenty silk nehru jackets (who isn't Indian) on the theory they are a super-villain.
Euro-Trash Goons - I had lamented the loss of classicly-trained henchmen, but To-morrow brought them back with a vengeance. Only in Europe can you find in German newspapers a help-wanted section for evil goons.
Wanted: muscular adventure-seeker. Must be skilled in tai-kwando, exotic asian torture (a must), kung-fu, advanced electronics (specializing in explosives), chemistry, with a passion for travel, submarines, and taking shit from Arch- Villains. Must have 4-5 years previous experience with managerial position. Apply by resume to "Scorpio," Box 217-D. Wittensburg-Badendorf.
or
Wanted. twenty to thirty experienced submarine technicians to work on top secret submarine for arch-villain. Excellent pay and excellent benefits.
I am sure there must be equally numerous openings in the Evil Help-Wanted for evil cooks, evil mail-room clerks, evil accountants, evil personnel & benefits administrators, and the whole litany of evil positions to make the operation run smoothly. Someone has to dole out the grub on the submarine and correct errors with payroll and contract for top secret submarine bases in the south pacific. These don't happen spontaneously. It takes a whole organization of evil. The whole support staff aboard the villain's stealth sub made me thing about the problems of staffing these whole evil operations. I think "To- morrow" set the record for the largest number of support-staff personnel backing up the whole evil empire, if we may so call it.
In "To-morrow" the German torture professor played by Vincent Sacheverelli (the ubiquitious guy from Ghost, Amadeus, & a score of other movies. You know who I am mean. I forget his name) was a nice touch. When in doubt, always slap a goatee on an otherwise decent person, and he becomes de facto evil. I allude to Spock when he was in the alternate dimension, & they gave him a goatee to show he was evil. But the down side is: when you go for the nazi-look-alike, try to be a bit different from Dr. Stragelove. This guy might as well have had Dr. S. written all over him.
While I was hoping for a fat asian who threw dagger-sharp bowler hats, I was quite satisfied by the bleach blond homosexual goon with a penchant for tight shirts who was the German torture prof's understudy. That man got around. One moment in Germany. The next in Asia. You'd think with all his talents as a submarine captain, torture expert, explosives expert, and executive assistant to the head evil guy, he could have made more money legitimately on Wall Street or something or started up shop on his own or contracted out as an evil consultant.
The small shop that turns into a high-tech computer center - another nice touch I had thought went out of style with To Russia with Love. You would think someone would notice the construction of a top secret computer facility in downtown Hong Kong, but these things apparently are so common place, no one gave it a second thought. I mean if we can miss nuclear facilities in India, I suppose top secret computer facilities in Hong Kong are equally tough to catch. On the other hand, if the CIA could see nuclear facilities based on a grainy picture of a few trucks in Cuba in 19-freakin'-62, why can't they tell that there's evil a-doing at a bike shop in Hong Kong. Someone must have noticed the high-tech stuff going into the small bike shop. Incidentally, the ninjas with the throwing stars was a nice touch of the classical James Bond movie. There is no such thing as a shortage of throwing-stars in a James Bond movie, just as you can't have too many evil villains with nehru jackets.
The dirt-bike chase through Stuttgart (or Hong Kong again) - another nice touch. You can't have too many dirt bike chases. These things really set the run of the mill chase scene from the classic chase scene.
Appropriate name for villainess - What the baby books on names don't tell you is that if you name your daughter Pussy Galore or Xena Onnatop or Plenty O'Toole, the poor girl doesn't have much chance in life except to become the evil mistress to an evil villain. You can either be a well-known interior decorator or television commentator or you can be an evil mistress to the super villain, but you can't be both. Let this be a lesson to all mother's out there to choose wisely when you lug your daughter to the baptismal font.
Though not quite in the same vein as the rest of the James Bondery, I think someone had a wry sense of humor in the casting department at the studio. Anyone who watches too much BBC crap on PBS would naturally recognize Geoffrey Palmer (who played the First Sea Lord) and Judy Dench who played M. These two starred together in "As Time Goes By," a sappy British show that has thankfully gone off the air in favor of Mr Bean repeats ad nauseum. Be that as it may, it can't have been a coincidence that Geoffrey Palmer was brought in to play opposite Judy Dench. That's like getting Tom Wopat to play Mr. Scrooge and John Schneider to be Bob Crachitt. That ain't no accident.
Just a few thoughts of my own about "Tomorrow" which you may now delete.
-Evans
Thanks for the commentary fellow Shriner! Remember folks, if you like to add your two cents about anything, just send it to [email protected] and I'll stick it up for the world to see.
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