THE RECAPS
STORMSEEKER.COM RECAPS! Reality editor Gordon Pepper
provides recaps of each show.
April 17 2002 -- Finale
So here we are - getting ready for the super duper Rootin tootin fresh and
fruity Series Finale - and it will feature the lone team standing. The
lone team standing is Bravo amd here are team members that are standing
from the team that is standing:
Jeff Byers
Steve Claggett
Mark Corwin
Dexter Fletcher
Bob Kain
Sean Sirker
We start with a montage of all of the episodes leading up to this point
(and if you haven't seen the episodes, feel free to read the guide =). So
it's down to the 6 people - and the winner gets $250,000 for himself in
addition to the $25,000 each Beavo member wins for getting the team award.
So we start with just Bravo left on the opening docket. Rudy tells the
team that they will be drawing swords - the 2 people that draw tipped
swords (Kain and Sirker) will be the captains, and they pick the remaining
people to create the teams, which are -
Bravo Blue:
Kain
Byers
Fletcher
Bravo Red:
Sirker
Corwin
Claggett
Those are the new teams, and they are now told to split up and to go to
the seperate camps. Bravo Blue seems to be better in speed, while Red is
better in strength.. Kain on the Red Outfits, 'They're cute, and they look
cute in them', They also have to worry about the other team stealing
stuff, but it's pretty much old-fashioned tom-foolery between the teams.
The first training excercise is called Combat Combo. 'After this exercise,
you may think that the teams that got sent home were the lucky teams'
Thanks for the ominous comment, Devers. The Combat Combo is a combo
of all of the exercises that they have had to face. The losers add 10
pounds to their packs for the final mission. Ouch.
And since the Bravo team wasn't that good to begin with in the obstacle
courses, this could be a comedy of errors - the obstacles are -
Helocasting, log carrying, one lap around the field, rope bridge traverse,
a nice swim across the pool, and then going to your base and firing off
the weapons. Whichever team fires the weapons off first wins.
By the time helocasting was done, the outcome was pretty much decided as
Team Blue pretty much blew out Team Red. Add to the fact that Sirker can
not swim too well, and this is a fait accompli. Devers. 'Did you enjoy
yourself?' Claggett - 'No...I would have rather you have tied us up
in the dunes and beat us.'
The men reminisce on their time when the base was crowded. 'This camp
reminds me of the old Rod Steiger movies...of those old Ghost Town films'
(cue to the activities on the Snake Pit). And in an obvious time-filler,
the teams talk about the people who they liked the best - Mel Spicer (do
by whatever means necessary), Jeff Everage (and his one episode stay),
Garth Estadt (and his crippled exit off of the show), Scott Helveston (he
was considered impulsive with a bad temper - and those were his good
points), Rod Nutter ('He was always in various states of being
disrobed...certain things that should have been left to the imagination')
The teams do their own Tomfoolery. The Red Team makes a sign called 'The
Sausages' and the blue team decides to change the sign to read 'The LIMP
sausages' 'I think somebody had sausage envy' said Bob Kain, who changed
it to 'The LARGE sausages' 'n my opinion, it could get him into trouble
for false advertisement' says Claggett, who caught Byers trying to deface
it - bu
t he missed him the second time - and he changed it to The Large Sausage
EATERS'. The sign got taken down - and then mysteriously put back up on
the other camp.
There is a second premission task - and the losing team gets yet another
10 pounds added to their pack. We finally get to see the last of 'The
Grid', which is to drop the opposing team into the water using Pugile
Sticks. 'I think w'e're going to unleash Mark, and have him do his
best Tazmanian Devil Impersonation' This is a best 2 out of 3 event for
the finals.
In the first set, Jeff Byers was left, and he tried to do a war cry -
which was to no avail. 'We take their childish behavior...and we use that
against them'. Red took the first win, but blue won the second, tying the
match up at 1-1 apiece. In the third and final round, It was 3 Blue on one
Red, but Claggett got Kain and Byers to hit each other and fall in the
water - and it was down to Fletcher and Claggett, and Fletcher goes flying
into the water. Red wins the training excercise, and both teams go into
the Final Mission even in weight.
The Mission - Urban Assault - it's now team against team - Shadow Squad
has been sent home - the losing team is eliminated. A team starts on
one side of the map and goes to the first house that's indicated by the
map. The teams go from house to house - each house has ammo to use against
the other team and a map that shows the team the next house that they have
to go to, and so on. The team that gets to the 6th house and lights up the
smoke pack waiting for them wins - a team can also win if they take the
other team out. Each member of the team is given a 10 pound pack on the
way out of the Combat Mission Briefing.
'I think the key to winning this is working as a team and using the
tactics that we have previously learned while we've been here.' says
Claggett. And after numerous amounts of trash-talking by both sides, it's
on. Bravo Blue takes the early lead - and both teams run into each other
in the rendevouz to the second house. Blue gets to the second house first
but red evens it up quickly. Both teams spot each other in the second
house but this time Byers snipes out and kills Corwin.
Both teams get to the third house at relatively the same time. The red
team go for the surprise attack and they get Kain. Both teams get to the
fourth house and they both have 2 people left. We get another gunfight
after the fourth house and Bravo gets to the fifth house first. The blue
team is moving to the last objective, but Sirker is set up and waiting to
take out Byers. He misses and Byers gets to the smoke screen first. Team
Blue wins and Team Red goes home. Your three finalists are Kain, Fletcher,
and Byers.
It's bittersweet for everybody and we get to see the obligatory 'Bravo is
together' montage before they get dismissed. 'When those guys walked out
of here, it was difficult, becuase they were all like brothers, and they
will always have a piece of my heart' says Fletcher. 'I think I met some
friends that I'll have for the rest of my life - a mad a little bit of
money, so that doesn't hurt either.' says Sirker. 'I think it's great to
be in the same team as the last 3 guys, and in that, that's a victory
amongst itself'. says Claggett. Team Bravo Red is discharged at the end of
the first hour.
So after 24 men started (and 30 players, total competed) we are down to
three 'You 3 truly represent thr quiet professionals that make our
profession great' says Rudy. There will be 2 preliminary excercises that
will eliminate one person - then the 2 remaining people go at it in the
final mission. All three people get new uniforms - Kain gets blue,
Fletcher gets red, and Byers gets yellow. 'I'm trying not to think about
it too much, because things can go any way with these three people here'
says Byers.
We spend the next 5-10 minutes with the obligatory Mark Burnett
space-filler about everyone describing their opponents and saying how
formidable they are. Can't anyone pull a Scott Helvenston and say how much
that they suck?
I'll sum this up quickly - Fletcher is the Flautist who's quiet and
determined, Byers is the Papa Joe's and Candy Canes sense of humor guy
who's deadly serious. Kain is the unorthodox guy who gets the job done.
There - all done in 30 seconds.
Everyone is being solitary, and getting ready in their own special way for
the first pre-mission, which is the obstacle course - first place wears a
30 pound pack, 2nd place wears a 40 pound pack, and 3rd place wears a 50
pound pack for the Desert Assault Mission later on - and whoever loses
that mission is eliminated.
Bad things happen to people on this obstacle course (see Taylor, Jody and
Estadt, Garth for further information) but no one gets hurt and they all
survive to go to the next mission. At the first part of the obstacle
course, Byers is first, Fletcher is in second, and Kain is in third. After
the 1/2 way mark, Byers starts to pull away from everyone else, and really
makes ground up on the cargo net. 'I did get to see Jeff's technique, the
ass-slide, and I figured that I would just try to keep from killing
myself.' says Kain, who doesn't kill himself, but he does finish in last,
so he gets the 50 pound pack. Byers finishes in first, and Fletcher in
second. 'Third
place in this mission was last, and I can't let that happen in the next
mission, or else I'm out' says Kain.
And on this mission Desert Assault, it's a 600 meter race - you need to
hit targets in order to advance - the top 2 people advance - third placs
is eliminated. Fletcher -'Jeff's the best runner, I'm the best shooter',
but it's Kain that is in first early as Byers has some early target
problems. And the problems are of his own doing. Byers keeps improperly
putting in his magazine, which jams up his gun, and he gets the $250,000
dumbass award of the episode. His failure to properly load his gun puts
him squarely in last
place, and barring a major screw-up, that's where he will be staying.
Not only does the screw-up not happen, but Byers keeps putting in the
magazine incorrectly and he withdraws after Kain and Fletcher complete the
course. Kain winds up in first, Fletcher in second, and those two will
compete against each other in the finals. Byers is eliminated, but there
is no joy in Bravoville. 'There was very little eye contact in riding back
with my Jeff and Bob - it was one of those things, you know.' says
Fletcher, who gives Byers a hug as he is packing up his gear.
And Byers appeal gets shot down by Don Anderson, who shows Byers that he
set the magazine improperly and broke the weapon. 'He mistreated his
weapon...he damaged hie weapon beyond repair...I felt sick about it.' That
finalizes the deal and Byers is going home. 'I just wish I would have lost
on my own merits instead of mechanical malfunction'.
Byers gets the treatment from Rudy. 'You had a bad break today - the same
thing happened to me (a reference to Survivor - and like Byers, Rudy
also finished in third =) - I don't play favorites, but I wouldn't have
minded to see a SEAL win the whole thing;' Byers gets discharged, and it
boils down to Bob Kain and Dexter Fletcher for the $250,000.
The Final Mission is called 'Last Man Standing', which consists of a giant
maze - and each person will be standing on opposite of the maze. This is
actually a paintball event - not a laser event. Whoever takes out the
other person by hitting person with a direct face shot in the circle on
the plastic visor that the contestants are wearing will win the cash.
After every couple of minutes, some of the glass walls of the maze will
explode, which will give the combatants less coverage. The person who
delivers the first hit wins the cash - and since both finalists are SWAT
Officers, this ought to be good.
Last words from Rudy - 'Men, you've been through a lot, and it all boils
down to tonight, May the best operator win'. The first firing exchange has
no winner as Kain is chasing Fletcher around. Kain runs out of ammunition
and must reload, and it's now Fletcher chasing Kain. Fletcher has to
reload but his gun jams and Kain has a direct shot at him, but more of the
walls break and the distraction gives Fletcher enough time to make a
successul retreat.
Both SWAT people realize that they will never get a direct hit on each
other unless they get in close and personal - whih is exactly what
happens. In what looks like a John Woo movie, both Kain and Fletcher hold
the guns 2 feet away from each other point it straight at the other
persons face visor, and start firing away. Fletcher twists his head so
Kain's shot misses, but Fletchers shot gets in there and hits Kain's face
first before Kain's second shot hits the mark. Kain is pronounced 'dead',
and Dexter is your first Combat Missions Individual Champion.
Fletcher, who goes to his knees and prays, will be using the money for his
family and other people in his neighborhood that need the cash. 'When I
first stepped on Camp Windstorm, I had no idea of the obstacles that
I would have to go through...(cue the montage) it's a blessing to have
people in this world that will put their lives into jeopardy to have
peace...beacuse it's those people that make America what it is today.' It
ends with Fletcher raising his hands up, with the title 'Best of the Best'
under him, and it's
fade to black.
My Take: Despite the Burnett rigamarole in the last episode, this was a
very fun series to watch, and with the ratings being what they are, there
should easily be a sequel to this. Burnett has once again created a
compelling series that I enjoyed watching. And I hope you enjoyed reading
the summaries.
April 10 2002
So after all of the prelims, and the semi-finals, it boils down to Bravo
Vs. Delta for all of the marbles. The teams have only played once before,
with Bravo getting the win when Delta ran into a 'Total Mission Failure'.
This meeting is for the Combat Missions Team Championship.
Bravo is 6-0, while Delta is 5-1. Fletcher is playing his flute, while
Corwin wants to fiddle and see Delta burn. 'If there is one team I want to
'bleeping' beat and humiliate, it's Delta' says Corwin.
Meanwhile, BAZ of Delta is trying to figure out what went wrong. Winn told
Helvenston that he is saving himself for the individual competition, and
Helvenston went bezerk. 'This dirtbag is riding himself on the coattails
of our effort. If we had to vote someone out, he'd be gone.' Scott is
bitching to BAZ, 'I'm tired of the 'toe the line' mentality CHANGE THE
GAME' Change it!' They can't do anything to Winn, but if the team doesn't
do something, then they won't reach the individual competition. Scott
remains very pissed. 'I'm psychologically disturbed' says Helvenston. I
think you were disturbed since we first saw you, Scott.
Bravo remains unimpressed, 'Don't let what they're doing affect what we're
doing', says Corwin. 'Let's just take care of business, which is something
that we've always done.'
Winn decides to have a powwow, but it's Helvenston is the one brandishing
the tomahawks. 'Why haven't you put out yet, soldier?' Winn - 'I'm tired
of your crap. If you want to face me man to man, then face me man to man.
Don't come to me like a little girl.' After being confronted by everyone
on Delta, Winn changes his tune. 'I'm here to play for the team...I hope
you forgive me for what I said, bad words, bad choices, bad time.'
Helvenston doesn't buy Winn's line of steaming monkey crap (and neither
should you, after last episode), and he goes to sulk out by himself
outside the tent.
Bravo is not too impressed. 'Has the mediator made it in yet?...I think
they need to bring in someone from Kindercare.' Helvenston, 'We're going
to play and we're going to bring the cop along with us' Winn, 'Today has
been a crazy day, but it will be a good day'.
It doesn't start out as a good day. The pre-mission event is Helocasting -
jump from the helicopter, get to the boat and turn it over (BUT DO NOT USE
THE DOCK TO TURN IT OVER), get to the base and fire the weapons at the
base. The first team to fire the weapon wins. Bravo, which can't win a
pre-mission from anyone not named Charlie, has a change of strategy and
has different people doing specialized tasks. One of the tasks must have
been make sure Delta does not follows the rules, since Helvenston uses the
dock to flip over the boat, and that gives Delta a disqualification. Bravo
(though they did finish the mission first) gets the 50 points by default.
Devers gets into Delta's case. 'If you want to act like a bunch of
bananaheads, that's fine with me too.' Helvenston (for once), actually
doesn't blame Winn, but, of course, he doesn't blame himself either - he
blames Devers for the loss. 'I'm here putting myself out and he has the
(bleep) to embarass me??? Devers should stand down...I'm going to get into
his (bleeping bleep) the next time that I see him!' 'Scott's losing his
mind' says George Ciganik. 'I'm embarrassed that we can't be more like a
team'. Bravo thinks that Helvenston needs Jesus - or at least a hug.
Bravo's Sean Sirker - 'I think he may be more the enemy for Delta
than Bravo is at that point'
The mission is 'Fuel Dump Demolition'. 3 helicopters tried to blow the
fuel dump up and have failed, so it's the Squad's job to do it. Go To the
ORP and call headquarters for further instructions. There will be a tank
there - you may have to take it out too. Bravo asks if there are any
survivors - they are told that they don't know - you get the feeling that
survivors may be in play?
Corwin creates a 'Need a dispute settled?' sign for the love couple of
Winn and Helvenston as Bravo is taking things lightly - a little too
lightly? Jeff Clagett, - 'Tonight, I'm going to dream about Papa John's
and Candy Canes.' Meanwhile, Delta is pissed. Winn, - 'Bravo better be
watching out, because Delta is coming through, and coming through hard.'
Delta starts first - and they are already down 50 points. Delta crawls up
to the Fuel Dump and radios in - with the locations of the fuel
dumps - as well as a POW in the camp. After Delta radios into HQ, the new
objective is to rescue the POW - the fuel dump is now the secondary
mission - you get 100 points for blowing it up. Helvenston takes out the
tank - but one of Shadow Squad taked out Rod Nutter. They save the man and
they get the POW in 25 minutes, but Nutter's elimination means that Bravo
can lose 2 men or not blow up the fuel dump and still win the competition.
Ciganik - 'That went off exactly as we planned it - it was awesome...this
is what teamwork is all about - about rising to adversity.' Helvenston,
'In order for Bravo to beat us, they have to be perfect'. Well, not
completely perfect, thanks to Helvenston's DQ screw-up and Nutter's death,
but Bravo needs to be close to it in order to have the perfect season and
to win the team competition.
Bravo is up next. They go to the target and Jeff Byers radios into HQ and
gets the new objective. Sirker takes out the tank and Byers takes out the
hidden sniper that took out Nutter. Bravo takes out the Dump Tank and
Bravo is indeed perect - perfect season and perfect mission. There is
nothing Delta could do - with the extra 50 points, Bravo was untouchable.
Here is the Final Results:
Delta:
1000 - 50 (1 Dead) - 125 (25 minutes) = 825
Bravo:
1050 - 0 (0 Dead) - 95 (19 minutes) = 955
Bravo wins the Team Championship and does it with the highest score ever
in the Combat Mission Mani Mission. The irony is that the man who was
preaching team unity, Scott Helvenston, in the one time he was not
thinking of the team, makes the DQ move that destroys Delta's chances of
winning. Helvenston gets the Dumb-Ass Award for costing them the
deciding 50 points, and John Winn shares the dumb-ass award for creating
the mess in the first place - and we never do get to see Winn's glorious
plan of saving it for the individual competition. Oops.
We get to see the best of Delta - suck as Nutter parading around naked
(that's the best of Delta?). Delta, much to my surprise, actually comes
out clothed - but not before BAZ drops a purple flash bang behind as a
going-away present. Each of the 6 Bravo has now won $25,000 and they all
go to The Snake Pit to celebrate. But one of the men will be celebrating a
little extra hard
after next week's 2 hour season finale - as one of them walks away with an
extra $250,000.
April 3 2002
We are now in the second semi-final match. The winner plays Bravo in the
finals, and Delta and Alpha will be fighting it out to get that second
spot. These 2 teams can not stand each other, and the stakes can't be
higher - the losing team is eliminated.
Alpha goes into the semi-finals with 4 men. Delta goes in with 6 - sort
of. Garth Estadt is still injured - but a broken ankle is the injury - not
a sprained one, like earlier thought. This causes Estadt to be medically
discharged, and on a medical discharge, the team gets to replace someone -
and the someone that replaces Estadt is William Nissen, a decorated war
veteran. According to Rudy, 'It's about time that we got some
maturity around here' Reese - 'One team is going to watch their bitter
enemy leave the gate.'
The first bonus mission is the gauntlet, and Alpha's Mel Spicer and
Delta's Scott Helvenston automatically get into it. 'I try to get my
energy out of positive things, and there is nothing positive about
Helvenston' Helvenston already yaps - 'Spicer, I'm looking for you'
In the gauntlet - each team plays offense and defense. Whoever gets the
least amount of people across wins. John Winn is taking a page out of
Helvenston's book and talks trash too - but he gets a knee in the thigh
and goes down. Nutter goes...well...nuts, and he clears the deck of the
Alpha squad. It takes Delta 3 people to clear the gauntlet.
Alpha gets to play offense - and they have to get it done in 1 or 2 guys.
Oates takes out Winn, and eliminates BAZ in an epic battle. Spicer gets
Helvenston next. After getting warned by both Rudy and Devers, Spicer gets
Helvenston in the water and Alpha wins the 50 points toward the mission.
Helvenston, for the first time, sees his plans backfire. 'Mr.
Helvenston....a vanilla wafer' says Spicer. Helvenston is blaming not
himself, but Winn. 'I'm tired of the lip serivce, and the fleeting jaw.'
Winn's response? 'You can't be a sore loser all of the time', and now
Helvenston and Winn are going at it.
Apparently Estadt was also the peacemaker in the group, and Delta is
starting to fall apart. Winn decides to talk to Halvenston one on one.
They both decide, as mature human beings....to not speak to each other
anymore. Oh yeah, lack of communication will really help them go a long
long way on their main mission.
Delta is looking to Nissen to lead them to the victory - well most of
them, while one of them has their own agenda. 'I was looking to get
someone older than me and not as strong as me, which will give me a better
chance to win - well, he's older, and he looks weaker, so I liked the
choice.' This comes from Winn, so Helveston's concern about not everyone
on the same page may be well-founded.
Alpha has the disadvantage since they only have 4 men, but they have the
advantage in terms of people - they have less people to lose. Alpha thinks
that they can pull it out 'Delta is obviously having some internal
struggles. We're loving every minute, and we're planning on taking full
advantage of it' says Spicer.
BAZ is starting to get it, 'I think people are starting to think more
about themselves than about thinking for the team. When those differences
start to rear their ugly head, that's when things can fall apart...if we
don't win this mission, then we will be all out of here. That will suck.'
Delta's spirit gets lifted when Estadt comes back to give the troops a
morale boost. 'We're gonna win this thing....for Garth' says Helvenston.
Awwwwwwbarf. Winn is working out as he is talking about his Combat Award
Medal for Operation Desert Storm. 'I am here to conquer and destroy,
man', and he is looking towards the individual competition - perhaps a bit
too early?
Here is the Mission for the Semi-Finals - it takes place in a Meth Lab.
The head crimeboss is called Santos Hernandez. The objective is to get
pics of the scene, find him, and radio headquarters for further
instructions.
Delta starts out first. Can they put their differences aside and behave
like professionals? It seems like it so far, since Helvenston and Winn are
in the same duo that goes out for surveillance. Delta successfully
ID's Hernandez and gets the second set of instructions - apprehend
Santos and shut down the drug lab. The team will lose 250 points if they
fail to apprehend Santos.
Winn gets killed first and team leader BAZ follows. Nutter gets into the
METH Lab, but the hidden sniper is waiting for him and he gets gunned
down. Delta gets the mission accomplished and correctly identify
Hernandez, which is done in a rather quick 24 minutes, but they lose 3
guys, including Winn. Since Alpha has the 50 point advantage, the only way
that they lose this mission is if they finish this mission with 3 dead and
complete it 10 minutes slower, fail to identify Santos Hernandez, or if
they get a Total Mission Failure, and it's looking like the 4-1 Delta can
get knocked off by the 1-4 Alphas. 'I can't really flap my mouth, because
we don't know if we won or not', says Helvenston. It looks like your mouth
may be shut for you - permanently.
Scott Oates, 'Turn in next week to see if Mark Jackson makes it', says
Scott Oates. Jackson has a perfect record - he has been killed in every
Alpha Mission. Alpha correctly identifies Santos, but they lose Oates and
Spicer very quickly, and that comes to bite them in the ass - because with
those 2 people gone, they don't have the manpower to go after Hernandez,
and he escapes, along with Alpha's chance of winning the Mission. 'We let
250 points escape down the road'. You can add the Mission to that as well.
But at least Jackson survived the mission, but that's the wrong person to
be alive. 'I would have rather have gotten Santos and gotten killed.' Yep.
To paraphrase Oates, 'We came, we saw, we lost our ass.'
Here are the academic results:
Delta:
1000-150 (3 Dead) - 120 (24 Minutes) = 730
Alpha:
1050-100 (2 dead) - 250 (Failure to get Santos) - 140 (28 minutes) =
560
"That's the see you later bag....that's the bye bye bag, because
we're going bye bye now." We get the obligatory montage of well, we
came and it was great to do something like thius, blah blah blah - but at
least Alpha is not going out to get discharged in their jocks.
So we get no surprises, but a really good finals set up between Bravo and
Delta. One team will win the finals - and one member of that team will win
the money - if Helvenston and Winn can survive each other to get there -
and that may not be such a sure thing...
March 27 2002
OK - we are back, and I STILL don't get why everyone doesn't get to play
everybody twice...oh well. One of the mysteries of Marc Burnett, I guess.
So without further ado, it's on to the playoffs - winner advances, loser
goes home. This episode has the top seeded 5-0 Bravo team goes up against
the low seeded 0-5 Charlie team.
So what does Charlie do when they are sitting with an 0-5 record and
has the golden opportunity to run through the season without a victory?
They talk trash, of course. Cade Courtley talks the talk, 'They're not
that good...they never win the physical challenges.'
And speaking of said physical challenges, the first one is the dreaded
weapons assembly. You have to assemble 4 weapons in a box - each member
gets a weapon to assemble (Bravo must sit 2 of their people out). The
winning team gets 25 points.
Sirker for Team Bravo gets done in a hurry, but Fletcher is having a real
hard time. This gives Charlie the opportunity to move into the lead and
win....but Graves is also struggling - struggling so much that Fletcher
gets done - and so does everyone else on the Bravo squad - while Graves is
still
on his weapon. Graves appeals to the judge, but it only takes the judge 45
seconds to reload the weapon Graves was working on and fire it
successfully. This gives the 25 points to Bravo, and in the words of
Courtley, 'Yet another chapter in the history of Bad Luck Chuck'.
Graves puts it a bit more
succintly, 'We are Team Choke.'
Charlie/Chuckles/Choke Jobs have the same thing happen to them in 'The
Grid' (knock your opponents into the water using pugile
sticks). Charlie is actually up 2-1 (people left) with only Cleggett
left for Bravo, 'I was left lone with my quick wit, and it failed me.' But
Charlie could not get
Cleggett into the water, and after 10 miinutes of this, it is ruled a
stalemate. In this compettiion, a stalemate means that everyone gets
to go ack into the game, and Bravo takes complete advantage, wiping out
Charlie and winning another 50 points to their mission.
For the first time since....well, since Bravo played Charlie last time,
Bravo has a lead going into the main mission, and Courtley is trying to
play that up. 'You're actually going in up 75 points, why are you messing
with your mojo?'
We next get our highlight feature of the show. This one is of Bravo's
Fletcher - when he is not being strange and showing pictures of himself
barechested in leather, he's a nice Miami dad who plays the flute.
Awwwwwwwbarf.
Here is the Mission for the Semi-Finals - it takes place in a Meth Lab.
The head crimeboss is called Santos Hernandez. The objective is to get
pics of the scene, find him, and radio headquarters for further
instructions.
Bravo goes first. They look and don't see him at the scene. A car comes
into the picture and a guy pops out - they identify Santos correctly as
the person coming out of the car. The second set of instructions -
apprehend Santos and shut down the drug lab. The team will lose 250 points
if they fail to apprehend Santos. Fletcher the Flautist gets flagged but
everyone else does complete the mission and Claggett does find and
eliminate the hidden sniper before he can do any damage. In the words of
Fletcher, 'Say no to drugs. If you don't you'll see us - you don't want to
see us'.
They do apprehend Santos, but Fletcher's death does open the door for
Charlie. Fletcher also has words for the Shadow Squad, 'They always kill
the brother first - that's how it happens'. The death of 'The Brother'
means that Charlie can win and pull the shocker of the year off if: 1.
They don't lose anyone, 2. They apprehend Santos, and 3. They complete the
mission 6 minutes faster that Bravo. The chanes of that happening
are around the same at the Chicago Bulls and Vancouver Grizzlies meeting
in the 2002 NBA FInals, but lets make fun of them while we're here and
enjoying the show, ok?
Charlie will now show us all how NOT to run a mission. 1. Misidentifying
Santos, BAD. Young, 'Unless Santos ate 8 packages of donuts before
the mission, it ain't him.' No, you think? 2, Being spotted before getting
set up to start the mission - VERY BAD. 3. Getting half of your squad
killed (Young and Courtley) during the mission? VERY VERY BAD. How they
actually completed the mission without losing the whole team, I have no
clue, but needless to say, the Charlie squad does not shock the world and
they get the collective dumb-ass awad of the episode just for showing up
for the mission.
Courtley's final lament? 'I guess you have to make your own breaks, 'cause
we're not getting any...I want to continue to play...I would like to be
competitive until the last day.' - Uhhh...Courtley....your team hasn't
been competitive since day 1.
We all know that Charlie gets eliminated - let's see the final carnage:
Bravo:
1075-50 (1 person killed)-135 (27 Minutes taken) = 890
Charlie:
1000 - 100 (2 people killed) - 125 (25 Minutes Taken) - 250 (Failure to
arrest Santos) = 525
So Charlie leaves the game just like they went into it - with nothing. The
team goes a perfect 0-6 and we get to see a montage of their greatest
triumphs....except they didn't have any greatest triumphs, so its pretty
much a list of their really bad moments.
And maybe none worse than the way that they leave. They all salute to Rudy
wearing nothing but their jockstraps and their suitcases. No one can
keep a straight face, and Rudy can't get through his speech at the end.
'Men, it's been a pleasure, and I'm....I'm......(chuckles).' He
can't get through the speech, and all of Charlie discharges themselves
(fortunately, they don't do THAT on camera), with their fannies in full
view on the screen.
Next week - the other semi-final with Delta and Alpha. You have a feeling
that if Delta loses, that the whole team would show up Buck Naked?
March 20 2002
On this episode of Combat Missions, the 3-1 Delta's go after the 0-4
Charlies. Delta needs this one to have any chance at first place in the
team standings. Charlie is playing for pride (ie. they have nothing to
play for, and no chance to win).
Here's the 4-1 Delta Squad:
John Teeple - ELIMINATED
BAZ
Garth Estadt
Scott Helvenston
John Nutter
John Winn
REPLACEMENT - GEORGE CIGANIK
and Here's Chuckles...I mean Charlie
Ed Bugarin - ELIMINATED
Ossie Crenshaw
Jeff Everage - ELIMINATED
Ken Greaves
John Potter - ELIMINATED
Justin Young
REPLACEMENT - WILSON WONG - ELIMINATED
REPLACEMENT - CHRIS ' CADE' COURTLEY
REPLACEMENT - JONATHAN WEBER
Rudy starts this thing off, 'Ive been made aware that one of you men wants
to make this personal...don't let that happen'. The men described by
Boesch is Charlie's Cade Courtley and Delta's Scott Helvenston - as Cade
started yapping at Scott during the last love-fest (see the I love Scott
Helventon episode earlier down the page). And they are still sniping at
it, 'One of these people does not represent the community that the rest of
us are a part of'. Meanwhile, Helvenston wants Cade (AKA 'Pierre') to
challenge him one on one for a 100 point bonus for the team. Do I need to
get Jeff Gillooly in there to break you 2 up?
Meanwhile, Crenshaw has been sitting in Jody's world a little bit too
long. 'We have skill and luck on our side - I don't see how we can be
defeated'. Uhhh...sorry to bring reality into this conversation, Ossie,
but you guys DON'T HAVE ANY WINS. I don't see how you can win.
And they don't start the win streak in the Obstacle course, either - and
it's because of Crenshaw. He does not listen to direction, only using his
legs on the rope climb, and he doesnt jump off of the wall after the wall
climb - daintly crawling down - that proves to be the difference, as Garth
Estadt twists his ankle and the rest of Delta has to drag him over the
finish line - but they do it, and the only way they could have done it is
thanks to the lead thay they got because of Crenshaw.
'When the team tells you to jump, you jump.' says Courtley. 'When the team
tells you to use your legs, you use your legs'. You get that feeling that
Crenshaw is going to learn that when the teams tells you that you're
getting voted out, you're getting voted out?
But not everything is smiles in Camp Delta. Estadt has a sprained ankle,
and is questionable for the main mission. Meanwhile, Charlie is already
talking about who they are going to get rid of, should they lose the
mission. That's confidence for you, right there.
Charlie does get some confidence by finally winning an event. The
Transition Drill features 5 targets that need to be hit in succession by
each member of the team. Charlie gets the win by a few seconds, and they
get the 25 bonus points. The Delta lead going into the mission is cut to
25.
Estadt, while injured, is talking to his wife and son. He also shows the
world pictures of his family and mom, while Estadt is to the point of
tears. Awwwwwwwwwbarf.
The Mission is called Missile Hangar. The teams have to destroy the
comunications tower, repel into an abandoned building filled with enemy
agents, and retrieve an attache case that contains a missile guidance
system. There is an ATF agent, Todd Nelson, that the teas need to bring
back with them. If they fail to do that, then the team loses 100 points.
Delta goes firstBaz is the only person who uses a mirror and isloates who
exactly Nelson is. Delta attacks and they lose Ciganik, Estadt and Baz,
but they do get rid of everyone, and they become the first team to find
and return Nelson. They complete the course in 13 minutes, and they put
the pressure on Charlie. Helvenston leaves the open challenge for
Courtley, 'Keep your mouth shut and show me' Courtley respond by saying,
'It's our turn to take one of the ops.'
Well, Cade, it may be your turn next week, but not this week. Courtley,
like most of the captains of Charlie, pulls the dumb-ass move of the
episode and attacks immediately as they charge the shadow squaders - who
happened to be behind boxes at the time. Let's see - people hiding behind
boxes vs. people running up blindly towards them - any guesses on who wins
this one? Shadow Squad only lose 2 members, while Charlie loses all of
theirs. Charlie gets the second Total Mission Failure of the season.
The Delta's are, of course, cocky. 'We're going to win the (bleeping)
thing with a (bleeping) gimp.' Says Helvenston. 'I hope maybe he
(Courtley) does learn something from this.' Chralie's Young, on the other
hane, 'I thought we were going to walk away with it. We got it in the
crotch.' Ouch. Lets, just for the heck of it, see the scores:
Delta:
1050 - 150 (3 Dead) - 65 (13 minutes) = 835 Points
Charlie:
1025 - TOTAL MISSION FAILURE (1025 point penalty) = 0 points
Crnshaw, Young, and Courtley all volunteer to be removed from Charlie
(like rats deserting a sinking team), but Crenshaw, with his completely
underwhelming performance in the obstacle course (and the water, and
almost everything else that's physical) gets the boot. 'If they are not
thinking positive and they are not 100% sure, then they are holding us
back' says Courtley.
Here are your standings after 5 games:
Bravo 5-0
Delta 4-1
Alpha 1-4
Charlie 0-5
According to Rudy, next week is round 3 - if you lose this time, your
whole team is out. But Bravo and Delta (And Alpha and Charlie) have only
met each other once - so don't they have to face each other one more time?
And in next week's promos, they have 2 teams in what they are calling the
finals? Huh? Did someone at USA really drop the ball and tell us 3 weeks
early who the 2 teams in the finals (as well as the winning team) are?
Hopefully, next week's episode will shed some light on this...
March 13 2002
This week - we have the 1-3 Alphas going against the 4-0 Bravo squad. A
Bravo win will give the at least a tie for the best regular season record
- yes, the NCAA Madness has taken me full swing. The loser gets to send
one man home to watch the rest of the basketball tournament.
Let's meet the Alpha's (or whats left of them):
Dan O'Shea - ELIMINATED
Marc Jackson
Frank Monestre - ELIMINATED
Scott Oates
Chris Pate - ELIMINATED
Mel Spicer
REPLACEMENT - HARALD ZUNDEL
REPLACEMENT - ERIC JOHNSON
And the Bravos, with the perfect 4-0 record:
Jeff Byers
Steve Claggett
Mark Corwin
Dexter Fletcher
Bob Kain
Jody Taylor - MEDICAL LEAVE
REPLACEMENT - SEAN SIRKER
(NO ONE ELIMINATED)
Because of Jody Taylor's medical absence last time, bravo gets Sean
Sirker, who is a green beret, and who is significantly bigger and stronger
than Taylor. That does not phase Alpha at all. "We have 5 tough guys
- we are going to be the first team to give Bravo it's first loss.'
Sean gets to hang out with team Bravo - and he finds that they are not all
completely mentally balanced. First is a trip into Jody's world - which
consists of Sirker sitting in Jody's chair and staring out at everyone.
Then, Sirker gets to see a bunch of pictures of a leather coated,
half-naked Fletcher, which does not maye Sirker a happy puppy. 'I
found those pictures a little disturbing. A man doesn't show another man
those sort of pictures without some sort of ulterior motive'.
The newest replacment for Alpha, Eric Johnson decides to talk some some
old-school trash about Bravo. 'I thought it would be a total travesty to
see bravo get to the finals on full strength'. His continued trash talking
gets the ire of new Alpha captain Mel Spicer.
But the ire sees to fire up the team for the first training excercise -
Rope Climb. Climb up and down a rope. fire your weapon, then run back to
your troops. The winning team gets 25 points towards the mission. Sirker
starts for Bravo - and he can't get up the rope. He gets halfway up, then
falls down again. By the time he finally does get up the rope, 3 Alphas
have completed the climb. Needless to say, Bravo does not win the event,
and needless to say, Bravo is not happy with Sirker, according to Jeff
Byers, 'We were hoping for Superman, and we didn't get him'.
It gets worse on the second training excercise. Double Pit Cross. The
teams have to do both running and swiming excercises around an obstacle
course, and Sirker, who is not a good swimmer, asks to sit out. Bravo has
to sit out a man, so that is no problem, but with no Superman, the Bravo
team takes a kryptonite bath and Alpha wins easily. 2 things are very
evident. 1. Bravo is horrific at these physical challenges, and 2. if they
lose the Mission, then Sirker is only getting camera time for one episode.
The Mission is called Missile Hangar. The teams have to destroy the
comunications tower, rappel into an abandoned building filled with enemy
agents, and retrieve an attache case that contains a missile guidance
system. There is an ATF agent, Todd Nelson, that the team needs to bring
back with them. If they fail to do that, then the team loses 100 points.
'I am one of the luckiest guys in the world, with the best team on a
winning streak, says Sirker. Alpha agrees, seeing that they need the lead
because, 'The mission is right up Bravo's alley'. Since it is a SWAT Based
mission, Jackson, the lone SWAT person in a team of SEALS, lays out the
game plan. And, like the last time he laid out a SWAT game plan, no one
decides to listen to him.
Meanwhile, Sirker is excited about the mission. 'This will give me my
first opportunity to show my stuff' And if Bravo blows it, it will
probably be your last opportunity to show your stuff.
Bravo starts it off this time. They activate the system and they rappel
down into the building with no problems. When they get into the main
room, they shoot everything that moves - including the ATF agent. Oops.
They do complete the mission, but not without Byers and Corwin getting
killed. Still they finish it up in a quick 8 minutes, but they left the
door wide open if Alpha doesn't royally screw up. 'We can't be much worse
than that' and 'Alpha team is going to have to mess up real bad for us to
win' are the 2 common sentiments from the Bravo team.
Meanwhile, Alpha - Eric Johnson specifically, is full of confidence.
According to Spicer, 'When E.J. (Eric Johnson) says he is God, I think he
means it.' From Johnson himself, 'I am the eyes and ears of the team at
this point'.
If that was the case, then Johnson played a very good version of Helen
Keller in their mission. Zundel rappels down into the building, only to
have the weapon smack himself in the face. A bloody Alpha team goes in
firing, and the ATF agent flees, so Alpha also loses 100 points. Their
tactics are nowhere near as good as Bravo's - Jackson, the squad leader,
gets killed first, and then Spicer follows. Zundel and Johnson are next,
and only Scott Oates survives the mission. Bravo needed an Alpha royal
mess-up - and they got it, as Bravo once again wins a mission they did not
deserve to. Here is the final box Scores:
Bravo:
1000 points - 100 (2 Dead) - 100 (Loss of ATF Agent) - 40 (8 minutes) =
760
Alpha:
1075 points - 200 (4 dead) - 100 (Loss of ATF Agent) - 55 (11 Minutes) =
720
Sirker breathes a sigh of relief. The Bravo's undefeated streak breathes a
sigh of relief. Alpha has to lose a second man.
Rudy thinks that loyalty will rule in the vote - and he's right - but not
in the way that he is thinking. While Jackson is the only SWAT person (so
you would think the Seals would stay with his own), Spicer wants the 4
people that were around the longest to stay as a unit - which leaves
Johnson the odd man out. The squad agrees, and to the dismay of Johnson,
Squad Loyalty overrides SEAL Loyalty, and Johnson is eliminated. Jackson,
Oates, Zundel, and Spicer are left, as Alpha faces a losing team gets
eliminated match-up with Charlie.
Bravo 5-0
Delta 3-1
Alpha 1-3
Charlie 0-4
March 6 2002
This week's episode features the 3-0 Bravo team against the 0-3 Charlie
Team.
Can anyone guess what's going to happen here?
(From Jason: I'm
always one to root for the underdog...so it'll be Charlie, right?
Oh...guess not.)
Here is the 3-0 (soon to be 4-0) Bravo Squad:
Jeff Byers
Steve Claggett
Mark Corwin
Dexter Fletcher
Bob Kain
Jody Taylor
(NO ONE ELIMINATED)
And their opponents - the 0-3 (soon to be 0-4) Charlie Squad:
Ed Bugarin - ELIMINATED
Ossie Crenshaw
Jeff Everage - ELIMINATED
Ken Greaves
John Potter - ELIMINATED
Justin Young
REPLACEMENT - WILSON WONG
REPLACEMENT - CHRIS ' CADE' COURTLEY
REPLACEMENT - JONATHAN WEBER
Bravo needs the win to go to 4-0 and to avoid dropping into a tie with the
very dangerous (to themselves and everyone else) Delta Squad.
Charlie...well...just why does Charlie need a win here, anyways?
But there may be some hope for Charlie - Jody Taylor is injured with a
sprained/twisted left knee, which he suffered on the obstacle course. But
he says he's going to 'Suck it up and go with it'
Meanwhile in the Charlie team, there's been a change in attitude, and a
change in leadership - Cade Courtley is now the new team leader. Justin
Young explains, 'Cade may be the shot in the ass to get things going.' Ken
Greavec sontinues by saying that the team has been changed to 'Team
Chuck'. Well, if you keep losing missions, you may as well change it to
Team Chuckles, since it will mean that you the constant source of comedy
and entertinament in the camp.
Speaking of comedy, the training exercise will be helocasting, which will
require people to do some swimming - one person, specifically, Crenshaw,
did not do too well while in the water in the last stunt (Reminder -
Crenshaw suffered uscle seizures and cramped in the water, which cause the
tea to have to save him and the excersice to be lost to Team Delta). A
quick recap - 4 people jump from a helicopter - they meet 2 people with
packs and gear swiming fro the other side - together they get into a raft,
turn it over, and then paddle it back to the starting point. 75 points
goes to the winning team.
The Charlie team get good communication going between each other and get
Crenshaw into the boat. Bravo get into the boat, but there was no
comunication between Jody Taylor and Bob Kain, who screw up the paddle
distribution. This gives Charlie the extra time that they need, and they
pull
out the win for the extra 75 points.
Bravo may be 3-0 on the missions, but they are now 1-3 on the training
excercises, a fact not lost on the team. Byers; "We've been
pulling it out in the end - we can't do it forever." jody Taylor
agrees, "I don't know what we'd do if we weren't behind. This will
bite us in the ass soetime - it may
be this time."
Charlie, on the other hand, is pumped now that they finally won something.
"This gives us a lot more enthusiasm" says Wilson Wong. Also
something to give them enthusiasm - the fact that Bravo has zero
experience in doing something like the Combat Mission that they will be
doing.
And the mission?
It's called Pilot Down - a pilot is down in enemy territory. The tea has
to get to him before Shadow Squad does. They have to rescue him and get to
the extract point. If it gets compromised, then you have to go to a second
extract point much further away.
Charl...er...Chuck starts the mission first, and in the words of new
recruit Weber, 'When we crush this mission, everyone's going to see that
we're the new team in town." They get to the pilot without losing a
man, and are still intact when the copter goes down, which forces them
another 400 meters to the second extraction point. Ossie gets killed on
the way to the second point, but everyone else makes it and they complete
the mission in 22 minutes. Crenshaws death, however, opens the door to
Bravo, who could yet again pull another mission out of their butt if
everyone remains alive and the mission is completed in under 17 minutes.
As a side note, Crenshaw has been killed in 3 of the 4 missions that
Charlie has been in - and Crenshaw is wondering if his death this time
around will be the deciding factor.
Bravo must be perfect and quick. But quick is not in the vocabulary of
Jody Taylor right now. His body is starting to break down and he is
complaining yet again aboud hauling a 50 pound pack with him wherever he
goes. The sprained leg that he got on the obstacle course is starting to
take its toll.
But the squad does get through the mission unscathed, despite the slowness
of Taylor, who gets himself isolated for the rest of the group but manages
to get back on the team. They needed to not lose any one - and they
didn't. The question is - did they complete it fast enough?
Both camps discuss who they are going to get rid of. In Charlie Camp,
Crenshaw volunteers, since he was the guy who got shot, so if it's bacause
of them, then he should go. Bravo is a much tougher case to call. A visit
to the medic shows that Taylor now also has a bruised quad, and one good
hard shot on the leg could result on it giving out and him not being able
to walk away from the camp. Taylor remains undaunted, 'My heart is bigger
than my brain', but he is thinking about medically discharging himself -
if he does that, then the team can go into the Dossier Room to pick out a
new member - which they are allowed to do if someone leaves due to a
medical discharge. The rest of Bravo decides to wait for the results of
the vote, but they have the person who is gone, if they do suffer their
first loss.
And here are those results:
Charlie:
1075 - 50 (1 Dead) - 110 (22 minutes) = 915
Bravo:
1000 - 0 (0 Dead) - 75 (15 Minutes) = 925
Bravo stays undefeated and Team Chuck turns into team Chuckles with their
0-4 record.
But despite the victory, Taylor has decided that he has had enough. 'They
need someone who is healthy and bigger' Taylor explains as he medically
discharges himself. The team picks up Sean Sirken from Special Forces as
their new team member.
But we haven't heard the end of Taylor yet. In his final version of
Taylor's world, Jody says goodbye to everyone - while they are showering -
with the camera showing them in all of their glory. Well, he almost got
all of them. 'I was scared to get Bob, 'cause I thought Bob would find me
and kill me.'
Another departure - but this one not as pleasant. Charlie gets rid of one
of their own, but in a surprise move, Wilson Wong sacrifices himself and
resigns to save Crenshaw, who Wong says 'is the heart and the soul of the
team'. So Wong becomes the first replacement to get eliminated in the game
as Charlie now plays with 5 people.
We end this episode with the final Taylor rant. 'If I ever see another
rock sack, I will set it on fire...say Steve's name, Bob's name, and Major
Dever's name, dance around it, and stomp on it graciously!' So tell us
Jody, what do you really think of those rock sacks?
Next episode - Alpha gets bloody, and Bravo realizes that a crippled
Taylor may be better than a healthy Sirken.
Standings:
Bravo 4-0
Delta 3-1
Alpha 1-3
Charlie 0-4
February 27 2002
Here we go with the start of the second
set of matches for Combat Missions.
Let's quickly recap the teams evolution to this point.
Starting with the 1-2 Alphas:
Dan O'Shea
Marc Jackson
Frank Monestre - ELIMINATED
Scott Oates
Chris Pate - ELIMINATED
Mel Spicer
REPLACEMENT - HARALD ZUNDEL
REPLACEMENT - ERIC JOHNSON
And their opponents - The 2-1 Delta Squad -
John Teeple - ELIMINATED
BAZ
Garth Estadt
Scott Helvenston
John Nutter
John Winn
REPLACEMENT - GEORGE CIGANIK
Rudy Boesch addresses the troops to start this episode. Welcome to round 2
- this time around, if you lose a mission, you do not get to replace
anyone, and you have to play short handed. We have the 2-1 Delta Squad Vs.
the 1-2 Alpha Squad in a must win game - must win not only because if you
lose, you play short-handed, but also because 3-0 Bravo could run away
with it if Delta does not win tonight.
And speaking of Delta, it looks like this will be the all about Scott
Helvenston episode. Boesch - ,"I wish I was half as good as he is,
but he's got a big mouth. Muhammad Ali had a big mouth but he can back it
up. I think Helvenston can back it up too." LAPD's Don Anderson -
"He's done a good job but he's a trouble-maker" Alpha's Dan
O'Shea -'He's an impish little child'.
In the first bonus mission, Rifle Marksmanship, Helvenston starts to talk
trash - especially when Alpha is up 6-4 after the first round, and 16-9 in
the second. 'You can throw a round, Bubba', directed to the rest of Delta
when they knew that Alpha couldn't catch up. Delta wins, 20-12, they get
25 points, and Helvenston has a bulls-eye starting to form on his butt.
The bulls-eye gets finished in the next event - but before we get there,
it's time to see the main mission - it's called Pilot Down - a pilot is
down in enemy territory. The tea has to get to him before Shadow Squad
does. They have to rescue him and get to the extract point. If it gets
compromised, then you have to go to a second extract point much further
away.
The 50 point bonus event is the return of Thr Grid - knock the opposing
team off of the Grid into the pool using pugile sticks. You must keep your
hands on the sticks at all times - something that Delta ignores the first
2 times that it happens, and the first and second times they play it is
nullified.
But that gives Helvenston more than enough time to trash talk. He and
O'Shea get into it, then Spicer, then Oates, then the rest of the Alpha
Team. "You ain't got no honor' mocks Helvenston, shaking his hips
like Boy George.
Delta does, however, get the last laugh, as they knock all of the Alphas
into the water to become 2-0 in the Grid. 'Are you not entertained?' yells
BAZ afterwards. And more trash talking from Helvenston to O'Shea
continues. Despite Helvenston's actions, the Delta squad stands behind
him. 'You touch one of our boys, we're gonna hammer you' sayd Garth
Estadt. On the other side of the coin, Scott Oates reacts, 'I'm so pissed
I want to cry.'
Alpha is looking to bitch-slap Helvenston back to his momma, but Reese,
trying to calm things down, calls a meeting at 1800 hours. Alpha's Mell
Spicer reacts by saying "First we try diplomacy...then by any means
necessary.'
At the meeting, Rudy starts. 'Is there anybody that is pissed off at
anybody else?' And O'Shea immediately jumps on Helvenston. Helvenston's
response? 'Wah', as he gets into the fact that it's all a game and that he
wants to mess with the other team's minds - and if he does, then he's
doing his job. 'Is there anyone else embarrassed by my behavior?' he asks.
'I AM' Replies Major Dever, one of the judges of the game. 'You're
embarrassing all of us as seals.' says Dever. Helvenston retorts, 'The
only people who's opinions that I care about is my teams.', and that
response gets a visible shudder from team leader BAZ. After the meeting,
BAZ tries to make nice-nice with Alpha, but the damage has been done. 'I
went through third grade, and I don't want to go back there' says
Charlie's Cade Courtley.
Meanwhile, Rudy. who suggests settling it with a boxing match, then
changes his mind when he realizes that they probably would hurt each
other, says 'All you have to do is to keep your mouth shut for 2 weeks.
How you'll be able to do that, I don't know, but try it and you can do
it.' The only person who seems to have a calm head through all of this is
Helvenston himself. 'I got 75 points, but it's all for naught if we don't
take care of business.'
And Delta, with the 75 point advantage, starts the business at hand. BAZ
makes Helvenston the second-in command, which basically lets Helvenston
hoist himself by his own petard if he screws up the mission. But Delta is
smooth and gets to the pilot with no lost men. They get to the first
extraction point, where a helicopter is waiting for them - but they miss
the hidden Shadow Squad members who shoot the plane down, and the tea ust
hit the second extraction point - over 400 yards away. Ouch.
It takes 4 men to cart the pilot around, and they lose Ciganik, but they
do get to the extraction point and complete the mission in 32 minutes. The
loss of Ciganik, and the fact that they had to move to the second
extraction point does open up the door for Alpha to sneak out the win if
they perform
flawlessly - and they are certainly motivated to do just that, as in the
words of Scott Oates, 'We're not going to have Scott Helvenston yelling at
us and telling us what idiots we are'.
The Alpha squad does get to the pilot much faster than Delta does, but
they make their fatal move early as Oates gets taken out. That kills the
chance at the win, and just to put the nail in the coffin, the Shadow
Squad forces the Alphas into the second extraction point and pulls off a
successful ambush that takes out 3 more Alphas. Only O'Shea and Johnson
are alive to complete the mission, and they do finish it quicker, but too
many men lost make this a fate accompli.
Delta: 1075 - 50 (1 dead) - 160 (32 minutes) = 865
Alpha: 1000 - 200 (4 dead) - 140 (28 minutes) = 660
The Delta's win and Scott tells the team what idiots they are. Well, he
doesn't, but he does have a big smirk that is as wide as Texas. Oates gets
a verbal barb in, 'Maybe if he wins he can use the money to get some
(psychiatric) help.' But BAZ gets the last laugh, 'I'm sure Scott wants to
go down...say 'neener, neener. neener', drop his pants, and say kiss my
ass, but he won't do that, cause that's the way we are.'
Uhhh....Baz....you have one Mr. Rod Nutter who likes flashing everything
that moves, what makes you think that people dropping their trowsers
aren't the way you are?
Delta does predict that the captain will go down with the ship - and they
are right, as O'Shea, convinced that the team needs to refocus, takes
himself out of the contest. Alpha now has to go the rest of the way
short-handed, and O'Shea's final words, 'I think (Helvenston) has burnt a
brodge with the Seal Comunity'. Maybe, but he's still in it, but O'Shea
has burnt a bridge with the first prize community, since he is now out of
the competition.
Standings:
Bravo 3-0
Delta 3-1
Alpha 1-3
Charlie 0-3
February 20 2002
A very critical episode here for three of the teams. Bravo (2-0) faces
Alpha (1-1) this week. A Bravo win puts them clearly in the driver's seat
as the only 3-0 team. Al Alpha win, however, puts them and Delta all tied
for first with 2-1 marks (with Charlie being everyone's rented mule with
an 0-3 mark).
We are actually going to go with the mission first, since it's been
alluded at at the very beginning of the episode. The mission, like last
episodes, is Hostage Rescue (go into urban building and save hostage from
Shadow Squad). This is clearly playing right into the strengths of the
mostly SWAT-Team Laden Bravo squad - and Alpha knows this. The question is
- what will Alpha try to pull from their bag of tricks to turn the tide -
and will what they pull out bag be legal?
Lets meet the teams, starting with 2-0 Bravo:
Jeff Byers
Steve Claggett
Mark Corwin
Dexter Fletcher
Bob Kain
Jody Taylor
(NO ONE ELIMINATED)
And their opponents, the 1-1 Alpha Squad:
Dan O'Shea
Marc Jackson
Frank Monestre
Scott Oates
Chris Pate - ELIMINATED
Mel Spicer
REPLACEMENT - HARALD ZUNDEL
Alpha does have one SWAT person as a member of their team - Marc Jackson,
who is brimming with confidence. Dan O'Shea akes the redundant comment of
the episode, saying, "We're thrilled to have him on the team".
You better be thrilled, since he is your only shot at winning this
mission. O'Shea is visiting Bravo camp every day, trying to be nice and
friendly in order to get any semblance of strategy, but Bravo is not
buying O'Shea's steaming pile of monkey crap. Steve Claggett puts it
bluntly - 'We think that he may be having Bravo Team Envy'. Bravo, with 4
people on their team (Taylor, Claggett, Bob Kain and Dexter Fletcher) from
SWAT-land (who do these sort of missions every day), are far from
concerned, and Jody Taylor says, "We feel very confident that we can
beat Alpha in this Mission."
One thing that Bravo can not beat Alpha (or anyone else, for that matter)
in is any physical challenges. And this 50 point pre-mission bonus is an
obstacle course, which consists of using a rope to get over a wall, going
over and under logs, a rope hill and climb, log step climb and 10 foot
jump, wading through a pool of cold water, sliding/falling down a cargo
net, and then a small sprint to the end. You may as well put the win in
the Alpha column and not even bother with the event, but they ran it
anyway, with predictable results. Alpha pulled ahead during the log step
climb and ran away with it, completing it while Bravo was on the cargo
net.
Needless to say, the Bravo people were less than thrilled with what they
did on the stunt. 'I had a one point landing on my head' said Bob Kain,
and Jody Taylor added, "I don't have to go 3,000 miles (to take
this abuse), I can take this abuse from my wife and kids.' The only way
Alpha would have any shot at beating bravo was to get the points advantage
going into the mission, and right now, they are 50 up.
Bravo does not seeed too concerned, as they are too busy making fun of
Taylor, calling the place where he sits and his area that he has in the
tent 'Jody's World'. None of his team can figure out why he weirds out
when he gets to that state, as according to Claggett, 'We're not sure what
happens when you go there (Jody's World)'.
Time for the mission - and the recap from last episode - Don Anderson from
the LAPD SWAT Team describes the mission: The main mission is Hostage
Rescue. Linda Morris gets shot in the leg and the teams need to resuce
her. One of the people need to relieve the police officer on the scene,
who will tell them as much info as he can. Everyone else has to go in,
rescue the hostage, and get out. There are civillians all over the place,
who also are equipped with laser vests. Shooting a civillian will cost the
team 50 points, in addition to the usual penalties. If Linda Morris gets
killed, the team loses 250 points.
For Bravo, Bob Kain takes over as the leader, and everyone just shuts up
and listens, while in Alpha Camp, Jackson, who everyone knows it the main
guy for this mission, gets constantly questioned by captain Mel Spicer.
Scott Oates tries to get a sense of reason into the group by stating, 'We
should all be quiet, do what Marc tells us to do, and stop second guessing
him', but the group is trying to do whatever they can to get the edge in.
Frank "French" Monastre understands how important his job is, he
is the counter-sniper - he is supposed to eliminate all sniper attacks,
and since we all know about the hidden sniper (if you saw the last episode
synopsis, that is), his performance will be vital to the team's mission.
Kain, who is in the same real-life squad as Jackson, knows how important
Jackson's job is, since he has to teach all of these people everything in
one day, or in his words, 'Turn the students into experts".
Dan O' Shea knows his role is important too, as commits the dumb-ass move
of the episode by suggesting thay they cover the main hostage with a parka
when they get her. That will protect her from shock - but that will also
cover the Miles Laser system, so that she can not get registered as being
hit with enemy fire (and the team can't lose 250 points if they lose her
in the mission). This would be falling under the general principal that we
all commonly recognize as 'Cheating', but although people are cringing
(specifically Frank Monastre), no one (including Monastre) is actively
objecting (probably because they know they have to do everything to beat
Bravo), so away they go.
Bravo goes in, gets the hostage, comes out - and gets it done in an
amazing 6 minutes. But the hidden sniper gets Taylor, and that gives Alpha
some breathing room. While the copter is flying the Alphas to their
mission, you can hear Jackson in the background say, 'Under stress, you
can resort back to your old training'. That's exactly what O'Shea does, as
he gets too aggressive when it comes to getting the hostage and he gets
gunned down. But the rest of the group get the hostage - and cover her and
the miles laser system gear up. Monastre does get the hidden sniper before
the sniper takes anyone fr the Alpha tea out, and they complete the
mission with only O'Shea being eliminated.
The Alphas look like they are going to knock off Team Bravo - until Don
Anderson sees that the hostage was covered. 'You were told not to cover up
the Miles Laser System'. Team Alpha start saying that they were going to
cover her for shock, but Ansderson and Referree/Judge/Major Dever are not
buying Alpha's steaming line of monkey crap. 'Why did you cover it up?
Which one of you guys came up with the idea to cover it up?' O'Shea
confesses that is was him, and Dever puts it bluntly, 'O'Shea, you cost
your team 250 points! Remember that O' Shea, it was you that cost the team
250 points!' O'Shea looks like he's going to cry, and this will be the
second time that Bravo should have lost a mission, but will win it instead
thanks to the incompetency of the other team - but for the record, lets
tally up the points -
Bravo = 1000 - 50 (1 Dead) - 30 (6 Minutes) = 920
Alpha = 1050 - 50 (1 Dead) - 45 (9 Minutes) = 955
Alpha Wins!....oh...wait a second...
955 - 250 (Idiotic Dumbass Move of the Episode by Dan O'Shea penalty) =
705
Bravo improves to 3-0. Alpha has to discharge one of their own.
So which one goes? Will it be O'Shea, who made the dumbass move? What
about Spicer, who wants to be discharged since he got into a fight with
Dever and thinks that Dever is a (mule)hole? Or Marc Jackson, who was the
team leader and lost?
Well, if you follow the Marc Burnett strategy, you know that all of these
people are safe - instead it goes to the person least in the spotlight who
is the most likely to be gone - and that would be...
Frank Monastre, for 2 reasons: 1. He was the only person who had a problem
with putting the parka on the hostage, but didn't voice his opinion, which
cost his team the victory, and 2. if you look at last episode, he was the
person who was going to be eliminated if Alpha lost. In the words of
O'Shea, I think 'French' realized that what he brought to the table was
redundant.' Ouch. So, Monastre is gone and Eric 'Rough Neck' Johnson is
brought in.
This ends the first round robin competition. If you lose from now on, you
don't get to replace a guy and you have to be short-handed for the rest of
the competition. And next week, O'Shea gets it on with Delta's emotional
time bomb Scott Helvenston. Is it just me or did the room just get 10
degrees
hotter?
February 13 2002
This week's battle features the trials and torments of the 0-2 Charlie
Team. They have been squabbling all of last episode and after an argument
in philosophy, John Potter gets the boot after a failed leadership coup
attempt. Their opponents? A very united, very pissed off 1-1 Delta
Team who feels they should be 2-0 if not for a dumb move from ex-captain
John Teeple. Teeple is gone, BAZ is your new leader, and they want to
prove a point by making an example over Charlie. Usually, in this
scenario, with the Marc Burnett rules, this would mean that Charlie wins
tonight, but they have been so inept and fractured (read: Samburu) that it
looks like my prediction in the first episode (they are not going to last
long) is going to come true.
Let's meet the Delta Team:
John Teeple - ELIMINATED
BAZ
Garth Estadt
Scott Helvenston
John Nutter
John Winn
REPLACEMENT - GEORGE CIGANIK
And now, the soon to be 0-3 Charlie Team:
Ed Bugarin
Ossie Crenshaw
Jeff Everage - ELIMINATED
Ken Greaves
John Potter - ELIMINATED
Justin Young
REPLACEMENT - WILSON WONG
REPLACEMENT - CHRIS ' CADE' COURTLEY
And now, the Mark Burnett rules:
1. In the first 2 episodes, make the person the most visible the person
who gets booted. (Everage, Pate)
2. After that, spend a lot of time on someone to make the people think
that this person is next, but have someone who also makes enough make
mistakes to be eliminated but doesn't have as much air time and get rid of
him instead (profile Scott Helvenston, John Teeple eliminated, profile
Bugarin, Potter eliminated).
3. Make sure that the winner is seen to make a storyline with in the
episodes that his team is on where he does a decent aount of narrating
without showing much of his personality early (Most likely candidates to
be winner this early in the game: Jody Taylor, BAZ, Mel Spicer - I would
add Crenshaw to this list, but he's in Charlie, and they're not wining).
Just my early predictions as we start into the episode.
And we start with the self-professed 'Over the Hill Gang' Charlie trying
to get a little under the hill by adding Chris 'Cade' Courtley into his
squad - and Charlie immediately gets to be assigned to the outside of the
group by Bugarin. 'He seems to want to take over as leader' says Bugarin.
Well, everyone probably does, since the team is 0-2, and leader Bugarin
definately feels like he's on the hot seat.
As for Delta, they feel immediately renewed with the emergence of BAZ as
leader, as he inducts George Ciganik into the group with his team and with
this anecdote. 'You have a red dog, which is filled with negative energy,
and a white dog, who is filled with positive energy. If you put both dogs
in a fight, do you know which dog wins?...The dog that you have fed the
most...We will be the same Delta that we were when we started." Based
on these 2 opening paragraphs, Charlie is headed back to the discharge
room.
This combat mission is a SWAT mission - and Charlie has 2 SWAT members on
their team - Crenshaw and Wong, who have been partners together for over 4
years. They think that they have the edge. They do a profile on Crenshaw,
who spend 21 years with SWAT experience. This leads into the Combat
Mission bonus point contest - Double Pit Cross. Cross the first pit by
walking over a rope bridge. Cross the second pit by swiming in a sub 50
degreee pool. Whoever gets all of their team members over first gets 50
points towards their mission.
Crenshaw gets to be profiled in this event too, but not in a positive way.
When he jumps in the very cold water, his muscles seisure out and he
starts to drown. Bugarin and his partner Wong come to his aid as the team
gets him to the side of the pool for safety. The good news is that
Crenshaw is safe, but the bad news is that since one of their members
didn't complete the stunt, all the other team has to do is to complete the
stunt, regardless of time and they win the points, which is exactly what
Delta does.
Crenshaw is understandably miffed. "You tell the team I'm sorry, but
that doesn't add 50 points to your score." But it does add a
bulls-eye to your back if you're team loses the main combat mission.
But before we do that, a little light hearted fun with Team Delta. BAZ
starts to describe his team when a naked John Nutter storms out of the
lodge, wearing a cape (but thats it) yelling, "I'm super soldier!
Whooooo!!!", and then runs back into the lodge. BAZ finishes the
interview by saying, "Well I
was going to talk about my team, but I think that, well, that says it
all."
Apparently, Nutter likes showing off his privates to the camera on more
than one occasion. Rudy ends that as he calls Nutter into his office.
"Maybe I should send all 4 squads over so you can go and get it over
with". Responds Nutter, "That will not be necessary" and
that ends that.
The main mission is Hostage Rescue. Linda Morris gets shot in the leg and
the teams need to resuce her. One of the people need to relieve the police
officer on the scene, who will tell them as much info as he can. Everyone
else has to go in, rescue the hostage, and get out. There are civillians
all over the place, who also are equipped with laser vests. Shooting a
civillian will cost the team 50 points, in addition to the usual
penalties.
Both teams rehearse for the mission differently. Charlie lets Crenshaw be
the leader, since he has the experience with these sort of missions.
Bugarin explains, "The way this mission is, the SWATS and Crenshaw
will be our strong suit." Strong suit, or lack of confidence in the
current leader? Delta uses a cardboard model of the place and they spend
time rehearsing rescue tactics in the Mess Hall. Helvenston bitches that
this isn't the type of room that they will actually be in, but the rest of
the team shuts him up quickly.
Charlie rehearses outside at night, and avoide going into the Snake Pit -
where Delta is enjoying the night and talking smack about Charlie. As John
Winn explains, "Everyone beats up on Charlie squad. I feel bad for
them." Preparation edge and planning: Delta.
But it's Charlie who goes first on the mission. Wong replaces the officer
on duty and the rest of the team goes into the building. They lose Greaves
before they get to the hostage, but they still have 5 people intact before
leaving the building. But it's Ed Bugarin who again makes the dumbass move
of
the episode by plopping a smoke screen on one side of their outside
stairwell exit - but not the other, where a hidden sniper was waiting to
pick them off like ducks in a barrel. And down went 3 Charlie quackers -
so the only people left are Wong and Crenshaw. Wong finds the sniper and
shoots at him while Crenshaw runs to Wong, carrying the hostage on his
back. Charlie completes
the mission in a very quick 10 minutes, but they lose 4 men.
Delta's John Nutter relieves the officer at the scene, and the rest of the
team goes into the building that the hostage is in. Thanks to their
rehearsing, they don't lose anyone when getting the hostage, and a
perfectly placed smoke bomb creates a smoke screen that the sniper can't
hit anyone in. Nutter takes him out, and the team finishes the mission
flawlessly. Again, a non-exciting wait to see who wins. Here are the
scores:
Charlie:
1000 - 4 Casualties (200) - 10 Minutes to complete the mission (50) = 750
points
Delta:
1050 - 0 Casualties (0) - 17 Minutes to complete the mission (85) = 965
points
So Delta wins, and in the words of Bugarin, "If the machine is oiled,
it's time to fix it."
The normal reaction is that since Ossie Crenshaw goofed up the swim
excercise, and that they profiled him and he's 0-1 as a leader, then he
gets eliminated. But, if you quickly look up in the Mark Burnett rules (as
seen above) then you know that he's safe - so you look for the person with
not as
much air time who also has good reason to be eliminated. That would be Ed
Bugarin, whom the team has lost all faith in since he was replaced by
Crenshaw as captain. So the 51 year old king of the Old Farts gets the
unanimous heave-ho from his teammates and he is the next person gone.
Bugarin's replacement - Jonathan Weber, another guy with a lot of strength
and youth. I'm sure John Potter, who got tossed off last episode because
the team wanted Bugarin to lead instead of himself, is laughing his fanny
off right now. This is the last episode that you can add people - from now
on, a
loss means you play short-handed from now on.
We end this episode with a quote from Bugarin which pretty much summarizes
the Charlie team. When his team failed to rescue the 52 hostages in Iran
in 1982, he got a message from a (failed) president Jimmy Carter, 'The
greatest failure is the failure to try'. You can say that it's
heart-warming, but my reaction is this - do you want someone who has
failed continuously in
missions to be your team leader? Charlie did, and that led the team into
its current state. And the massive leadership problems have gone full
circle, as I don't see Charlie winning a single mission.
February 6 2002
Last week, we had the battle of the undefeateds. This week, we have the
battle of the unwinnables. The losers boot another team member and
precariously fall to 0-2 in the team standings.
This week we have Alpha Vs. Charlie - as a recap, here are the teams:
Alpha:
Dan O'Shea
Marc Jackson
Frank Monestre
Scott Oates
Chris Pate - ELIMINATED
Mell Spicer
REPLACEMENT - HARALD ZUNDEL
Charlie:
Ed Bugarin
Ossie Crenshaw
Jeff Everage - ELIMINATED
Ken Greaves
John Potter
Justin Young
REPLACEMENT - WILSON WONG
So we have the inexperienced and Old Fart but strong Alpha vs. the
experienced but Older Farts Charlie team. The Charlie team consists of
special forces, as Ed Burgarin explains, "They teach you how to build
a bridge and blow it up". John Potter is more succinct, "if
someone needed to be killed, you kill them". Very nice, John.
We're not even at the bonus mission yet and there's already griping in the
Charlie Camp. Potter, believing that it's a thinking man's game, wants
more experience, while Burgarin is looking for more size and strength.
It's painfully obvious that Everage, the man eliminated when they drew
swords back in Episode 1, was the glue of this team, and without him, this
team is going nowhere. Wong seemed to be brought in more because he's a
good friend of Ossie and Burgarun (read: voting insurance).
Alpha, on the other hand, is pleased that they have Harald Zundel in their
camp, Nicknamed 'The German' the Alpha team is pumped. 'We are going to
kick some major ass from now on' exclaims Zundel.
And in the first bonus points event, they do just that. The challenge is
called The Grid - the objective is to push the members of the other team
off of a grid they are on and into a pool using pugile sticks (this is the
second stunt that they lifted off of American Gladiators). The winning
team gets 75 points. Alpha has much more strength than the Charlie's - but
they win this one using strategy. The Alphas go inside out and push the
first group of Charlies in from the side. The rest of the Charlies were
overwhelmed by numbers. "Once I was down...I wanted to hold on until
the rest of the team assisted me. until I noticed that there were 5 yellow
Jerseys in the water." That quote came from Crenshaw, and once he was
down, the challenge was over. Alpha wins the event 5-1, and gets the bonus
75 points.
During the event, Justin Young gets his nose busted open and goes to see
nurse Heather Cunningham, who bandages him up. He thinks that Heather has
a crush on him. She is probably thinking that she should wrap his whole
head in a bandage, not just his nose.
So we are up to the Mission: Prisoner Rescue - and here's the exact recap
from last episode on it:
Prisoner Bill Nesby has information vital to national security, and he's
been kidnapped. Rescue him by ambushing a truck with the number #13 on it.
The truck will stop at a rest point - that would be the best time to
ambush the truck and save the prisoner. Major Utterback has already told
them that Delta failed to complete the task. Would you like some more
iodine to pour into Deltas wounds, major?
How the teams have jelled together can be seen no clearer than right here.
Charlies' Burgarin and Potter are squabbling with each other on how to
complete the mission - and they are sniping at each other. 'John is more
free-wheeling' explains Burgarin, while Potter thinks that since Burgarin
screwed up the last mission, someone else should be making the decisions.
Meanwhile, in the Alpha Camp, everyone is also putting n their opinions,
but they are all working together as a unit and Mel Spicer is grouping all
of the suggestions into one cohesive plan. O'Brien says that Spicer is a
'natural-born leader'. And Marc Jackson chimes in. 'If we lose, I don't
know what's going to happen'.
Meanwhile, Heather Cunningham is also doubling up as barber, and gives
Rudy Boesch a haircut. That's nice. NEXT!
Here comes the mission - and once again Truck #23 sneaks past Truck #13 to
go first. The Alphas attack it - but before it gets to the rest station,
so it gets cut off from the help at the station. They wipe out first Truck
#23, then the station. Jackson gets eliminated, but Truck #13 gets cut off
too, so they are easy pickings. The Alphas complete the stunt in 20
minutes and only have one man dead.
According to Burgarin, 'We need to be 15 minutes faster than the Alpha
team'. This would mean that they would have to complete the mission with
one casualty in 4 minutes (which ain't going to happen) or they have to be
perfect and complete it in 15 minutes (much more likely).
Charlie also decides to attack #23 first (leaving the Bravos the only team
smart enough to let the bogus truck through). But Burgarin once again
makes the dumbass move of the episode as they are caught advancing by the
station guards. They fire - down goes Greaves, down goes Crenshaw, and
down goes the Charlie's chances of winning. Let's do the recap for the
hack of it though: by the time #13 gets there, only Burgarin and Wong are
left, but they do take out #13 and they do complete the mission. As we all
know though, Alpha takes this one, easily.
More sniping on the way back between Potter and Burgarin. 'When you
retire, sometimes you lose track of things', gripes Potter, pointing to
Burgarin's age. But there is one glaring statistic. In the last mission,
Burgarin got 7 kills. Potter got zero.
Back in Alpha camp, they decide to figure out who they'll vote out just in
case they do lose (they don't know how Charlie fared, of course). None of
them want to draw swords, in case they pull what Charlie did and lose
their best man. Jackson nominates himself, since he's the one that got
killed, but O'Brien says 'We're stupid if we give up our SWAT guy.'
Monastre says that though his skills have been useful now, they will
probably be less so later, so he volunteers himself, and they all agree,
though they are all sort of joking and none of them think that they really
lost.
And the results are in:
Alpha: 1075 - 1 Dead (50) - 20 Minutes (100) = 925
Charlie: 1000 - 4 Dead (200) - 38 Minutes (190) = 610
Alpha wins in a rout.
Crenshaw says that they can't afford to pull swords again. Potter is
campaigning for the leader spot, and Rudy agrees with the move. But almost
no one else from Charlie does, and Wong is used as protection for
Burgarin, as Potter gets voted out 4-2 over Bugarin. The team opts for
brute force and size over experience, and they pick up Cade Courtley, and
at the end of episode 4:
Bravo 2-0, Alpha and Delta 1-1, Charlie 0-2.
January 31 2002
So here we are, at episode three of Combat Missions. In this episode, the
2 unbeaten teams will take each other on - Bravo Vs. Delta. The SWAT boys
against those goofy, personality filled Marines. And just for a reference
point...:
Team Bravo:
Jeff Byers
Steve Claggett
Mark Corwin
Dexter Fletcher
Bob Kain
Jody Taylor
Team Delta:
Rod Teeple - Captain
BAZ
Garth Estadt
Scott Helvenston
John Nutter
John Winn
Previously - Delta sneaks past Charlie, despite the fact that Teeple's
planning went sour, as did Scott Helvenston's ability to play with others
in the sandbox.
Our Sergeant Major, Major Utterback, starts narrating the episode as
Helvenston gets called into Colonel Rudy Boesch's office. Helvenston
pretty much gets court-martialed by Rudy. 'It would be better if you kept
your mouth shut and acted like the professional that you are', says
Colonel Boesch, who adds that Helvenston can be removed at any time that
Rudy believes that Helvenston will be a disruptive force in the Camp.
Helvenston apologizes for his emotional play, and leaves, where Rudy looks
like if this was real, that Helvenston would be doing a lot of KP duty.
Before we get to the events, what fun would military competition be
without a little trash talking? From Baz at Delta, 'If Bravo can keep with
us, great, if not, they can eat our dust.' Bravo, hearing about Delta's
cockiness and primadonna-like attitude, retorts, 'Delta is confident and
they have good hair, and good hair care products, because if you look
good, you feel good.' Score one point to Bravo for good insulting
technique.
But its the much more important 25 points that are up for grabs in the
first training test before the mission - Gun Assembly. Jumbled in a box
are pieces from 6 different types of weapons, including an M4 Rifle, M9
Pistol, Beretta, and Kolashnikov and Krinkov Assault Rifles. This one
should be right up the SWAT Team's Alley.
And it is - for the first 3 people on line. Then it's Steve Claggett's
turn for Team Bravo, and unlike everyone else on the team, he isn't
familiar with the weaponry that's left for him to assemble, so he does
what every military personnel member is trained to do at this juncture -
he pulls the good old-fashioned choke-job. The next 6 weapons that are
completed are all Delta's, and a 3-0 advantage turns into a 6-3 loss for
the Bravo Team. Everyone says 'Don't worry about it' to Steve - but
Jody Taylor says to the camera, 'We just lost 25 points to a good team',
and he is visibly concerned. And should Bravo lose the Team Mission by
less than 25 points, we will have our first nomination for discharged
unit.
Next up - a quiet moment with Delta's BAZ, who says he is doing this not
for the money, but for the camaraderie and the missions. When he was
saying this, I don't think that a captain who makes really bad team plans,
a person who self implodes on his team, and a psychotic was the comrades
he ideally wanted to be bonding with. NEXT!
This pre-mission event is worth 50 points - and it's called The Gauntlet.
There are four people on hovering mats floating on top of a
pool. Like the show American Gladiators, the objective is to get rid
of the people in the gauntlet - but you do this by knocking them into the
pool. The team that loses the fewest men while trying to knock the others
into the pool wins the bonus 50 points.
The Bravo's play offense first, while Team Delta defends first. Delta is
the stronger team physically, and it was pretty evident early. Scott
Helvenston endeared himself even more to the military community by trash
talking the Bravo competitors, and in one of the tauntings (at least of
the ones that weren't censored out) calling one of the Bravo men a
'Candyass'. All in all, it took four Bravo men to get through the
gauntlet. Then, almost immediately after, Delta played the offense, and
against a worn-out Bravo squad, who got the distinct disadvantage of going
first, the score (4-3) made it closer that what the footage shown looked
like. Delta gets the points, and will now be up 75 points going into the
mission.
Baz, of the victorious Delta team sums it up this way, 'Sometimes it's
time to live, and it was their turn to die'. Meanwhile, the Bravo Team
were still smarting from Helvenston's mouth. 'They had some good cheers
and cheerleaders on their side, everything shy of the pom poms and the
mini-skirts.' Jody Taylor was a bit more blunt, 'If Scott got discharged,
I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.' And from Byers, 'Helvenston's
personality is like a small child.' I'm guessing there's going to be no
Summer Luau reunion at Scott's place this year.
But now we come to the heart of the show - the Mission. It's called
Prisoner Rescue. Prisoner Bill Nesby has information vital to national
security, and he's been kidnapped. Rescue him by ambushing a truck with
the number #13 on it. The truck will stop at a rest point - that would be
the best time to ambush the truck and save the prisoner. Jody Taylor
asks if there are any other trucks in the vicinity - he is told yes. More
on this later. Major Utterback finishes with the manly, 'Let's kick some
ass out there, and away we go.'
In the mission planning segment, Rod Nutter explains on why everything is
going smoothly, 'Everyone here has some experience in mission planning.
That's the good thing about this team - you don't have any SWAT guys
going, 'What's going on here' with the field exercises'.
Meanwhile, the SWAT guys have come up with a plan - without the non-SWAT
guy's input. Dexter Fletcher felt a little slighted that he wasn't being
as involved as he thought he should be. He feels like an outsider - which
are the people that are usually first to go if the team loses.
Bravo, since they have less points, goes first. And here comes Truck #13 -
but it has a heated up engine, so Truck #23 passes is and THAT truck is
the first one to hit the rest stop - ahhh, tricky tricky. But the Bravos
don't fall for that one and let the truck pass by. #13 comes a few minutes
later, and in the words of Fletcher, 'That's our Truck!' Taylor gets 2
quick kills and gets the outpost men, while the rest of the team gun down
everyone in the truck. Claggett redeems himself from the earlier exercise
and grabs the prisoner and they all escape from the rest stop.
The Bravo team calls the helicopter and are waiting for an ambush - but no
one shows up - because they were all on Truck #23, which the team let by.
So the Bravo Team completes their mission in an almost flawless 19-minute
performance. With no casualties, The Delta Team pretty much also have to
get through the mission unscathed.
And speaking of which, they are still talking smack. 'Everyone's gunning
for us, because they're winning', says Helvenston. 'Let's take names, but
don't take too long - just take initials'. Geez, they were an Alpha ambush
and 5 points away last episode from getting creamed, and now they're all
that?
So here they come into the mission, above the ridge - and just like the
first exercise, here comes the truck switcheroo. This team, though,
doesn't remember the training briefing and for the second straight
episode, Teeple commits the Dumbass move of the episode by attacking the
truck without even bothering to check the number to see if it's the
right truck. Of course, there is no prisoner there, but 5 Shadow Force
members are. One of them kills Nutter, and for all intents and purposes,
they blow the mission right there. The team gets the people in the
truck, but BAZ fails to eliminate the 2 guards at the rest stop and they
take out Estadt and Helvenston. Meanwhile, truck #13 now shows up, and
more Shadow Force Troops come out to eliminate BAZ. Teeple and Winn soon
follow, and the cocky Delta Team goes down in history as the first group
to fail to complete a mission.
Helvenston is hoping against hope. 'If we somehow squeak this one out,
I'll die'. Much to the chagrin of everyone left on the base, Helvenston is
alive, but Delta's chances of winning this mission aren't.
Let's look at the scores, though it's academic at this point:
Bravo:
1000 - Men Killed (0) - 19 Minutes (95) = 905 Points
Delta:
1075 - TOTAL MISSION FAILURE (Penalty = all your points) = 0 Points
Lots of blame to go around the Delta Camp. Helvenston makes the
understatement of the year, 'The plan didn't really go according to plan',
and blames Teeple for giving the order to attack immediately without
checking things out. BAZ blames himself for not taking care of the Outpost
guards. Nutter wants to resign because he thought he let the team down.
Teeple wants to draw swords, while Helvenston wants to skewer Teeple with
his own sword. Amazing what a failed mission will do to the
cockiness of a team, eh?
So we go into the discharge room - and all of the suspense is short lived,
as Teeple discharges himself from the team (though it felt like if he
didn't, he was going to get the royal army boot anyways). Helvenston says
that Teeple still doesn't think he's wrong, but it seemed like the team
had enough of not one, but 2 botched missions that Teeple commandeered.
The team now goes into the dossier room, and picks George Ciganik
(codenamed EXTREME) from the files. Teeple is out, Ciganik is in, and
Bravo is the only team that has not lost a mission. Next week, someone
will lose a mission for the second straight time, as Alpha and Charlie go
at it.
January 24 2002
Welcome to the second episode of Combat
Missions. Last episode, we had Bravo and Charlie going after each other's
throats. Now this week we have Alpha and Delta doing the same, Let's meet
these 2 happy teams, starting with the Alpha Squad:
Dan O'Shea (Seems like the captain)
Marc Jackson
Frank Monestre
Scott Oates
Chros Pate
Mell Spicer
They all see like mellowed out
personalities - which means that since this is a Marc Burnett show, that
none of them will probably last too long.
Let's meet their opponents for
this week - Team Delta:
Rod Teeple - Captain
BAZ
Garth Estadt
Scott Helveston
John Nutter
John Winn
I don't know about you, but
when I know people that are protecting my country are named BAZ and
Nutter, that sort of leaves me with a feeling of dread. What's
leaving this team with a feeling of dread is that early on, they are not
jelling - at all. Teeple wants to talk strategy on how to perform the
mission, which is annoying everyone - specifically John Winn and Scot
Helveston.
And speaking of missions - the
mission that will determine which team will get to reorganize is Tank
Takeout - the same mission used on last week's show. More on that later on
in the recap.
But first, we have the mission that will give a team a bonus 50 points -
it's called Helo-Casting. The teams have to walk into 50 degree waters,
wearing 50 pounds worth of equipment. They have to all wade to the other
side of the lake, where there is a raft waiting. They then have to turn
the raft over, get on it - and ride it back over to where they first
entered the water. First team to do that gets 50 bonus points.
Well, the teams personalitites pretty much dictated how this stunt went.
Alpha, the calm mellow team, had no problem with team work and quickly
turned the raft over. Delta, on the other hand, despite Teeple's team work
speeches and lectures, had almost zero communication and had massive
problems working together. Alpha wins and get the 50 point bonus, while
Delta continues sniping at each other, with the brunt of it going to
Teeple, who may want to retake that course on how to play nicely with
others in the sandbox.
So here we go - it's Tank Takeout - which is the same mission that the
teams in episode 1 had to do (but we'll do a quick recap - Shadow Squad
has come in with tank - that bad. Blowing up tank - good. Lose 5 points
for every minute taken up - bad. Lose 50 points for each man
eliminated - real bad. Team that has the most amount of points at the end
wins - real good.)Delta's turn to go first. And they actually ambush the
first bunch of ambushers. The team keeps all of their members when they
get to the tank - which is better than what either of the first two teams
did.But Teeple, the slef appointed strategy expert, abandons all sense of
strategy and pulls the dumb-ass move of the episode by running adlib to
the tank. As he plays the role of 'John Wayne', according to his
teammates, Teeple and Winn advance to the tank - but they forget to bring
with them the explosives needed to blow up the tank .Helvenston still has
the explosives, and Teeple and Winn are picked off. Nutter also gets
eliminated, but Helveston does get to the tank with the explosives - and
blows the tank up. Your survivors are Baz, Estadt and Helveston, and the
mission is deemed a success.But Helveston thinks that the mission was
anything but a success, and he has no problems letting Teeple know about
his stupid move. "Did you go to the F&&*ing tank?...I ain't
happy and I can't pretend to be happy. Give me my obligatory 10 minutes to
calm down and I'll be happy". What a candid guy he is, as
Helveston puts it much more succinctly: "We sucked". Maybe, but
they had more people left alive (3) than either of the other 2
squads.Alpha goes next - and they have the 50 point advantage going into
the round. Pate feels like a fish out of water. "We don't fly too
many Huey's on our missions." He also doesn't wear that much
equipment, either - Pate is struglling up the hill and he takes his sweet
time getting up the first ridge, which causes the team to wait for him for
a few minutes. But all six people are still alive when they get to the
tank.
After dispatching of the
ambushers, the team gets to the tank and sets up the detonators. They
successfully blow up the tank, and all they have to do is get to the
helicopter that's awaiting them and they cruise to the win.But a funny
thing happened on the way to the helicopter. You wonder why there wasn't
really any Shadow Force people waiting for them by the tank? Because they
were all waiting for the Alpha team by the helicopter. The Shadow Force
ambush and nearly pick off almost all of the team, and only Oates gets to
the helicopter. Will the loss of almost all of the crew offset both the
fact that they completed the mission quicker and their 50 point bonus
lead?Teeple believes that it won't, and he volunteers to walk away should
Dellta lose. The rest of the team say that they would rather draw swords
to decide who goes, but Teeple insists to take the fall for the team (and
you have to think that Helveston would be the person waiting to push him
off of the cliff).
And here comes the moment of
truth...Team Delta:1000 - 150 (3 men Eliminated) - 155 (31 minutes for
mission) = 695
Team Alpha:1050 - 250 (5 men Eliminated) - 110 (22 minutes for mission) =
690
Delta/Team Dysfunction escapes
with the win, despite the faux pax by Teeple. Alpha takes the loss
and now must vote off one of their own. Here's the interesting point -
despite the fact that the ambush killed their chances, Alpha could have
still won if they completed their mission 2 minutes faster. And how could
they have done that? If Mr. Pate didn't get long winded by the equipment
and got up the will with everyone else.
In the discharge room,
everyone seemed to agree with my assessment, as Pate gets the unanimous
heave-ho. However, in this round, the team gets to replace the ejected
teammate with someone fro 'The Dossier Room'. In this case, the new person
is Harold (though spelt on the graphic as Harald) Zundel, who is a friend
of O'Shea. So Zundel comes in as Pate leaves, and he is greeted warmly by
Team Alpha. The joy may be short-lived, however - after round 1, the next
time you have to get rid of someone, you have to play short handed for the
rest of the competition.
January 17 2002
So after spending the week watching people get
burnt and frozen and having alligators being shoved into their face, its
so nice and relaxing to be covering a show based on....military war.
Welcome to Combat Missions, Marc Burnett's latest creation.
Hosted by Survivor's Rudy Boesch, the game has 4 teams - each team is
comprised of 6 people. The teams are: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie and Delta.
There are 6 people in each team. Each week, 2 of the teams compete in a
team challenge - and the losing team, in Survivor fashion, has to vote off
one of their own.
The teams have to face a common enemy, who will be attacking them and
trying to stop them. They are the Shadow Squad, and they will try to
stop the teams from completing the mission. The other regulars are Rudy,
Sergeant Major, and the local natives running the bar - more on them
later.
Tonight's competition will feature the teams Bravo Vs. Charlie. Alpha and
Delta get to be seen next week. Let's meet the Bravo Brigade:
Jeff Byers
Steve Claggett
Mark Corwin
Dexter Fletcher
Bob Kain
Jody Taylor
Jeff immeditaely states that there are four SWAT members on the team - and
he isn't one of them. Meanwhile, Dexter Fletcher wants to start
nicknaming people and the man nicknamed "Kojak" (aka the
bald Bob Kain) isn't amused.
Now on the other side of the fence, let's meet the Charlie Coven:
Ed Bugarin
Ossie Crenshaw
Jeff Everage
Ken Greaves
John Potter
Justin Young
This team is made up of mostly Seals - and guys who are over 30. Jeff says
the team is called the 'Over the Hill Gang' - but he says with age, comes
experience. So he have the inexperienced Swat team against the experienced
bunch of old fart Seals.
Or we thought they were old farts - but the 40 year old Jody Taylor on
Team Bravo is the one complaining about the physical treatment. The
warm-up excercises consists of a 3 mile run - which is no problem for the
Seals, but for Taylor, who is a handgun specialist, not a fitness expert,
he comes in second to last with all of the troops. Then they have a run
with a 50 pound rock set on your back - run twice around the field. Taylor
comes in second to last. 'This is not what SWAT cops do' whines Taylor.
Memo to Taylor - your team better not come in last, because you have
'WEAKEST LINK' written on your back end.
After the lovely morning workout, the teams get their Mission Briefing -
'Tank Takeout'. The Shadow Squad has infiltrated the area with a tank. The
mission is to destroy the tank with a set of explosives.
But first is a chance to get a bonus 25 points for the mission in an event
called 'Log Carry Hell'. All 6 people carry a 500 pound log around an
obstacle course. After every 15 minutes, one man has to stop carrying the
log. The first team to let the log touch the ground loses.
The course consists of balance beams and bars to move the log over and
under, but the most daunting obstacle is a sand dune that the team has to
bring the log up over. After 15 minutes, not-surprisingly, Taylor drops
out, but at the 45 minute mark, it is the Charlie team that gets screwed
as they have to lose a member - right before the sand dune. 3 people
trying to carry a 500 pound log up a big sand dune? Ain't going to happen,
as the lead guy lurches over at the top of the dune, taking the log with
him. Team Bravo gets the win and the extra 25 points.
After the event, both teams wind up going to the local bar, called The
Snake Pub. The female waitresses are called 'Charlie's Angels', and Rudy
is there - but don't call him a waitress, or he'll slug you.
Waitress Leigh Koechner thinks that Charlie's Jeff Everage will be going
far, while Rudy is bitching out Charlie's John Potter for not being in the
best physical shape and for wearing a ponytail. Nice to see Rudy mellowing
out after all of these years.
Time for the main mission - and here's how it goes - the team start with
1,000 points. They lose 5 points for each minute it takes to complete the
mission. In addition, the team gets laser pulsar guns and laser sensitive
vests. If a vest buzzes, then you're 'dead' and are out of the mission. A
team loses 50 points for every person killed during the mission. The team
with the most amount of points left wins, and the losing team gets rid of
a person, BUT gets to replace them with someone else later on in the game.
Charlie starts first, and the Rudy-maligned Patton gets the first 2 kills.
But Young gets sloppy and gets eliminated. Crenshaw and Greaves clean out
the tank, but miss the 2 people hiding behind it and they get killed.
Everage gets pinned down and eliminated, too, but while that is going on,
Bugarin and Patton get to the tank. Patton gets shot, but Bugarin ges the
explosive off and the mission is completed. Only Bugarin survives.
Bravo's turn - and Byers and Corwin are gone almost immediately. Kain
tries to play marksman but gets taken out, and Claggett, who is wearing
the explosives needed to blow up the tank, also gets gunned (or should I
say pulsed) down. Only Taylor and Fletcher are left. But Taylor decides to
take out all of the guys first before continuing. He gets 7 kills and
succeeds in pinning the rest down while Fletcher sets up and detonates his
explosives under the tank. The Bravos also accomplish their mission.
So it's time so figure out the point totals:
Charlie:
1000 - 250 (5 people dead) - 180 (36 minutes to cmplete the mission) = 570
Points Total
Bravo:
1025 - 200 (4 people dead) - 175 (35 minutes to cmplete the mission) = 650
Points Total
The Bravos win! Taylor is safe from the vote. Potter, however, isn't.
So the first question asked when they get back to the dorm comes from
Everage - 'Is there anyone that wants to take the hit for
the team?' Let's see - is there anyone who voluntarily wants to eliminate
himself from winning the first place prize? uhhhhhh......no. The
team is very split on whether to vote or let fate make the choice for them
- more on that later.
And at the voting area (Discharge section), they were so split, that no
one decided to vote. The 'fate' option is to draw swords - one of them has
a red tip. If you pick that one, you are eliminated. Everyone wants to
draw swords except Everage, who wants to vote. And of course, it's Everage
who gets the red tipped sword and who is now eliinated.
But unlike the other reality shows, instead of being down a team member,
the surviving team goes into a room called the 'Dossier Room', where they
get to pick a new member. Ossie tells Team Captain Burgurin that Wilson
Wong, who Ossie knows and is friendly with, is the right man for the job.
The captain agrees and as Everage walks out, Wong walks in and takes his
position in
the army line.
My Take - Easily, the best of the 3 shows debuting this week. Boesch is
much more comfortable than John McEnroe and Rick Schwartz, and he'll
only get better. There are elements in this show that Burnett should use
for the next season of Survivor - like replacing Team Members during the
game and having more than 2 tribes. This shows game play potentially can
be better than 'Survivor', and from a merit standpoint, this is a much
more fun game based on 'honor' - though we'll see how long THAT lasts...
But all in all, a very good show and a nice start for Burnett's next
series.
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