-
real life versus online feeding -
A big obstacle is that I want my
feeding to be
real-life, in person
arrangement. If not 24/7, then at least close enough for frequent
visits
throughout a
week or on weekends.
I don't want an online/long distance thing.. someone far away telling
me
to eat. For one, I want to be fed in person, to experience
having
food shoved in my face while I can't resist and have constant feedee
reinforcement, training, and even humiliation. Hands-on
fattening. Not to mention having someone else there to feel and
squeeze my new fat. It's the real life sharing of the experience
that makes it so special.
Long distance doesn't really fulfill any of that. When feeding
online,
there's a thrill
in
doing something I know I shouldn't (indulging in something fattening),
but afterwards I usually get upset at myself, knowing that I'm just
going to have to work out harder to undo what I just did.
Eventually, I'd feel silly for gaining
weight for someone who wasn't even there to actually enjoy it.
Not to mention making that sacrifice and submission for someone I've
never even met.
It'd be
too easy for me to back out or be tempted to cheat if being fed online,
no
matter how honest my intentions were. There's not really any way
to stay on top of someone to make sure they're keeping up with their
eating online. There are some ways, like monitoring a scale or
measurements with a webcam, but even that can be faked. Or I
might go through a patch where I just wasn't gaining, and an online
feeder might take the unmoving scale to mean I was cheating and get mad
at me for no good reason. And while it's possible that an online
feeder might take enough control that telling me what to do would be
virtually the same as tying me down and forcing me, that feeder could
disappear with no warning or explanation (which happens all the time
online), leaving me to deal with being fatter on my own. I just
don't think doing this sort of thing long distance would ultimately be
satisfying in the long run.
Admittedly, there's a certain safety in demanding
only a real life
feeding relationship: I know the chances of finding that are
slim, so
the
chances of getting fat are also small. I'm sure there are plenty
who
would feed me online, so I would almost certainly gain weight sooner or
later if I opened myself up to that. To be fair, I suppose there
are pros as well as cons to gaining online. Some might argue that
being a long distance feedee is a truer submission to being a fatslave,
i.e. the willingness to gain in spite of the obvious drawbacks.
It could be called a greater act of submission to transform for someone
I
would never meet, continuing to eat as directed and get fat on my own
(with online help) to show that the eating and gaining and giving up
control are more important than the in-person relationship
benefits. A person who is willing to make themselves fat would
have a stronger
acceptance of their fate than one who needed to be coerced into
it, and could possibly be considered more 'genuinely' obese than
someone who was coaxed into it with additional pleasures. I
suppose it's possible that I could be convinced by the
right someone that it was important for me surrender control over my
size to someone I could never meet, and how that would allow
me to embrace the act more fully, and that getting fat for them long
distance was the path I needed to take.
One of the reasons of being fed in person--and
forced to do so--is a lessening of the guilt of getting fat. I
could always rationalize it by saying 'She made me do it, I no longer
had a choice.'
Feeding for someone online would put all of that responsibility
squarely on me. I would have no one but myself to blame if I
didn't like it, which actually would more accurately parallel the
experience of
someone who got fat all on their own just because of their love for
food. It could be considered a greater sacrifice to assume all of
that
responsibility on myself and free my feeder of any guilt or
responsibility of the result of their encouragement. They would
be able to make me get fatter with no strings attached. Even the
chance of the feeder disappearing into the ether could be spun
positively; I would be giving so much and expecting nothing in
return except the privilege of being fatter. Their going away and
leaving my on my own once they were done with me could even be made
clear at the start, and I would be encouraged to prove the depth of my
submission to feeding by eating with full knowledge that I would be
left alone to deal with the consequences. Kinda scary, but I
guess I'd have plenty of time and persuasion to get used to the idea.
Long distance feeding could possibly enhance the
feeder's sense of power in some ways, knowing that I continued to eat
as told without the threat of force or physical punishment.
Knowing
that they controlled my mouth and what food went into it even at a
great distance. Or that
I had become lazy and ceased to exercise simply because I was told
to. The absent feeder
could jealously 'ruin'
me by making me gradually less attractive to non fat fetishists as I
gained weight, thereby lessening my chances for a real life
relationship. That would cause me to become more dependent on the
online feeding, less likely to change my mind and more likely to
continue eating as I was
told. My being aware that was the whole intention would make for
added
humiliation, since I'd know the feeder wanted nothing more than for me
to end up as just
another lonely fat
woman sitting at a computer, and that I was going to have to turn
myself into
that fat woman, a virtual shut-in, by my own hand. They might
even be
able to be
persuade me over the course of the feeding that, next to being fat, the
most important thing was for me to have the experience being fat and
permanently single like so many others, convincing me to vow to never
even seek
a real life relationship.
Though if I did gain online, I wonder where it would
end if I truly lost control and the feeder bore no real
responsibility?
I
wonder if, even long distance, I would be
able to stop feeding myself if my mobility started to become
compromised. If the gradual gain resulted one day in me requiring
a cane to get around, would I still dutifully waddle to the webcam and
stuff my mouth as I was told, addicted to the praise for getting
fatter? Would I be unwilling to alter my feeder's slow gain diet
plan because I had come to love to always eat whatever I was
told, even if I knew it was more than I ought to be eating at that
size? Would they condition me to be unable to refuse to eat for
everyone who wanted me to eat for them online, putting
food in my mouth for anyone out there who told me to? Would I
reach such a point of low willpower and helplessness that I wouldn't be
able to refuse
an outright command to put my affairs in order, arrange for in-home
nursing care, then steadily feed myself to immobility? Would
I one day find that I had fed myself to
immobility, imprisoned in my own bedroom, and yet continued eat for the
camera for someone who
wasn't even present? Well, I suppose it's a remote
possibility.
But it's all conjecture at this point.