Suds
[American release version:]
1
Oh, this is no tale of gay romance,
Of storm-swept shores, adventure-girt
Of bold, heroic circumstance,
Of daring deeds, of luck, of chance,
Of purple pain, of hectic hurt ---
2
No! no!
NO! NO!
3
No hero here with passion pants --
This is the tale of a shirt!
4
What ho!
Let's go!
5
LONDON.
6
Spring had come to Effingham street
--- a spring without the song
of birds or the scent of blossoms.
7
And in this street
there stood a -
8
Lavender, who still thinks
he is a horse ---
9
--- trying to keep up
a brave front with a
laundry wagon in back.
10
Benjamin Pillsbury Jones,
who is back of Lavender
in everything he does --
11
"Where is Amanda?"
12
"Amanda! Amanda!"
13
"AMANDA!"
14
"'Ere I be, yer ladyship!"
15
"Blimy, you 'nd Lavender
'ave a 'ell of a time,
don't you, Sudsie?"
16
"When 'Orace Greensmith, hesquire,
calls fer 'is shirt -- --
and me, - - then I laughs last."
17
"Lor! Imagine a swell
takin' 'er away!"
18
"A gent she don't even know,
I'm a thinkin'!"
19
"Garn, shirt-tail wringers!"
20
"Cheer-oh, Lavender, old top!
'Ere's one bloomin' barsket
you won't 'ave to lug!"
21
"On the 'appy day I becomes
the blushink bride of
'Orace Greensmith, hesquire,
you delivers yer last
corset-cover!"
22
"Sell 'im to the glue fact'ry!
He ain't no good no more!"
23
"Petit cochonne!"
24
"Enfant de chien!"
25
"Vermine!"
26
"I - never - did!"
27
"Petite imbecile! Wash-
you these clothes
if it take all night!"
28
"And down the long and silent street,
The dawn, with silver-sandalled feet,
Crept like a frightened girl."
29
In the night's dead stillness,
while all London sleeps - -
30
--- slight noises seem
like thunder - sounds,
and each shadow some
hideous monster hides!
31
He had left the shirt
eight months and six-
teen days ago -- and had
never come back for it.
32
Eight months and sixteen
days ago -- but it seemed
like yesterday to her!
33
And so the spring morning
swung into its drab routine ---
34
"Strike me pink! If
she ain't washed
the bloomin' shirt again!"
35
"She washes it twice
a week - - to keep
'is memory clean!"
36
"Please - Oh, please don't!"
37
"'Orace is comin', so
I keeps it ready."
38
"Garn, he ain't never
comin' - he's a myth!"
39
"A myth, is 'e? I'll tell you
somethink you don't
know -- 'E's Sir 'Orace ---
'e belongs to the nobility
--- the same as I does ---"
40
"If yer such a fine lady,
wot are yuh doin' 'ere?"
41
"Me father wanted me
to grow up without
any rank -- or pearls
-- or carriages ---"
42
"-- -- so as I should be
loved for meself alone!"
43
"It wuz a wintry night
-- bitter cold it wuz
outside the castle ---"
44
"The arch-dook, me father,
'ad me locked in
the tower."
45
"--- And 'ere you must
remain, daughter, till
yer love for Sir 'Orace
is cold 'nd dead!"
46
"Not that, Father, in
'eaven's nime,
not that!"
47
"Lock and bar them doors!"
48
"Sir 'Orace wuz a 'andsome
figger as he dashed
bravely forth outer the night."
49
"Duchess!"
50
"Sir 'Orace, at last!"
51
"Sir 'Orace, me 'ero,
me own true knight!"
52
"Nothink shall separate us
now, sweet'eart -- nothink!"
53
"The arch-dook's rage wuz
turrible to be'old!"
54
"What ho, poltroon!
What do you 'ere?"
55
"I'm 'ere becuz I loves 'er!"
56
"You, Sir 'Orace, like all
the rest, loves 'er
for 'er jools 'nd title!"
57
"Nay!...Why, I'd lay down
me life for 'er!"
58
"I'd even give 'er the
shirt off me back!"
59
"I with'old me consent!
Leave this 'ouse!"
60
"I refuse!"
61
"It is for the best,
darlink - Good-bye!
Good-bye!"
62
"You, too, daughter, must go
out into the world and
be loved for yerself alone!"
63
"Gimme them there jools!"
64
"And with the token of 'is
great love wrapped
about me slight but
shiverink form, I faced
the cru-el world -- alone!"
65
"And this 'ere is
the very shirt!"
66
Imagination is God's greatest gift
.... Even a hungry flea
on a toy dog may be happy
- - with imagination!
67
"You've got some stupid fool
'ere who sent me this --
But I want to thank you,
because my wife saw it
and left me this morning!"
68
"Oh, monsieur, I am
so very sorry --"
69
"Idiot! You will loose me
all my customer!"
70
"Mon Dieu, donnez-moi la force
pour �craser ce ver!"
[dissolves to:]
"My Lord, give me the strength
to crush this worm!"
71
"HELP! HELP!"
72
The day was too long for
poor, tired, old Lavender -
73
"It is the finish - -
I sell 'im for glue!"
74
The glue factory ---
the inglorious end of
old horses after years
of faithful service --
75
"You wouldn't -- if you knew
Lavender like I does!"
76
So they carted Lavender
away -- and none so poor
to do him reverence!
77
"They 'ave taken Lavender
to the glue fact-ry."
78
"Wot for?"
79
"To be kilt! 'E's old
and can't work no more."
80
"I'll give yuh money
- - all I've got!"
81
Back into the sunshine of life,
but not for long - -
for when it rains in London
- - Blimy, 'Ow it does pour!
82
Bright and early
Sunday morning - -
Boudoir Secrets of
a Duchess - -
83
Lady Burke-Cavendish -
in Effingham street on
an errand of mercy --
84
"Do you mean to say
you have no place
to take him?"
85
"No, I 'aven't, yer ladyship.
'E spent the night with me."
86
"I say, have you observed
the shabby individual
on my right?"
87
"Raw-ther! .... But
ignore him, Reggie
- - he's in trade."
88
"Don't be so cocky! Life,
my young friends,
is a long road with
many hills ---- and the
journey's end uncertain!"
89
"If you wish, I will
send him out to
my country place,
Sunnyside Downs."
90
Next day was Whitsun Monday
-- the great spring holiday --
91
The laundry was to
close at noon ---
92
"The compliments of Lady
Burke-Cavendish to
Miss Amanda Afflick!"
93
"Her ladyship desires your
presence without!"
94
"I have stopped to tell you
that your friend Lavender
is well and happy."
95
"-- -- -- and with your
permission he will spend
the rest of his days
there -- -- in clover!"
96
"It was me aunt, the countess,
with a message from me
father, the arch-dook!"
97
"Why didn't yuh get 'er to
tike yuh to 'Ampstead
for the 'oliday?"
98
"Sir 'Orace is a-comin'
for me!"
99
"'Orace!"
100
"Please don't give me away,
Mr. Greensmith! Let me
'old yer 'and a minute!"
101
"Oh, it's like one from
the grave!"
102
"Don't you dare let on
you don't know me - -
not till the girls go!"
103
"See you at 'Ampstead, Sudsie
-- -- you and Sir 'Orace!"
104
"What's all this nonsense?
I don't know you!"
105
"My, but you're 'andsome,
Mr. 'Orace -- -- --"
106
"- - - but I s'pose
you knows that!"
107
"Come now, step lively
-- -- get me me shirt!"
108
"I washed it twice a week
to 'ave it ready for you."
109
"What does all this mean?
And what's this about
'Ampstead, eh?"
110
"The girls thinks as 'ow
you're goin' to take
me to 'Ampstead ---"
111
"They thinks as 'ow you're
in love with me!"
112
"I'll take you to 'Ampstead!"
113
"On second thoughts,
p'raps we'd better
go to Epping Forest."
114
"Epping? ... Oh, the girls
wouldn't see us there."
115
"That's it, y'see - -
we'd miss the crowd
-- it'd be much nicer --"
116
It came to her swiftly,
poignantly --- that he
would be ashamed of her!
117
"I can't go, reely,
Mr. Greensmith --"
118
"My folks wouldn't let me --"
119
"Besides, I wuz
only jokin'."
120
"Say you ain't angry --"
121
"If - if I only 'ad
somethink to
remember you by!"
122
"You're a game little kid!"
123
"Who would love me?"
124
"Who could?"
125
"Nobody never won't!"
126
As Lavender would say,
"The roads of life are
sometimes bumpy, but you
never know what awaits you
just around the corner."
127
"How would you like to
stay here and serve us?"
128
"'Orace! what are you
doink here?"
129
"Workink. What are
you doink 'ere?"
130
"I'm workink 'ere too.
'Ave a dish o' tea?"
131
"O, 'Orace, 'ow you do
carry on!"
THE END
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[Foreign release version (includes reconstructed titles):]
1
No! no!
NO! NO!
2
No hero here with passion pants --
This is the tale of a shirt!
3
What ho!
Let's go!
4
LONDON.
5
Spring had come to Effingham street
--- a spring without the song
of birds or the scent of blossoms.
6
And in this street
there stood a -
7
Lavender, who still thinks
he is a horse ---
8
- trying to
keep up a brave front
with a laundry wagon
behind him.
9
"Where is Amanda?"
10
"Amanda! Amanda!"
11
"AMANDA!"
12
"'Ere I be, yer ladyship!"
13
"Blimy, you 'nd Lavender
'ave a 'ell of a time,
don't you, Sudsie?"
14
"Wait till 'Orace Greensmith
hesquire, calls fer his
shirt - and me - you'll
soon see who laughs last!"
15
"A bloke what she's never
so much as set eyes on!"
16
"Garn, yer old mangle-worms!"
17
"Cheerio, Lavender, old bird.
Any'ow, 'ere's one
blinkin' barsket as you
won't 'ave to lug!"
18
"On the 'appy day I becomes
the blushink bride of
'Orace Greensmith, hesquire,
you delivers yer last
corset-cover!"
19
"Sell 'im to the glue fact'ry!
He ain't no good no more!"
20
"Petite peste!"
21
"Esp�ce de idiote!"
22
"Vermine!"
23
"Sich language!"
24
"Petite imb�cile!
Wash you zese
clothes if it take
you all ze night!"
25
"And down the long and silent street,
The dawn, with silver-sandalled feet,
Crept like a frightened girl."
26
In the night's dead stillness,
while all London sleeps - -
27
--- slight noises seem
like thunder - sounds,
and each shadow some
hideous monster hides!
28
He had left the shirt
eight months and six-
teen days ago -- and had
never come back for it.
29
Eight months and sixteen
days ago -- but it seemed
like yesterday to her!
30
And so the spring morning
swung into its drab routine -
31
"Strike me pink! If she
ain't washed that there
bloomin' shirt again!"
32
"She washes it twice a
week - for to keep
'is memory clean-like!"
33
"Please - Oh, please don't!"
34
"'Orace is comin', so
I keeps it ready."
35
"Garn, he ain't never comin' -
he's a fairy-taile!"
36
"Fairy-taile, is 'e? I'll tell
you somethink you don't
know - 'E's Sir 'Orace -
'e belongs to the nobility -
same as me!"
37
"If you're such a fine
lady, wot are you
a'doin' of 'ere?"
38
"Me father wanted me for
to grow up without
no rank - nor pearls -
nor carridges!"
39
"- so as I should be
loved for myself alone!"
40
"It wuz a wintry night
- bitter cold it wuz
outside the castle -"
41
"The arch-dook, me father,
'ad me locked in
the tower."
42
"- And 'ere you remain,
daughter, says 'e, till
yer love for Sir 'Orace
is cold 'nd dead!"
43
"Not that, Father, in
'eaven's nime,
not that!"
44
"Sir 'Orace wuz an
'andsome figger
as he dashed bravely
forth inter the night."
45
"Duchess!"
46
"Sir 'Orace, at last!"
47
"Sir 'Orace, me 'ero,
me own true knight!"
48
"Nothink shall separate us
now, sweet'eart -- nothink!"
49
"The arch-dook's rage wuz
turrible for to be'old!"
50
"Nay!...Why, I'd lay down
me life for 'er!"
51
"I'd even give 'er the
shirt off me back!"
52
"I withhold me consent!
Leave this 'ouse!"
53
"You too, daughter, must go
out into the cold, grey
world and be loved for
yerself alone!"
54
"Gimme them there jools!"
55
"And with the token of 'is
great love wrapped
about me slight but
shiverink form, I faced
the cru-el world -- alone!"
56
"And this 'ere is
the very shirt!"
57
Imagination is God's greatest gift
... Even a hungry flea
on a toy dog may be happy
- with imagination!
58
"You've got some stupid fool
'ere who sent me this -
But I want to thank you,
because my wife saw it
and left me this morning!"
59
"Oh, monsieur, I am
so very sorry -"
60
"Idiote! You lose me
all ze customairs!"
61
"Bon Dieu, Si je pouvais
�craser cette vermine!"
62
"HELP! HELP!"
63
The day was too long for
poor, tired, old Lavender -
64
"It is finish - I sell 'im
for ze glue!"
65
The glue factory -
the inglorious end of
old horses after years
of faithful service -
66
"You wouldn't -- if you
knowed Lavender
like I does!"
67
So they carted Lavender
away - and none so poor
to do him reverence!
68
"They 'ave taken Lavender
to the glue fact-ry."
69
"For what?"
70
"To be killed! 'E's old
and can't work no more."
71
"I'll give yer money -
every penny I've got!"
72
Back into the sunshine
of life, but not for
long - for when it rains
in London - Lord love a
duck, 'ow it does rain!
73
Bright and early
Sunday morning -
Boudoir Secrets of
a Duchess -
74
Lady Burke-Cavendish -
in Effingham street on
an errand of mercy --
75
"Do you mean to say
you have no place
to take him?"
76
"No, I 'aven't, yer ladyship.
'E spent the night with me."
77
"I say, have you observed
the shabby individual
on my right?"
78
"Raw-ther! .... But
ignore him, Reggie
- - he's in trade."
79
"Don't be so cocky! Life,
my young friends,
is a long road with
many hills ---- and the
journey's end uncertain!"
80
"If you wish, I will
send him out to
my country place,
Sunnyside Downs."
81
Next day was Bank Holiday!
82
Mme. Didier had managed to
persuade her laundresses
to work till noon - -
83
"The compliments of Lady
Burke-Cavendish to
Miss Amanda Afflick!"
84
"Her ladyship desires to
have a word with you!"
85
"I have stopped to tell you
that your friend Lavender
is well and happy."
86
"- and with your permission
he will spend the rest
of his days there -
in clover!"
87
"It was me aunt, the Countess,
with a message from me
father, the Arch-dook!"
88
"Why didn't you get her to
tyke you to the 'Eath
for the day?"
89
"Sir 'Orace is a-comin'
for me!"
90
"'Orace!"
91
"Please don't give me away,
Mr. Greensmith! Let me
'old yer 'and a minute!"
92
"Oh, it's like one from
the grave!"
93
"Don't you dare let on
you don't know me - -
not till the girls go!"
94
"See you at 'Ampstead, Sudsie
-- -- you and Sir 'Orace!"
95
"What's all this nonsense?
I don't know you!"
96
"My, but you're 'andsome,
Mr. 'Orace -- -- --"
97
"- - - but I s'pose
you knows that!"
98
"Come now, step lively
-- -- get me me shirt!"
99
"I washed it twice a week
to 'ave it ready for you."
100
"What does all this mean?
And what's this about
'Ampstead, eh?"
101
"The girls thinks as 'ow
you're goin' to take
me to 'Ampstead ---"
102
"They thinks as 'ow you're
in love with me!"
103
"I'll take you to 'Ampstead!"
104
"On second thoughts,
p'raps we'd better
go to Epping Forest."
105
"Epping? ... Oh, the girls
wouldn't see us there."
106
"That's it, y'see - -
we'd miss the crowd
-- it'd be much nicer --"
107
It came to her swiftly,
poignantly --- that he
would be ashamed of her!
108
"I can't go, reely,
Mr. Greensmith --"
109
"My folks wouldn't let me --"
110
"Besides, I wuz
only jokin'."
111
"Say you ain't angry --"
112
"If - if I only 'ad
somethink to
remember you by!"
113
"You're a game little kid!"
114
"Who would love me?"
115
"Who could?"
116
"Nobody never won't!"
117
As Lavender would say:
"The hills of life are hard
-- but coasting down the
other side is easy."
118
What ho! -- a merry
little wasp!
119
"That's gratitude!"
THE END
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