Title: Bittersweet
Author: SLMurphy
Email: [email protected]
Rating: PG13 (most 13 year olds know a lot more at 13 than I did at that age!)
Spoilers: Up into season three.
Classification: A/C as it should be
Notes: I was told by a die-hard A/B shipper that there was no way in H*ll I could take the happy reunion "meeting" and turn in into a A/C shipper fic. Wanna bet?
Disclaimer: I don't own them and my checkbook proves it! Anything else you recognize, I don't own either.
Summary: Set directly after Buffy gets a call from Angel, upon his hearing of her "resurrection"
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Bittersweet
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"Please drive safely, Angel." Fred's shy litte-girl voice piped.
"Yes", Wesley said, rubbing his glasses with his shirt tail before returning them to his face. "Please, drive responsibly. I know you are excited that Buffy is alive but remember to be careful."
Angel looked expectantly at Cordelia and waited for her farewell. His keys jangled excitedly in one hand, his other on the door.
She slowly raised her dark eyes and met his. She flashed him a bright, hard, almost unnatural smile. "Tell Buffy we said 'Welcome back'."
"Cordy?" She heard the note of confusion in his voice, underlying the ripple of excitement that shone through his entire, undead, being.
"Drive safely, Angel."
"I'll be back tomorrow night." He shut the door quietly behind him, the silence thick in his wake.
The three were left standing, each lost in their own thoughts when Cordelia broke the spell. "So!", she explained with a joy she didn't feel. "Fred... when was the last time you had an honest-to-god sleep over? Hum?"
Fred looked dazedly at her new friend.
"You know, where you sit up all night listing to music, eating really bad food, talking about boys and painting each other's toenails?"
Fred's face lit up like a Christmas tree, much to Wesley's amusement. "Oh! One of those! A slumber-party! Oh Cordelia! Oh... I remember having one for my 12th birthday party... mom rented a pony for the day and we did a scavenger hunt that night and watched Willy Wonka and ate pizza and licorice... then we-"
"Yep!" Cordelia cut in, "That's exactly what it is. Want to relive the experience?"
Watching Fred forget about Angel's departure, bouncing excitedly around making plans, and being quite aware of what Cordelia was up to, Wesley cleared his throat.
She looked over at him. "Wesley? Would you like to stay too?" She leaned over and in a husky voice whispered, "I'll even paint your toes if you like..."
Cordelia giggled as Wesley turned twenty shades of red. Shaking his head he reached next to the door for his coat. "Um no, thank you anyway. I think I will be heading home. You girls have fun tonight." He made a hasty retreat through the front door.
Cordy grabbed Fred's hand and pulled her further into the hotel. Her desire to not be alone and miserable while Angel ran straight to Buffy fulfilled for the moment.
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3:28am
Cordelia stared down and wiggled her brightly painted, multi-hued toes. Fred yawned, spread out on the pillows next to her. Empty containers of pizza and Ben&Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream completed the scene.
"Tired, Cordy... to sleep now-"
"G'night Fred!" She replied cheerfully, not yet ready for bed herself.
"-delia?"
Cordelia smiled gently at her friend, surprised at how Fred seemed to wiggle her way into Cordelia's affections so easily.
"-delia... thank you... for staying... thank y..." She drifted off to sleep like a young child.
A stab of guilt hit Cordelia. She didn't suggest this distraction to ease Fred's mind, or to help her deal with her horror at finding Angel doing the naked pretzel with that W&H chick. She did it for completely selfish reasons. She was using the younger girl to help herself deal with the pain, and the loss. The loss of something that was not hers in the first place, and was glaringly obvious to everyone (or at least to her) tonight, as Angel raced to be with Buffy.
Disgusted with herself Cordelia stood up, bending over to gather dishes.
The vision hit with astonishing quickness. She felt herself collapsing forward, clutching at anything to keep from falling.
Then nothing but a greasy, inky blackness.
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Angel raised his head at the sudden, alarming feeling. A dull haze swept through him, and left him with an odd hollow sensation.
Buffy, her eyes wide, grabbed his arm. "Angel?" The concern dripping off her single word.
He pulled slightly away from her, trying not to let her emotions further cloud what he was already experiencing.
"Angel..."
"Shh." He turned to his first love. "Buffy... something is wrong."
"Wha-"
"I have to leave." He wanted to bite his own tongue off for speaking those words.
"NO!"
He stood up to go when her hand captured his in an iron grasp.
"Angel... wait..."
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"We-Wesley?" Fred's shaky voice came through the receiver.
Wesley looked over at his bedside clock. Rubbing his bleary eyes, the numbers came into somewhat blurred but readable focus. 3:41am
"Are-are you there?" He picked up the note of panic in her voice immediately and shook off the residual sleepiness.
"Fred! What's wrong? Where's Cordelia? What's going on?"
"Sh-she I think she's hurt. There's so much bl-blood! So much!" Fred started crying hysterically. "Oh no, what did I do? What did I do? What did-"
Wesley calmed himself down and spoke in a strong, even voice at the terrified girl. "Winifred, please, calm down. Take a deep breath. Calm... easy..." He could hear her sobs turn to whimpers, then to small moans as she listened to his voice. "Fred, is Cordelia there with you?"
"Ye-yes... she's laying on-on the floor."
Wesley breathed a small sigh of relief. He didn't want to think of what Angel would do if Cordy came up missing again. "Fred, sweetheart, do you know how to check for a pulse?"
"Um... yes..." He waited. "She has one. It feels strong."
"Good. Now, Fred, I want you to put warm blankets on her and stay right there. I will be there in a few minutes."
"Thank you... thank you Wesley..."
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Wesley flung opened the front door to the hotel, charging into the lobby, only to find a fully conscious Cordelia sitting on the floor with a blood soaked icepack to her temple.
Fred grinned at Wesley. "She's alright now! She woke back up and I told her you were on your way."
"My hero," Cordelia smiled/winced at the ex-watcher.
Wesley smiled; reassured she was no worse for the wear. "Cordelia, what happened?"
She rolled her eyes upwards, "I had a vision, then fell and hit my head. As hard as it is you wouldn't think it such a big deal... but noooooo..."
Wesley crouched next to the injured girl. He gently pulled the red soaked cloth away from the cut. A bump was forming around a small, angry red gash just above her temple. Blackish bruises were starting to mar her skin, running up and disappearing into the dark hairline.
He leaned on his heels as Cordelia tipped her head back and said "He's not even home! Stupid, shiny, so-called all-knowing oracles. You would think they would know this!" Her head lowered into her hands, then suddenly snapped back up. "Owww... Wesley, the vision. Trying to remember..." Her face wrinkled in concentration. "Three 'grr' guys, oh god, I hope we're not too late... Coven13, I think it's a bar or a club..." She groaned as the images returned in a rush. "Attacking a couple... Both have bad hair... the people... vamps too, really... all black clothes... way too many body piercings... ugh, how could you drink with that there?..."
"Um, Cordelia, the vision?"
"Oh... eew, that's just rude!" She grimaced in disgust at what her subconscious replayed for her. "The one vamp... he's pulling out the female's rings, one by one..." She looked up at him, her head tipping slightly to the side. "Wesley, what time do bars close down?"
"Your asking me?" He said, shocked.
"Um... guess not..."
"Fred, please call information and ask for Coven13 Bar, Club or tavern, try and get a phone number." He pulled out his cell phone. "I'm calling Gunn. With any luck he'll know where this is and we'll still be able to save them."
Minutes later Gunn walked through the lobby of the hotel, stakes in hand and ready for battle.
He froze in place at the sight of bedding and garbage littering the floor and a cross-legged Cordelia clutching a bloodied cloth to her temple in the middle of it all. "Hey! What happened to Barbie?"
"Hello to you too, Gunn," she peered at him through one pain glazed eye. "The coffee table is possessed, it attacked me."
He raised an eyebrow. "Angel isn't going to be happy to hear that."
"Gunn," Wesley entered the room, weapons in hand. "We have to go before it's too late to stop Cordelia's vision."
"Um... let me get this straight now. Cordy had a vision, of an attack that Angel is supposed to stop on his road to redemption." He looked about. "That's all normal and fine... but where is Angel?"
Cordelia, at her limit for the night sneered "He's off with his one love, CryBuffy. He, or Angelus, will be back tomorrow."
Gunn almost grinned at the jealousy evident in Cordelia's voice. "Ahh, okay, so this rescue won't be earning him any brownie points with the big Girl Scout Council in the sky."
Cordelia almost laughed, if she could have decided which Gunn spoke that was. Rapidly blinking the two merged back into one and she rewarded him with as much of a smile as she could muster.
Wesley watched as her eyes lost focus again. "That's enough for you. You are going upstairs, Cordelia." Wesley motioned for Gunn to grab her other arm and together, with Fred trailing blankets and pillows behind, they put her up in Angel's room for the remainder of the night. With Fred keeping watch the two men left, off to slay Cordelia's demons.
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2:37am
"He's here! Angel is home!" Fred ran joyously down the stairs, all her lingering feelings of hurt evaporated with his return.
Wesley and Gunn moved away from the computer they were studying.
Cordelia started out of the upstairs bathroom where she had spent the last 30 minutes reapplying make-up to cover the livid bruise at her temple. She was actually thankful most of it was lost in her curling dark locks and away from Angel's too-seeing eyes.
Fred jumped at him as he entered the door, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing for all she was worth.
A bit surprised, Angel returned the gesture briefly and then set her aside. His attention wasn't for Fred; he was looking for someone else.
Spotting Cordelia as she carefully made her way down the steps, holding the rail, he swept by the cries of welcome and the queries of Buffy to stand in front of his beautiful, if pale seer.
"Cordelia."
"Angel." She smiled at him, struggling to make it look as normal as possible. "How was the trip?"
"What happened?" Before she could answer his hand shot out and lifted the hair gently away from the wound on her head. A low growl started as he tenderly traced the bruise, despite her best concealing efforts, all the way up into her hair. "Cordelia, what happened?" he repeated, quieter than before.
His soothing, loving motions almost brought tears to her eyes, until she remembered from where it was he just came. From who's arms he had practially just left. He even *smelled* like her if she thought about it hard enough. "Oh, stop growling. It looks A LOT worse than it is, believe me! I am vision-girl! I can take worse than this."
His growl deepened.
She brushed his hand away and stepped around him, joining the others that had gathered at the bottom of the stairs. "How was Buffy, Angel? Is she alright?"
He wasn't ready to give up questioning what happened to his seer, but he sensed he wasn't going to get anywhere at the moment. His friends were waiting for him to answer Cordelia.
He did so truthfully, "She is alive. She isn't the same... there seems to be something missing, something taken from her." He paused, trying to see if his family understood what he was saying.
Wesley nodded, "Willow had said she wasn't fully adjusted to her new 'life', so to speak."
Angel shook his head. "It's more than that. Part of her is gone, or was left behind wherever she was. She has the same memories, but essentially she is a completely different person than the one I fell..." he trailed off as he watched Cordelia.
"Was she in another dimension?" Fred chirped, "Just like the one you saved me from Angel?"
"Yes,... of a sort." He couldn't tear his gaze away from the undecipherable emotion reflecting in Cordelia's eyes. "That is what Willow and the others believe."
She blinked and broke the spell. Unwillingly freed, Angel turned to look at Fred, smiling slightly at the girl. "Probably not like the one you and Cordy were in, Fred. But someplace else."
"Well then!" Fred grinned at the vampire. "It's good that she wasn't there. She probably wouldn't have made a very good cow anyway."
Cordelia snorted, trying to cover the giggle.
Angel turned back to his best friend, the amusement dancing in his dark eyes and quirking his lips. Then the quick return of concern as she winced when her smile pulled at the injured flesh.
He took a step towards her and she stepped back. "Are you hungry? I'll just, uh... go and heat you up a snack. Okay?" Before he could answer, she turned and fled into the kitchen.
Angel turned his worry filled eyes at Wesley, causing the ex-watcher to squirm slightly. "Why didn't you call me! If she was hurt, you should have called me!"
"Angel, it wasn't an emergenc-"
He growled. Wesley wasn't normally on the receiving end of that menacing sound and it actually made him nervous. "Calm down Angel, please. Uh, your scaring Fred."
"No, he's not!" another chirp.
He growled louder.
Cordelia shouted from the kitchen, "Angel, cut it out! Your scaring all of us! Overreact much?" She emerged with a steaming mug of fresh pigs blood with a dash of parsley for color sprinkled on top.
Handing it to him she finally answered his question nonchalantly. "I had a vision last night, then the coffee table bit me. No biggie."
"Why didn't anyone catch you, keep you from getting hurt?"
"Well, Angel, if you must know. It was late, very late. I was staying here with Fred, you know... keeping her company. Regular girl's night." She smiled, "No one else was here. I tried to get Wesley to sleep with us, but *sigh* he just isn't the party boy he used to be."
Angel then turned angry eyes on Wesley then, making the Englishman squrim even more.
Cordelia smacked Angel on the arm. "Hey, grr guy. As I said, no big deal, alright?"
He locked eyes with his seer and searched for the truth behind her words, wondering when it was that she had become so adept at hiding things from him when she really wanted to. He could read so very little in her eyes, but he knew something was troubling her. He vowed to himself to get her alone and find out just what was putting that touch of anguish in her lovely dark gaze.
Gunn, though he enjoyed watching happenings around him, it reminded him of a low budget sitcom, coughed to bring the attention to himself. "Angel, the vision was nothing we couldn't handle. Just Larry, Curly, and Moe of the underworld wreaking havoc on a pair of human pincushions. So, while you weren't exactly endearing yourself to the great special ones by not doing it yourself, you can rest assured the walking advertisements for proper hydrogen peroxide use were saved and are now free to procreate at will. You are welcome." He grinned.
"Thank you, Gunn. I will surely sleep better now." Angel looked at Wesley and Fred. "I need to go rest now." He stepped into Cordelia's personal space. "We will finish our talk later."
She saluted smartly and clicked her heels together, not an easy feat in 2inch heels. "Yes, sir!"
With a parting growl, Angel climbed the stairs.
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He knew immediately she had been sleeping there, in his bed. Her scent surrounded him. Warm, fresh, slightly cinnamon, slightly jasmine, all Cordelia.
He laid down, burrowing his face into the pillow she had so recently used. Taking deep, unnecessary breaths just to fill himself with the scent of her, imagine himself lost with her, in her. It was more intoxicating than the oldest of wines, the sweetest of bloods, the most sensual of touches. And it chased all thoughts of others completely from his mind.
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1:28pm
Cordelia silently opened the door to Angel's bedroom, intent on reaching the cabinet, and her purse, without waking the vampire.
She caught her breath as he rolled to face her, his face tensing as he hissed out a single unintelligible word. She stared at him, holding that breath until his face again relaxed into a near smile. She allowed her eyes to study the lines of his handsome face, easy and young in sleep. Then traced down his corded neck, to the strong shoulders she would love to hold on to, down to his naked muscled chest, longing to feel the fine hairs between her fingers, to trace that hair further-
She stopped herself, tearing her gaze away forcefully. Taking very shallow, but deep breaths she forced herself to lower her heart rate, so as not to wake the sensitive vampire.
"Buffy..." He moaned. "Oh Buffy... no..."
Oh, god. Cordelia didn't know if she wanted the floor to swallow her whole, or lightening to strike. Either way, she no longer cared, her heart was dust.
"No... Buffy..." Angel turned over in his sleep, his back facing Cordelia now, as silent tears coursed down her cheeks.
"Cora... lo... you... ", he groaned, sounding agitated. "dont... plea..."
Cordelia swiped the tears from her face, wincing as she hit the forgotten bruise, but welcoming the pain at the same time.
Cursing her foolishness, she quietly made her way through the darkness to the cabinet for the errant purse.
Angel's noises became more agitated, his tossing more frequent.
She ignored him entirely, blocking his presence. Not finding the missing bag on the surface she quietly crouched and felt around on the floor until the strap touched her hand. Standing, she lifted the purse quietly from the floor.
A strong, cool hand grabbed her shoulder, turning, until her back met with the wall.
Her eyes met with Angel's hot, flashing ones in the darkness.
"Cora..." he breathed.
"Angel?"
His lips met hers with a quickness and a savageness that stole all thought and breath. She gasped and he took advantage to tangle her tongue with his. His chest pressed her into the cool wall, surrounding her with solid, unyielding surfaces until she lost herself and returned his kiss.
The contrast of heated mouths and cool flesh was overwhelming, as Cordelia moaned. She pulled her lips back, gasping for a much needed breath, only to have it taken away again and Angel's lips traveled the length of her throat. Her hands threaded instinctively in his dark hair, kneading his scalp with her nails.
Angel growled at the sensation, sending sparks through to her toes.
His hands slid to her hips, pressing himself against her center, causing a satisfactory gasp from his seer. His lips left her nape as he breathed out "Cora" again.
Cordelia regained enough of her senses to avoid his kiss, ignoring the deepening growl, and push ineffectively against his chest. He only pressed deeper into her, following his own path under her chin to tease her into submitting to his kiss again.
She turned her head the other direction, forgetting again about the injury and she cried out with the sharp pain.
Angel immediately reared back, tenderly pulling her away from the wall. His fingers trembled slightly as he lifted the hair away from her flushed face, bending to catch her tear-filled eyes.
Quietly he asked,"Cora? Are you alright?"
Cordelia nodded, dropping her gaze again to the floor.
Then picking it back up as she realized what he'd called her. "Angel? What's with 'Cora'?"
The pain faded as she watched him try to come up with an answer.
"I don't know, really." Angel took a step back, but left his hand comforting on her cheek, thumb moving slowly across the satiny skin. "I guess I have called you that for a while... I guess."
"You have? News to me."
"Only to myself, then."
Cordelia paled as his state of undress, the darkened room and her own tingling body made her aware of what she, they, just did. A dark anger followed the embarrassment as she realized who he must have thought she was when he kissed her.
Forgetting about the question, forgetting about everything, she shoved Angel back and stormed past him, the purse still lying on the floor.
Angel lunged and grabbed her wrist just as she reached the door.
"Cordelia! Stop! Wait!"
She turned, fire in her eyes.
His unbeating heart jumped at the sight she made, dark hair flying, eyes flashing, and her color high. He wanted to bury himself in her in every way imaginable. Her scent surrounded him, his demon pushed against the barriers, struggling to be free, urging him to just take what he wanted and damn the consequences.
With a gentle tug he pulled her stiff frame to him, seating her on the bed by his side.
"Cordy, we have to talk about this. I can't let you leave, not that way. Not now."
"What do you want me to say, Angel? I came to get my purse. Don't expect an apology from me."
"No. I don't. Nor will I give you one."
She hissed.
"Cordelia, Cora... I cannot regret what happened. Please don't ask it of me." His eyes dark, beseeching.
"I came to get my purse," she repeated. "You were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you."
"You didn't."
"Something did... or should I say someone?" Bitterness crept into her voice. "You called out for Buffy."
Startled, he sat up straight. "I did?" She nodded. "Yes... now I remember. I was dreaming."
"I'll say."
"But the subject wasn't what you thought."
She looked at him sideways.
"Did I say anything else?"
She fingered the bedspread below her, smoothing her hands over the silkiness. "Um... yes... you said Cora. I couldn't catch the rest."
"You know, now, that you are Cora. I dreamt about you."
Skeptically she raised her eyes to meet his. "You mentioned Buffy. Repeatedly. So it was about us both?"
"Yes. Given what has happened and the fact I just saw her again, it would be natural for her to appear in my dreams."
Cordelia nodded, not allowing him to see the hurt.
He continued, "And as you are in all of my dreams, it is natural that you both may make an appearance in one sequence."
It took Cordelia a moment before the words registered. When they did she took note of the smile playing across Angel's lips, and allowed one of her own to show. "Really?"
"Yes, Cora. Really." His smile broadened as the hard, cold, darkness gave way to joy on her lovely features.
"Can you tell me what it was about?," she asked, hesitantly.
"I don't remember everything."
She knew immediately he was lying. Some of the coldness returned.
"Buffy was there, as were you. Both of you are very important to me. I dreamt I had to leave, I was being pulled away. I had a choice to make, one that would change everything, no matter which way I went."
Cordelia jumped up from the bed. "And we know which way you went, don't we? You ran straight to her, to your love, your Buffy!" Anger clouded her vision. "You didn't hesitate for a second. That the choice has been made is all too obvious." She grabbed another breath, not allowing Angel to speak before she continued. "There was never a chance, never really a choice to be made. It was made long ago. With her return it was set in stone! Fine! I'm sorry I barged in on you while you were dreaming. I know it wasn't me you thought you were kissing and I'm sorry for that as well. You, buddy, have no idea what you'll be missing." She stopped, contemplated his locked jaw and closed expression. "Of course, with that curse you'd never know anyway. So you'll just pine away for miss CryBuffy. All broody and poutish because you can't be with your 'love'."
"I have my soul."
"Of course you have a soul! Duh!"
"No, Cordelia. I have my soul permanently."
She stepped back, a look of shock overtaking the anger. "What? When? Wha-"
"It's been a while. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I have been aware of it for some time." He just watched her reactions.
Disbelief, confusion, an amazing joy, then pure heat flitted across her face and settled in her eyes. "Don't get me wrong here, Angel. I couldn't be happier for you, really. But, if that's the case then why in the hell are you here with us, instead of with Buffy?"
"I don't belong with Buffy. Not anymore. Maybe never did, not in that way."
She squeak out, "what?"
"I am not in love Buffy now, Cora. I did love her, and I still do, but it's not the same. I'm not the same, nor is she. I care greatly what happens to her and she will forever have a special place in my heart, but she's not my reason for being any longer. Now, knowing what I do, I wonder if she ever was."
"Oh." She refused to meet his eyes.
"She knows about my soul. I told her last night."
"Oh." She said again, in an even smaller voice than before.
"I had intended on telling you first, right after I told you I loved you. But it felt right to tell Buffy last night. Almost asking her permission, if you will, to allow myself to love you more than I ever loved her."
"Oh..." she whispered.
"OH!" Her head flashed back up, eyes wide, as his words broke through the haze of misery. "Oh, I-" she stuttered, "I- I-."
He smiled, moving towards her in the darkness.
Cordelia sidestepped the hand reaching for her face. "I- I need my purse. I have to go."
Faster than she ever thought herself possible of moving she grabbed the purse strap and pulled open the bedroom door.
"Cordelia!"
She froze. Poised on the brink of her own life altering choice.
"Cora... my heart... wait..."
She closed the door.
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Finis?