Horny Buggers

The Official Los Diablos Rams Fanclub

Female Fan during Asgood Villains Match

(Detail of painting by the excellent Cheryl Mandus)

Los Diablos Rams away to Swear Rats

LD Rams MVP: Huw Jones

Following a brutal pre-season 'friendly' between these two teams, which saw two thirds of the Swear rats sent to the KO'd box, the fans expected a great game at the infamous Sludge Tank Stadium. They weren't dissappointed, and were treated to a game of exceptional brutality, in which two players died, and two were sent off.

The Rams relied on all-round savagery, with a solid 10/1 beastman/minotaur formation, leaving Jenkins on the bench. The Rats, not unexpectedly, fielded a team suited to throwing/receiving.

The Rats recieved, and immediately a gutter runner sprinted towards the halfway line with the ball. The Rams defence were more than a match, and a solid block resulted in the first turnover of the game and the runner being sent to the KO box. The Rats offensive game appeared to dissolve into open violence at this point, with one of the Rams being sent to the KO box, and a further 2 lying stunned on the pitch.

This bought the Rats some time to regroup and a mutant reciever, spotting an opening on the left wing, sprinted clear, deep into the Rams half. A touchdown seemed certain as the thrower hurled the ball over the brawling mass in midfield... only to have it intercepted by Huw Jones, the Rams #1!

With support bloking from Di Jones (#3) and Gareth Jones (#2) (which saw some outstanding fouling, and Di Jones being sent off), Huw Jones was clear and ran in an unopposed touchdown.

The outraged Rat and jubilant Ram fans stormed onto the pitch, killing the ref, and holding up play for some time before security could regain control.

From the kick-off, the Rats seemed determined to equal the scores with some extravagant running play. The mutant once again broke through numerous tackles and into the Rams territory. Unfortunately, a carelessly discarded trampoline sent the creature flying, and he was soon surrounded by a herd of beastmen. The resulting hoofing was nothing short of terminal, and as the bloody corpse was dragged from the pitch Gareth Jones #3 was sent to the sinbin to the cheers and standing ovation of the Rams fans. This was the last play of the half, and both teams retired to the dugouts.

A splendid show of crowd participation by the home fans sufficiently intimidated the replacement ref at the start of the second half, as the Rats ran back onto the pitch clearly psyched up. A sneaky short kick appeared caught the Rams by surprise, the ball falling almost at the feet of a gutter runner. Before the rat could pick up the ball, a dog ran out onto the pitch and ran towards the Rams, ball in mouth!

The ball, drop conveniently close to a beastman, was duly picked up and the Rams offense charged downfield. The Rats had learned from their mistakes in the first half, and dodged most of the blockers to blitz the ball carrier. A fierce fight broke out for control of the ball, which was won by the more agile skaven. One of the Rats broke 3 tackles to make it within inches of open field and the Rams end zone, only to be brought down by a desperate lunge from the Rams #6, Daffyd Evans.

This was to be the closest the Rats got to scoring in the game, and the sheer number of players in the Rams half ensured that the ball was soon forgotten. The Rats did have the consolation of a fatality in the dying minutes of the game, however.

An poorly executed block by Taff Evans, #5, saw the beastman severly injuring himself. The Rams apothecary was able to revive the player on pitch, but whilst the medic was leaving the pitch a Rat charged in with the most brutal foul of the game, killing the beastman before he had even gotten to his hooves! Even with the intimidation by Rat fans, the Ref could hardly ignore such blatant violence and sent off the player.

All in all, a fine game, and one which suggests that both teams will be a force in future games.

At the time of going to press, rumours that the Rats winnings have been stolen were unconfirmed.