Friends came and went but we never seem to understand their value until after high school graduation, until vacation ends, or until the girl next door had to move to another neighborhood. But as we grew older and wiser, friendships took on a different, more significant meaning in our lives that we became more conscious, more cautious so as not to lose what's left of those friends.

It's never too late to win new pals. But sometimes, it's keeping them that matters most. Here are some of the tried and tested ways to do just that. Really, there's nothing to it!

• Communicate. With our busy schedules, we tend to forget the wonders a letter, a greeting card, a phone call, or even a text message can do.
• Trust our instincts when, out of the blue, we feel like connecting with a pal for no reason at all. It could be a subconscious call for help from one distraught friend. Drop a line, send out feelers-there could be something wrong.
• Reunions are fun. Plan an annual gathering or just pick out a date when all are free for a round of drinks or a casual dinner. It's just a reunion, not an occasion for rating or judging each other's achievement since "the last time we saw each other". We all fall into that trap once in a while.
• Respect their privacy. Even the best of friends-even married couples, for that matter-like to keep things to themselves once in a while. It could be something so special that telling it to anyone would lessen its "specialness". Or something intense and frightful we wouldn't want to go through again.
• Give a little space. Unsolicited advice and reprimands may come as second nature to those who have been friends for a long time. For all we know, our friend is simply being polite. Read the signs-a disinterested facial expression, stony silence, exaggerated politeness...
• Don't expect too much. Just because we've been friends since high school doesn't mean we are obliged to do things for each other. Everything we do in the name of friendship should not be a responsibility. It should first be an act of love.
• Forgive. Believe it or not, it's the easiest thing to do. A true friend will always make it a point to apologize. Pride is out of the question.
• Remember. Usually, it's just little things that are normally "forgettable"-like a favorite drink, a much-hated color, or a birthday, or the exact time we became friends...
• Grow along. "You're not the same Liza I met in college," or "You've changed a lot since that time when we were roommates" are but two of the worst put-downs we can ever say.
• Lighten up! We may have taken this friendship business far too seriously that we forget to have a good time. Friends are not just shoulders to cry on or helping hands or arms to run to. They're also the buddies who love to laugh with us at silly movies, who simply revel in our company.

And please, let's not overdose with nostalgia of the good ol' days. It's the better days ahead that matter now!

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copyright © 2001.
Allyn V. Baldemor; Reinier Dungca; John Andrew Agbay.
University of the Philippines, Diliman, Quezon City
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