He was born June 30, 1957 as James Grady Manley. My mom and dad's first. My dad was so proud that it was a boy, like most fathers are. He was my big brother whom I love very much. Through out my life my brothers and I never had a close bond together. The love was there just the same. James got married young and had children young. Somewhere in his live drugs and alcohol ruled. I don't know when it started. I remember when he was on top of the world and I thought he had it all. But my perception was not fact. My father was brutally murdered in 1988. It was a devastating event in all our lives. It started patterns for all of us. Through out the next 13 years we all learned ways to cope with that and everything else that was going on. My brother choice drugs and alcohol. We all choice something. July 25, 2001 James died in the hospital. For the month before that we watched him suffer. His liver shut down and the rest eventually followed. I miss my brother very much. I have days that it just doesn't seem real. Somedays I catch myself wanting to call him on the phone. He had this smile and laugh that was so beautiful. Anyone that met him knew the charm and sweetness he had about him. We use to joke about him being a ladies man. He had a sense of humor and loved to get stuff started. Him and my mom were bestfriends. I can't take her pain away and that is so hard to know. Somedays I just want to hear his voice, hear him laugh, see his smile. My brother ran from himself for so long until he couldn't run any longer. I have one other brother that I am watching do the same thing. Being powerless is the worst. My mom and I talk alot and comfort each other. Through everthing that has happened I have gotten to know my niece's and my sister n law, who is as close to a big sister as they come. My niece's have children that are just a joy to be around. I have closed the gap between my dad's family that I haven't spoken to since his death. Those who knew James were blessed and those who didn't get to meet him, I wish they could have. Everyday is a learning process for me. Learning to cope, learning to go on, learning to deal with life on life's terms. James I don't think ever really learned to deal with life. He had to have drugs and alcohol to do it. To watch someone you love so much kill themself slowly is painful. My sister n law told me that their song was "The Dance" by Garth Brooks so that's why I have it on this page. My mom and I talk alot and I get to find out more and more about him through her and others. It's just sad that this is how I get to find out who my big brother was. I have pictures all over my house of him. I think about him so much that sometimes I can feel him with me. |
