EPISODE: Battle For The Train Of Gold
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
All is quiet until a group of tourists reveal themselves as Cobra soldiers. Major Bludd arrives on the scene and radios in to Cobra Commander. Duke, Scarlett and Snake Eyes start a firefight inside the Bureau as Bludd comes in.
Bludd sets an explosive device on a safe which Duke notices as he walks into the room. The blasts knocks Duke out and Bludd grabs a video tape which is in the safe. Bludd promptly escapes and the rest of the Cobra soldiers are taken out by Scarlett and Snake Eyes. After all is quiet, a worker in the Bureau is terrified to see the video tape missing.. Meanwhile at Cobra headquarters, Cobra boasts about having the tape that reveals the location/entry into Fort Knox.
The Joe are called in by Washington to defend Fort Knox which upsets General Stack, the man in charge of defending it. The Joes take a quick tour of the mint and set up post. When no one is looking, a hand reaches up from a grate in the floor and grabs General Stack. Turns out Zartan and the Dreadnoks (with the help of the video) found a secret underground tunnel leading into Fort Knox.
Meanwhile outside, Duke notices that all of General Stack�s troops are leaving the vault. Duke, Snake Eyes and Scarlett run inside to find Zartan posing at General Stack. This starts a major firefight which sees Cobra knocking out the Joe�s air support and virtually locking the Joes out of Fort Knox. Inside Duke, Snake Eyes and Scarlett get taken hostage and watch helplessly as Cobra clears out the vault. Zartan reveals Cobra�s method of moving the gold which would be the Cobra Bullet; a fully armored train with a top speed of 200 mph.
Meanwhile back at Fort Knox, Thunder utilizes his tank to open the sealed vault. The Joes enter to find the vault completely cleaned out. Junkyard reveals the secret underground tunnel but arrive too late to stop Cobra�s train from taken off. Wild Bill however follows via helicopter. Sadly for the Joes, most of their fast vehicles were destroyed in the earlier battle. However, Thunder notes that a guy name in the area named Mr. Murphy has some thoroughbred horses they can borrow. The Joes mount up and keep up the pursuit of the train.
On the train, Zartan notes that the Joes will never catch them and to get rid of their hostages. The Cobra troops toss Snake Eyes from the train but he is able to grab on to the side. The Joes inside the train dispose of the Cobra troops and the ones outside set up a road block on the tracks. This causes a massive explosion which greatly slows down the train. Duke and a few other Joes confront the Zartan and his Dreadnoks.
Buzzer tries to cut down a shelf of gold bricks onto the Joes with his saw. Scarlett knocks it out of his hand and into the train�s pressure regulator. This causes a huge explosion which everyone roughs up everyone in the process. Zartan and The Dreadnoks steal Wild Bill�s helicopter for their escape.
Back at Fort Knox, General Stack apologizes to the Joes and commends Mr. Murphy for letting the Joes use his horses. The show ends with Gung-Ho (unhappy about having to give up his horse) riding off into the sunset in his military vehicle
1.) Duke for blatantly seeing Major Bludd putting an explosive device on a safe and then proceeding to walk right by it as it explodes.
2.) The entire complex of Fort Knox which according to this episode can easily be broken into via an underground tunnel.
GOMER PILE MEDAL FOR BAD HUMOR
�This is getting expensive!�
Scarlett noting the money that gets shot up in the Bureau.
COBRA SUPPORT GROUP (a positive approach to Cobra�s f*ck ups)
1.) Mistake #1 Cobra sets up an attack on the Bureau under the idea they are after the printed money. However this is a diversion to get the video tape with Fort Knox�s top secret information. Not bad, however Cobra�s troops dress up like tourists not even considering that GI Joe would be there to intercept them. This leads to the Joes finding out that they are after Fort Knox.
Possible Solution: Save all Cobra assaults til the end of the tour, thank you.
2.) Mistake #2 Cobra uses a train to transport the gold that is supposed to be invincible and faster than a bullet. However, the Joes easily catch up to it using of all things, horses.
Possible Solution: I wonder if there is a 90 day return policy on Cobra Bullet trains?
3.) Mistake # 3 Zartan decides to take three of the best trained Joes on the train with him as hostages.
Possible Solution: Three heads, three bullets.
DON�T STICK A WET FORK INTO A SOCKET MEDAL
The PSA we decided to feature for this review involves two kids going into the supermarket. One wants to eat a candy bar and the other one wants an apple. Lifeline appears in the produce isle and gives the boys a speech on proper eating. A candy bar supposedly gives you only a small burst of energy but wears you down. One of the boys notes, �You never catch an NBA player eating a candy bar before a game�. Main idea; eat smart.
DarkSider Says: Although many NBA stars may not eat sugar before a game, I�ve heard some have used other white, powdery substances in the past. For this PSA, I�d say that knowing is about 1/10 of the battle.
