RELEASE DATE: 1981
RATED: R
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
Our film of love, lust and green alien joy juice begins with two guys searching through a freezing landscape of an uncharted planet. One of the guys walks into an underground cave to find some odd space crystals. On top of this he notes a strange creature encased in ice. An explosion happens for no apparent reason and all the men are knocked unconscious.
Meanwhile in their home base, everyone works to rescue the victims. The guys are treated for their wounds but are pretty much left in a comatose state. Much like the audience of this film. We also get introduced to some of the film�s main players. Let me get out my magic mirror; I see Mark, Holly, Kate, Sharon, Dr. Karl, Sandy etc etc. Most of them turn fodder sooner or later anyhow.
Dr. Karl examines one of the guys and finds the odd crystals still clutched in his hands. These powerful crystals pretty much cause skin welts for anyone who touches them. The stones also glow when analyzed. However, they seemed more or less to me like something you�d see lining the bottom of a fish tank somewhere.
One of the guys caught in the explosion loses his marbles and runs out into the frigid planet. He knocks over a crewmate who gets caught in a floor grate. In a scene of complete idiocy, the woman whines for what seems like twenty minutes about not being able to save herself and tries to cut off her leg. This goes nowhere and the crew member dies.
The dilemma wraps up with the maddened crew member getting taken out by Kate. The crew consoles her and they bury their fallen friend. So seeing that there are many odd and dangerous things happening outdoors., the crew follows sacred, already established fodder rules and does the most unsafe thing. That would be sending more people out into the madness. This is when the film�s standard evil alien creature comes into play.
Sandy joins a crew member out on the planet and both get attacked by a huge alien of sorts. The crewmate gets ripped up and Sandy is the unlucky recipient of a little �in/out� alien action. This happens when she is laid down on what seems to be a tanning bed and given some alien love. After the alien gets out his baby batter, Sandy wakes up in the doctor�s office screaming her head off. The doctor dopes her up
and Sandy calms down for a bit only to relive the scenes from five minutes ago in their almost entirety.
So it turns out old Sandy is preggers with the alien�s kid. Of course to maintain a �whats going on� feel from the film�s characters, the rest of the crew don�t know whats growing in her belly. Out of nowhere, Sandy wakes up out of her traumatized state and kills a crew mate in the bathroom. Holly runs in to see this go down and tells the rest of the crew.
Moving on, Sandy starts a strategic assault on the complex. She takes out cameras and blows up the communication devices. Somewhere in between she eats the dead crew mates from the explosion. Why, well pregnancy makes you do odd things I guess. As this goes on, the rest of the crew try to scheme a plan to sedate her. Holly, Dr. Karl and Sharon all head out to confront her only to have it turn into Holly/Dr. Karl killed and Sharon wounded. Ok�guess plan B is in order.
So at this point the final four, if you will, are Mark, Kate, Gary and Sharon. They all keep cooped up in the control room as Sandy starts the Cape Fear �come out come out wherever you are� game. The remaining people converse about what they�re going to do. Sandy is getting much stronger and suffering from duel personalities. Gary and Kate head out for whatever reason and they don�t get far before Sandy finds them. Kate makes a run for it and Gary runs outside.
Sandy reveals that in her current condition she can breathe the atmosphere on the planet. She takes out Gary and eats part of him as a late night stack. Mark goes into �I�ll teach her a thing or two� mode and runs out to confront Sandy. Luckily for him Sandy�s big moment comes when she pushes two alien kids out. I have to admit the way she was screaming actually became comical after awhile.
Mark sets up explosives all over the joint but Sandy, making the quickest recovery known to anyone who ever had alien twins pop out of their vagina, ruins that plan. She takes all the explosives and puts them on the door to the control room. Mark and the girls however make their escape. Mark, who apparently has a soft spot for mutant alien children, scoops up the twins and hides in a new room with everyone else.
Mark comes around and ends up falling through a weakened floor. In a struggle with Sandy he tries to strangle her with some wire. This works finally but Mark has a bigger problem. While he was out the alien babies come of age and gnawed on Sharon�s neck. Not bad for using only baby teeth.
Cut to a rescue ship that lands on the planet. They do a bit of time killing sweeping the facility and find the place pretty much deserted minus a few bodies here and there. They radio into the ship on their findings and in an ending I guess we could be shocked at, the baby aliens are on the ship. Yep, another film with no resolve to the idiocy.
It seemed in the early 80s several films tried to get as close to Alien as possible only to end up with the �rip-off� label. Inseminoid pretty much lumps itself into this category with ease. Sure the plot line involves an alien sex offender with a crazed pregnant woman. Still, it boils down to a bunch of people getting picked off one by one on an alien planet by a monster of sorts.
Perhaps where the film tanks the most is in the believability factor of Sandy as a menacing force. One blonde doesn�t grasp me as a terrorizing threat. Well unless she was actually smart. Also, the lack of defense weapons against Sandy really only proved to add to the ridiculousness of the film.
So I guess my word to the alien in the movie is keep it in your pants. That way films like this won�t ever get made.
1.) Pregnancy Madness - Sandy kills and makes meals out of her shipmates. See what happens guys when you don't call girls back after intimate encounters?
