Long before my DarkSider days, I wrote the following article when I was in college. Whenever I read the piece it brings a smile to my face. May you enjoy it as well.
Listening to several people over the years, I often wondered what exactly was so cool about X-Mas. I mean yeah as a kid I had wonderful X-mas's with lots of toys and love from my family. But after the big secret was let out about Santa (no hes real but I found out he was gay), I started to notice things that really sucked about the holiday.
Seeing that it is pointless now to bitch X-mas out I figured I would go a totally different route with this. Why the hell do parents feel such a need to get pictures with folks dressed up as f*cking freaks. You know...the usual gang of gimps...Santa, Easter Bunny, and ug...f*cking CLOWNS! The question is should we investigate this as a form of child abuse?
Actually I can't say that cuz my mom and dad were always good to me. However, the major problem I always had was my mom constantly saying, "Mark lets get a picture with you and (fill in the blank)." There was nothing I hated more than getting next to some stranger dressed up in this big outfit who had a passion of making me look stupid in front of others. You know...the clown bullsh*t of throwing Styrofoam peanuts at you to have everyone around you laugh hysterically. That is when mom always steps in and clicks the picture to capture your moment of humility on film for all eternity to laugh at you. For example, check out this picture on the below...
On top of this I had to get this picture taken with these f*cking CLOWNS. I HATE CLOWNS GOD*MMIT! When I saw them hanging out in the bar I did everything to avoid these painted drunken freaks. But as always, mom had the camera cock, locked and loaded. "OOOOOOH LOOK AT THE CLOWNS MARK...LETS GET A PICTURE." I wanted to at least keep my mask on but one of the clown idiots said, "Hey buddy, why don�t you hold it in front of your chest." Yeah good move you clowny mother f*cker...now everyone can see the frustration on my face god*mmit! So after the picture was taken, I found my back to be very itchy. It felt like some one had given me a hair cut and forgot to dust the hair off my back. (Please note: look at the one directly behind me...is he having evil thoughts at the time of the pic...you tell me.) So not only was the rest of my day ruined, my Pac Man suit was itchy. God*mn f*cking CLOWNS!
Even since then I have been terrified of clowns...actually I may have been bothered by them at an even earlier age. Who knows, I just know that I get really bothered when I see some poor kid being forced to take a picture with on of these dressed up a**holes.
To prove that I'm not the only one who hates people who dress up scary check out this little pic from my friend.
Know what really bothers me about this pic. Take a look at Santa...is he suffering from anorexia? Where the f*ck is the belly you bastard! Also...take a look at his face...please dude...we know you make minimum wage but can you at least look happy? Also...watch the hands man...they seem to be slipping down a little to close to your "North Pole".
What a fu*king pervert! So to conclude this bitch fest I think its high time we at least seeks some retribution against our parents who have done this. Maybe force them to sit in Santa�s lap for like a weekend or something. And for those of you just becoming parents or are planning on it...
STOP THE F*CKING MADNESS!
Thank You Kindly For Your Time
PS MOM, regardless...I still love you and may actually forgive you some day...
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