With Or Without You

Chapter Five: Some Days Are Better Than Others

The semester was going by quite smoothly. For Ali. Clare was still having difficulty, but she found that if she studied for her sports classes with Michael she understood it better. She also found that she was becoming a Michael Phelps fan. She felt bad because she knew Ali liked him, but the more time went by the more she couldn’t help it.

It was during one of these study sessions, just before Thanksgiving, that she received a phone call.

“Ali!” she said, laying on Aaron’s bed.

“Oh my God Clare. Can you come back; I have to talk to you.”

“Ali, what’s wrong? Are you ok?”

“I think I’m ok. But I have to talk to you. Please come back to the room.”

“You’re scaring me, honey.”

“Don’t be scared. And don’t talk to Aaron if you see him. I have to talk to you.”

“You’ve said that three times now.”

“And I still have to talk to you. Clare... COME BACK!”

“Ok, ok. I’m coming.” They hung up and Clare stood. She looked at Michael. “Apparently Ali is having some sort of crisis. I have to go. Can we finish this later?” she asked. “I’m starting to actually understand it, I think.”

“Absolutely. I’ll give you a call.”

Clare nodded before gathering up her books and leaving. She passed a flushed and embarrassed-looking Aaron in the hall, but, true to her word, didn’t say anything to him, just kept walking. When she got to her room, the door opened as if Ali had been watching, and she was pulled into the room. “Oh God oh God oh God,” Ali said.

“Ali, honey, are you sure you’re ok? You appear to be having a nervous breakdown. Did something happen with Aaron? Did he say something to you?” As much as Ali sometimes annoyed Clare, and vice versa, the girls were fiercely protective of each other and would do just about anything for one another.

“No. Clare, oh God.” Ali sat cross-legged on her bed, and Clare sat the same way on hers. They faced each other, and Clare waited anxiously for Ali to tell her what had happened. “Ok, so he stopped by to see if we wanted to do something, and I was all, ‘Clare’s studying with Michael, and I’m trying to wrap my brain around this biology,’ so he offered to help. He said he was good at biology. So he explained some stuff to me, stuff that’s on my next exam, and I totally understand it. So when he was leaving, I went to kiss him. On the cheek! You know, like a friend might kiss a friend after they’ve been helpful? Only he thought... I don’t know what he thought, but he turned his head, and oh God, Clare.”

“You kissed him on the mouth?” Ali could only nod. “I thought you liked Aaron.”

“I do. But I didn’t want to kiss him. I mean, ok, I like him a lot, but in some weird twisted way I almost feel like I’m cheating on Michael. I liked him first.”

Clare looked away from her best friend. “Oh,” she said.

“Not that I don’t like Aaron, because I do. A lot. He’s a really great guy.”

“You said that already,” Clare said, her tone carefully even.

“But I was so in love with Michael for so long that I really feel bad about switching so fast. And I really liked kissing Aaron, even though it was really fast and accidental. But what if Michael likes me secretly and he’d be hurt by my kissing Aaron?”

“You don’t even hang out with Michael. You spend most of your time with Aaron. Or with all of us.”

“I know, but how do I know what goes on in their heads? And I don’t think Aaron likes me anyway. But what if he does? I don’t want to lead him on. What do you think? You talk to both of them. And you study with Michael all the time.”

“What do I think about what?”

“Michael. Do you think he likes me? Do you think he’d be mad at me because I accidentally kissed his roommate? I don’t know what to do, Clare.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Ali. But maybe for once in your life you should realize that there are other people involved here besides just you. Did you ever think that maybe Michael doesn’t like you and maybe Aaron does? And maybe somebody else likes Michael and is sick and tired of your bitching about how much you love him and feel bad about liking Aaron?” Clare stood and went to the door. “Let me know when you feel you can remember that other people have feelings too,” she said before leaving and slamming the door behind her.

“What the hell was... Oh God. Oh no,” Ali said. “I’m such a huge idiot.”

Clare stalked, grumbling, down the hall and outside to the quad. She sat down on a bench and put her hands in her head. As if on cue, her phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, she hit ignore. It rang again a few seconds later. She hit ignore again, and two more times before finally just picking up the phone. “I’m not in the mood, Ian,” she said.

“Mood for what?”

“Anything, really. Is this important?”

“No. Well, I was wondering if you were flying down over your week off next week. I know how you hate Thanksgiving, and I know how we don’t celebrate it in Australia. Plus I miss my favorite cousin.”

Clare couldn’t help but let out a small smile. “Yeah, I’m coming. I’ve got my plane tickets and everything.” She sat back against the bench and stretched her legs out. “God knows I could use the holiday.”

“What’s going on? School getting to be too much for you?”

“No. Ali.”

“Ali’s getting to be too much for you?”

Clare nodded and then remembered he couldn’t see her. “Yeah. Her and her crushes.” There was silence on the other end. “Ian?”

“Hang on, I’m adding.”

“What?”

“Trying to put two and two together,” he explained.

“What are you talking about?”

“You like him, don’t you?” Ian asked.

“Who?”

“Phelpsy. You’ve become a Phelps fan, haven’t you? And you’re upset because Ali won’t let go of her infatuation.”

“She kissed Aaron today. Not on purpose. But she told me she liked it. And then she told me she felt like she was cheating on Michael.”

“You do like Phelpsy. You like him a lot.”

“Shut up, Ian.”

“I will not. Clare, come on. You can tell me. It’s not like I see Michael multiple times a year and could tell him anything.”

“Thanks, Ian; that makes me feel so much better.”

“You know I wouldn’t tell. I’m trying to make you smile.”

“It’s working exceptionally well, I must say.”

Ian laughed. “Glad to hear you’re still sarcastic.”

“That will never change.”

“Clare, will you just come off your high horse and admit it, please? It’ll make you feel better. And it will never leave this phone line. I swear I’ll never repeat it to anyone. I’d pinky swear with you except I’m on a different continent.”

She did smile then. “I can’t wait to come home next week.”

“I thought you considered North Carolina home. You have lived in the same hometown as your future husband since before you knew he existed.”

“Nah. Australia will always be home. Although it’s not a bad thing to live down the street from Faye Parker. She’s a very nice lady and doesn’t think it’s creepy that I’m in love with her son.”

He laughed. “You are completely hopeless. Here I am trying to get you to admit that you like Michael Phelps and you go off on a tangent about Clay Aiken’s mother.”

“You have met me, right?” she asked. “I always go on tangents about something related to Clay. It’s in the name. Clay, Clare. Both have the C-L-A at the beginning. See how that works?”

“Stop it. I’m gonna be sick,” Ian said. Clare laughed. “There it is,” he said. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Yes. Thanks,” she said. “You’re such a pain, I hope you know that.”

“Of course. Any way I can help,” he replied.

“I’ve got to go,” Clare said. “I have...a class.”

“You do know it’s Saturday, right?”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t remember.”

“Clare, if you wanted to get off the phone all you had to do was say so.”

“Ugh. I want to get off the phone.”

“Ok. I’ll see you in a week then.”

“That you will.”