Unwanted Insinuations

After several furious clicks and a mundane, "Goodbye," Dom turned his chair around to face the rest of the room, looking agitated.

Elijah looked up from the stack of new CDs in front of him; Billy gazed imploringly from the couch where he was spread reading a magazine and Orlando walked into the room carrying a platter of vegetables, wondering what all the silence was for.

"What'd you find this time?" Orlando questioned, setting the platter onto the wooden table with a clang. He pulled a carrot stick out from under a few celery pieces and began noisily chewing it.

"If you say 'What's up, Doc?' I'm going to throttle you," Billy warned, sliding off the couch and reaching for a fistful of cucumber slices.

Orlando threw him a cheeky grin and then turned back expectantly to Dom, who was tapping his foot on the floor in a rhythmic drum solo, a sure sign he was not as cheery as usual. After a moment he shouted, "They think we're gay!" His voice was at least three octaves higher than normal.

"Who thinks who's gay?" Elijah asked, looking thoroughly confused.

"Everyone," Dom retorted squeakily, gesticulating grandly with his arms.

"Everyone...." Billy prompted.

"In the WORLD!" Dom quipped. "Everyone in the WORLD thinks WE are gay."

"We as in the four of us?" Orlando wondered, looking around at his friends confusedly.

"Yes," Dom answered hollowly.

Elijah took a thoughtful bite of the cherry tomato in his fingers, "What made you come to this conclusion?"

"The internet," Dom grumbled.

Three simultaneous, "Oh's" went around the room; Dom glared at them.

"You know better than to go surfing about those sites," Billy chastised, waggling his finger at Dom, who looked as if he'd like to bite it off.

"That's right. The only thing you should be surfing are waves," Orlando pointed out the window. "Out there."

Dom crossed his arms across his chest, letting out a huffy breath; when he spoke next, his voice was less shrill and a lot more its normal tones, "Yeah. Well. I was curious."

"Curiosity killed the hobbit," Billy sang cheerily, shoving several celery sticks into the dip and then placing them in his mouth.

"Cat," Elijah corrected, then turned back to Dom. "What were you reading?"

"Fanfiction," Dom muttered sulkily, sighing. He stood up from the computer chair and crossed to the table where he looked sourly down at the plate. "I hate broccoli."

"I know. Viggo likes it." Orlando moved the broccoli off to the very side of the plate. "There, it's not touching anything now."

"There's no need to be so bloody condescending," Dom replied, but there was a joking tone in his voice.

"You were reading fanfiction?" Billy guffawed, shaking his head. "Last time you did that, you read some out loud and Orlando fainted dead away! I thought we made a pact not to read any more of it."

"Obviously, I didn't hold to it."

Billy made a face, "No, obviously not."

"I thought it was non-slash. I thought it'd be a good laugh to see what people thought about us, and how they interpreted us. I wanted to know how funny I was."

"Or if they mentioned your good looks?" Orlando quipped, the grin he was wearing widened.

Elijah shot him a look and Orlando cleared his throat, looking abashed, "Did the summary specifically say 'non-slash'?"

"No, but it didn't say slash either."

Billy and Elijah exchanged looks while both rolling their eyes, "Just stay away from that stuff all together."

Dom nodded, "Yeah, yeah, I know."

There were several moments of silence, then Billy chirped up, "Was I wearing my trademark kilt?"

"Not for very long," Dom replied, holding back laughter; Billy looked offended, then curious. "You took it off to, erm, take Elijah into manhood."

Elijah's eyes bugged out, but Billy stared in perplexity at Dom, "What the bloody hell does that mean?"

Orlando coughed, "I think it means that you, er, had your way with Elijah. You taught him...um...the ways of the world, possibly."

After a few silent minutes in which everyone watched Billy quizzically, he jumped up from his place, looking as if he had just been terribly violated. "EW!!!!" He glanced at Elijah, who shrunk back against the chair, hiding his face behind a Zwan CD. "EW! ELIJAH!" He pranced from the room, brushing himself off; presumably he was headed to wash himself clean of the nasty images his head provided.

"You've scared poor Billy to bits," Orlando said a second later, smiling a little.

"Not my fault. I didn't write it." Dom looked to Elijah.

"Don't look at me, I didn't write it either."

"Yeah, but admit it, you probably wouldn't mind it becoming reality."

"EW!" Elijah screeched. "GROSS! SHUT UP!"

Viggo walked in then, looking nonplused by all the noise; he wandered to the broccoli without saying anything, ate a few pieces and then looked round at all the horrified faces. "What's been happening?"

"Eljiah violated me!" Billy screeched from the bathroom, over the running of the water.

Viggo slowly turned to look at Elijah, "What did you do to Billy? And where are all the manly snacks?"