To Stalk or Not To Stalk

"DOMINIC!" Elijah's voice was urgent, horrified and matched his expression perfectly; he stood around the corner next to some unknown deli, crouching and speaking quietly, yet loudly, into his cell phone. His blue eyes were wide with the possibility of fear.

"Yes? Whose that?" Dom's voice was quite the opposite. He sounded cool, calm and even well-rested. To Elijah, it sounded like he was lain back in a reclining chair eating grapes which were being fed to him by God-Only-Knows-Who. Elijah took the mental image from his brain and concentrated on the task at hand. Getting out of there.

"It's Elijah!" Elijah squeaked into the phone. After squeaking, he got a little angry, and said rather seriously, "Don't you know my voice?"

"Not when you sound like a chipmunk. Where are you?"

"In an alley-way! I think I'm being followed." He said the word 'followed' very quietly and very seriously, but Dom still laughed.

"What do you mean, followed? Are there people with cameras musing about how Elijah Wood has bought six bags worth of CDs and still hasn't finished his daily shopping?"

Elijah looked down at his feet, to where the six bags of CDs were sprawled. "Erm. How'd you know I had six bags of CDs?"

Dom was amused by this. "Well, I know you."

"Yes. Right." Elijah suddenly looked over his shoulder, but then remembered he was leaning against a building and only could see brick; he leaned over to look around the corner, but didn't see anyone who looked particularly conspicuous.

"Who do you think is following you?" Dom questioned, turning off the television and getting out of the chair. (At least that's what it sounded like to Elijah.)

"I don't know!" Elijah squealed in horror. "I just feel like there are people following me all over the city!"

"You're getting rather paranoid in your old age, Lij."

"DOMINIC!" Elijah hissed, his voice squeaky. "This is no time for your humor!"

"Elijah," Dom chastised, his voice still humorous. "There is always time for humor. Especially mine."

Elijah snorted angrily, his terror forgotten. "Shut up and come and get me, would you?"

"Come and get you?" Dom repeated, sounding surprised. "You can't get to the apartment on your own?"

"No. I'm too scared."

"Elijah--"

"DOM! I think they're coming! I can hear footsteps! COME AND GET ME QUICK!" With that, he hung up and shoved his cell phone into the pocket of his jean jacket; he picked up his bags and made to look nonchalant.

"Hello," Elijah said, nodding slightly to the two girls who were passing by the alley-way.

They turned and looked at him with identical looks of surprise on their faces.

"Hi," one said, sounding curious.

"Hey," said the other, furrowing her brow.

"Hello," Elijah repeated, talking quickly and efficiently. "I don't mean to sound really insane, but have you seen a group of people following me?"

The girls looked behind their shoulders, then looked back at him, shrugging.

"No, I didn't see anyone," the first one said, giving him a little smile. "Are you lost or something?"

Oh, great! Elijah thought angrily. They think I'm ten! He scowled at them, hoping that he'd look a bit older. "I'm not lost, no. I just ducked in here to get away from whoever was following me."

"Maybe he needs a sedative," the first girl said to the second, who shook her head.

"I'm Elijah," he said eventually, stepping towards them in what he hoped was a charming way (except he tripped over his shoes and nearly plowed into them, but that's neither here nor there).

"I'm Grace," one said, smiling slightly and shaking his hand. "And this is Abbey."

Abbey shook his hand afterwards, smiling at him in a bemused way.

"It's nice to meet you," Elijah told them, shifting his bags around so his hands didn't feel like they were going to fall off. "Will you excuse me a moment while I call my friend? It'll just be a second. Don't go anywhere."

They shrugged and nodded, and then began conversing in quiet voices while Elijah dialed his phone.

"You think he knows it was us who was following him?" Abbey asked, sounding worried.

"No, I don't think so," Grace replied, watching Elijah cautiously. "Who do you think he's calling?"

"Maybe Dom?" Abbey suggested, her eyes brightening as she smiled widely.

"Let's hope so," Grace nodded, clearing her throat as Elijah turned back to them.

"He's on his way. My friend," Elijah elaborated. "I'll get him to escort me home."

"You think the people who were following you are hit-men or something?" Grace asked, unable to withhold such a question, even when Abbey stepped on her foot to try and shut her up.

"Oh, no, no," Elijah shook his head, smiling slightly and laughing a little. "I'm just taking precautions. Would you two like to escort me home instead? Dom's a bit scarier looking, of course, but he's not here...and God only knows when he will be. He'll get sidetracked at a record store, or a pub in no time."

It didn't take long for Abbey and Grace to look each other and smile in an odd way before they squealed "YES!" with a lot more enthusiasm than Elijah was expecting. In fact, he stumbled backwards in shock.

Against his better judgment, he led the way to his apartment, chattering with them the whole way about the art of stalking.

*

Elijah unlocked the door to his apartment, flicking on lights as he did so; he turned around to the two girls behind him (both of them looking tremendously excited) and beckoned them inside. It was half-way to the apartment when he realized that perhaps they were fans, and just hadn't told him yet. Of course, when Abbey mentioned "Lord of the---" he figured she'd been about to say "Rings" but when he looked to see, Grace had put her hand over her mouth and was smiling obviously at him. He was now more scared of them, than of the stalkers he'd been afraid of before.

"Dom?" Elijah called into the near-darkness. "Are you here?"

Dom came out of the kitchen wearing a flowery apron and a chef's hat.

"Hey, I was wondering where you got to----Why, hullo, there."

The girls giggled in response; Elijah stepped away from them. Dom wiped his hands on the apron and walked towards them, ready to shake their hands. Before he could, they'd both pounced on him and were hugging him to within an inch of his life. He merely laughed; Elijah, however, went into the bedroom to find a weapon. (All he found was a shoe.)

When they'd let him go, Dom stepped back and smiled at them. "Well, you're very friendly, aren't you." It was more a statement, than a question, but they both nodded enthusiastically anyway.

"We love you," Grace blurted out at last, as if she'd been holding it in awhile.

"We love you a LOT," Abbey put in, nodding happily.

Elijah slowly walked back into the room, a shoe held at the ready to ward them off if need be. As it turned out, he needn't have bothered. Dom had already taken a liking to these two overly-friendly fan-types and was inviting them to sit down on the sofa.

"I was making some chicken, but it won't be ready for about an hour. D'ya want some tea while you wait? Elijah and I would be happy to have you for dinner. There's plenty to go round."

Abbey and Grace both looked like Christmas had come early. Either that, or they just wanted to pounce on him again. To save themselves more humiliation (and Elijah having to use his shoe) they sat placidly on the sofa together and watched Dom with awe on their faces.

"We'd love to stay for dinner," Abbey breathed quietly.

"It would be lovely," Grace agreed, her voice sounding faraway.

"Brilliant," Dom smiled an award winning smile at them (luckily they were sitting down, or they would have fallen onto the floor due to weak knees) and turned to Elijah. "Lij? You wanna get the ladies some tea?"

Elijah nodded silently and went into the kitchen. As he busied himself with a kettle and teabags (English Breakfast blend), he set his shoe down and tried to calm himself.

Maybe it was okay they were completely insane. Maybe they were the good type of insane. Not the type of insane that would bound and gag him and force him to become their love slaves. No, he was fairly certain they wouldn't do that.

At least not to him.

Maybe to Dom, though.

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