Part Three : Forget This Crap, I'm Going Home
Dom spun around and poked newcomer, Zac Hanson, in the upper arm, “TAG!”
Zac’s face contorted in thought, and he jumped forward to press his finger into Elijah’s stomach, “Tog!!”
“You can’t tog on a tag,” Elijah replied, his eyes gleaming with a newfound light in them; it seemed he also liked to trick the pants off poor, defenseless newcomers of The Game of Tig…or, perhaps, he just wanted to get the better of a pop singer.
Zac shrugged, poked Billy in the forehead and yelled out a defiant, “Tig!”
“If you tig Billy, you have to do an elephant impression,” Dom stated evenly, his arms crossed across his chest as if he were a referee.
This seemed to make Zac reconsider the game altogether, but he was the type to always be up for anything, so he buried his pride and let out a huge roarish elephant sound and then tigged Billy once more.
Billy turned around, jabbed Elijah in the thigh twice, and with each jab, muttered, “Double. Tig.”
Elijah’s eyes widened, “Whoa, dude, bringing out the big guns so soon?”
“You know how we do it,” Billy replied, grinning; Dom and Orlando were almost bursting with laughter, but they held it in for the benefit of the game.
“You’re Scottish,” Zac stated blankly, “Why are you talking like a ghetto-thug rapper?”
“Because I want to,” Billy answered cheekily. “Elijah, I believe it’s your turn. You’ve been double tigged.”
Nodding, Elijah stepped towards Dom and poked him squarely between the eyes, “Triple tog, Dominic.”
Dom sighed, “You can’t triple tog without first doing a Homer Simpson impression.”
Elijah slapped his forehead and yelled, “D’oh!” before thrice poking Dom and saying, “Triple tog,” once more.
“Better,” Dom smiled, and turned to Orlando expectantly. “Tig, tag, tog, tig, Orlando. BEAT THAT!”
“DUDE!” Elijah squealed, “You can’t do that so soon in the game!”
Billy was inclined to agree, “You have to wait until there have been three tigs performed, two togs and one tag!”
Dom cursed under his breath and then yelled, “BUGGER!” He angrily jabbed Orlando in the shoulder and let out a stoic, “Tag.”
“Tag back.”
“I didn’t say no tag backs,” Dom complained, mostly to himself, hitting Elijah on the back of the head, “Tig.”
“Ouch.” He poked Billy near the eye, “Tag.”
Billy did some sort of odd ballet move and pressed his finger gently against Zac’s upper arm. “Tig.”
“OH HO!” Dom shouted jubilantly. “If Billy tigs you, you have to get to your knees and drop your trousers!”
Zac made a very odd face and pulled his pants down to his ankles. Then, suddenly, he pulled them back up again, and then said triumphantly, “But I’m younger than him, and you can’t tig someone younger than you.”
Orlando, Elijah, Billy and Dom all shouted a choice obscenity at the same time; Zac looked pleased. Billy suddenly shook his head, “I ballet twirled tigged him, so he has to jump up and down yelling ‘Billy is the King!’ three times.”
“OOooooh,” Elijah replied solemnly, “That’s right. Go on, Zac. It’s painless, except the stares you get afterwards.”
Putting his hands on his hips, Zac said stoutly, “I will not go any further until someone tells me all the rules. Also, I’d like to know if you four made this up just to play with my head.”
“Nooooooooo,” Dom shook his head. “We would NEVER!”
“Not to play with your head, no,” Billy continued.
“We’re upstanding citizens,” Orlando finished. “Plus, we’re not smart enough to come up with this game on our own.”
“So where’s it from?”
“The internet,” Dom answered quickly. “Some weird games website. There was also something called ‘Cup’.”
“Cup is fun,” Elijah said, smiling. “It was a game at the last birthday party I went to.” When Dom gave him a quick sideways glance, Elijah just shrugged in response.
“Rules,” Zac said. “Come on.”
Billy sighed dramatically, “Well, the game is over when someone Tig, Tag, Tog, Tigs someone else.”
Dom took over, “Only after there have been three tigs performed, two togs, and one tag.”
Elijah nodded, “But since you can’t tig on a tog, you have to wait until there’s a tag so you can tig, tag, tog, tig.”
“Right,” Orlando stated. “Also the ending of the game is when someone, usually with us it is Elijah, breaks down into tears and curses the earth that he walks on.”
Elijah scowled, “Shut up, OB.”
Suddenly off in the distance someone was yelling, “BOYS! HOBBITS! BOYS!” and running towards them.
Billy shielded his eyes against the sun, “Is that Pete?”
“Pete?” Zac repeated, turning around.
Peter Jackson appeared beside them, out of breath, “I’ve been watching from my van. Mind if I film some of this footage for the extended DVD? Some girls wearing Naked Games of Tig t-shirts came by my office last week and requested that The Game of Tig was recorded and made an extra on the DVD.”
Elijah made a face, “What?”
Dom laughed, “I don’t think you REALLY want The Game of Tig on the extended DVD.”
“I do,” Peter replied, nodding enthusiastically. “It’s just like a hobbit game!”
Orlando shook his head, “It’s fake, though.”
“I KNEW IT!” Zac shouted, jumping up and down. “I KNEW IT!”
Elijah rolled his eyes, “Pipe down, Hanson. Listen, Pete, we‘re still in play, so if you‘ll wait patiently for a few moments, we‘ll finish up.” He turned quietly towards the others and jabbed Zac in the arm, “I know it was your turn, but as you’re obviously not inclined to believe that this is a REAL game, then I will finish you off. Tig, tag, tog, tig! WOOO! I WIN!”
Dom chuckled, “Well. That’s a first.”