Three Words

She could watch him for hours, and even if he didn't move an inch, she still wouldn't be bored. It was odd for her, because normally she got bored very easily. But when he was in her presence, he held her attention far better than any electronic gadget ever could. And, though she was a complete bookworm, she'd much rather have hung out with him for several hours instead of immersing in a different world through the dog-eared pages of a beloved novel.

When he caught her looking at him, he would smile and then laugh; it didn't anger him, but it did catch him slightly off guard. It was as if she saw something in him that no one else did, and he always wondered what it was. He�d asked her several times, but she could never pin point it exactly.

It was more of the entire package; the way he carried himself, the way his hair fell across his forehead, the way his huge blue eyes could read hers so well, the way his lips curled into a smile, the gap between his teeth, his nails that were bitten right down as far as he could bite. Then there was his most interesting fashion sense; she loved the way he dressed, she loved going shopping with him, to watch what he would pick out. She loved that when he found an article of clothing he couldn't live without (for example, the worn brown jacket he sported now), he would grab at it as if his life depended on it, hold it to his chest and then smile over at her, telling her he had found what he'd been looking for.

It had been like that when they'd met; well, nearly like that. He had smiled that smile only reserved for when he was at his happiest, and she had smiled back. It hadn't happened at all like she'd planned; she figured when she met the right person, she'd grab on for dear life and never let go. But she had let go, and it didn't bother her; she watched him trek all over the place, traveling for work and the like, and never once did she distrust him. It was the first real grown-up type relationship she'd ever had; before she'd have gotten dreadfully jealous and probably ruined the entire thing, but with him it was different. She didn't worry about him going away one day and not coming back.

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
i came along
i wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow
so then i took my turn
oh what a thing to have done
and it was all yellow

It was the day after his birthday when he had to go to London to begin filming a new movie; he'd be gone three months, which was quite a difference from the sixteen he'd been gone for LOTR, but it didn't make the goodbye any easier.

He ran a finger down her cheek, and smiled fondly at her, "You know, it's not as if it's three years."

"I know, but it's still freaking long."

"Three months?" He laughed. "Three months is nothing. We made it sixteen before. I think we can handle three."

She shrugged slowly and sighed, "I wish I could come with you."

"I do, too, but it's just not possible. Once you finish school maybe. And we could be the Elijah and Natalie Traveling Circus."

"You're going to need to come up with something snappier than that, or we won't get any business." He leaned in then and kissed her quickly; he could hear them announcing that his plane was doing a final boarding call, so he had to hurry.

Leaning closer to her, and planting a quick kiss on her forehead, he whispered, "I'll see you in three months."

Natalie nodded, holding back the tears that wanted to spill from her eyes; she had gotten good at holding tears back lately, not that she would boast about that to anyone. If given a choice, she would have chosen to dissolve on the spot, but it just wasn't her style, even if she wished it was.

"I'll call you when we land," Elijah gave her one last smile, dropped her hand, and began walking towards the woman taking boarding passes. He turned back once more to wave to her, before entering the tunnel to get onto the plane.

Natalie never waited long after the flight took off; she hated watching it, but always felt it was her duty to sit in the plastic chair and hold tightly to its sharp arm rests as his plane flew out of sight. She would leave immediately when the clouds made it impossible to see the plane any longer.

your skin oh yeah your skin and bones
turn in to something beautiful
do you know
you know i love you so
you know i love you so

It wasn't like she couldn't live without him. Okay, well maybe she didn't want to live without him, but she could, and there was a difference. When he wasn't there, she was quieter and more reserved in her regular life, but she was still the person she'd always been. Just a bit more head over heals in love. With her head a bit more in the clouds, wondering what things would be like when he returned.

Every time he went away, and every time he came back, it was just like there had never been a break. It was just like they picked up directly where they left off.

She had gotten very use to the phone; though there were other forms of communication they could use due to the sudden outburst of new technology, she preferred the phone. E-Mails, however efficient just didn�t have that feel to them. She couldn�t hear his voice through electronic mailing, she couldn�t hear the infliction he�d put on different words. It just wasn�t the same somehow. Faxes were even worse, even more impersonal. She didn�t own one, and neither did he.

Natalie would sit in her window seat at night and watch the stars twinkling in the inky black sky above. That spot was her favorite, the place where she felt most at peace with the world, even as announcements boomed from her television that wars were breaking out and people were dying.

Though she had a healthy dose of reality in her constant waking life, she also was a dreamer; as such, she would drift off into her own world where everyone lived in castles and there was never any fighting. She supposed this world she�d created for herself was a product of her childhood, like most things were. People were always blaming their present lives on their childhoods; Natalie was not one of them. She rarely blamed her parents for anything, even if they were nonexistent as she�d grown up in foster homes. She truly believed things happened for a reason, and after she�d had her rebellious stage at thirteen, she�d completely shifted gears and become a person who was thankful for the things, good and bad, that had happened to her to make her who she was today.

And, after all, if she wasn�t that person, she would never have met Elijah, who was the only person in the world she really loved.

She would think of Elijah, as she sat at her window seat, and be comforted by the fact that he�d be seeing the same stars she was. It was the little things that helped her wade her way through all the bad stuff.

i swam across
i jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
'cause you were all yellow
i drew a line
i drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow

There was a call in the middle of the night, in the second week since Elijah had been away; Natalie was not psychic, but she could feel the tension at the other end of the phone. She could tell something wasn�t right, and as her throat constricted she answered the phone on its second ring. She wasn�t prepared for the news she received. Then again, who can prepare for tragedy?

�Nat?� Billy�s voice was cracked over the line; he sounded faraway, and his voice was urgent and sad. �It�s Billy.�

Natalie clutched the phone as she stood beside her bedside table, waiting with bated breath for what he had to tell her. If her brain had been working properly, she�d have calculated that it was the middle of the morning in London. �What�s wrong?� Natalie asked, her voice distant, as if she was not really speaking at all.

�Elijah�s hurt.� The two word phrase that Natalie was expecting still hit like lightning where she stood; she couldn�t breathe, couldn�t think. Her mind was clouding over as she pictured him, dead and bloodied, on the side of a vacant road. When she didn�t respond, Billy continued in a hushed whisper. �He�s at the hospital, Natalie.�

Her voice was shaking when she finally pulled to together enough to ask a simple question. �What happened?�

Billy sounded so sad, she could barely contain the tears that threatened to overcome her eyes, but she held it back so she could listen properly. She�d had enough experience in crying to know that when you did, you can�t lend enough attention to any other aspect of the world at that time. �He had an early call, so I offered to take him since I had to be at work a bit after he did�he was real tired�so I drove.� Billy heaved in a breath, and it sounded so shaky that for a moment Natalie was sure he was breaking down. �We got hit. By a truck. Hit ran a red light, smashed right into---� he drew a shaking breath. �--right into Elijah�s side. Slammed us into a tree.�

�Oh, my God,� Natalie put a hand to her mouth, half in part to keep her from throwing up, half because she didn�t know what else to do with the hand that had been limply sitting at her side. She lowered herself onto the bed, shaking all over and suddenly very cold. Finally, her brain clicked in and she realized what she should have been asking from the start. Another phrase with three words. �Is he alright?�

�I don�t know. The doctors won�t let me see him. I�ve just gotten checked out, myself. I�ve got a concussion and some bruises, but I�m okay. They won�t answer my questions. I don�t know what else to do. I just knew I needed to call you.� He said the sentences in a rush, all leading into one another; she had to listen very carefully to pick out the words. For a moment she thought she might have a concussion, because for the life of her, she couldn�t seem to move anything but her lips.

�I�m so sorry, Nat.� This time, he really did break down; tears flowed from his eyes, down his cheeks, soaking his hospital gown. His voice shook with fear, with regret, with sadness. She wanted so badly to hug him, but technology hadn�t gotten that far, yet. �It�s all my fault.�

She sat there, trembling, listening to his sobs on the other line and wishing more than anything that she had gone with Elijah this time. As if her mere presence could have saved them both. As if it would have made a difference to fate. �It�s not your fault, Billy,� she found herself saying as tears silently flooded her eyes. �It�s not your fault.� She stood up suddenly. �I�m coming.�

�Coming?� Billy repeated blankly. �What do you mean, coming?�

Natalie rushed to her closet, grabbed her biggest suitcase and heaved it to the floor; then, with feverish deliverance, she began throwing random articles of clothing into it. �I�m getting on a flight. I�ll be there in a couple of hours. Stay with him, Billy. Don�t leave him.�

�I�m not gonna leave him. Jesus, Natalie. You can�t COME. You have school, and work. That�s why you stayed there in the first place. You can�t just up and leave.� Billy wiped his eyes, finally seeing sense and realizing that she was serious and that she was probably already throwing clothes into a bag.

She was headed for the underwear now, throwing several in and not caring how many or which ones. �I can�t just stay here!�

Her yell echoed around the quiet apartment like she was suddenly in the Grand Canyon. Her anger surprised Billy, set him off guard, and he stared at the phone in his hands wondering who the hell he was talking to. This wasn�t the Natalie he knew.

�Natalie,� his voice was more calm and gentle than even he meant for it to be. �He�s going to be okay.�

�How do you know that?� Natalie retorted, angry for him saying such a thing when there were no guarantees, especially now, especially after she had been so sure things were finally looking up for her. She slammed her suitcase shut. �How can he be okay after all of this?�

�I don�t know,� Billy whispered. �But I have to believe he can make it.�

There was a pause, while she considered these words; she admired and loved Billy, because he had been a great friend to both she and Elijah over the years, but right now she couldn�t listen to the hope that glimmered in his voice. It only made her want to weep harder. �I�m on the next flight,� Natalie responded tersely.

Billy was reserved now, knowing full well that there was no way to change her mind; if there was one thing about her he knew, it was that she was hardheaded. Especially when it came to Elijah. �I�ll send Dom to pick you up.�

your skin oh yeah your skin and bones
turn in to something beautiful
do you know
for you i'd bleed myself dry
for you i'd bleed myself dry

She barely noticed how pale and weary Dom looked, waiting for her outside her gate as she departed the plane. She gave him a quick hug and then followed him outside, into the rain that poured down from the dark clouds above; she scarcely felt how wet she was when she climbed into his car, but she had a fleeting thought of how glad she was that she�d only brought a carry-on, because she didn�t want to waste more time than she already had while searching for a bag that would never appear at baggage claim.

Nervously, she wrung out her hair as they drove through London, towards the hospital. �How is he?� She spoke at last, her voice was choked and he could tell she was trying her hardest not to cry.

Dom hesitated before speaking. �Bill said he�s�pretty badly hurt.�

He paused at a red light, and she looked briefly over at him; she noticed the bags under his eyes and the frown placed on his lips. All the time she�d known him, she had never seen him frown. It seemed to signify how serious this whole situation really was. �Thank you for picking me up.�

��Salright.� He inhaled deeply. �He�s going to be fine.� He was reassuring himself as much as her, and she knew this; all she could do was nod. �I�ll let you out at the door and then I�ll go park�and�� he swallowed. ��and then I�ll come in. You can leave your bag in the car.�

Natalie slid her seatbelt off as he slowed near the curb outside the front doors of the huge building. She cast him a quick look, and managed a small, wavering smile as she opened her door. �Thank you.�

He nodded, swallowed and turned to look straight ahead. It hurt him to look at her, all fragile and week; it hurt her just as much to look at him. He watched her run into the building, and then he pulled back into traffic and guided the car into a parking space. He seemed to be on autopilot, barely taking in anything and not really knowing what he was doing.

The elevator doors dinged as Natalie landed on the ICU floor; she stepped out, took a deep breath, and made her feet take her to the nurse�s station. The smell, the taste, the look of the hospital made her stomach churn, but she couldn�t chicken out now. She had to see him. Her brain wouldn�t let her think the second part to that statement; �one last time.�

When the sallow looking nurse directed her to room 11, Natalie thanked her politely and slowly walked down the hall. She heard heart monitors beeping in every room and did all she could not to throw up. Her mind continued a rhythmic repeating of the same phrase. This can�t be happening. Please tell me this isn�t happening.

Natalie appeared in the doorway of Elijah�s room; the first thing she saw was Billy, sitting beside the bed, leaned over, his head resting against the mattress. His shoulders were rising and falling, and she didn�t want to think that he was crying. If he was crying, and she had to see it, she knew she�d fall apart. It was by pure luck that she was as composed as she was.

She let her eyes fall on the man laying in the bed; if she could think of one word to describe his appearance, she would have chosen �lifeless� but she didn�t want to think that. Didn�t want to see him this way. Couldn�t believe this was happening.

There were tubes sticking into him randomly, an IV set up, dripping some sort of clear liquid, a heart monitor; his eyes were sunken in and swollen, his hair was matted against his head, his face was paler than she�d ever seen him and his bony fingers, clutched in Billy�s hands, were so frail that she imagined they�d crumble if you squeezed too hard.

She found her voice after a few moments. �Billy?�

Billy�s head snapped up; slowly, he placed Elijah�s hands on the bed and stood up. He moved towards her, slower than she�d ever seen him walk, and engulfed her in a hug which allowed her to relax against him and finally feel as if she wasn�t doing this alone. Still in his embrace, she asked, �How is he?� because she couldn�t stand not knowing, even if it was bad news�though how it could be anything but bad news seemed impossible to her.

Billy pulled away and lowered her into the chair beside the bed. She didn�t look at Elijah, but kept her eyes on Billy, waiting for him to respond. �He�s unconscious. They�ve just allowed me in here. They had him in ER for hours, and just relocated him. They�re�not sure how much damage has been done.�

Natalie felt herself nodding, even though this wasn�t the black and white answer she�d wanted. She wanted to know if he was going to live or not. She couldn�t comprehend anything more complicated than that.
She took a deep breath and skirted her eyes onto Elijah; she was glad to see his chest rising and falling with breath, but didn�t give herself enough time to analyze anything else. �Is he going to live?�

Three words. �They don�t know.�

it's true
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do

She�d called her professors to say she wouldn�t be in class. They wanted to know for how long; she said she wasn�t sure. She called her boss and told him she was taking quite a few days sick leave. He wanted to know when he could expect her back; she told him she didn�t know. She didn�t tell anyone why she was gone, couldn�t bare to say the words aloud. If she said them, it would make them true.

And she didn�t think she could handle the truth coming out of her own mouth. Even as Billy�s and Dom�s and Elijah�s mother, and sister, and brother�s mouths all tried to make the truth be heard in her ears.

She only left the beside vigil when Billy made her get some sleep; she�d fall asleep immediately on his couch and then wake up every fifteen minutes, thinking she heard the telephone ringing. It never did. She only ate when Dom forced food down her throat. She didn�t have any need to eat, couldn�t eat, until she knew things would be okay. And that feeling never came.

A week after the accident, everyone was losing hope; Dom and Billy stayed by her side, taking turns, while family and friends dropped by from time to time, none of them with very encouraging words. Filming of his movie was postponed indefinitely, and Natalie heard Dom whispering in the hall that the director was recasting the part. Nobody thought Elijah would pull through.

She became very angry with pretty much everyone; she didn�t lose her temper, except once when Billy breached the subject that perhaps she should go back home, get back to school, back to her life. She�d declined and said that no, her life was here, with Elijah, and she wouldn�t leave him.

Nobody tried to change her mind after that.

She rarely spoke, unless spoken to, and even then it was in sentences made up of three, sometimes four, words.

�You need to eat.�

�I�m not hungry.�

�Natalie, get some sleep.�

�I�m not tired.�

�You look horrible.�

�I feel horrible.�

�He�s going to be fine.�

�How do you know?�

Natalie was asleep, her head as near to Elijah as possible without touching him for fear that she�d hurt him somehow, when she felt fingers run through her hair. Thinking it was Billy attempting to get her to go home and sleep, she mumbled and flung her hand out; when she didn�t feel fabric connect with her fingertips, her head jolted up and pretty soon she was peering into tired, yet awake, blue eyes.

She couldn�t speak, she felt her breath catch in her throat. What day was it? What time was it? How long had he been gone from her life? How long had they wanted her to give up?

�Hi.� Elijah�s voice was husky, hoarse and weak.

Natalie blinked at him, wondering if she was dreaming. �Am I dreaming?�

�Am I?� His eyes fell away from hers, cataloging his surroundings. She wondered where Dom was, as it was his shift, because she wanted someone to tell her she wasn�t imagining this.

�I don�t think so.� She sat up, staring at him as if she�d never seen him before. �You�re okay. I can�t believe this. You�re okay!� Natalie flung herself onto him then, and barely heard his mumble of protest. She felt his arms go around her and she nestled snugly against his chest. This was how it was supposed to be. This is what she had been waiting for.

�I can�t really breathe,� he said after a moment, his voice muffled against her hair.

Natalie jumped up and shook her head at him. �I thought you were going to die.�

�So did I. It was like I was swimming and swimming underwater, but no matter what I did I couldn�t break the surface. I couldn�t get to you.�

Tears were shining in her eyes and pretty soon they were flowing soundly down her cheeks; after a moment she was sobbing, cradling herself and sobbing uncontrollably. Elijah watched her, unable to move to comfort her, and not exactly sure what he could do to stop her anyway.

Dom entered the room a moment later and rushed to Natalie�s side, apparently unaware that Elijah had awoken. �Natalie, oh my God, what�s the matter? NATALIE.�

She sniffed; she was shaking and couldn�t form the words that wanted to burst from her lips. �He�s alive!�

Dom frowned. �No, he�s not, Nat, he�s not okay. I�ve gotta get you back to Billy�s. You�re hallucinating. God, maybe I should get you checked out by a doctor. Do you know who I am?�

�Yes, I do! You�re Dom!� She yelled at him, angry that he wasn�t believing her. �And I�m fine! And so is Elijah!�

He pulled her into a hug, feeling so scared for her that he didn�t know what else to do. �I�m going to call a doctor. Hold tight.� He let go of her and walked briskly out the door.

Pretty soon he was rushing back in, before Natalie even had a chance to gather her thoughts; a stern looking doctor waltzed in behind him. Before the doctor had a chance to ask Natalie what was wrong, Elijah spoke up from the bed.

�Hey, Dom.�

Dom whirled around, looking so beyond shocked that Natalie feared he might pass out. �ELIJAH! You�re awake!!� Before Dom had a chance to hug him, the doctor began examining him. Dom took the chance to apologize profusely to Natalie, and then they were holding each other and crying and laughing and everything was okay.

Everything would be okay.

Then the doctor was leaving the room, preparing to do more tests on Elijah, and Dom was jumping around happily, tapping numbers into his cell phone to tell everyone else the good news. Natalie knelt down beside Elijah�s bed, smiling so happily at him that he felt tears building beneath his eyes. �I thought I was going to lose you,� she whispered, leaning towards him so he could hear over Dom�s rambunctious yelling.

Then Elijah said the three words that Natalie had never heard him say to her before, the ones she�d been waiting for, she realized, all her life. �I love you.�

Tears cascaded down her cheeks, and she brushed them away hurriedly. �I love you.�

And she had never been so happy than she was at that moment.

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