this fire

chapter eighteen

"You didn't tell him?" Brooke asked Laney incredulously, cuddling closer to Ian on her bed.

Laney lay on her stomach on her bed, her face buried in pillows, muffling her response. "I didn't tell him. I can't tell someone I love him unless I'm sure I do."

"But he told you; he said it to you."

"I know, Brooke! You think I don't feel horrible? You think I don't feel completely guilty and worry every second that I totally shattered his heart?" Laney asked angrily, sitting up.

"Madelaine Thorpe," Ian said. "Get off your high horse."

"Excuse me?" Laney was beyond angry with her cousin already, and he was only making it worse.

"You go on an on about him and you get this really annoying goofy grin on your face when you do. I'm getting really sick of it, so get over yourself and just tell him already, whether you're 'sure' or not."

"Get out."

"What?" Ian asked.

"What?" Brooke asked.

"You heard me," Laney said. "Get. Out."

"Laney, you can't just tell him to get out like that. It's my room, and he's my boyfriend," Brooke said, a little offended.

"It's my room, too," Laney retorted. "And I can kick him out if he's sitting there insulting me and telling me how to run my own goddamned life. Ian, get out."

"No, Laney, you're out of line," Brooke told her with a frown, standing up. Ian just lay there, stunned that Laney was so angry with him.

"Fine, Brooke. Then I'll leave." Laney grabbed her duffel bag and her backpack and began to stuff clothes into the bag. In her backpack she crammed her school books and anything else she thought she might need.

Looking down and trying her damnedest to hold back the tears that were prickling the backs of her eyelids, she walked out of the room, slamming the door as hard as she could behind her. She ran down the hall as fast as she could with a backpack and a duffel bag and kept running. She made it to the aquatic center and collapsed onto a bench outside of it, sobbing.

She didn't know how long she sat there crying for, but she knew it was a long time.

"Laney?"

Sniffing, she looked up. It was Aaron. "Hi," she said, a fresh round of sobs starting.

"Oh, Laney," he said concernedly, sitting next to her and pulling her to him, stroking her hair while she sobbed against his chest. "What happened?"

"Ian," was the only word she could get out.

"Come on," he said, helping her stand up. "Let's go back to my place. I'll make you some hot chocolate and we can talk, ok?"

She nodded, wiping off her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. He grabbed her duffle bag and her hand and they walked to his apartment. When they got there, he dropped her bag by the door and dragged her into the kitchen, sitting her down at a stool at the counter. He microwaved some water and dumped a packet of instant hot chocolate into it, stirring it up, adding marshmallows, and handing it to her. "You want to tell me what happened?" he asked.

She sniffed as she took a sip. "I'm so confused, Aaron," she said. "And then Brooke started hounding me about what happened and then she yelled at me and then Ian yelled at me and he thinks he can run my life and I feel like I really hurt you yesterday." She let out a loud sob. "God...I don't know what to do anymore." She lay her head on her arms on the counter and braced herself for even more crying.

Aaron sat next to her and rubbed her back until she was able to sit up. "First of all, Brooke and Ian are stupid. And second of all, yeah, I would have rather had you all over me yesterday than say what you said, but you didn't hurt me. I understand completely. Laney, you don't have to be confused."

"Why do you have to do that?" she asked, resting her head on her arms again, this time looking at him.

"Do what?"

"Be so damned sweet. I'm not used to that."

Aaron chuckled. "That's what happens when you're in love, I guess."

"Stop it, please. I don't want you to say that to me again until I feel like I won't be breaking your heart by not saying it back. God, I want to say it back. I think I do. I think I love you," she said quietly, "but I'm not totally sure yet."

"I'll take what I can get," he said, kissing the top of her head. "What's with the bags?"

"I told Ian to leave and instead somehow got kicked out myself."

Aaron's jaw dropped open. "It's your room too."

"I know," Laney said before another two or three tears fell down her cheeks. She could feel the sobs starting again.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," Aaron said, wrapping his arms around her. "Oh, Laney." He picked her up and brought her to the couch, where they sat for over an hour while Laney tried to calm herself down again.

"Will you just hold me?" she asked quietly. He nodded and pulled her to him, cradling her head against his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes.

*

When she woke up, she was stiff as a board and her face felt really gross. She carefully rolled off of Aaron, not waking him up, and went into his bathroom to wipe the tearstains from her face. She splashed her face with cold water and left the bathroom. When she walked through the door into the living room, where he was still asleep on the couch, she stopped short.

He was beautiful. She stopped breathing, her heart started racing, and her stomach flipped over and over when she thought of everything he'd done for her, especially last night. Her left hand automatically went to play with the bracelet he'd given her for her birthday. She hadn't taken it off since then except to swim and that one time she thought he was dating Amanda Beard.

She knew that part of the reason she'd stormed out of her dorm was that she was jealous � she wanted what Brooke and Ian had that she could never seem to find.

She'd been blind � it was in front of her all along.

Crossing the room in three long strides, she kissed Aaron's lips to wake him up. He responded as he opened his eyes. "Hello," he said with a smile, surprised to be awakened in such away. She kissed him again.

"What was that for?" he asked, dazed, when she pulled away.

"I'm sorry. I'm an idiot," she said.

"What? No you're not." He sat up.

"Yes, I am. This whole time I've been the biggest moron on the planet. I was jealous of Brooke and Ian...in addition to being pissed beyond belief...and I didn't see that everything I ever wanted was right in front of me. I was so blind, and you helped me open my eyes."

"Laney?"

"Let me finish or I might start crying again," she said with an uneasy laugh. "Look, Aaron, I'm just stupid. I was afraid. I think afraid that I'd hurt you or you'd hurt me or something equally ridiculous. I shouldn't have been. God, you've been so great and I don't deserve it for a second. And I love you for it."

"Laney..." Aaron put a finger against her lips and, leaning forward, rested his forehead against hers. "Are you..."

"Yeah," she said softly, kissing him. "Yeah, I think I am."

He kissed her firmly and then pulled away. "Say it?" he pleaded.

"I love you," she said, winding her arms around his neck and falling with him onto the couch.