Strictly Speaking

“What does it mean when someone says they love you, but they’re not in love with you?”

“It means they can’t make up their bloody minds.”

“But, really, what does it mean?”

“Why do you care?”

“No reason.”

Dom pointed his spoon across the table, nearly poking Elijah in the nose. “You don’t just randomly ask something like that, mate. There’s got to be a reason. Whether a friend of a friend of a friend of a cousin said something to you, or it’s from first-hand experience.”

Elijah squirmed uneasily in his seat and set his fork onto his plate with a small clatter, that was not heard over all the noise in the busy diner. Dom’s piercing gray gaze made Elijah’s face flush and he had to look away.

A cheeky grin spread across Dom’s face, “Who was it, then?”

“Who was what?” Elijah was always good at feigning innocence.

“Don’t play coy with me. Who was it that told you they loved you, but weren’t in love with you?”

Or maybe he wasn’t so good at it. “Nobody told me that, Dom.”

Dom was always good at being able to tell when Elijah was lying, and when he wasn’t. Most of the time found Elijah telling the blatant, honest truth. However, apparently he had something different up his sleeve today. “I’m not leaving you alone until you explain yourself.”

There. He’d laid down the law, and now he would just wait while Elijah sweated it out.

Elijah’s blue eyes raced back and forth, taking in every possible exit as well as how badly they were blocked. The front door was crammed with a line of people waiting to pay their bills, the back door that Elijah was very familiar with, was blocked by a very large and fragrant (not to mention vibrantly decorated) Christmas tree. There was always the cunning exit of the large picture window he sat in front of, but somehow he thought his escape by breaking the glass may not go unnoticed.

Dom slurped up some soup and then dabbed at the corners of his mouth. “Why won’t you tell me?” His voice, which has beforehand held a whimsical tone of humor was now deadly serious and direct.

“I’m embarrassed?”

“Since when do you get embarrassed?”

“Since today?”

“Don’t answer my questions with questions, Elijah. You know I hate that.”

“But you do it all the time.”

“Yeah, to Billy.”

Elijah signed, knowing full well that Dom would not drop the subject until he’d come clean. Or out, as the saying goes. His mumbled response denoted a person, albeit one with a foreign type name that sounded like Spam.

“Nobody names their kid Spam,” Dom replied evenly, tucking his napkin under his empty bowl.

“Maybe in India,” Elijah commented lightly, shrugging and smoothing down the napkin in his lap nervously.

Dom smirked, “Maybe in India. But you don’t know anyone by that name. So, would you be so kind as to repeat the name of the person you’re in love with, and this time with a bit more enunciation?”

“I’m not in love with anyone,” Elijah quickly stated. “I never said I loved anyone. I merely said someone loves me, but isn’t in love with me.”

“That implies that you said to them, ‘Unknown Named Person, I love you.’ and they replied, ‘Elijah, I love you, but I’m not in love with you.’ Which, by the way, is a complete cop-out, and they should be ashamed of themselves. Only men use that as an excuse to not hurt a bird’s feelings after she’s professed her undying affections.”

Elijah rolled his eyes and sighed, “It implies it, sure, but that doesn’t matter.”

“I wish we could stop talking in this roundabout way. It’s doing my head in.” The waitress bustled over then, a petite girl with false blonde hair and false blue eyes; she dropped the bill onto the table between them and bustled off again. Despite the fact that she obviously knew who they were (the extra makeup she’d applied when they walked in had been a dead-giveaway), she was straight out busy and didn’t have time for proper flirting.

Dom licked his lips and picked up the flimsy white paper, examining it.

“I’ll get that,” Elijah said, reaching across the table.

Dom pulled the slip out of his reach, which prompted Elijah to scowl. “Just because you pay for my lunch doesn’t mean I’m letting this conversation end.” Elijah retracted his hand, pouting. “And the pout won’t change my mind.” Dom looked up, “No matter how cute it is.” He cast his eyes back onto the slip and dug his wallet out of his back pocket.

He was thumbing through some bills, the tip of his tongue poking out of his closed mouth, when Elijah heaved a heavy sigh and leaned against the table, propping his chin onto his hands. “Orlando said to me last night, ‘Elijah, I’m not in love with you’ which sent me into hysterics because I’m not in love with him, either. So why would he think I was? And why would he bother saying so? And why---”

Dom held up a hand, “Do I leave four dollars for the tip, or five?”

Elijah’s face fell, his shoulders sagged and he stared across the table at his friend, “WHAT? My life is in complete disarray and you’re asking for tip advice?”

“You’re right,” Dom replied, setting his wallet, wad of cash and the bill onto the table in front of him. “Better leave five; she was attractive.”

Elijah’s mouth fell open, “DOM! You don’t leave tips depending on how attractive the wait people are!”

Dom grinned, an eyebrow raised. “No? All right, then. I’d better listen to you shriek in horror instead of bothering with a tip.”

He heaved another sigh, this time out of aggravation. “Have you HEARD a damned WORD I have been SAYING?”

“Good emphasis, and yes, I have.” Dom leaned back in his seat comfortably, ignoring the chatter around him, the dropping and shattering of dishes, and the yelling of the cook in the kitchen. “Let’s recount. Orlando’s bloody mad, he told you he wasn’t in love with you, and you’re confused. Good?”

“Yes,” Elijah mumbled.

“What did you say before he professed his non-love?”

“I said, ‘Orlando, would you like to go get a hamburger?’”

Dom burst out laughing and quickly covered his mouth when he realized he’d drawn rather a lot of attention to his table. “I asked him that a week or so ago and he didn’t act like a loon about it. I think he may have said ‘Sure’ or some variation of that.”

“Figures,” Elijah muttered, rolling his eyes.

“What did you say after that?”

“After he said his little Jerry Maguire speech, I hightailed it out of there.”

“He told you that you completed him?”

“No.”

“You had him at hello?”

“I was just using that as an example.”

“An example of what?”

“DOM!” Elijah hissed, “Shut up a minute!”

Dom closed his mouth and stared, unblinkingly, across the table. Elijah ran a tired hand through his hair and said, “Orlando isn’t mad, I think he had his queerdar on, and it scared him, being the manly man he likes to pretend he is.”

“Radar, you mean.”

“No,” Elijah laughed. “I don’t.”

“Well, who cares?” Dom asked, throwing his hands in the air.

“I just came out to you, and that’s what you say?”

“You didn’t come out to me, you said OB had a queerdar.”

“Whatever,” Elijah sighed again. “I’m gay, but I am not in love with Orlando. Contrary to public belief, not everyone is.”

Dom chuckled, “Yeah, I’m aware. He has quite a huge self esteem.”

“Why are you not surprised I’m gay?” Elijah asked, looking thoroughly confused.

A shrug was his response; when Elijah narrowed his eyes, Dom figured it would be best if he tried explaining. “I’ve always known you were gay, it just took OB assuming you were in love with him for you to come out of the closet. That‘s not great, either, because not everyone has their very own vain OB to push them out of closets.”

“Dom.”

Dom looked up, his eyes curious. “What?”

“If I told you I loved you, would you say you weren’t in love with me?”

“No.”

“What would you say, then?”

“I would say, ‘Oh.’”

Elijah’s eyebrows rose into his hairline, “That’s it?”

“Pretty much.”

“But you’re gay.”

“I’m open. There’s a difference.”

“So, you’re not in love with me?”

“I’m really tired, Elijah. Can we pay the tip and go?”

“Five dollars,” Elijah stated, pushing his chair back and standing up.

Dom stood up as well and threw a five dollar bill onto the table before sliding his wallet back into his pocket. Looking out the window, Dom whispered, “I’ve always been in love with you.”

Elijah’s eyes widened, “But you just said--”

“I said exactly what I’d say if you told me you were in love with me. Can we just pay the tip and go.”

“Oh,” Elijah laughed nervously.

“Yeah, ‘Oh.’ You’re rather dense, I hope you know.”

“I do, yes.”

Dom smiled at him, “It took you bloody long enough to figure it out, you know.”

“What can I say?” Elijah asked, shrugging into his coat. “I never know a good thing when it’s standing right in front of me.”

“In Gucci boots, no less,” Dom laughed, pointing to his feet.

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