"So you've never had a girlfriend?" Jenny asked, adjusting her studious glasses and glancing down at the pad of paper poised precariously on her lap; her pen was hung loosely between her fingers, ready to write.

Shane coughed nervously, "Well, no...not never."

"So, you HAVE had a girlfriend, then."

"No...not...not really." He pulled at the collar of his shirt and unbuttoned the first button, the one that was making it difficult to breathe.

Jenny pulled her glasses off and stared at him, surveying his nervous exterior. "Shane, you're telling me that at twenty-five, you have never had a proper girlfriend. Or any at all. Is that right?"

Shane swallowed, "More or less."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I'm picky?" Shane ventured, cocking his head to the side.

"Are you?"

"I guess."

"I was thinking maybe it was more than that."

"Like what?" Shane asked, sitting up on the couch and looking her directly in the eyes. "Like are you suggesting I'm gay?"

"Are you?"

"No! No, I'm not gay."

Jenny gave him a look that plainly stated she thought otherwise. He stood up from the couch and began pacing in front of it, muttering to himself. "I mean, sometimes I fantasize about guys, but that's normal!"

"Fantasize about what guys?"

"Not short guys, I don't like short guys. They're like midgets. They're too short."

"What about tall guys?"

"How tall? Can't be too tall."

"Any guy, it doesn't matter."

"I've never fantasized about celebrities, really."

"How about a friend, then?"

"NO! I've never----" Shane stopped pacing and looked at her. "Well, maybe once. Or twice."

"And have you ever fantasized about a woman?"

"What sort of woman? A manly one?" He sat down, hard, on the couch and sighed. "I'm gay, aren't I?"

"Only you can tell for sure," Jenny replied, folding her paper up and setting her glasses on a nearby table. "But, yeah. Pretty much."

Shane blew some air out of his mouth, making his hair fly up, "This explains why I keep wanting to see Nicky naked, then." He looked up sadly and said, "How am I going to tell them."

"Straight out," Jenny answered briskly. "What's Mark doing nowadays? Is he single?"

*

"So," Shane said, beginning to whistle lightheartedly as he walked around the house he shared with his bandmates. "I have something to say to you."

"What's that?" Mark asked from behind his meatball sandwich from Subway.

"I'm gay."

Mark spit a bit of meatball from his mouth across the table and hit Bryan square in the forehead.

"EWWW!" Bryan hollered, pulling the half eaten food off his face. "MARK!"

"Oh, be quiet. You'll eat it anyway."

Bryan looked affronted and then shrugged, "You're right."

Shane nervously bit his fingernails while leaning against the counter; Mark turned his attention to him. "You're gay?"

"That's what I'm told. And it makes perfect sense because---"

"No, stop right there," Mark said with his hand held up, "I don't want to hear it."

"Well, Jenny says that since I've never had a girlfriend---"

"Whoa, whoa, wait. JENNY told you you're gay?"

"No, I told Jenny I'm gay."

"Did she ask about me?" Mark coughed, "I mean...ah...is she...er...not dating Kian anymore?"

"Dating Kian?" Shane repeated. "Why would she date Kian? She hates him."

"No, she doesn't. That's a coverup."

"I don't bloody care. Let's get back to me. I'm gay. And I think I'm in love with Nicky."

"NICKY!" Mark shrieked. "But...but...he's your singing coach!"

"I saw him naked once in the shower. I really couldn't get it out of my mind."

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Mark hollered, jumping up and throwing his leftover sandwich at Bryan. "God, Sheen! It's fine you're gay, but don't go broadcasting all the ins and outs to me!" He stormed out of the room and then quietly tiptoed back in a few minutes later, looking reluctant. "Sorry, I meant to have a really good dramatic exit, but then I remembered...We were supposed to get Kian and Gail together, because Jenny is so obviously in love with me, and hates his guts. So let's work out a plan...and in the meantime...you can tell Nicky your feelings and Bry can finish his sandwich. And I can get with Jenny and we'll all live happily ever after."

"I could live happily ever after if I had a deep fried twinkee right about now," Bryan commented, rubbing his stomach and sighing in contentment.

"Go to Texas then," Mark grunted, before leaving the room in a huff.

*

Nicky and Gail were working out in the studio nextdoor; Nicky was doing a million pushups and Gail was working on her hooker pole routine.

"I didn't realize you were a hooker," Nicky said from the floor. "Twenty nine thousand."

"Oh, I'm not," she replied offhandedly, sliding down the pole. "I'm training to be a nun."

"Em," Nicky stopped doing pushups to look up at her. "Why? You're most unnunly."

"Why do you say that?" Gail asked, twirling around the pole, her heals of death (about sixteen inches high) getting caught and causing her to land most unnunly like on the floor in a heap.

"For one, you're only dressed in a bra and panties. For two, where's your habit? And for three, I thought you were in love with Kian."

"No," Gail laughed. "No, no, no. I am becomming a nun, and therefore will have a vow of celibacy and stuff, so no Kian for me."

Nicky shrugged and began doing pushups again. "I can't remember what number I was at. I'll have to start over," he whined, nearly crying. "Dammit to bloody purgatory!"

"You can swear for real," Gail told him honestly. "I hear it all the time."

"No swearing in front of the nun," Nicky stated seriously, "And you should seriously stop grinding into the pole, because nuns don't do that either, I'm sure."

Suddenly, the door to the studio burst open and Shane stood there wearing a tuxedo carrying a bouquet of roses.

"Shane?" Nicky asked, sitting up on the floor. "Gail's becoming a nun, so it's too late for you to profess your love for her."

"I don't have love for her to profess!" Shane yelled jovilly strutting across the floor to Nicky. "She's becoming a nun? Since when do nuns not wear those awful black getups?"

"Whose love are you after, then?" Nicky questioned, standing up to face him.

"YOURS!" Shane cried, throwing his arms around Nicky. "I'm gay! And I love you!"

"AWWWW," Gail sniffed, watching the scene before her. "Fucking hell, that's so cute."

"Nuns don't swear," Nicky yelled at her, his voice muffled by Shane. "And I love you too, Shane. I've been gay since I was born."

Shane smiled happily, wiping tears from his eyes, "WOOOOO! Let's live happily ever after and get married!"

"OKAY!" Nicky agreed, taking the flowers from Shane and dipping him back to give him a very movie-like kiss.

*

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" Kian requested, entering the living room where Jenny and Mark were lying on the couch in a very awkward position.

"Nothing," Mark replied, sitting up and slicking his hair back. "I was just teaching Jenny....yoga."

"Yoga?" Kian echoed. "You don't even know yoga."

"I do now. Shane taught me."

Kian made a disgusted face. "Gross. Anyway, Jenny, though you've been out of my life for awhile and been busy with work and shit, I want to get married."

"Married?" Jenny laughed. "To who?"

"You," Kian answered obviously. "Will you marry me?"

"You're supposed to marry the nun!" Bryan yelled from the kitchen; he waddled into the room just then carrying a huge bowl of Lucky Charms. "Kian Egan, you're supposed to be getting with the nun!"

"What nun?" Kian asked, looking confused. "And, God, Bry, that's a huge ass bowl of cereal."

"It's me Lucky Charms, Ki. Em, the nun. She's the one you used to be good friends with in High School? You were both on the cheerleading squad and then she moved away, remember? And you were really, really sad because you were in love with her, but couldn't tell her."

"Gail?" Kian said, looking surprised and delighted. "How am I supposed to marry her? I haven't seen her for years."

"She's here!" Mark called, jumping up. "She's moved back! And, em, she's a stripper or something, but she's training to be a nun and all that so if you stop her before she says her final vows, or whatever they're called, she'll marry you! Because she's so obviously in love with you. And AND AND she likes Neil Diamond, Nicky says."

"Neil Diamond!" Kian hooted, "I love that man."

"Dur," Bryan muttered, shaking his head and leaving the room.

Mark cleared his throat, "If you marry Gail, I can marry Jenny."

"Yeah, why not," Kian replied. "Jenny hates me anyway. And when I thought she'd disappeared from my life, all I listened to was The Backstreet Boys and now my ears don't work properly anymore so it's just as well." He waved and turned to leave. "But where do I find her?"

"The convent, you idiot," Jenny responded, rolling her eyes and pulling Mark back down onto the couch. "GOOD LUCK!"

*

"STOP!" Kian screamed, running into the convent, his arms flailing all about crazily. "STOP......WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING!"

Gail turned around, in her nun outfit, her mouth open in shock. "Kian? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Shhhh, don't swear!" Kian whispered, running up to her and grabbing her by the arm. "I've come to, er, stop you from making a big mistake! I love you, you see, even though I haven't seen you much lately...and em....yeah, that's about it. And it's okay with me if you want to be a stripper!"

"I am not a stripper!" Gail retorted angrily, pulling her nun outfit off to reveal an odd purple and red spandex piece.

Kian's eyes widened, "Whatever. So, what do you say?"

"Say to what?"

"WILL YOU FOOKING MARRY ME!?"

"Sure," she shrugged, smiling. "As long as you're not marrying Jenny. Because we're not in Utah and pologamy isn't allowed here. Though that really is a shame."

Kian nodded seriously, kissed her and then dragged her from the place at full speed. "Quick! We must get to the wedding! Neil Diamond is attending!"

"NEIL DIAMOND!" Gail yelled happily. "YAY!"

On the way there, they met up with Mark, Jenny and Bryan who were all struggling to get into their wedding gear in the van. Mark and Jenny, as per their custom, were all over each other which prompted Bryan to mutter that he'd like some more deep fried twinkees because he was about to throw up the other twenty he'd eaten.

"Whose wedding is this, anyway?" Gail asked, looking confused as she held onto the standing-room only rail at the top of the van.

"Nicky and Shane's," Kian answered brightly. "If we hurry, we can have a triple ceremony AND get to hear Neil." He squealed directly after this, giving Mark a high five.

They were all really odd and obsessed fans of Neil Diamond. Excluding Jenny who thought the whole thing was rather outrageous being that their love for him was probably unhealthy and Bryan, who complained he didn't have enough songs about food.

Mark, Kian and Gail, however, sang some rousing renditions of classic hits on their way to the chapel.

"Who am I going to marry?" Bryan asked as they all ran inside together.

"Hmmm," Kian replied thoughtfully. "You can marry whoever the hell you want, dude."

"WOOOOO!" Bryan yelled, dancing around. "I want to marry Cookie Monster!"

"Then you shall," Jenny said, "For it is a day that we all get what we want."

Bryan gasped in happiness, "TWINKEES FOR EVERYBODY!"

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