Dedication: Ah, yes, another story written for Jenny. ‘Cause I’m cool like that and because she was having a bad day and I wanted to help her out. I hope this doesn’t suck.

BTW: This is my first Westlife story, go easy on it.

Ripped Apart

Sitting on the window seat, watching the droplets of rain fall steadily down, Kian felt his head sag with the weight of what was happening. The only sound was the pitter-patter of rain on the roof, and rain hitting the window each time the wind shifted.

He punched his fist against the window, but with only enough force to make a light thumping sound echo in the bland hotel room.

Kian rested his head against the coolness of the window pane and closed his eyes. His mind drifted back; back to before it all went wrong.

You said goodbye
I fell apart
I fell from all we had
To I never knew
I needed you so bad
You need to let things go
I know you told me so

Mark and Ireland walked hand in hand down the flower patterned hallway. They passed room number 432 and paused.

She turned to Mark with pensive eyes, "I should really go in and check on him."

"No," he shook his head, "He’s fine. Leave him be." Mark tugged gently on her hand. "Trust me, he won’t want to see you, anyway."

"But he’s all by himself," Ireland argued. "Can’t you go in and check? Just to make sure----" her voice trailed off as she bit her bottom lip. Mark put his finger to her lips, to stop her from chewing a hole there.

"He’s fine," Mark stated sternly, giving her a quick kiss on her parted lips. He raised his eyebrows at her, waiting for her to respond, or refuse to leave.

Ireland looked at him blankly for a moment before nodding slowly. "If you say so." They began to walk off, but were not even to room 433 when she said, "Can’t you ask Bryan or Shane or Nicky to check on him?"

"They’re all out," Mark replied, sighing heavily. He let her hand drop and moved back towards Kian’s door. She looked at him with pleading eyes as he reluctantly knocked on the door.

I've been through hell
To break the spell
Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling I once knew

Kian lay curled up in a ball on the freshly made hotel room bed. The knock echoed in the quiet room and sent shivers through his entire body. "Come in," he muttered, almost incoherently. The sun was shining brightly through the open window, but it did not reflect Kian’s melancholy mood.

Shane stepped over the threshold, looking nervously around. When he spotted his friend on the bed, he went straight over and sat on the edge, "What happened?"

"She dumped me," Kian replied, his voice holding a hard edge that wasn’t normally there.

"Why?" Shane asked, swallowing. He was dreading the answer almost as much as Kian, himself, was.

"Mark."

"What do you mean, Mark?"

Kian looked up at Shane, his eyes flashing angrily, "She and Mark are together."

"For how long?" Shane questioned gently.

"A while."

"I’m sorry."

"Yeah," Kian said quietly, "I know."

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never
Breathe your love again

Ireland stood in front of the mirror watching as her mascara ran with her tears; they ran down her cheeks and splattered into the sink, making odd purplish patterns on the soft cream of the basin. Her untamed fiery red hair was uncombed and flying all around her face in curly locks.

The bathroom door creaked open slightly and Mark peered in, looking at her apprehensively. When he saw her shoulders rising and falling with her sobs, he ran to her and engulfed her in a hug.

She allowed herself to crumple against him; Ireland wasn’t usually much for being so unstable, but she made an exception. Just for today.

"You told him?" Mark asked, kissing the top of her head.

"Yes," she replied, her voice muffled against his crisply ironed shirt.

He heard her sniff and then felt her wrap her arms around him before sliding to the floor; he slid with her, and soon they were leaning against the bathroom wall, wrapped up in each other. She was crying, and he was emotionless.

He knew, deep in his heart, that he would never be forgiven. And he wondered if it was worth it.

I cry
Cause you're not here with me
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never
Breathe your love again

"Kian!" Shane shouted, motioning the blonde man over to their huddled group; when Kian was in hearing distance, he said, "This is Bryan’s sister, Ireland."

Kian grinned widely at her, and shook her outstretched hand, "What an ironic name."

"Yeah," she laughed, "My parents were big on irony." Ireland shrugged and pushed the hair off her shoulder.

Bryan shrugged, "Not with me."

"You weren’t born in Bryan?" Mark asked, tilting his head to the side.

"You know I wasn’t," Bryan answered, shaking his head.

"I wasn’t actually born in Ireland," Ireland commented, "I was born in Scotland."

"Good thing they didn’t name you that. That’s not a very lady-like name." Shane laughed.

"You’re related to Bryan?" Kian asked, glancing at the older man and then back to Ireland, "You don’t look a thing alike."

"I’m adopted," she replied, nodding, "So…yeah." She laughed slightly. "I’m not surprised Bryan doesn’t talk about me. He hated me when I arrived."

Bryan titled his head back and laughed loudly, "That I did."

"Why?" Mark wondered, seriously perplexed.

"Wouldn’t you have hated some spit-fire little red head who was named Ireland, but had been born in Scotland and was now, suddenly, coming to live with you?"

"No," Mark answered truthfully, "I don’t believe I could have hated that face." He winked at Ireland and she blushed to the roots of her hair.

Kian cleared his throat, "So, you’re the little sister he talks about, then."
"He has talked about me?" Ireland asked, smiling, "I’m so chuffed."

"Not by name, mind you," Bryan said, "I’ve mentioned you, but only because they hadn’t met you." He leaned towards her a bit, "Had to warn them, you know."

Ireland playfully hit him in the shoulder and he pretended to fall over, groaning in pain. Kian watched her, awe written all over his face, until she caught him and he looked away, blushing.

If you could see me now
You would know just how
How hard I try
Not to wonder why

Kian sighed heavily, banging his head slightly on the window and relishing in the fact that it made his hurt go from his heart, to his head.

He remembered the day he met her just like it was yesterday; and every time he did remember, his heart ached. But there was nothing to be done, for it was all over. That had been two years ago.

After getting up the courage to actually ask her out, they had dated for over a year before things started getting bad. She began to resent him for not being around, and got bored in the relationship even when he was around.

She told him she’d started seeing Mark about at year and a half into their relationship, but he didn’t believe her; he didn’t know what to believe.

The odd thing was that he wasn’t even angry with Mark; he hated his guts, of course, but Kian knew he’d get over that petty jealousy eventually.

The person Kian was really angry with was himself. He was angry at himself for not realizing what was going on.

I wish I could believe in something new
Oh please somebody tell me it's not true
I'll never be over you
Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling I once knew

"I did this to him! And I KNEW I was doing it! What the bloody hell is WRONG with me?" Mark demanded, pacing the room as Nicky and Bryan silently looked on. Shane had just gone to Kian’s room, to check on him. The news of Ireland’s confession had spread fast, and the rest of the band had immediately chosen jobs for the day. Nicky and Bryan were on Mark duty; Shane went to Kian; Ireland was left alone, until Bryan or Mark had a chance to get to her.

"There’s nothing wrong with you," Nicky insisted, "You’re a man."

"That’s helpful," Bryan muttered, glaring at Nicky as he shrugged.

"I shouldn’t have done this to him," Mark said, flopping onto the bed with his head in his hands.

"No, you shouldn’t have," Bryan agreed, "But you couldn’t help what was there between the two of you. We all saw it---" his voice trailed off and he looked to Nicky for help.

"It might have been better had you told Kian BEFORE you began screwing her behind his back."

"Like I said, you’re so helpful," Bryan rolled his eyes and Nicky sighed.

"I love her," Mark stated quietly, "I can’t help it."

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never
Breathe your love again

Kian sat up on the bed while Shane looked on helplessly. "I have a question."

"Yeah," Shane said slowly, silently dreading having to answer it.

"Am I completely stupid?"

"No," Shane answered, "This was just handled the wrong way."

"What would have been the right way?" Kian demanded, "Oh, I know. It not happening in the first place."

"Well, yes, that would have been the ideal situation, Kian…but unfortunately that’s not reality."

"Reality sucks," Kian mumbled.

Shane inclined his head in a slight nod, "Yeah. Sometimes it does."

Kian sighed heavily and looked at his friend, "I don’t hate him."

"I know you don’t."

"HOW do you know?" Kian wondered, honestly curious.

Shane glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, "Because he’s your friend."

"That’s exactly why I should hate him."

"Yeah, maybe." He paused, gathering his words, "It’s not you to hate somebody you love at the same time."

"I hate her," Kian replied shortly.

Shane raised an eyebrow, "I don’t think you love her."

I cry
Cause you're not here with me
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never
Breathe your love again

"I have something I need to tell you," Ireland began, wringing her hands together. Her heart beat faster with every passing second, her head ached and her stomach was flipping and flopping at incontinent moments.

Kian looked up at her, a small grin on his face, "What is it?" When he saw how pale and anxious she looked, his grin vanished and he set his fork down. "What’s going on? Are you ill?"

"No," she shook her head vigorously. "No, I’m fine."

Kian nodded, "Okay, good."

"I don’t want to do this here," she looked around at the crowded restaurant. "Can we take a walk, maybe?"

"Sure," Kian said, standing up. He threw some bills on the table and took her hand, leading her away from the chatter of the rest of the world.

They were walking out into the parking lot of the hotel, to cross to the park across the street, when she put her hand on his forearm, halting his tracks. "Ireland. What’s going on?"

She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered; maybe from the chilly night air or perhaps from the words that were forming in her mouth. "I’m sorry, Kian." Ireland closed her eyes, took a deep breath and looked up at him once more. "I’m in love with Mark."

"What?" Kian laughed. "You’re kidding."

If I could have you back tomorrow
If I could lose the pain and sorrow
I would do just anything
To make you see
You still love me

"I don’t love her," Kian affirmed, "But I also didn’t want this to happen."

"Of course you didn’t!" Shane laughed falsely, "Why would you? Why would anyone?"

"I wouldn’t wish this on anyone," Kian muttered, his eyes narrowed as he picked at a loose string in the bedspread. At this very moment, he hated everything, especially the cheery flowers he sat on, and the cream colored walls, and the painting on the wall opposite him of two young children sitting on a porch swing watching the sunset. He wanted to throw something at it, to release his anger, but he couldn’t find anything to throw; and it wouldn’t be a good thing to begin trashing a room that didn’t belong to him.

"I didn’t wish it on you," Shane said, "And I really am sorry. I know Mark is too."

"I don’t really care what Mark is feeling right now."

Shane sighed, "He feels awful."

"He should."

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never
Breathe your love again

"What?" Kian laughed, "You’re kidding, right?"

Ireland shook her head as the tears began to fall, "No. I---we’ve been seeing each other for a few months."

"What?" Kian repeated, no laughter in his voice this time. "You what?"

"We’ve been dating."

"Dating," Kian deadpanned, "Weren’t you dating me? Or, rather, aren’t you dating me?"

"Yes," Ireland answered, "And I’m sorry, but it just happened one night…I love him, Kian."

Kian’s eyes grew wide, "I can’t believe this."

"I’m sorry," she said, wiping her eyes; she began sobbing and he didn’t do anything to comfort her, which was very unlike him.

He took a step away form her, "You cheated on me. With one of my best friends."

Ireland slowly nodded, "I’m so sorry, Kian."

I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be

Kian dropped onto the floor and let the tears that were forming, fall down his cheeks. He didn’t bother hiding it, didn’t fight it; he just let it come.

The knock on the door alerted him of the present, but he didn’t care about the person waiting on the other side. He figured it was Shane, coming to check on him again. Kian hadn’t left the hotel room since Ireland had told him she’d cheated on him, and that had been four days ago.

"Kian," Mark said from the other side, "Kian, it’s Mark."

"Go away," Kian yelled, and would have thrown a pillow at the door, had he been near one.

"I want to talk to you," Mark yelled back at him. "Let me in."

"Just go away and leave me alone, Mark," Kian hollered, "I don’t want to see you right now."

"Kian!" Ireland shouted, "Please just let us talk to you."

Kian lifted his head up and glared at the door as if he were really looking at Mark and Ireland. As the tears blurred his vision, he shook his head. "Just go away."

"I want to make sure you’re okay," Ireland whimpered, "Please, let me in."

"You’ve done enough," Kian retorted, "I don’t need to see you right now."

"I’m sorry, Kian. I really am." Mark said honestly, "I didn’t mean for this to happen."

"Me either," Kian said, "But it did."

"Can you forgive me?" Mark asked; even though he knew the answer, he had to hear it for himself.

"Yeah," Kian sniffed, "Yeah, someday I can."

I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never
Breathe your love again

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