It would be one of those breakups you remembered until you died; it was stored, not in the back of your mind like most, but in the very front, poking all the other memories out of the way. It was there to stay, no matter what you did. You couldn�t drink it away, couldn�t smoke it away and you certainly couldn�t cut it out and pull it from your mind. It was times like these when you wished you had one of those things Dumbledore uses, the Pensieve, in Harry Potter. It would be really useful, you thought. You could pluck the entire mess right out of your mind and see it swishing in the bin, far away from you, far away from consciousness. And you�d never have to think about it again.

Ah, said a nagging little voice that sounded vaguely familiar, but that is the easy way out; in real life, there is no easy way out.

No, you replied, there is only pain.

Bitter, bitter pain.

Find me here speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again

Every time he heard the word �love� he cringed; every time someone mentioned their significant other, he felt the choking sensation in his throat. Sometimes, when he heard a soft voice, he�d turn around but it wouldn�t be him. It was never him.

He hadn�t expected it to last, hadn�t imagined the white picket fence and 2.5 kids and a golden retriever on a long, slopping lawn, but that didn�t mean he hadn�t wanted him. It was all he could think about, even a year later. He hadn�t been with anyone else, rarely went out except to get completely trashed. If something was worth doing, it was worth doing well and he knew how to do it; he knew how much he�d need to drink in order to forget who he was.

Even when he couldn�t remember his own name, or the place he came from, he remembered the name. It was always etched on his skull; the vapor of his body followed him around, haunting his every move.

He would never be free of it.

You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything

As the whiskey bottle in his hand became steadily lower in its liquid content, his vision worsened. He couldn�t remember how much he�d had to drink, he didn�t care. He just wanted to forget. He wanted it to go away and never come back.

He�d never been one to get over things like this easily, but this was ridiculous. It hadn�t even meant much, he hadn�t really cared.

He did everything he could to pretend it didn�t matter; that he didn�t matter. The problem is that you can�t fool your own heart.

He picked up random women, brought them back to his place; didn�t know their names, their faces, or anything about them. He blocked himself from the world and he didn�t let anyone in. It was okay this way, he could deal.

Until it all became too much to handle on his own.

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be any better than this

�Dom.� It was one word, a name. His name, if memory served. All the drinking had dulled him, but he wasn�t lucky enough to forget it all. The voice was familiar too, and probably the face if he could see it behind his dark lenses which were reflected in the shiny window.

He turned away from the window he�d been peering in; he had been looking at a book that advertised on its front that it could help you forget your worst memories and replace them with better, made up ones. Dom didn�t believe it for a second, but he felt it worth a shot. He was just debating how much cash he had in his pocket when he heard the voice speak his name.

He retracted his hand from his pocket, hearing the rustling of his crisp jeans as he did so. The street was busy, but quiet; there were no cars.

Dom pulled his sunglasses down his nose and felt his heart begin to speed up. He almost put a shaking hand up to steady it, but knew it would do no good.

�Hey,� he said, a smile quirking his lips, revealing a small gap between his teeth.

Dom couldn�t find his voice; could only cough.

�Sorry,� he threw his cigarette butt to the ground and stubbed it beneath the toe of his worn white sneakers.

His voice suddenly shifted into gear and words flew out that he hadn�t recited when he�d imagined this meeting in his dreams, �What are you doing here?�

�I live here,� he let out a small, forced laugh; Dom remained stoic. �This is fucking awkward as shit.�

Dom felt his lips twitch, he loved the huge swears that came out of that little body. He willed himself not to show any emotion. His voice was vacantly void, �Yes. It is.�

�How have you been?� He ran a hand through his unkempt hair, glancing at his watch. He wondered how long could be considered �too long� to talk to an ex.

�Bloody fucking awful, and you?�

He didn�t have a reply for this, so he didn�t speak.

�Elijah, I---�

He held a hand up, �I should go.�

And just like that, he did.

You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart when you take my breath away
Would you take me in take me deeper now

As he drowned in his miseries that night, replaying the scene in front of closed eyelids, he wondered what had taken place, and why. Why had Elijah bothered? Why had he approached him looking all fine and dandy as if nothing in the world were wrong?

Why had he pretended it hadn�t happened?

The why�s drove Dom crazy, but as he sat in his cold, lonely apartment, there wasn�t much else to be done.

Why had he brushed him aside?

Why? Why? WHY!?

Dom beat his fists against the cushions as tears built up behind his gray eyes. It shouldn�t be like this, it shouldn�t have ended up this way.

Things should be different.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you

Waking up oblivious was something Dom was used to, and after he�d had a nice injection of caffeine he remembered the previous day and the fresh wound it provided.

Emotional scars were Dom�s specialty. They seemed to open themselves up and bleed freely on a day to day basis. At this point, he ignored it; he knew how to stop the flow, now. If only he knew how to get over it.

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything.. everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything.. Everything

Perhaps driving wildly to his place wasn�t the best of ideas; perhaps abandoning inhibitions and taking the plunge wasn�t something Dom should be doing in his current state.

But if he didn�t go, he�d never know; he�d never know if it could be different, if wounds could heal and scars could disappear.

If a relationship that was built on trust and tumbled on lies and deceit could be rebuilt, stronger and healthier than before.

�ELIJAH! ELIJAH! LET ME THE FUCK IN! ELIIIIIIIIIIIJAH!� He yelled until he was hoarse, until he couldn�t breathe, until he couldn�t find words, until he couldn�t utter them; until he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, thinking maybe, just maybe, things will soon change.

An hour later, Elijah found Dom there, curled into the fetal position on his front porch, looking exhausted, ragged and so emotionally drained that he was lifeless. He couldn�t pick him up, so he dragged him into the house with one hand, pulling him over the threshold of his front door.

He pushed him onto the low sofa and sighed heavily, lit a cigarette and out of reflex, blew the smoke out away from the sleeping form.

When he stirred, Elijah turned to him to see Dom slowly opening his eyes; he blinked, trying to wake himself up.

�I�m sorry,� Elijah�s voice was even hoarser than Dom�s.

You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything.. everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything.. Everything

Dom sat up abruptly, his eyes huge and gleaming in the light of Elijah�s cigarette, the only light in the darkened room. The moon shone brightly in the darkening sky, but didn�t provide much visibility.

He inhaled sharply, and said the words he�d been wanting to say since they�d parted, �Why didn�t you say that a year ago?�

�I didn�t know how,� Elijah took a long drag, closing his eyes to fully inhale the smoke. He turned his head and blew it towards the open window.

A soft breeze picked up, rustling Elijah�s t-shirt and Dom�s messy hair. �I�ve been a terrible mess.�

�I noticed,� Elijah quipped, stubbing out the cigarette in a nearby ashtray.

Dom sighed, �I�ve missed you.�

Elijah�s blue eyes found Dom�s and portrayed all he wanted to say, without words. When Elijah spoke, it was in a sincere whisper, �I�ve missed the fucking hell out of you.�

A grin flitted to Dom�s lips, but was gone in an instant. �If we can�t be together, I�m okay with that.� He swallowed, �I just need us to be friends. I can�t just�cast you aside like you did me.�

�I�m sorry for that, I didn�t know---�

Dom shook his head sharply, �Don�t. It�s all right. Just being here with you is enough for me right now.�

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

�I love you, Lij,� Dom stated evenly, willing his voice to gain back its control.

�I know.� He looked away and said to the wall opposite, �I can�t be with you.�

Dom closed his eyes as the room began to spin; he knew he�d hear the words, knew how they�d be spoken. He knew exactly what had been in store for him the second he turned up at the doorstep, but it hadn�t stopped him. He�d experienced all the pain in the world, and now he just need it to go away; and it was, it was slowly ebbing away, draining out of him like water is drained at the bottom of a pool.

�I know.�

Elijah looked back at him, �I do love you. Just�just not that way. Anymore.� A deep, steadying breath. �I love someone else.�

Dom blinked, �A�girl?�

Elijah shook his head, �No. Not a girl.� He lit another cigarette, this time with a shaking hand. �I never meant to hurt you.�

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this

Dom nodded, unable to think of anything to say. It was as if he�d known all along. The news hadn�t come as a tidal wave, slamming into him and knocking him off his feet; sweeping over him and pulling him down so he couldn�t breathe.

�Well,� Dom said finally, crisply, stonily. �I�m happy for you.�

�No you�re not.�

�I am,� Dom retorted firmly. �If I say I am, I am. Trust me.�

�I trust you implicitly.�

His voice held an angry edge, �Yeah, well.� He stood up.

Elijah grabbed his hand and Dom let out an involuntary gasp at the coldness that swam over him at Elijah�s touch. �Don�t do this.�

He pulled his hand away, �I�m simply leaving a situation I feel as if I can no longer take part in.�

�If you love me, Dom, you�ll let me go. I don�t want to loose you as a friend. I need you in my life. Please.�

Dom looked down at the pain, anguish and sadness swirling around in Elijah�s bright blue eyes. He felt so sad, it was as if his heart had fallen to his feet. For a minute, he was lost and then suddenly he realized what he needed to do; for himself just as much as for Elijah.

�All right.�

He swept from the room, hearing vaguely Elijah calling after him words of apology, of hoping for forgiveness.

The forgiveness would come. Eventually.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

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