Dom carefully wound his new, and expensive at 200 pounds, scarf around his neck as he admired his reflection in the mirror. Flicking a piece of lint off his new jacket, he spun on his heel and made his way out of the apartment and onto the street; the sky was darkening as clouds floated across the sun, but the air was crisp and cool as he hailed a taxi and instructed it to head to Elijah's.
Within fifteen minutes, he was climbing the steps and ringing the bell of number sixteen; when Elijah answered, he and Dom exchanged cheery hellos as well as a brief hug, before they both ducked inside.
"Are we gonna try that new Japanese place?" Elijah questioned, pulling his worn, but loved, sneakers onto his feet.
"If you want," Dom responded, flicking through the new issue of People magazine. "Did you know you're dating Liv this week?" He held the magazine out to Elijah, who read it quickly, his eyes darting back and forth; Elijah pushed it back towards Dom, laughing.
"That's complete rubbish. What�s-his-name, her boyfriend, is gonna kill me.�
Dom grinned, "You were at that bar with her last Thursday. Unsupervised."
Elijah tossed an anguished look over his shoulder, "As friends." He put heavy, humorous emphasis on the word 'friends' which made Dom chuckle slightly.
The doorbell sounded just as Elijah was stuffing his wallet in his back pocket. "Who the hell is that?" Dom asked, standing up to follow Elijah to the door. "I thought we were just hanging out. The two of us."
"We are," Elijah stated heatedly as they reached the door. "Don't get your knickers in a twist."
Dom smiled cheekily. "I'm not wearing any."
Laughing, Elijah pulled the door open and was immediately pushed back from the hallway and into the living room. Five, smiling, chattering men fell into the apartment, all talking simultaneously; two cameramen and a few select others came in behind them.
The flamboyantly dressed blond man dramatically put a hand to his heart, "Oh my God! What are you wearing?"
Elijah looked down at his jeans and t-shirt, regular clothes for when he's not going anywhere special; he had been about to put on his golden 'can't-leave-home-without-it' jacket, but hadn't gotten to that point yet. He looked back up at the men in front of him, of which there were only two left, since the other three had taken off into the depths of his apartment. "Clothes."
�AH!� Dom squealed, bouncing around on his heals; Elijah turned around to stare oddly at him. �You�re the Queer Eyes!!!! I LOVE YOUR SHOW!�
Everyone stopped what they were doing; suddenly the apartment, which had been a ruckus of sounds, was instantly quiet. Elijah and Dom, standing beside one another, were surrounded by the five stars of the television show �Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.�
�What are you guys doing here?� Dom asked, his voice still holding a bit of a squeal.
Thom laughed a bit. �We�re here to makeover Elijah Wood.�
�By the way, great last name,� Carson stated, winking obviously.
Elijah pretended not to have heard him. �Why are you making me over? I�m perfectly fine.� He gestured down to his outfit, and then looked back at five dubious looking faces; Dom was grinning manically, probably trying to get the courage up to ask them for their autographs.
�Oh, that�s so cute,� Carson replied, smiling. �Just look at you, in your old t-shirt and even older jeans�and those sneakers, they�ve seen better days.�
Kyan stepped forward. �Your hair is fantastic, though. What products do you use?�
�Um��
�You�re from Lord of the Rings, right? Shouldn�t we incorporate some of that into his wardrobe?� Jai asked, adjusting his hat; Dom beamed at him, because Dom owned the exact same hat.
�Dirty, smelly clothes?� Carson made a face. �No, thank you.� He turned to Dom. �Are you his lover? You�re just cute as a button.�
Dom�s smiling face faded. �No, I�m not his lover. I can�t tell you how many times I�ve been asked that. But thank you. I agree that I am as cute as a�button.�
�Love the accent.� Carson walked past them, towards where the bedroom was presumably located.
�He�s from Lord of the Rings!� Jai called after him. �Maybe I should be giving you culture instead of him.� Jai grinned at Dom. �I�m a big fan.�
�Oh, well, likewise.�
�While you two flirt,� Ted said, pushing his way to the front of the line of Queer Eyes. �I�ll go into the kitchen and see what this man likes to cook.�
Dom laughed. �The only thing Elijah cooks is cereal.�
Ted made a face and gestured for Dom to follow him, which he did. Pretty soon it was Elijah, left to his own devices, in front of Kyan and Thom.
�Have you ever colored your hair?� Kyan questioned, running a hand through Elijah�s hair, which was still a bit wet from the shower.
�Ah, sort of.�
�The wig from the movie must have wreaked havoc on your hair. Did it pull a lot of it out?�
�Not really. My hair was really pretty short then. I shaved it, and now it�s growing back.�
�What would you call the décor of your apartment?� Thom asked, glancing around the living room.
�Um.�
�Do you clean it often?� Thom picked up a discarded pair of boxers, which had rubber ducks on them. �I guess not.�
Elijah colored slightly and took the boxers from him. �I�m not home much.�
�Did you design it yourself?� Thom gesticulated around, because underneath all the dust and dirt and clothes, was a pretty much put together apartment.
�No, Sean Astin did it. He insisted on getting me settled in here.�
�He�s a smart man, this Sean Astin.� Thom moved towards the bedroom. �I�ll go have a look in here and see what Carson�s throwing out.�
�THROWING OUT?!� Elijah squeaked, following at top speed; Kyan followed him as far as the bathroom and disappeared inside to check out his shaving instruments.
Carson had sorted Elijah�s clothes into three different piles which he explained to them as soon as they entered. �This is sad, sadder, and saddest.� Carson kicked a boot at the �saddest� pile.
Elijah gingerly picked up a discarded button-up striped shirt in vibrant shades of orange and brown. �You won�t really get rid of any of this, will you?�
A smile told him all he needed to know. �I�ll admit,� Carson said, dropping a t-shirt into the �sadder� pile. �You�ve got some style. I love your ties. And whenever I�ve seen you on tv, you always look very stunning. But maybe it�s time for a change?�
�How much could I change?� Elijah whimpered. �There�s nowhere for me to go from here besides circus clown.�
Thom laughed from the windows. �I�ll agree to that.� He fingered Elijah�s silk drapes. �You have got a great color scheme in this bedroom. If I paint it a similar shade to these drapes, it�ll really bring out the colors.�
Elijah sighed and dropped his shirt to the floor. �Usually when you do these things, you have the quote-unquote straight guy get ready for something special. What am I supposed to do?�
�We�re doing a celebrity week,� Carson mumbled from inside the depths of Elijah�s closet; he was digging out shoes upon shoes and throwing them onto the bed. �All we�re doing is criticizing your clothing, your lifestyle, your house, your cooking abilities, and then going on our merry ways.�
�You�re not making me try on a bunch of different clothes?�
Thom patted Elijah�s head, smiling sweetly. �No, we�re still doing that. It�s just not leading up to any sort of party or unveiling to your friends and/or co-workers. KYAN!� He left the room, headed towards Kyan.
Elijah plopped down onto his unmade bed. �This is just for sweeps, isn�t it.�
�Yup!� Carson chirped, jumping to a standing position. �It�s for the Straight Celebrities of New York special that we�re doing.� He paused, surveying Elijah critically. �I want get you some normal clothes. You�ve got all the color that I would normally force on straight guys, but what you need is a nice, black suit. Maybe something to wear on a date with a girl.� Carson turned towards Elijah. �I�ve heard you don�t date?�
�If you read the tabloids, you�d think differently.� Elijah chuckled and raked a hand through his hair. �I don�t really date, no.�
�Why is that?�
�Oh, well, you know. It�s hard to find someone who likes me for me and all that.�
Carson sat down beside him, holding onto a pink dress shirt. �I love you for owning this shirt.�
Elijah smirked. �Dom bought it for me.�
�Who is this Dom person?� Carson tossed the shirt onto the bed and put his hands on the hips of his designer jeans.
Elijah pointed to the kitchen. �He�s that guy who made fun of my cooking.� This didn�t seem to register, so Elijah tried another tactic. �You thought he was my lover.�
�Oh,� Carson frowned. Suddenly, he was brightening. �Oh!� Elijah looked at him nervously. �He�s adorable. You two would be so cute together!�
�Yeah, except I�m not gay.�
Carson looked at him condescendingly and rolled his eyes. �Yeah, okay.�
�What? I�m not!� He stood up from his spot on the bed, ready for a good debate about his sexuality.
Carson reached behind him and plucked the pink shirt from the bedspread. �Straight men don�t buy pink shirts.�
�Dom bought that.� Realization dawned on Elijah�s face. �Ohhhhhhhh.�
Laughing, Carson exited the room, dragging Elijah with him; they congregated in the kitchen where Ted and Dom were dawning aprons (Ted�s a classic white, Dom�s a red that said �Kiss the Cook�.) and making some sort of odd dish.
�ELIJAH!� Kyan�s voice floated into the kitchen. �You�ve got disposable razors! Dear God, they�re pink! Are you sure you�re not gay?�
�They�re my sisters!� Elijah yelled back, half laughing. He turned to Dom, who was happily chopping some sort of vegetable. �Remember when you bought me that pink shirt?�
Dom looked up at him, perplexed. �Yeah, we were at Armani Exchange and I loaned you the cash �cause you had forgotten your wallet.�
�I bought that?� Elijah ignored Carson, who was smiling proudly over his shoulder.
Dom nodded and laughed, �Man, Elijah. You�ve got a crap memory.�
�I don�t want to be made over anymore,� Elijah moaned, dramatically putting a hand to his forehead.
Then, Thom�s voice called from the other room. �I think we need some pillows to really bring the room together!�
�Green would be good!� Dom yelled back.
Carson, Ted and Jai, who had just entered, all stared at him. Jai laughed, �If you were gay, you could be on this show. As the sixth queer eye.�
Ted shook his head. �Then it�d be the fab six, and that doesn�t have a very good ring to it.�
�Could be the sexy six,� Carson suggested lightly.
Jai beamed at Elijah, apparently ignoring his cohorts. �Speaking of rings, where�s the precioussssssssssss?�
Dom nodded toward the living room. �He keeps it in his desk.� which prompted Jai to bounce out happily.
�Dude!� Kyan hollered, waltzing into the room holding an empty bottle of shampoo and a razor. �Pantene is not the best shampoo for your hair type. You need conditioner SEPARATE from the shampoo. It�ll really help your split ends.� He lifted Elijah�s hair up and then ran his fingers through it. �Maybe we could just trim it up a little.�
�Okay,� Carson took Elijah�s arm and steered him out of the room. �I�m taking you shopping! Come on, Kyan!�
Elijah grabbed for his jacket as they rushed by the coat rack. �Isn�t the straight guy�s wife or girlfriend or whatever supposed to leave as well?�
�Yes, but yours can stay because he�s a helpful little elf.�
�Actually, he�s a hobbit,� Jai said, skipping along behind them to open the door.
Carson shrugged and exited with Elijah, and Kyan at their heals. �Whatever.�
The three of them returned about two hours later. Elijah, with a fake all-over tan, plucked eyebrows, trimmed and freshly spiked hair, wearing corduroy pants and a white dress shirt under a blue sweater (which Carson said brought out the blue in his overly blue eyes), entered the apartment looking completely shell-shocked. Dom stood in front of him, beaming proudly beside a cheerful Ted and Jai; Thom was straightening the new pillows he�d acquired for Elijah�s now vibrant living room. There was a new couch, a lovely brown leather one (which Dom said he was in love with); white pillows were strewn haphazardly across it to match the subdued blue walls with green and silver squares painted on every so often. It was very much decorative, and very fantastic, as Elijah said. And it pulled the entire room together.
�Did they PLUCK your eyebrows?� Dom asked, pushing Elijah�s spiked hair out of the way so he could get a closer look.
�Doesn�t he look scrumptious?� Carson questioned, smiling.
�Er, sure,� Dom replied, retreating into the kitchen to take off his apron.
�This is very fantastic,� Elijah stated, in awe of his new living room; he followed Thom into the bedroom, which was actually clean with a made up bed and new duvet cover that matched his walls and curtains. �As is this.�
When they entered the kitchen, there was a buffet set up along the bar of random finger foods; Elijah, starved after his excursion to the hair dressers and couture shopping, loaded up a plate and shoved the food in as fast as he could. The Queer Eyes watched him in horrified shock; Dom joined him, eating several mini-pizzas at once.
�This was great you guys,� Elijah said mid-chew. �Really fun. Thanks a lot.�
The fab five stood still, watching him; no one spoke.
�Who�re you making over next?� Dom questioned, throwing a piece of cracker into his mouth.
It took a moment for Carson to get his mouth to work properly. He had never seen such a small person�or people really�eat so much in such a short time. And after only shopping for an hour! Christ, Carson could shop for sixteen and still be alive and kicking like he�d been popping adrenaline pills. �Ah�John Mayer.�
�John Mayer could use some making over,� Elijah muttered, shoving more food into his awaiting mouth. �He only wears jeans and t-shirts.�
Kyan laughed. �Like you, you mean.�
�Sure, but at least I wear pink.�
�That is true,� Carson agreed slowly. �Only real men can wear pink. Or gay men. It goes either way.�
�Well, we�re off,� Ted clapped his hands together as Elijah threw several stuffed mushrooms into his mouth. �Good luck�with�everything.�
After they�d left, all of them with various degrees of shock on their faces, Elijah and Dom had a good laugh at the days� expense.
Dom seemed to find it the funniest, which was evident when he grabbed Elijah so he could stay standing while laughs raked his body. Though his tears of mirth and gasping for air, he managed to say, �Poor lads. Imagine them making over their first gay guy and not even knowing it!�