Pink Bunny: The Tale of Two Friends

Jenny was dressed in black from head to toe. She was driving her green neon piece of crap. She was on her way to pick up her friend Kat. The only thing was that Jenny was lost. Lost bad. You see this is where the story gets weird. And I know what you�re thinking, �It�s only been a few sentences how can the story get weird already?� I�ll tell you how. Jenny and Kat had met online. They had become friends because of their shared love for a certain actor/hobbit. Kat and Jenny had been planning to stalk� Well, we�ll say meet Elijah for awhile. Right before the trip was planned Kat saw a movie called �Highway.� Kat gave up on her crush for Elijah Wood and was now just riding along to try and find Jake Gyllenhaal, the star of �Highway.� Jenny picked up her cell phone and dialed Kat�s number.

�Um, Kat. I�m like totally lost. This sucks.� Jenny whined. �Hey! I don�t whine.� You heard me? �Yeah I heard you. You�re practically yelling.�

�Who is that?� Kat asked.

�It�s the narrator. He thinks he�s so important.� Jenny mocked me. �She said. Jenny whined.�

�Oh all right� Jenny said.

So anyway, Jenny was driving on the highway while talking on the cell phone. Not good if you ask me.

�Well, they didn�t, I�m sure.� Jenny said and rolled her eyes.

Shut up. Anyway. Jenny got safely to Kat�s house and started to pack the car with her bags.

�Hey, Kat, what�s this?� Jenny held up a 4 foot 2 inch tall cut out of Frodo.

�It�s my life sized Hobbit cutout.� Kat said. �I�m going to have Elijah sign it.�

Jenny looked at the poster and looked back at her small piece of shit neon. The cutout was almost as big as the car.

�We�re not taking this.� Jenny said as she extracted the life sized hobbit cutout from the back seat and handed it to Kat who looked sad. �See what I mean? The narrator is loud as hell.� Jenny pointed me out to Kat who looked up, shocked. I guess she expected to see me or something.

Hey you guys can you just pretend that you can�t hear me? Please? I asked.

�Yeah, sure, whatever.� Kat mumbled.

�Hey I thought you didn�t like Elijah anymore.� Jenny said as Kat tried to stuff the hobbit back into her car. Jenny grabbed the cutout and yanked. Frodo�s head ripped off and Kat�s mouth dropped open.

�HEY!!!!! You killed Frodo.� Kat said.

You bastards. I mumbled. I chuckled to myself and Jenny just looked ticked off.

�Hey Narrator guy?� Jenny said.

My name is Chuck. I told her.

�Aren�t you suppose to be telling our story? Not making South Park jokes?� She had a point. �Your name is Chuck?� She started to laugh and I let that one slide.

�Well since you tore off his head, I�ll have him sign that.� Kat clutched Frodo�s head and climbed into Jenny�s car. Jenny started her car and hit play on the CD player. What was heard was any Elijah Wood fan�s dream. Jenny had burned a CD full of Elijah sound clips. At least 5 from every movie he had been in. Jenny backed out of Kat�s driveway and the road trip began.

Every few minutes Kat would start to chuckle. �OK, Kat I give up. What are you laughing about?�

�I have Frodo�s head in my lap.� Kat burst out in to laughter, and Jenny almost lost control of the car because she was laughing so hard.

�I want Frodo�s head in my lap.� Jenny said and started to laugh again. For the next few minutes the car was filled with Elijah Wood talking. Then Jenny exclaimed, �Hey! I have an idea. We should have code names. In case we get arrested.�

�Why would we get arrested?� Kat asked.

�Um, the point of this trip is to stalk Elijah and try and meet him.� Jenny said.

�We�re not stalking.� Kat was rubbing the cheek on the Frodo head.

�What do you call it?� Jenny asked. �Will you stop rubbing the Frodo head? It�s freaking me out.�

�Sorry.� She stopped rubbing the Frodo head and said, �We�re meeting them.� Kat said as she made quotation marks in the air as she said meeting. �It�s stalking in a good way.�

�Assuming you can stalk someone in a good way.� Jenny rolled her eyes.

�You can. It�s not like we�re going to rape them or anything, or hold a gun to their heads. We're just over enthusiastic. We�re just going to follow people around that might know him until we find out where he is at and wait until he comes out and get the autograph. Nobody gets hurt.� Kat said.

�You know the way you explain it makes it seem almost harmless. But it�s still stalking.� Jenny let the topic go and turned up the CD. After awhile Jenny turned the CD down and asked, �Can we still have code names? I want to be �Ivanna Wood.��

Kat laughed at that and thought. �OK you can be that if I can be Jill Enhall.� Jenny rolled her eyes.

�You just want to be that because of Jake Gyllenhaal.� Jenny thought for a minute and said, �How about you be Jill Woodenhaal. So you have Wood in there at least.�

Kat thought about it and agreed, �Yeah I guess since we�re going to stalk Elijah I should have Wood in there at least.�

�HEY! I thought you said it wasn�t stalking.�

�It�s not. Well, not really.� Kat said

It is stalking. I told them.

�NO ONE ASKED YOU!� Both girls yelled at me.

Since they were driving through Iowa the girls decided to try and find out where Elijah lived as a child. So first stop on the trip was Cedar Rapids. Kat had bought a map to the stars houses off ebay for the trip and she whipped it out.

�Hey Kat? Doesn�t that only work if we�re in California?� Jenny asked.

�Oh right.� Kat said sheepishly. She put the map in her back pocket for later. �Let�s just ask someone. Hey, excuse me?� Kat talked to five people in total. Two off which knew that Elijah played in Lord of the Rings but didn�t know where he used to live. The other three had no clue who he was.

�Why couldn�t they just have a sign that says �Elijah used to live here.� It would make things way easier.� Jenny said.

�Tell us! Chuck, come on.� Kat pleaded.

I thought you wanted me to butt out. I was still hurt from when they told me to shut up.

�No, we don�t want you to butt out. We need your help.� Jenny said

Oh, all right but this is the last time I help you. It�s five blocks up and two over. Blue house on your right. The girls got back into Jenny�s car and drove to Elijah�s old house. They stood on the front lawn for a good 20 minutes. Kat was still holding the Frodo head and people were starting to notice the girls.

�OK, Jenny, lets go we have a long trip.� Kat said as she turned to walk back to the car.

�All right, just one last thing.� Jenny said and she pulled out a zip lock bag. She bent over and filled the bag with grass.

�Good Lord!� Kat couldn�t believe her friend had just done that.

�Look Kat! Weed in a bag.� Jenny joked.

They got back in the car and drove on. The Elijah CD played endlessly. Currently it was quoting Elijah from The Faculty. Kat had reclined the seat and was sleeping. Kat had a good scare when Elijah said, �Guaranteed to jack you up.� Then Jenny cranked up the volume and the sounds of the alien and Elijah screaming woke up Kat who punched the dashboard.

�Ahhh, shit!� Kat yelped. �I dreamed I was the alien.� Jenny started to laugh. So they drove on the road for many days and nights. Jenny starting talking in Elijah Wood quotes. Kat stopped speaking to her for two states until Jenny promised to remove the CD from the player. Well, to make a long story short (to late right?) Jenny and Kat arrived in California minus twenty bucks because Jenny picked up a hitchhiker and gave him twenty bucks. His name was Shifty Pete. He offered to dance for the money but the girls declined and dropped him off in Nevada.

The girls had no clue where to go or how to start looking. So I helped them. Kat what�s in your back pocket? A blank stare crossed Kat�s face. Then it dawned on her.

�THE MAP!� Kat yelped.

�So just check and see where he lives on the map.� Jenny said. Kat checked and the girls were on their way. They drove for awhile and finally made it to the house. There was a mailbox in the front and a dog on chain was guarding the door. Jenny went up and knocked on the door. A woman answered and Jenny knew it was Elijah�s mom from the picture. Jenny thought fast and told Elijah�s mom that Kat had a terrible disease and her last wish was to meet Elijah.

�She�s dying?� Elijah�s mom looked horrified.

�I�m not dy�.� Kat had just joined the conversation and didn�t know what Jenny was doing. Jenny stepped on Kat�s foot, �OWWW!� Kat shot Jenny a hurt look and went back to the car.

�It�s her medicine, sometimes it affects the thought process.� Jenny lied.

�Oh that�s terrible, Elijah�s filming in LA. I have the address. I love to help people in need.� Elijah�s mom turned around to grab some paper. After she had written the address down Jenny thanked her and the girls were off to LA.

�Sorry about saying you were dying.� Jenny felt bad about giving her friend a terminal illness without filling her in first.

�It�s all right, at least you got the address.� Kat said.

The girls got to the studio and parked the car. They stood outside for a while. Kat was trying to hide the Frodo head in her jacket but it just made people look at them more. After about 15 minutes of standing there Kat spotted Franka Potente walk outside. Kat pointed her out to Jenny and they watched in shock as Elijah walked out right behind her. Jenny felt like a big blob of jelly. Kat grabbed Jenny�s hand and drug her over to Elijah.

�Uh, hi.� Jenny muttered. Kat had an idea.

She turned to Franka and said. �You blow.�

�Excuse me?� Franka turned away from Elijah.

�I said you were in Blow right?� Kat started to gush about how great the movie was and asked for an autograph. Franka went to get some paper and Kat leaned in and whispered, �Here is your chance. I�ll keep her busy.� Kat walked over to where Franka was getting the paper and started to talk about how great Franka looked. It took everything Kat had not to vomit on Franka. So back to Jenny and Elijah.

�Hi there.� Elijah said as he looked at Jenny funny because Jenny hadn�t said anything to him after the �Uh hi� before Franka left.

�Hi, I�m Jenny.� Jenny snapped out of it and put the charm on. �You�re a great actor. I simply loved you in Black and White.� Jenny knew he wasn�t happy with the performance in Black and White so she thought he could use an ego boost.

�You think so? I felt I could have done more with the character...� Elijah babbled on but Jenny wasn�t listening she was forming a plan in her head. She was going to see him again even if it meant full fledged stalking. After about 15 minutes Franka and Kat came back and Elijah announced that they had to go back. But before Elijah could leave Kat whipped out the Frodo head and asked for an autograph. Elijah�s mouth dropped open and Jenny wanted to die right there.

Well after Jenny and Kat left the set they went to rent a hotel and Jenny filled Kat in on her plan�

�So we�ll just go there when the shooting is done for the day and follow them to where they�re staying. Then we can go from there.� Jenny finished explaining Kat�s mouth hung open.

�I thought that you were the one against the stalking thing.� She said.

�Yeah, well, that was then, this is now. All we need is some rope, duct tape, and a sock.� Jenny counted the things off on her fingers and Kat�s eyebrow raised. Kat wasn�t even going to ask what all that was for. Kat feared Jenny was losing her mind.

�Wait, what about Jake?� Kat asked.

�Jake who�?� Jenny asked. �Oh yeah Jake�we�ll find him.�

Kat didn�t believe her but with her friend acting this way she wasn�t going to push things. So a couple of hours later the girls headed back to the set. An hour and a half later the cast walked out and Jenny and Kat watched as Elijah and Franka got in a car together and drove off. Jenny flipped her lights on and followed. What came next shocked the girls. Elijah parked at a local club and got out. Jenny and Kat followed at a safe distance. After Elijah and Franka got in, Jenny and Kat walked up to the door.

�You can�t come in here.� A big scary guy told Jenny.

�Oh yeah? My friend George says I can.� And Jenny held up a dollar.
�A dollar?� The man laughed at her.

�OK, how about fifty?� Jenny asked. Kat just stood there.

�Fifty? Oh all right.� The scary man let them pass. Jenny spotted Elijah and Franka in the corner. Kat was scanning the crowd and poked Jenny.

�There�s ton�s of famous people here.� Kat whispered.

�I know.� Jenny spotted Elijah already sitting in the corner with Franka who was smothering him. He looked slightly annoyed with her and Jenny got an idea. Jenny felt Kat grab her arm and yank painfully. �What?� Jenny asked.

�Who is that?� Kat�s voice quivered as she pointed to the middle of the floor where a man was dancing like he was in pain.

�Oh my God, Kat, that�s Jake.� Jenny started to laugh. This was turning out easier then she had planned. �I have an idea to get rid of Franka.� Jenny walked over to a group of girls and talked quickly with them. While Kat stared at Jake, who had moved off the floor to a table near Elijah, Jenny finished talking with the girls and walked back to Kat who was boarder line losing her mind.

�Jenny, he is so beautiful�� Kat might have actually drooled on Jenny, but Jenny didn�t notice because her plan was working perfectly. She watched as the girls swarmed Franka and pulled her on the floor. The girls were told to act like crazy fans. Jenny gave them fifty bucks each. This trip was starting to cost Jenny an arm and a leg, but Jenny knew Franka couldn�t resist attention. Jenny grabbed Kat and pulled her to Elijah�s booth and Kat�s mouth dropped open as Jenny sat down.

�Hello, Elijah remember me?� Jenny asked.

�Well sure you�re�� Elijah fumbled with her name. �You�re the girl I met today outside. Your friend has my head.� Kat was still standing up staring at Jake.

�I�m Jenny, Kat is the one with the head.� Jenny didn�t want Elijah to think she was weird.

�Well I think that�s cool. I�m honored that she has my head.� Elijah flashed a smile at Kat who was oblivious.

�I have one too. I just didn�t bring it.� Jenny said quickly.

�Let me buy you guys a drink.� Elijah said because it was the polite thing to do.

�SURE! That would be great.� Jenny said.

�Jake Gyllenhaal�� Kat murmured. Elijah looked up and shot Kat a weird look.

�He�s a great guy. Have you met him?� Elijah asked.

�No, ohmygosh.� Kat said all in one breath, �You know Jake?�

�Sure I do.� Elijah laughed and waved Jake over.

�Hello Eli, how the hell are you?� Jake asked as he slid in the booth.

�I�ve been great. I�ve got a friend who wanted to meet you.� Elijah gestured at Kat who had sat down next to Jake.

�Well, hello.� Jake turned and looked at Kat. Kat�s mouth hung open and Jenny tried to kick her under the table to snap her out of it but she missed and got Jake.

�Ow!� Jake looked at Jenny and asked, �What was that for?�

�Sorry wrong leg.� Jenny kicked out again and got Kat.

�Ow!� Kat snapped back into reality and smiled at Jake, �Hi Jake, I�m Kat. I�m a fan.� After about 10 minutes of chatting Franka hadn�t come back and Jenny knew she had to move quickly.

�Well guys we have to jet. Would you mind walking us to our car? It�s late and I don�t know the people around here.� Jenny lied she just wanted to get them to the car.

�Sure we�d be honored to walk you ladies to the car.� Jake said and stood.

�Well I really should wait for Franka.� Elijah said.

�Dude, she left about five minutes ago. I thought you saw.� Jake told Elijah. Jenny hadn�t been expecting that. This was getting easier by the minute. �She left with a group of girls.�

�Oh really?� Elijah looked hurt. �Well then I guess it couldn�t hurt to walk you guys to the car.

They got to the car and Jenny said, �I have to get something out of my trunk.� They all stood around as Jenny opened the trunk and grabbed the rope. �Quick Kat.� Kat placed Jake and Elijah into a sleeper hold and they passed out. �Kat where the hell did you learn that?� Jenny was shocked.

�My Uncle was a pro-wrestler. He taught me that in case some guy made a move on me.� Kat explained.

�That�s awesome!� Jenny said, �Quick tie them up.� After the guys were tied up Kat helped Jenny get them in the trunk.

�Jenny, you�ve lost your mind�Now what?� Kat asked as Jenny pulled away.

�Now we�uh�I don�t know.� Jenny admitted.

�They are going to freak when they wake up.� Kat worriedly chewed her fingernail. The girls heard a pounding on the trunk. A loud thud hit the back of the car, and Kat assumed it was one of the guys kicking.

�Shit!� Jenny said, �I didn�t plan what to do now.� Jenny accelerated and swerved in front of a car.

�Let�s just let them out.� Kat suggested.

�Oh, yeah because it�s that easy, �Sorry Elijah I didn�t mean to tie you up. It was a mistake.� I�m sure they would understand that.�

�Well, do you have a better idea?� Kat looked back at the trunk.

�No, I don�t.� Jenny admitted.

�So pull over in that parking lot and let them out.� Kat said. Jenny thought for a brief moment and turned into the parking lot. She got out and opened the trunk. Elijah kicked out and kicked Jenny in the nose.

�Aw, shit! Why did you do that?� Jenny screamed. Elijah grunted and aimed again. Jake was mumbling and shaking his head. Jenny ducked and missed the kick. �STOP IT! We�re going to let you go.� Jenny started to untie Elijah and Kat undid Jake.

Elijah stood up and screamed. �Ya�ll are going to jail! Run Jake.� Elijah and Jake ran down a hill into a park. Jenny started to run after them.

�Where are you going?� Kat yelled after them.

�Do you want to go to jail? I�m going to make them understand.� Jenny was half way down the hill as Jake turned and pulled a gun. He cocked it and pulled the trigger. Jenny�s heart stopped and then she began to run again when she realized that it was a water gun. �He must have gotten that out of the trunk of my car.� Jenny thought as she caught up to Elijah who was screaming into a cell phone.

�HELLO?! WE NEED THE POLICE. I�M AT THE PARK. MY FRIEND AND I WERE KIDNAPPED.� Elijah glared at Jenny as he hung up the phone. �Now you�re going to jail you sick freak.�

Jenny turned her head from side to side while yelling, �NO.� Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jake and Kat making out. Elijah reached out to her and he melted into a pink bunny. Jenny looked down and she was naked. Jenny heard sirens off in the distance. The sirens got louder and louder�..

The sound of the alarm clock jolted Elijah awake. He stretched and crawled out of bed. �Man what fucked up dreams I have. No more drinking before bed for me.� He thought to himself as he lit up a cigarette.

The End

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