He woke with the sun streaking in the window on his right. For a minute he couldn't remember where he was. Then it all came flooding back to him. They had a concert last night, and the group decided to go out afterward, actually they hadn't really decided it was just habit to go out and drink themselves silly. Shane remembered most of last night, dancing, drinking, Nicky telling him he loved him, the girl.

'Shit.' He rolled over on his left side and there she was. She looked about twenty-five, but Shane knew she was only twenty at best. The phone rang and Shane watched as the girl answered it.

"For you Shane baby." She said and turned over. She repulsed Shane now. She had black streaks from her make up down her face and she snored so loudly. Nicky didn't snore.

"Hullo?" Shane said as he sat up and rubbed his face.

"Hi, I was just calling to see how you felt about last night. I already have my answer so I'll let you go. Bye." Nicky's voice cracked.

"Nicky, I_" I love you_ Shane paused.

"Yes?" Nicky said quickly.

"Nothing, see you in a bit Nicky."

"Oh, yeah ok. Bye."

Shane woke the girl back up and told her she had to leave. After she gave him her phone number, email, cell phone number, and address she finally left. Shane sighed with relief and got in the shower.

Nicky replace the phone on the receiver, he wiped the tear off his cheek. He knew that Shane wouldn't feel this way. Why did he even tell him. Last night was the most painful night of his life. He relived it.

~~~

"Shane I need to talk to you." Nicky yelled over the music and the people talking.

"Ok, let's go outside." Shane yelled back. They walked outside and around the back to avoid screaming fans. "What's up?"

"Shane, I know we've been friends for a long time and there's something I've been hiding from you." Nicky said all in one breath. His heart was in his throat, he swallowed to try and push it back down where it belonged. "Shane I'm gay, and I love you." Nicky leaned in and kissed Shane softly on the mouth. Shane kissed back. Nicky slid his tongue in to Shane's mouth, and that's when things went wrong. Shane shoved Nicky back.

"This is so wrong. We can't. I don't. I don't understand." Shane's eyes were wide. "We're friends."

"I know. I'm sorry Shane." Nicky said as Shane walked back to the club.

After that Nicky remembered drinking too much, and picking up some guy. They went back to the hotel. Nicky's first time was so painful. The whole time the guy was touching Nicky, Nicky was thinking of Shane. Nicky cried as the guy came inside of him.

~~~

Nicky was crying harder now. The memories were so painful. Nicky looked at the empty bed, the guy left early this morning. Nicky remembered a year ago him and Shane use to share a hotel room, and sometimes even a bed. Nicky put a stop to this because he couldn't sleep next to Shane without wanting to touch him, or snuggle against him. Nicky picked up the phone again, but he heard the shower going in Shane's room. He placed the phone back and stood. He winced. He was bruised and sore from last night. He went into the bathroom and got in the shower. The spray from the water hid his tears.

Nicky left the hotel by himself and when to the photo shoot. On the way his cell phone rang. It was Mark.

"Are you coming?" Mark asked. "The van is here."

"I'm already on my way." Nicky said.

"Your on your way?" Mark asked confused.

"Yeah I needed to be by myself. I'll meet you guys there.

Shane met Mark in the van and asked where Nicky was.

"Oh he left already. He's on his way to the shoot." Mark said. "Did you have fun with Jodi?"

"Jodi?" Shane asked. "Oh. She snored."

"Yeah that's my man, you really know how to put them to sleep, eh, Shane?" Mark teased.

"Aye." Shane wasn't listening. He put his pounding head against the cool glass and closed his eyes. When they got to the photo shoot Nicky was no where to be found. Shane posed for single pictures, and then waited while the guys finished. "Where's Nicky?" Shane asked the photographer.

"He's already done his single pictures. I told him to go get break fast and come back in two hours." The photographer told Shane. Nicky walked in exactly two hours and 47 minutes later. Shane knew because he had been counting the minutes.

"Hey Nicky!" Bryan squealed. "Did you bring me breakfast?"

"Yeah." Nicky tossed a bag at Bryan who cheered. He also tossed Mark and Kian bags. He turned to Shane. "Here, egg mcmuffin with cheese and catsup, like you like it." Nicky looked into Shane's eyes.

"Nicky, I, well_.It's just that, I." Shane said.

"Yes?" Nicky said hopefully.

"I um, I already had breakfast." He thrust the bag back at Nicky. He hadn't had breakfast and what he really meant to say was that last night scared him, scared him and thrilled him. But he couldn't say that.

"Oh, well I didn't know." Nicky's eyes were large and water filled. 'He hates me now.' Nicky thought.

'God, help me. I love him.' Shane thought and his whole body felt like it had little electrical shocks running through it. "Nicky we need to talk."

"No Shane. We talked last night. I got the drift. I just got you breakfast because as a friend I thought you might be hungry. You know eating food I touch won't make you gay." Nicky yelled.

"Gay?" Mark asked. Nicky forgot that the other guys were standing around him.

"Nicky!" Shane yelled.

"No Shane, it's ok I get it. I really do. We don't need to "talk" anymore." Nicky turned and ran down the hall.

"Nicky's gay?" Kian asked.

Mark turned to Shane, "Want to tell us what that was about mate?"

"Uh, not really." Shane ran his hands through his hair.

"Shane, go after Nicky." Bryan said. Bryan had a pretty good idea what was going on. Nicky told him 3 months ago that he was gay and in love with Shane. "If you love him, just go. Don't talk about your love for him. Show him."

Kian's mouth hung open. "Nicky and Shane are together? Since when? Am I the only one who doesn't know these things?"

"You think I should Bryan?" Shane ignored Kian.

"Do you love him?" Bryan asked through a mouthful of food. He watched Shane nod. "Then go. MMM hash browns."

Shane ran down the hall and outside. He got in the van and told the driver to take him to the hotel. Meanwhile he called Nicky's cell phone.

"Hullo?" Nicky answered and Shane heard him sniffle.

"Hi Nicky." Shane said. His heart was beating way to fast.

"Oh Shane. Hi."

"Where ya at Nicky?" Shane asked.

"I'm at the hotel packing. I need some time off. Time away from_.things." Nicky said. He couldn't stand the thought of being around Shane all day everyday.

"I'm coming over we need to talk."

"No Shane." Nicky swallowed the lump in his throat. "The only thing you have to say is goodbye."

"It's too late I'm already here. I'll see you in 2 minutes." Shane hung up on Nicky, and ran. He ran up the stairs because he thought the elevator would take too long. When he got to Nicky's room he opened the door. Nicky was sitting on the bed with his hands on his face sobbing softly.

"Shane why did you come. This is killing me. It's going to kill my mom. I suppose now that the whole group knows I'm gay." Nicky looked at Shane who nodded. "Fuck. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to tell someone other then Bryan. I thought you would understand. I mean I shouldn't have hoped you'd feel the same."

Shane just listened to Nicky talk. When Nicky paused to look at him Shane bent down and pressed his lips on Nicky's.

"Why did you do that?"

"I love you Nicky. I didn't want to admit that I did. But when I saw how badly I hurt you, I just knew I never wanted to do that again."

"So you didn't come here to say goodbye?"

"Well I kind of did. Consider this a long goodbye. A goodbye that will last my whole life."

"What do you mean?"

Shane smiled, "Goodbye to being alone."