It wasn�t until they were busy gathering palmfrans for a hut that Elijah heard the little tinkling noise inside his pocket. He massaged his back as he answered it, muttering about electronic devices. �Hello?�

�Where the fuck are you?� Viggo�s voice crackled over the line.

�Hell. Where are you?�

�Earth,� Viggo answered, blandly. �Would you come down, or up, for a minute and speak to me nicely?�

�I am stranded on a deserted island with two hobbits and an elf,� Elijah said through gritted teeth. �I haven�t had a cigarette for, like, six days and our water supply is gone. The nearest island, the one we�re SUPPOSED to be on, is miles upon miles away, there are caves in the bears and so we had to sleep on the plane. I have an aching back because Orlando made me sleep upside down like a bat, and Billy keeps singing to the fish.� He put on a falsely cheery voice, �How are things up your way?�

�There are caves in the bears?� Viggo questioned, sounding confused.

�Oh, that�s another thing. I haven�t had coffee since yesterday morning.�

�That�s obvious by your attitude.� He coughed to stop Elijah from throwing a bunch of swears at him. �Now, I took a chance that you hadn�t shut your mobile device off because I know how you rely on it so. I am on my way to retrieve you. I knew we shouldn�t have let Orlando fly you so far without double checking he had extra fuel.� He sighed heavily. �Anyway. That doesn�t matter, now. I�m on the island and I�ll be there in about a half hour. Or would you rather stay there and continue to annoy your fellow hobbits and Mr. Poncy Elf, who by the way, I don�t care if you annoy.�

Elijah didn�t answer for a minute, as he was chewing thoughtfully on a fingernail; Viggo waited patiently. �Yeah, okay. See you in a half hour.� Without allowing Viggo to say anything more, he hung up.

�Why�d you have your cell phone out?� Orlando asked as Elijah rejoined them a few minutes later. �Is there a signal?�

�There is, indeed,� Elijah said chirpily. Dom, Billy and Orlando all stared at him expectantly, but all Elijah did was throw some palmfrans on top of their �hut� whistling an unknown tune with a happy look on his face. �What a lovely, lovely day,� he mused, looking around at the sparkling water, shining sun and palm trees blowing in the wind. �Isn�t it just lovely?�

The other three continued to stare at him, blank looks upon their sweaty faces. They were running out of patience as fast as they were running out of clean water.

�Elijah,� Orlando stated evenly as Elijah ducked to enter the apparatus, still whistling.

Elijah popped his head out, smiling, �Yes, Orlando?�

�You said there was a signal on your cell phone.�

�I did, yes,� Elijah responded, coming back outside, looking happily clueless, or so the others thought.

�Well?� Dom stated, trying to hold back the bite in his tone.

Elijah beamed at him, �Well, what, Dom?�

�HAVE YOU CALLED FOR HELP?� The three simultaneous screams echoed in the surrounding area quite ominously and sent Elijah�s cheery demeanor away just as fast as it had come.

He smiled at them, but it was not a happy smile; it was very eerie, and just a little evil. �There was no need to call for help.�

�Why not?� Orlando demanded, his British accent chipped. �Have you sprouted wings suddenly? Are you going to fly all of us out of here?�

�No, no,� Elijah laughed. �Viggo called. He�s on his way.�

�WHY DIDN�T YOU BLOODY TELL US?�

Elijah grinned, �You didn�t ask.�

�Hold me back,� Dom muttered, starting towards him. �I�m going to take out a can of whop-hobbit on his arse!�

Without being able to hold Dom back, or not wanting to, Orlando and Billy watched gleefully as Dom flew forward and knocked Elijah onto his back. They rolled around in the sand for what seemed like hours, no one throwing punches, but Elijah squealing every so often.

�He�s tickling him,� Billy stated, half laughing.

�Yes, that�s an old trick in the book,� Orlando replied.

�It seems to work almost as well as knocking his teeth out.�

�Well, if he knocked his teeth out, who would be the cover boy?�

�I still would be,� Elijah said, jumping up from the ground and brushing sand out of his hair. �No one can resist me, no matter what I look like.�

�We should test that theory,� Dom said, grinning manically. �Do you think your adoring fans would still love you with no teeth and three black eyes?�

�How can he have three black eyes?� Orlando asked, watching as a plane came nearer in the sky. �He�s only got two of them to begin with.�

�Dammit,� Dom muttered, shaking his head. �Thwarted again.�

As the plane landed and Viggo�s head popped out of the side window, laughing and waving at them, Billy asked excitedly, �When can we do this again? It was bloody fantastic!�

Dom and Elijah laughed, having patched up their differences during the �fight� though what differences those were, no one knows. Orlando clapped Billy on the back, looking down at him with a smile on his face, �Sign up for Survivor �cause that�s the only way it�ll ever happen.�

The end.

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